2. Teddy
TWO
TEDDY
The minute my stop was announced, I wanted to conveniently forget it was mine and stay on with her. But I also didn’t want to be that guy, the guy who doesn’t seem to hear the “I’ve got a boyfriend” part of the conversation. My older brother would have stayed on. Will likes to say that anyone is fair game if they don’t have a ring on their finger. That’s how Will has gotten himself punched in the face more than once. Unfortunately, no one has knocked any sense into him yet.
I’m fine with another friend. I’m good at making friends. Making someone more than a friend on the other hand? That I’m not so good at. My twin sister Zoe says it’s because I’m too nice and no woman wants a nice guy at my age. It’s not like I’m out there looking for the one—I just graduated from university, and I kind of want to sort my shit out before I begin the search for love or have it fall into my lap…or sit across from me on a busy train. Tonight, I was just trying to show her there was at least one person who saw her. She didn’t strike me as timid, more so unable to put herself before others. So mething admirable in some areas of life and a hindrance in others. Like getting onto a train before it leaves, for instance.
I wasn’t going to send her a text so quickly, but I didn’t even make it to my car before I fired one off. Just so she can have my number, I told myself. Now I’m sitting here staring at her reply wondering what it was about her that drew me in in the first place. Her dark auburn hair was piled up on her head, held back with a pair of glasses—not sunglasses, glasses-glasses. Like she’d pushed them up and then forgot about them. Dark blue eyes, full lips, and a smile that made me not want to be such a nice guy, or maybe just not any nice guy, but her nice guy. But then she said she had a boyfriend. I enjoyed talking to her, though, and I genuinely wanted her book recommendations. And hey, in the end, I did get her number.
When I get home my sister is in the living room, watching one of her reality shows while her girlfriend, Gaby, is sound asleep with her head in her lap. Our old lab, Morris, is curled up at her feet. None of this is an uncommon sight.
“Good game?” Zoe whispers when she sees me.
“Yeah, it was alright,” I say, slipping my shoes off and walking to the kitchen. I’m taking down a glass when I hear her slippers sliding on the tile.
“Mom has a cold.” She’s not whispering anymore, but her voice is softer than usual, like she’s worried.
“If it’s just a cold, she’ll be okay, Zo,” I try to reassure her.
“It’s the cough I’m worried about.”
I put my glass down and turn to face her. “How bad is it?”
“It sounds like it’s deep in her lungs. Dad wanted to take her to the hospital, but she was pretty insistent that she was okay.”
“We need to trust her. She’s not a baby,” I say as I turn and open the fridge. “You and Dad worry too much.”
“I think it’s Dad I worry the most for. ”
I stop mid-pour and turn back to her. “What do you mean?”
Zoe is twining her fingers and not looking at me. “I worry what will happen when his world is gone.”
“Are you going somewhere? Am I? Hell, is Will? We’re his world too, Zoe. Besides, Mom is fine, and she’s going to be fine for a long time. She’s way too stubborn to let a cold take her down. I guarantee she’ll outlive us all just to prove a point.”
“I hope you’re right.” Zoe smiles at me but it doesn’t reach her eyes.
“I am,” I say confidently. “Have a little faith, baby sister.”
“You’re three minutes older than me,” she scoffs, throwing off the arm I’ve lovingly tossed around her shoulders. “Three. Minutes.”
“It counts. If a runner beats another runner by three minutes, they’re faster. I don’t make the rules of time, Zoe.”
“Maybe you were just faster.” She punches my arm before heading back to the couch.
“Faster, older… it’s all the same in the delivery room.” That gets me not one but two middle fingers, and I laugh as I head towards the stairs.
I stop in front of my parents’ door to listen for any signs of illness and only hear a faint cough come from within. It’s not that I don’t worry about my mom; I do. But I don’t let it consume me the way Zoe and my dad do. I think part of me just believes that nothing is going to happen to my mom because Dad takes such good care of her. I shake my head at my ridiculous family as I take the stairs two at a time.
Zoe’s door is ajar, and I stop outside it realizing that she has loads of books and maybe she has one by one of the authors LG recommended. Her room is immaculate—everything in its place, things organized by color or style, and her books by author. Sure enough, I find a book by Kate Culliver, grab it, and hurry off to my room. I sit back in my bed and flip the book to read the synopsis. I debate taking a picture and sending it to LG but decide that seems a bit desperate. I’ll read it and then let her know what I think after.
“Teddy.” I’m being jostled, but I’m unwilling to respond. “Teddy. Goddammit, you’re supposed to be taking Mom to the dentist today.” That has me bolting upright and then scrambling out of bed. “Is that my book?” I look back from my dresser to see Zoe reaching for her once-pristine book, slightly less pristine now. “Why do you have my book?”
“Ugh, a friend recommended the author,” I say, tossing clean clothes onto my bed, hoping she will get the hint and leave. “I’ll replace it.”
She eyes me skeptically but leaves the book where it’s twisted up near my pillow. “What friend?”
“Just a friend. Do you mind? I need to change.”
“You don’t have friends that read. Is it a girl?”
