9. Nellie
NINE
NELLIE
This would be the ultimate place for a first kiss. I am standing on a dry flat boulder at the base of the waterfall as soft mist cools my skin. I look back at the shore where Teddy is searching under rocks for salamanders. His degree is starting to kick in as he admires the nature around him. It’s such a nerdy endeavor, and I love it.
Five days , I think to myself. I’ve kissed guys within five hours of meeting them; five days isn’t too soon. But I don’t just want to kiss Teddy. I want to kiss him and never stop. There’s a piece of me that feels like he’s it , and I don’t want to rush into it or run from it. I want to explore this feeling a bit more. I’m not naive enough to think that we aren’t in the honeymoon phase of this relationship, be it platonic or romantic. We haven’t discovered those annoying habits people have. He could eat popcorn loudly during a movie or be rude to service people. Although he has given me no indication that he’d be rude to anyone.
When Teddy finally makes his way over, he stops on the rock beside mine, squinting up at the waterfall, and then he looks at me. No one has ever looked at me the way Teddy does, and it’s complicating everything. I can’t quite identify what it is between us because I’ve never felt it before, and even though I’ve never been in love, I can say with absolute certainty that this feeling isn’t love. I wonder if it’s the feeling of potential and anticipation, maybe a dash of hope in there. I told him outright that I want to kiss him and that I want him to kiss me but that I’m not ready. Then we talked all night long, and the first thing I thought when I woke up was how badly I wanted to talk all night long again. How desperately I want to see him under the sun and in the shadows of the trees as the sun moves across the sky. How the idea of waking up to his face sounds better than just about anything else because it means he’s there with me. None of what I’ve felt this week feels like not being ready.
The boulder I’m on is large, and Teddy steps onto it with me. Now I’m standing on a rock in the middle of shallow gentle rapids fighting an internal battle I know I’m about to lose. But I’ve never been one to go down without a fight, even if the fight is half-assed at best.
The first sign of me breaking comes when I link the fingers of my right hand with the fingers of his left. He doesn’t say a thing as we stand there, both watching the water cascade down the cliff in front of us. I don’t say a thing when he raises our hands and presses a soft kiss to the back of mine. I feel his lips all the way down to my toes, washing away every ounce of reservation I have.
Fuck it, I think when we make eye contact. Except I must have said it out loud because his eyes widen a half second before my lips connect with his.
The sensation of his lips on my hand is nothing compared to what I’m feeling now. He drops my hand, and both of his hands cradle my head while mine are gripping the front of his T-shirt and pulling him into me. When I feel his tongue slide along the seam of my lips, I open without hesitation. Confetti cannons and champagne bottles are firing along the synapses in my brain and there’s a voice screaming that this is what a first kiss should be like. I can’t help but smile beneath his lips, and when he feels it, he slows his pace. I can feel his heart beating under my hands and his breath on my lips as he pulls back slightly.
“I guess that means you were ready?” He laughs as if he can’t believe what just happened.
“More than ready.” I lick my lips, wanting to taste him again. I’d never gotten the appeal of cinnamon gum until this very moment.
He nods down at me, his eyes boring into mine, full of hunger. He looks like a starving man who has been allowed to smell fresh bread but not given any to eat. “Four days wasn’t enough, and five was almost too many.”
“Like an avocado,” I say, and we burst out laughing again.
The walk back to our cars is different, more handsy, more stops to make out against trees and rocks, more silence, more stolen looks that neither of us tries to hide. I still don’t want to rush into things. I’m not going to be dragging him into the back of my car or planning sleepovers just yet.
“So,” I begin as we reach my car and come to a stop, “today has been a lot.” I can see panic start to take shape on his face, and I quickly add, “A good kind of a lot.” I reach up and place my hand on his cheek to try and convey how I feel. “But I still want to work on getting to know each other. So um—”
“You want to take it slow. Just maybe with more kissing?” I don’t know how he always seems to know what I need to hear or what I mean to say. He takes both my hands in his and slowly backs me into the side of my car. “I’ll have you know, Nellie, that I am pretty okay with taking things slow.” His lips drop to my jaw, and he kisses me lightly to my chin. Then his arms are caging me in and he’s gazing down at me with a fierceness that causes the butterflies to escape my stomach and travel elsewhere. “Just as long as you know I won’t be taking it slow or at any other speed with anyone else. It’s just you, LG. Only you,” he whispers before his lips meet mine again.
Just when I think I’m going to pass out from a lack of oxygen, Teddy stops and steps away abruptly. “Have a safe drive home.” He turns and leaves me leaning against my car door, panting like I’ve just run a mile. I watch him walk across the lot to his car, and when he gets there, he turns around.
