Sophia 10
I’m the last to walk into the conference room at Mishpocheh Consortium. On the table are binders, notebooks, tablets, laptops, and more. What catches my eye is the pile of plushies and various children’s toys in front of Harper.
“I don’t understand why they’re sending them to me. I’m not humping Goofy for some asshole in a basement apartment! I draw the line at beloved Disney characters.”
“It’s important to set boundaries.” Rose nods solemnly as Harper’s frustration increases.
“Every day, more Goofy. And look, someone sent me—”
“OH MY GOD!” Dottie yells from across the room and rushes Harper. She almost knocks her over in her haste to grab something from Harper’s hand. When I see what it is, my sisters and I start laughing. “POWERLINE!”
“What is it?” I take a seat while Blanche explains our sister’s neurotic behavior. Although, I’ve seen worse amongst the Kosher Nostra. You should have seen Jonah with his didgeridoo.
“Powerline is a character from a movie about Goofy and his son Max. Dottie has a slight obsession—”
“Powerline is the greatest musical entertainer of our generation!”
“Is she alright?” I glance at Vandy and shake my head.
“No. She is not.”
“Can we move on from the fictional character and address why I’m receiving it in the first place?”
“You think someone is stalking you again…via Goofy?”
Harper deflates and falls into her seat with an oomph, glaring at her mother-in-law, Sarah. “When you put it that way…no. But it doesn’t make any sense.”
“People are weird.” Sarah’s tone indicates nothing more needs to be said.
“Some of us have places to be and husbands to fuck. Can we get on with the agenda of the Snatch Syndicate?” Seril growls at Tovah.
“We aren’t calling it that. Why can’t we just be the BABs? I like that. It sounds classy and doesn’t reduce us to the orifice between our legs.”
“I don’t like how you phrased that.” Ruthie whispers in horror at her sister-in-law. Seril hugs Ruthie.
“I don’t either.” Seril takes her seat at the head of the table and motions toward Vandy, Bailey, and Dottie. “The pelvic floor is yours.” I love these women. So very much.
The three of them share a look, Dottie nods, then stands up.
She’s short so it doesn’t make much difference but it’s cute.
“Life in the Kosher Nostra is never dull. Vandy, Bailey, and I have been talking. Anytime one of us gets loved up, all hell breaks loose.” I wince and shrink into my seat because I’m the one who’s most recently loved up.
“Haters gonna hate, Sophia. Sit up like the boss bitch you are.” My cheeks heat but I do as I’m told, knowing she’s right.
“The three of us decided it would be better to have three wedding ceremonies, and then a large reception after for all of us. One event, one day of security chaos, then wedded bliss.”
“This snatch fest was called because of wedding planning?” Tovah snorts but remains seated.
“Are you both sure?” Bailey is practically vibrating with nervous energy. I know what that’s like and offer her a supportive smile. “Don’t you want your own lavish events? You two are marrying major players, kapitans in the Kosher Nostra—”
“I know you aren’t about to imply that Ernie’s role in our organization is less important than Ezra or Tevye’s.” Esther cuts through her rambling in a firm and slightly scary tone.
“Uh…I am not…now.”
“Bailey.” Dottie grabs Bailey’s hand and sits next to her, and speaks in a soft, understanding voice. “My sisters and I are the daughters of a despicable monster.”
“Dead.” Blanche cuts in. “You forgot that he’s dead. Dead dead. Super dead. Very dead. The deadest.”
“Yes, thank you Blanche. Anyway, the only people I need present when I marry the love of my life are my sisters…and the family I have found in his arms.”
Vandy grabs Bailey’s other hand. “I have some friends, colleagues I’ve grown close to over the years, but not a lot of family. I’m in a similar situation to Dottie.”
“Oh. Well, me, too. I don’t think my family will come to the wedding. We don’t really…we aren’t close.”
“We’re your family, Bails. If you want something private, say the word, we’ll nix the idea, no problem.”
“NO!” Bailey practically yells, her face turning red. “I just don’t want you two to feel like you missed out on being the center of attention for the day.”
“I’m always the center of attention.” The room falls eerily silent in the wake of that statement…uttered in unison by Blanche and Tovah. They wink at each other, skeeving everyone out.
Dottie emits a distressed sound, the color draining from her face. “I fucked my own sister.”
Dalisay, Vandy’s mom, whips her head around. “You did what?”
“No! Not really. It’s just…never mind.”
“Nanay, Dottie had a brief fling with Tovah years before she met Ezra.”
“Ah.” Dalisay nods her head in understanding. “And Blanche and Tovah are Satan’s representatives on earth.”
“Dammit, Dalisay.” Tovah wipes under eyes and it’s not for show. I can’t believe her body knows how to make tears. “You get me. It’s so nice to be seen, you know?”
“Dottie, Vandy, Bailey,” Ezra’s mom, Judi, calls their names. “This is what you want?”
“It is.” Vandy answers, a moment before Bailey’s, “Yes.”
Dottie starts bouncing in her seat, clapping her hands. Oh, no. She’s about to spreadsheet. “The efficiency! God, it’s glorious. It makes me so happy. One day, three weddings, one reception, I know just the way to set up the sheets.”
“Nerd.”
“Don’t be so Blanche-y.”
“How does Ezra even put up with you?”
Dottie’s expression is smug as she stares at Blanche. “He’s memorized the Excel formulas…and recites them in my ear as he fucks me like a champion.”