Chapter 12 Saints and Sinners
Chapter twelve
Saints and Sinners
Teyonah
Minutes later, I hit the highway.
The rush hour traffic made a red necklace out of brake lights.
My mind was so frazzled I kept the radio off.
In the rearview, the woman looking back at me had hair that behaved and eyes that didn’t.
My thoughts kept betraying me—peeling Dominic’s clothes away until I could see every hard, sexy inch of him. I pictured his mouth eating my pussy.
Licking my clit.
His voice breaking into filthy promises while I begged him to fuck me deeper, rougher, until the headboard cracked.
Damn. . .
I swore I could feel the press of his thick, hard cock stretching me.
And then the cold counterthought would slap me in the face—Scott walking in on us fucking, Scott dragging me off the bed, Scott using all the evidence in court to take my babies away.
The hunger and the horror tangled so tight I didn’t know which one made my hands shake more on the wheel.
The memory of last night pressed against me like a body.
His mouth.
His cock.
The way my hand had moved without permission and how I’d watched myself do it like a stranger in a movie.
The word Mommy still hummed in my ears like static.
Shame and want took turns pulling the steering wheel.
My nipples ached while terror iced my spine.
Okay. Okay. Stop. Get control of yourself.
To get my head back in the game, I called Ro.
When she picked up, I merged Cadence in.
“Hello,” Cadence said.
“Good morning, saints and sinners,” Ro sang out. “Are we ready to tackle this week?”
“I believe so.” I drummed my fingers against the steering wheel. “How is your morning going so far?”
“Girl, my morning was perfect,” Ro went on. “I rolled out of bed, poured coffee with whipped cream on top, and told myself today I’m a queen. Period. Nobody stressing me, nobody snoring in my sheets, just me and my crown.”
Cadence chuckled. “Must be nice. I was rushing tampons and a new pair of jeans to the school this morning because someone forgot their period was coming on today, so now I’m late.”
“Dang it.” I blinked. “Sorry about that. At least you are barely late.”
Ro chuckled. “Cadence probably is never late. The whole library staff has probably called the cops.”
I laughed, steering past a slow car. “Well. . .Dominic made pancakes this morning and had a vase of roses out.”
Silence.
Then both of them squealed so loud my speakers rattled.
“Bitch!” Ro screamed. “Oh, hell no. You’re not about to slide that in like it’s weather talk. Pancakes? Roses? That man is already playing husband.”
Cadence laughed harder. “Ro, let her talk—”
“No! Because I know what happened last night, just from that admission,” Ro cut in. “You took your hot ass down there and gave that boy some coochie. Don’t even lie—”
“Oh God!” Cadence gasped. “Tey didn’t. Tell her, Tey—”
“Pancakes are post-coochie behavior. Men don’t jump up early to get flowers and cook breakfast unless you made them come.”
Heat burned up my neck. “Well. . .”
Cadence sighed. “Oh no. Tey. . .”
“I have a confession.” I checked the side mirror, convinced the sedan behind me was desperately trying to kiss my bumper. “I didn’t have sex with Dominic—”
“Oh. Thank God!” Cadence let out a long breath. “Praise, Jesus.”
I bit my lip.
Heat rushed up my throat.
Am I going to say it? Fuck it. Might as well.
I gripped the steering wheel. “But I did jack him off and make him shoot cum all over the room.”
“Oooohh shit!!” Ro laughed. “The Devil has entered the chat!”
Cadence’s shrieked. “Tey, how the hell did you do that?”
“Last night I went downstairs to talk to Dominic about…boundaries.”
“Wearing what?” Ro asked.
“My red pajamas. I wasn’t half naked—”
“Red pajamas? Girl, with that ass and those breasts, you might as well have gone down there naked,” Ro snapped. “Ol hot ass.”
“Eh. I was going to talk. And then. . .we did more than that.”
Cadence’s voice held shock. “But how could that happen? I mean. . .did you just pull it out and go to town?”
“He had on a towel when he answered the door, and he looked damn good like sculpted god sexy.”
Ro squealed. “Girl, my edges just stood up on their own like a praise team.”
Cadence cleared her throat. “Did you tell him to put on some clothes—”
“Why the hell would Tey do that? More important, did you get a picture of his fine ass in that towel to share with your girls?”
“No. I didn’t get a picture.” Smirking, I finished the whole story breaking down everything from the 50k check, the kiss, the jacking off, and even the Mommy play.
By the time I was done, I had to change lanes just to calm my nerves, because telling it out loud made my body tingle like it was happening all over again.
Silence sat on the line for a beat.
Then Ro let out a moan like she’d just had the Holy Ghost slap her thigh.“Fifty thousand?! Girl, that alone is husband behavior. Keep playing, you’re about to be Mrs. Rich Dick. That was a filthy testimony!”
