Matteo
I didn’t think goodbyes would be this hard.
The drive to Athens was quiet, except with the occasional giggle from Vi when she and Levi spoke.
They were adorable together, showing each other things on their phone, getting excited about the same things and their constant touching.
I could see how much Levi liked her. It wasn’t just him who had been pulled into Vi’s orbit.
Until a few days ago, I thought we were all on the same page.
I looked over to Ru, who was busy typing away on his phone with his earbuds in.
He was lying this morning when he said nothing was wrong.
I let it slide when he said he was fine two days ago, but something had changed that he didn’t want to say, and I hated that he wouldn't talk to us.
He said it was stress, but was it something more? PTSD? Was it Vi?
It couldn’t be Vi if he was adamant on her not staying at a hostel and demanding she stay with us or was he as conflicted about her as I was?
These last two weeks had been amazing, some of the best days I had had in a long while.
I was a little peeved when she came with us, infringing on our boys’ trip, even if Ru had invited her.
The trip turned out better than I had expected and this morning I was not ready to say goodbye.
I didn’t think any of us were. What if we weren’t ready to say goodbye after Athens?
Levi and Vi had fallen asleep just outside of Athens, but the traffic was awful, adding more time to our drive. Ru sighed, rubbing his head. This might be the only chance I got to talk to him.
“Start talking or else I’m going to have Levi pester you,” I said, pulling out his earbud.
Ru glared, clenching his jaw. “Drop it, Matteo.”
“No, unless you want them awake for this, you better start talking,” I said, leaning against the window so I could look at him.
“Look, I’m just feeling lost and overwhelmed," he snapped. “I already told you that, so why—”
“I would believe that if you hadn’t changed from one second to the next,” I interrupted him. “After we had sex in the cabana, it’s like a switch went off.”
Ru scowled, meaning I was on the right track.
“So, what happened? What did she do or what changed?”
“Nothing happened,” he grumbled. “This just felt too real and…”
He didn’t finish his sentence, chewing on his lip as I waited.
“Mark said he was happy for me, that we all deserved a nice girl and Vi was a sweet one,” he said, running his hand down his face.
“Ok, and that’s bad because?” I asked, genuinely confused.
“Mark knew,” he scoffed. “How many other people saw us out? Who knows who took pictures of us? What if they sell the story?”
Now it made sense.
“Well, everyone on the boat signed an NDA so that covers that, but we were all careful when we were out and about,” I said, thinking of every time we went out and what we did. “Levi and I mostly held her hand or—”
“What about her?” He looked over to where Vi was asleep on Levi’s shoulder.
I scowled. “You think she is going to sell her story?”
“It wouldn’t be the first time,” he sighed.
“Have her sign an NDA,” I said. “It’s the best solution if you are worried about her.”
“My agent said the same thing, calling her a liability,” he said, looking out the window. “She popped up twice and what are the odds she fucked all of us?”
“Well, you did just invite her twice,” I said, trying to help him, but it felt like I wasn’t going anywhere.
“I know; I’m a fucking idiot,” he growled. “The thought of her leaving and staying at the stupid hostel made my skin crawl. The one in Italy was ok, but this last one was sketchy as hell.”
“Maybe it’s time to admit you like her even if it scares you,” I said, looking over to make sure they were still asleep.
He took a deep breath in. “It’s not about admitting it, I know I like her; she fucking scares me. This entire thing scares me. I can’t have it if I’m still acting. Can you imagine what the tabloids would say about us?”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. We don’t even know what this is—”
“Exactly! So why put my career at risk for her?”
I knew what he was saying, it made sense. But the way he made Vi sound didn’t sit well with me.
“Maybe you need another session with your therapist. I feel like you’re compounding your fears and it's not good for you,” I said, praying he didn’t take it the wrong way.
“I have one scheduled for this afternoon,” he sighed. “I know I’m overreacting, but it's like I can’t stop it. My mind is on an endless loop of what-ifs. I’m just along for the ride, one that I can't get off, no matter how much I want to.”
“What does your therapist say?” I asked gently.
He looked out the window, sighing. “I have PTSD and I don’t know how I feel about that.”
I wanted to say something to make him feel better, anything to help this war in his mind, but I was in new territory here. When I had a chance, I needed to look up how to help him.
“I’m proud of you for seeing her and making that jump.” It felt like a dumb response, but I needed him to know he was doing the right thing.