“Hey, LG,” he yells.
“Yeah?”
“Wanna come to my game tomorrow? Maybe give me a good luck kiss?”
“I’ll think about it.” I smile stupidly back at him. I’m obviously going. Wild horses could not keep me away from that man.
I would have spent the whole day with him if I could have, but my father asked me to come into the raptor center for a bit today. I have no idea why, but I have a feeling it’s to help get things ready for his summer interns. I just hope I can focus on the task at hand with the past hour on repeat in my memory. I try to concentrate on what the afternoon will bring instead of waterfalls and kisses. I know that if my dad sees me in this state, he’ll know something is up. He’s a romantic, and I have no trouble sharing my relationship status with him, but for now, I want to keep this for just me.
John greets me at the entrance when I arrive with a big hug and a gift bag.
“All the way from the streets of Oxford,” he boasts with a big smile.
I tear the tissue paper from the top of the bag and laugh when I see six UK chocolate bars at the bottom. “Why do I get the feeling that you got these at the duty-free on the way home?”
“Because you know me better than anyone else.” John throws his arm around my shoulder and leads me towards the offices. “Aren’t you going to bust one open?”
I look into the bag and back at him. “I just brushed my teeth so I’ll save one for later.” I am not ready to erase the taste of Teddy quite yet.
“Cornelia!” My dad’s voice booms through the office as we walk in. “Any Flakes in that bag, my dear?” He walks over and peeks in.
John leans into me. “Don’t let him steal any of yours just because he has no self-control.”
I shove the bag behind my back and glare at my dad. “I cannot believe you would dare to steal my chocolate when I know you got some of your own.”
“Hey, I had to share with your chocoholic mother.” Dad pouts.
“Oh, stop it. A middle-aged man pouting is up there with pineapple on pizza. Unacceptable.”
“Hey, I like pineapple on pizza,” John says, sounding hurt.
“I know you do.” I gag.
“I have no problem taking that chocolate back, ya know.” John tries to grab for the bag, but I twirl away before he reaches me.
“Okay, why am I here?” I huff, sitting at one of the empty desks and shoving the chocolate into a drawer that locks. I turn the key and then slip it into my pocket. Chocolate secured, for now at least.
“I’ve taken on a couple of extra interns this summer so…”
“And in your world, how many is a couple?” I interrupt, knowing full well that he doesn’t mean two extras .
“My money is on four,” John says, leaning back in his chair and grinning over at me.
“Spill, Dad.”
He looks between John and me and rolls his eyes. “Four.”
“Typical.” John claps in triumph.
“I just need assistance with the packages, then you’re free to leave.” My dad is incredibly detail-oriented but somehow negligent at the same time. He’d likely have the right number of packages but not all would contain what they should. Between the three of us, all the interns would get what they needed.
“How many in total?”
“Seven,” he says without looking up at me. He complained last year about the four he had under his wing, so I have no idea how he’s going to handle seven.
When I look over at John, he’s making a face that matches the concern I feel. “Are you going to be okay with that many, Doc?”
Dad shrugs. “I’ve got two extra sets of hands this year. Mind you, they are still green.” He seems lost in thought like he hasn’t thought about how he was going to manage. “It’ll be fine.” He waves off our concerns and stands. “Let’s get started.”
“I’ll be right back,” I say, jumping up and heading to the back room where injured birds are kept for observation. I give my hands a thorough wash then stop by the freezer to snag a cricket.
The cage I’m looking for is about halfway down the hall, and when I arrive in front of the one I want, I’m greeted by four high-pitched klee sounds. Mr. Fitzgibbons calls to me from the highest branch in his enclosure, his right leg wrapped in a bright green bandage. The little kestrel was born at the center and recently had a run-in with a stupid moment. At least that’s what Dad’s assistant referred to it as. No one knows what happened, but his leg was broken and now he’s spending his days in the recovery ward.
“Hey Mr. Fitzgibbons,” I coo, holding the cricket through the bars and watching as the little bird navigates his way down to me. “You seem to be getting better on one leg.” I pull my phone out and suck my teeth to get his attention, then I snap a picture to send to Teddy.
Meet my favorite raptor, Mr. Fitzgibbons.
He replies almost immediately.
Enviro Guy
My favorite Raptor will forever and always be Vince Carter.
I respond with an eye-rolling emoji and slip my phone back into my pocket.