Cadence groaned. “That was not a testimony, Ro. That was a confession of sin. Pure sin.”
I laughed so hard I nearly missed my exit. “Don’t act like y’all weren’t the ones who told me to go down there.”
“I said boundaries, Tey. Not cock.” Cadence shrieked. “No one said jack him off.”
“I told you to ride him so I’m pleased. Now go back down there tonight and ride that young buck!
Let’s see what he cooks for breakfast tomorrow.
Might be lobster and caviar.” Ro clapped her hands like she was in church.
“Baby, I thought I was already having a good morning. Now I feel resurrected. Pancakes and roses? A towel-wrapped, fine-ass man letting you do what you did? Yes, Mommy! Okay, Mommy!”
“Oh God.” I wanted to cover my face. “I can’t believe I went with it, but. . .it was so nasty—”
“Baby, that wasn’t nasty,” Ro broke in. “That was divine. And let me tell you something I learned at my clinic. Dirty talk is medicine. It’s like a pressure valve for the brain.
You let out the shame, the fear, the ‘oh my God I can’t believe I’m saying this,’ and suddenly the sex feels twice as freeing. ”
I snorted. “Medicine, huh?”
“Yes, ma’am. My new hire, Star. You’ll meet her at the Blow Job class this week—”
“By the way, I am not going to that class,” Cadence chimed in.
“You will be there or I will go to your house and drag you out,” Ro continued.
“Anyway, Star told me that filthy words bypass the logical brain. They get straight to the limbic system, straight to desire. That’s why saying ‘Mommy’ or ‘Daddy’ or even straight-up nasty cussing can make you come faster.
Your body doesn’t need the dictionary—it just needs the spark. ”
Cadence groaned loud enough that my speakers rattled.
“Lord have mercy, Ro. Do not bring that nonsense here. Mommy kink? No. Absolutely not. That is not a spark. That is trauma wrapped in latex. Tey, don’t you listen to this foolishness.
It sounds like he has mommy issues that should be addressed with a therapist—”
“Girl, hush.” Ro clapped her hands. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Mommy kink is about comfort and power, not childhood. Some people want to be babied in bed. Some people want to baby somebody else. It’s about roles. It’s fantasy, not family.”
Cadence gasped. “Fantasy? You cannot tell me saying ‘Mommy’ while a man is jacking off is healthy.”
“And yet it made our girl here want to squirt shame and pleasure all at once, didn’t it?” Ro cackled. “Sounds pretty damn effective.”
“Ro!” Cadence shrieked. “You cannot measure morality in orgasms!”
“Why not?” Ro shot back. “They measure morality in churches with tithes and attendance, and folks still out here sinning Monday through Saturday. An orgasm is at least honest.”
I laughed so hard I nearly dropped my phone. “Y’all are going to make me wreck this damn car.”
“Good,” Ro said. “Wreck it and then call Dominic to come pick Mommy up and take care of her.”
Cadence groaned again. “Tey, you hear me, right? You hear the part where this is dangerous? Scott finds out you’re indulging in kinks with your tenant/babysitter, he will crucify you in court. He will take those kids.”
Her words cut deep, sharp as the thought I’d already had on the road.
My knuckles whitened on the wheel. “Yeah. . .I’ve been thinking about that too. . .”
Ro softened her voice. “Yes, it’s dangerous, but it’s also healing.
Don’t let Cadence shame you out of exploring yourself.
You’ve been in a cage so long you forgot what it feels like to have wings.
Let this boy remind you. Carefully and privately, sure, until you get your divorce, but let Dominic take care of you. ”
Cadence huffed. “At least wait until the divorce is over. It’s too messy.”
“I don’t want to do messy.” I shook my head as I took the road toward my firm. They continued to debate what I should do and their voices tangled in my ears like gospel and devil music, and in some strange way, I loved them both for it.
By the time I rolled into the parking lot, my girls were still bickering—Ro saying “power exchange” like it was scripture, Cadence saying “family court” like it was revelation.
I eased up to the security gate, fished my badge from my bag, and waved it at the guard.
He gave me the usual nod.
Sliding past the barrier, I finally cut them off. “Alright. Alright. I’m at work. I’m going to have to go soon.”
Cadence sighed. “Teyonah. . .listen. You know I love you. I love your kids. I love your heart. But this. . .this is messy.”
I swallowed, but the smile stayed on my lips. Because the truth was, messy or not, telling them had felt good.
Like opening a window after a storm and letting the cool breeze come in.
My voice was lighter.
My chest looser.
The shame that had been trying to choke me all morning?
It lost its grip once I said the words out loud and my friends didn’t hang up on me.