“The friend?”
“No, the reason you’re getting dressed. Yes, dumbass, the friend.”
“Yes, the friend is a girl.” I see her face start to shift teasingly and rush on. “She is just a friend, not a girlfriend. Only one of us in this room has one of those.”
“One of what?” Gaby asks, leaning against my door frame.
“Teddy borrowed one of my books based on the recommendation of a friend who happens to be a girl. And no doubt a friend I’ve never met before.”
“Ooooh.” Gabby’s eyebrows jump. “Intriguing. Who’s this friend then, Teddy?”
“For fuck’s sake, you’re perfect for each other. Get out so I can get dressed, please.” Zoe manages to just make it into the hall before I slam the door, but I can hear them laughing as they head downstairs.
I’m sliding on socks when there’s a knock on my door. “Yeah?”
“Just me.” My dad opens the door and sticks his head into the room. “Making sure you’re up and ready.”
“Thanks to Zoe.” I stifle a yawn. “How’s Mom?”
“Better. The inhaler seems to have done its job. But still, just be extra aware of that today when you’re out.”
I know better than to tell my dad to chill, so I assure him that he has nothing to worry about. “I’ll let the hygienist know too, just in case there are any issues.”
He nods and follows me as I head to the bathroom. “I’m on shift tonight. Your brother said he’ll handle dinner, but I’ve left some meatballs in the fridge to defrost in case he forgets.”
“Is he still seeing that woman…” I stop to think as I squeeze toothpaste onto my brush. “Cat…s…t…”
“Patricia?”
“Oh wow, so not even in the same realm.”
“I’m pretty sure Cat…s…t was two women ago.”
“He’s had more girlfriends in the last month than I have in my entire life.” I shake my head and shove my toothbrush in my mouth.
Dad pats me on the back. “You’re just more selective.” I meet his eyes in the mirror and roll mine. Sure, that’s it, I’m selective. “You don’t need five a month, kid. You just need the right one, and you can’t rush that.” Then he turns and leaves me to aggressively brush my teeth in private.
It’s not like I’ve never been in a relationship. It’s just been hard with Mom. I apparently attract women who get freaked out that I have a parent who depends on me, a parent they can’t communicate “normally” with if they come for dinner. I get it, it’s not what everyone wants to sign up for—hell, if I had it my way I’m not sure I would either—but this is my reality, so if someone wants to be in my life, they need to get on board with that. Gaby had fit in immediately, and I’d be lying if I wasn’t slightly envious of my sister. I mean, we’re twins. Couldn’t some of that luck rub off on my love life? Still, I’d rather have Mom here in this state than not here at all, and if that means me being single, so be it.
While Mom is in with the dentist, I sit in the waiting room reading. I’d fallen asleep with the book last night, too engrossed in it to recognize how tired I was. LG was right, though; the author’s writing is fantastic, and I’m very much sold. I take my phone out and send a picture of the book to her.
Turns out my sister is a fan. So far, I get why.
Her reply comes a minute later.
Library Girl
Stick with me, Enviro Guy. I’ll keep you up to your neck in good books.
I tell myself that I should leave it there, but my fingers don’t get the message and reply.
How’s day one of summer vacation?
Quiet.
Is that a good thing?
My roommates are party animals, so I am not mad about silence. At least for a few days. Ask me in a couple of months .
I know this is a joke, but I wouldn’t hate another train trip with her. Even if it is platonic, I can’t remember the last time I wanted to hang out with someone the way I’d like to hang out with her. My fingers are off and typing again before I can think about what I’m texting.
Actually, would you like to go book shopping with me?
What the fuck am I doing?
As friends, book shopping as friends.
I quickly add before she can respond. Although maybe she won’t; maybe she’s already deleted my number. When her reply comes, my entire body lights up.
That’s my favorite kind of shopping. When?
I have no idea. I still can’t believe she said yes. She must be really secure in her relationship, I hope I’m not setting myself up to follow in Will’s idiotic footsteps and get punched. I rack my brain trying to remember Mom’s appointments and dinner plans. I should be starting work next week so that shouldn’t factor into it.
Are you around tomorrow? I could drive up there.
This week is wide open and that would be ideal. Have you heard of Peregrine Books?
I haven’t but Google has!
Perfect. What time would be best for you?
Want to have coffee or lunch?
My funds are depleted from tuition and rent so the thought of buying a book and lunch makes me feel a bit nauseous.
Let’s do coffee.
Perfect. How’s 10 at Trojan Horse Cafe? It’s down the road from Peregrine.
I’ll see you there at 10.
I’ve just slipped my phone back into my pocket when Mom slowly comes into the room. I do my best to remove the goofy smile from my face. A smile I should not have while chatting with someone in a relationship. Mom grimaces and nods as I offer her my arm to steady her as we walk out of the office. On the drive home, I tell her I’m heading to Comrie tomorrow to meet a new friend. When I look over to make sure she hears me, her eyes are wide and a smile brightens half her face as though she can see right through the word friend.
I know I’m at an age where advice from my mom isn’t always desirable, but I’d give anything to hear some from her right about now.