“I don’t think I have a choice. I can’t continue feeling like this,” he said, looking at his phone. “I just hope we get to the house before it starts.”
“Good, maybe she will offer you more clarity than I can,” I said, patting his shoulder. “Also, ask Vi to sign an NDA to ease your mind.”
He looked over to Levi and Vi, nodding. “I should have done that from the beginning.”
“I don’t see her doing anything malicious, but if it makes you feel better, then why not?” I felt comfortable for the rest of the drive. “I also think that there isn’t anything wrong with having some fun or living your life. Do you constantly want to put off happiness because you're an actor?”
“I should and there is nothing I want more than to have fun with you guys, but I have meetings and a photoshoot these next couple of days,” he said, leaning his head back. “My happiness isn’t on hold, I just know how the media is and I don’t think it’s fair for her or for you guys.”
“What happens at home is only between us,” I said, putting my hand on his thigh. “We don’t even know what the future looks like, but the next few days are still ours. I think you should really think about what you want and what you’re willing to sacrifice to get it.”
He nodded before closing his eyes, our conversation officially over. I just hoped he would realize being an actor didn’t mean that he had to sacrifice his happiness. He deserved to be fulfilled, I just wished he saw that too.
“Hey, I found a horror mythology experience,” Vi said, walking into the living room. “I know you guys have work to do—”
“I’m down,” Levi said, closing his laptop. “It’s not scary, right? Like stuff popping out?”
“Uh, I don’t think so, here it is,” she said, passing her phone to Levi. “I didn’t even think to check for that, but it is a tour.”
“It’s not like a haunted house, I think they just tell you horror stories,” I said, closing my laptop looking towards the hallway where all our rooms were.
Ru’s therapy ended over an hour ago, but he hadn’t come out. It worried me a little that maybe it hadn’t been a good session.
“Yeah, that’s what I gather, but it has good reviews and I think it would be fun,” she said, looking at her phone with Levi. “They said they would leave us in Monastiraki Square and I’m thinking there has to be food around there for afterwards.”
“I think the square has food and shopping,” Ru said, rubbing his eyes. “Sorry, I passed out.”
“I think I needed a nap too, but I had to get ready for tomorrow,” Levi said stretching. “Good nap?”
“Yeah,” Ru said, sitting on the chair closest to me. “What are we doing at the square?”
“Vi found a horror mythology experience,” Levi said, tossing the phone to Ru.
“Ah, the dark side of mythology sounds cool,” he said, scrolling down.
He looked more at ease than before, and I hoped he had gotten some things off his chest.
“Send me the link and I can buy them,” he said, throwing it back at Levi.
“Oh, I can buy them,” Vi said, looking down at her phone. “But are you sure you want to go? You don’t have to come with me. I’m a big girl and I can tour alone.”
I pursed my lips as Levi furrowed his brows, looking between Ru and me. Ru studied Vi as I studied everyone. It was the first time I had felt the tension in the air since we had first run into Vi in Nafplion.
“We have nothing to do for tonight,” Levi said, looking at us again for confirmation.
Ru and I shook our heads.
“Ok,” she said, typing away.
“Here, let me get it,” Levi said, grabbing her phone, but she slapped his hand away. “Nah, it’s the least I can do since you don’t let me pay for anything.”
“Bella,” I said as a warning.
“Too bad! I bought them with my own money,” she said, grinning as Levi pouted. “The tour is in an hour and it says it’s about twenty minutes from here.”
A phone rang and Vi answered it immediately.
“Hermano,” she said holding her phone out. “Buenos dias. ?Porque me esta hablando muy temprano?”
“Porque mis hijos estan locos.” A man's voice came through.
I scowled, wondering who the hell she was talking to. Levi matched my expression, looking over her shoulder.
“Awww, they just love their daddy so much they need to wake you up at….” Vi checked her watch. “Five in the morning?”
“No, they are heathens who need to start sleeping till at least 6 in the morning,” he groaned. “Tía! We miss you!”
I relaxed when I heard tía, that meant it was her brother and his kids. Ru still looked possessive as he watched her.
“Her brother,” I said softly, hoping he heard me.
“You guys are getting so big!” she said, as Ru relaxed.
“I need to change and get a drink,” he said, running his hands through his hair.
“Good session?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he smiled softly. “My mind feels like a giant mess sometimes and I just self-sabotage. She was a lot of help today and gave me a lot to think about.”
“Good, you don’t have to go with us,” I said, watching Vi laugh. “You can stay here and relax.”