Chapter 22
TIAGO
The radiology appointment went exactly as I predicted. Long and boring. The results would be sent to my surgeon, and I’d get a call or an email in a few days, and that would be that.
Well. Then I’d have to talk to my GM, and to Tucker, and I’d have to figure out where to go from there. But at least it was done. I wasn’t really using the brace anymore, and the walking cane was there in case my knee felt weak, but I was needing it less and less.
Maybe the beach vacation was exactly what I needed. Or maybe Aravind was.
Or it could have been telling off my family and refusing to bow to their bullshit. There were a million reasons why my healing sped up, but I didn’t want to think about it. Poking that bear felt like a good way to get cursed with a long string of bad luck.
The anxiety about my vision was bad enough, though after a few scary moments, I realized that I was just struggling to adjust to the current loss. My remaining bits of retina that still functioned weren’t flickering out and dying.
I was pretty sure I had time, and even if I didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. I was happier than I thought I could be, and the more I thought about what I wanted my life to look like, the less I saw hockey, and the more I saw jet lag and new countries and kissing Aravind in every corner of the world.
I wasn’t completely ready to tell him that. I wanted to hear the results of my scans first. I really did want the decision to be mine, but I was in a better place to accept it if it wasn’t.
And that mood followed me in the car and after the driver dropped me off in front of my parents’ beach house. There were still cars in the driveway, but I was pretty sure the one Thierry and Anne drove was missing.
It gave me a little pulse of petty joy in my chest to know that they were sticking to what Oliver wanted and prioritizing him over our parents. And I was smiling when I walked in through the front door and followed voices to the kitchen.
They all went silent when I stepped in, and I tapped the metal tip of my white cane on the tiles. “No hello?”
“What are you doing here?” my dad asked.
No. Not my dad. Fuck it, I was so tired of calling him that when he’d spent my entire life going out of his way to make me feel like I was unworthy of being his son. Edouard huffed when I didn’t say anything right away.
“Tiago,” my mom started, “if you’re just here to cause more trouble…”
I held up my free hand. “No. You don’t get to put the blame on me. You threw a child out onto the street. You’re fucking monsters.”
“That boy was—”
“Shut the fuck up,” I snapped when Edouard started to run his mouth.
To my surprise, he did. It was probably out of shock, but it felt good anyway.
“Oliver is a child. A teenager. He was hurting and scared, and you decided to act like a bunch of fucking assholes about something he had no control over. And maybe,” I added, my voice going louder, “people in this family would be better prepared if you all pulled your heads out of your asses and did the genetic testing I suggested.”
“Tiago, this is probably some big coincidence,” Peter started.
I barked out a laugh. “No. It isn’t. I know you want to think that my blindness was some sort of god-given punishment because Mom decided to fuck someone else—”
“Tiago!” she shouted.
I ignored her. “—but trying to make me feel like I have to carry the family shame because of the choices you all made is fucked-up. And I’m done accepting it.
” I turned toward my brother and his wife.
“There’s a damn good chance one or both of your kids have this gene.
There’s a damn good chance that in sixteen years, you’re going to be sitting in an ophthalmologist’s office being told that by the time your kid is thirty, they’ll be completely blind. ”
The room was so silent I could have heard a mouse fart.
“If you’re willing to be better parents than ours, Peter,” I said slowly, “you know what to do. Thierry’s figuring it out. Might be time for you to do the same thing.”
“Listen, son—”
I turned toward Edouard. “No. You don’t get to call me that. You made the choice to accept me as yours and then spent my entire life making sure I knew I was a mistake. So fuck you.”
He sat down so hard the chair legs squeaked.
God, who knew all it would have taken was a few well-timed swear words to shut his mouth.
“I’m not here for you to tell me how you feel.
All of you have made it clear over the years, and I am not interested in having a conversation or making it better.
I hope you learn to accept Oliver for who he is because he’s going to do amazing things, and if you don’t, one day you’re going to be old and scared and disabled, and no one—and I mean no one—will be around to give a fuck. ”
I was trembling as I spoke, but it didn’t matter. I said every word I needed to. And no one followed me out as I left. I’d get emails later, of course. And furious, three-page-long texts about what a shitty person I was.
But I wasn’t going to read them. I wouldn’t listen to a single word. Everything would be sent right to the trash, and then I’d kiss the shit out of Aravind to feel better. Which was exactly what I wanted to do right then.
I made it to the end of the driveway, then started to reach for my phone when I remembered the thing he’d shoved into my pocket.
I’d avoided it at the office because I believed him when he said not to take it out in public, but now I wanted to know what it was.