Mr. Fitzgibbons had arrived along with an egg mate and the mother about two years ago. Someone had surrendered them from what my dad believes was a falconry program gone wrong. Mr. Fitzgibbons will live at the center for the rest of his life while his mother and sibling have gone to other bird sanctuaries that work with public education. If I had more time, I’d be slipping on a glove and pulling him out for a snuggle, but in his state rushing is the wrong course of action. So I wiggle my fingers and blow him a little kiss goodbye before dashing to the presentation room where my Dad and John have started organizing things. That’s where I find them in a heated argument about semantics, of all things.
“You can’t just throw around ‘a couple’ when you mean twice that.”
“Everyone knows a couple could mean more than two. Besides, there are more important things that I keep up here.” Dad taps his skull.
“If you told me that you were bringing a couple of people to my house, I’d prepare two extra meals. If you showed up with four extra people, I’d be short two meals. How can you remember every single fact about the fifty-three birds at the center, but you can’t keep a couple and a few straight?”
“Should I…” I gesture behind me.
“No, it’s fine, chickadee.” My dad has called me that since the day they found out Mom was pregnant, but today there’s an accompanying sigh of exhaustion attached to it.
“You know, Dad, you could head home, and John and I can finish up here.”
He eyes both of us as though we’ve got something planned, like letting all the birds out of their enclosures. Which I’ve only threatened to do once so he doesn’t have any grounds to suspect I’m about to do it now.
“Yeah, Doc, this isn’t the first time we’ve done this. Go home and rest or mow the lawn or um…” He looks over at me, clearly out of suggestions.
“Take Mom out to that antique store she likes and then go out for dinner. Next week you’re going to be way too busy to do any of that stuff.” I know I’ve won when his shoulders lower slightly. He and I both know how my mom feels about him taking on interns all summer.
He glances up at the clock. “I suppose I could do that.”
“Not could, Dad, should . You should do that.”
Two hours later, John and I finish up all the packages, put away the extras, and check in with the evening staff who are in the middle of feeding. Although check-in sounds too formal. We say quick hellos and goodbyes.
“Ready for tomorrow?” I ask as we head to the parking lot.
John sighs. “I mean, other than showing up and wearing the suit, there isn’t a lot I need to be ready for. The girls got the tent all done today. His fiancée just told me to make sure my brother gets to the church mostly sober.”
“Low bar.” I laugh.
“He actually hasn’t had a drink all month. I think he plans on uncorking that restriction tomorrow night.”
I wince. “Oh, so it’s going to be a sloppy wedding.”
“What kind of groom wants to remember his wedding day?” John murmurs, smiling down at his phone like a moron.
“Nigel?”
He hmms in response while he taps a reply.
“He’s not going to show up as a surprise tomorrow, is he?”
John’s head snaps up, and a look of pure horror covers his face. “God, I hope not.”
“I thought you really liked him. Why wouldn’t you want him to?”
“That’s way too much commitment, Nell. This thing is still new.”
“Six months is still new?” My god, Teddy and I are in the embryonic stage if six months is considered new.
“Yes. We just had the ‘Are we exclusive’ talk.”
“And are you?”
“Are we what?”
“Exclusive.”
“Ish.” He tips his hand back and forth.
“Ish?”
“Yeah, ish. We are exclusive-ish.”
“How the hell can you be exclusive-ish? It’s not an ish word. Either you are or you’re not.”
“It is what it is. Did you come clean to the Fletcher kid?”
I can feel the blush coming and quickly look down, trapping my lips between my teeth .
“Oh,” John hoots. “I’m guessing it went well then?” All I can do is nod. “How well are we talking?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it beyond me wanting to take it slow.”
“Well that’s no surprise, you’ve always been a slow and steady type of girl.”
Ish. I think. With Teddy, I want to savor every kiss, every look, every single smile. He feels like…it. But I refuse to say it out loud. This thing with Teddy is too new, too fragile to put that much pressure on.
“I like to weigh all the facts and possibilities. You know how I feel about wasting time.”
“That I do. So, what are your first impressions on that front, then?”
“Right now it feels like the best use of time.”
“And do you think he feels the same way?”
I remember his hands in my hair and the way he kissed me like he’d never get enough, and nod because I’m too busy biting my lip to keep myself from giggling hysterically.
“I look forward to meeting him one day,” John says, pulling me in for a side hug before walking over to his car. “I’m leaving on Tuesday. Do you have any free time to hang out on Sunday evening or Monday?”
“I’m not sure yet, but I’ll do my best to fit you in.”
He lays his hand over his heart. “I am honored to fit into your busy social calendar.”
“You should be,” I say with the straightest face I can manage.