My fingers came into contact with something soft yet rough, and I knew immediately what it was.
Pulling out the panties, I held them close to my face and saw they were the same ones he’d stuffed into my mouth on the ferry that first day. To anyone else, it might seem like a weird, maybe even insulting gesture.
But I knew what this was. It was a reminder of our beginning. Of a bit of spilled cheese and a bold, calculated, brave move to close a gap between us that should have never been there in the first place.
I shoved the panties back, then pulled out my phone and went right for his contact. He answered after the second ring.
“Hi, honey.”
I smiled, my chest warm. “Can you come get me now? I need you.”
“Ten minutes,” he promised.
I took a breath, then pointed myself toward the top of the street and set my cane in front of me. “Meet you at the end of the road?”
“I’ll be there,” he promised.
And I absolutely fucking believed him.
“So, we go to San Francisco,” I said slowly. Against my chest, Aravind nodded. In his hands, he was holding his little elephant seal Ferris had crocheted for him. Snoot the Boop, he’d called it. He was walking it up and down my stomach. “And we stay there for…?”
“As long as we want, I think. My dad will probably fund us to live there permanently with how bad he feels.” Aravind lifted his head up, and I reached down to touch his cheek.
I had my eyes closed. A headache had taken me out from the stress of seeing my parents, and even the tiny bits of light I could see were too much. But it was nice to have his weight against me and to feel the rough, just shaved curve of his jaw against my fingertips.
“I don’t think I want to live there, but a vacation that we plan would be nice. And it wouldn’t hurt to hear your dad’s friend out.”
Aravind hummed and grabbed my arm, wrapping it around himself. “I guess.”
“Look, if I’m going to wait for radiology results to decide my future, you can go talk to this man and see what the job entails. And like I said, I’m in this. So whatever you want to do, we will make it work.”
“I think I’m starting to believe you.”
I tried not to take that personally. I knew Aravind’s trust issues weren’t my fault, and he’d been doing his level best not to take it out on me. But sometimes it was hard to know that he was still keeping me at arm’s length.
“Whatever you need me to do to prove it.”
He shifted away, probably to put Snoot back on the nightstand, then crawled onto my legs and kissed me. “You don’t need to do anything. Just be you. Eventually, I’ll stop flinching at the thought of disaster waiting around every corner.”
I breathed in the scent of him as he nuzzled close and laid his face near the side of my neck. He liked this. He liked being held. For all that he was bossy and domineering and powerful when we were fucking, the rest of the time, he liked to be treated with extreme tenderness.
And that worked for me. My job had been adrenaline and violence for so long, and I never had anything quiet or soft to come home to when it was over. The few relationships I’d had before Aravind had come along had all been sharp edges and drama, and this was anything but.
So yeah. I was willing to fight for it. For him.
For us.
“Well, if you’re cool with it,” Aravind said after a long while, “I’ll get our tickets booked and let my dad know. My aunties are going to want to throw a big goodbye party, and Ferris might be sad we’re taking off so soon.”
“Let’s make sure we see him and Quinn when we get back to Boston,” I told him.
I could feel the curve of his smile as he pressed it against my skin. “Yes.” He took a deep breath. “I know things sucked with your family, and I’m fine if you don’t want to talk about it, but I need you to know that mine will always be involved with us.”
I laughed in spite of how I was feeling.
I was still raw from walking away, though I knew I wouldn’t regret it in the end.
But I wasn’t ready to dredge up all the details.
It was nice though, knowing I could have this.
Knowing that I had a place here with people who treated me like I belonged, even when I wasn’t sure I did.
“Wherever we end up,” I told him, “we’ll make sure we have several rooms. Enough for everyone.”
“And in Boston,” he added, “at least one floor between us and the rest of our guests. So I only have to stuff your mouth with panties when it sounds fun.”
I squeezed him tighter. “Thank you for those, by the way.”
He burst into laughter. “Yeah? You found them. Was it really fucking weird?”
I eased him back, then took his chin and opened my eyes so I could see a single brown orb staring back at me. “It was absolutely weird. And it was perfect. And it made me love you even more.”
I wasn’t expecting him to say it back. He hadn’t so far. Not since the first time we spoke about our feelings. But this time, he curled his hand around my wrist and then leaned in so our foreheads were pressed together.
“I love you too. I’m in love with you. And I want to be brave with you.”
“What do you need me to do?” I whispered.
“Just don’t let go.”
I wrapped my free arm around him and pulled him all the way against my chest. “I can do that.”
He laughed and then kissed me one last time.