3. Lyra
T he following two days passed rather uneventfully, but I could tell my pack was grateful for the quiet. It gave Eli and me time to settle into our new home, learning the routines of our packmates. Fawn wasn’t a morning person, and neither was Zachary, but the Alpha didn’t give in to his desire to sleep the morning away like Fawn when given the chance. Pascal was up at the crack of dawn but didn’t join the rest of us morning people until it was time for breakfast.
My pack did their best not to smother me, yet here I was kicking them all out of my room. Each and every one of them had poured their heart and soul into getting my space ready for me. However, I wanted the freedom to organize things how I liked without feeling guilty.
“Please stop,” I snapped as Fawn started to help me take the books off my bookshelf.
He froze, looking at me, his hazel eyes wide with shock. “Sorry, angel, I was just trying to help.”
I raked my fingers through my hair and shook my head, angry with myself for letting my emotions get the best of me. Letting out a deep breath, I wrapped my arms around Fawn’s waist and let my head rest on his shoulder so I could breathe in his sweet strawberry scent.
“You’re not the one who needs to apologize,” I murmured. “I shouldn’t have been so short with you over something so silly.”
Fawn nuzzled his nose against the top of my head before pressing a kiss to the same spot. “All is forgiven, angel. These types of situations are bound to happen as we all learn to live together.”
“I think I’m just having a harder time adjusting to you guys being around all the time. With my previous pack, we didn’t often hang out together in our bedrooms. Since we all worked and lived with each other, our rooms became a private space where I could be alone,” I explained, stepping away from Fawn so I could see the rest of my pack. “Please know how grateful I am for all your work to make me feel so welcome and wanted in your home, but I could use a little time to make it more my own.”
“Lyra,” Zachary said, reaching out to take my hand and absently rubbing his thumb over the back of it. “This is your room, your space, and all of us will respect that. It is perfectly fine to ask for space, everyone understands that feeling.”
Pascal nodded in agreement as he stood from his spot on my bed. “I love my pack, but I take the morning for myself to do whatever I want before joining everyone for the day. Just know if you need us for anything, we’ll be around. In fact, all you need to do is use this intercom,” he shared and gestured to the speaker on my nightstand, which he’d finished installing. “We have them in every room of the house. I marked where each button connects you to, as well as the one to use if you want to broadcast through the whole house.”
I nodded, grateful they were taking my request so well. My brain knew none of them would be offended by the changes I wanted to make. Yet, I couldn’t help this looming fear they’d judge everything I did like my mother and so many others had throughout my life. With the floodgates of my memory opening since learning the truth about my mother’s death, it brought with it old wounds. The last thing I wanted was to see the look of disappointment on their faces. I was all too familiar with the expression since it was an almost permanent fixture on my mother’s face after my fathers’ deaths.
Tanner hugged me tightly, drawing me back to the present, then he softly kissed my forehead before whispering in my ear, “I understand the need for space when you feel like everything’s out of control. Nevertheless, I care too much about you to let you push us away for long, starlight.”
With that, Tanner stepped back and left the room with the others—or so I thought.
A hand cupped my chin and gently yet forcefully lifted my gaze until I was met with familiar ice-blue eyes. I wasn’t surprised to see it was Eli, his scent gave him away, along with the commanding, confident air he always had swirling around him. “You have until dinner, my sweet petal, to do as you like without us bothering you. However, your evening will be with us. We are not your previous pack. We are your scent matches, your forever family, and I won’t let anyone I love struggle alone.”
His deep voice washed over my skin as I felt the command in his words, though it was delivered with a coating of sweet honey. My Alpha was giving me ample warning, and I knew Eli was a man of his word.
“Understood, Alpha,” I responded, knowing he expected an answer.
Eli’s ice-blue eyes flashed with desire, followed by a low, possessive, rumbling growl. Slowly, he lowered his head, giving me more than enough time to stop him, but I had zero intention of doing that. The kiss was greedy as he claimed my mouth, then sucked my lower lip between his teeth and let them scrape along the tender flesh. His hand, which had been holding my face, slipped to the back of my neck, where he fisted my hair, which caused me to moan in pleasure. Instantly, Eli took advantage of the opening, swept his tongue against mine, and urged me to deepen our kiss.
For the first time since coming home from the hospital, the constant swirl of emotions and intrusive thoughts stopped. Submitting to my Alpha’s touch, Eli ensured the only thing I could focus on was him. We indulged in our shared desire for each other as my hands fisted the fabric of his shirt and pulled myself closer to my intoxicating Alpha. I was his Omega to claim and use however he wanted—nothing else mattered but drowning in this man’s scent as he took his fill. The need to have Eli mark me was all that drove me as I yanked my mouth away so I could bear my neck. In full agreement with where this was going, Eli let his teeth scrape along the column of skin I’d presented.
I felt his mouth latch onto my throat, and he roughly sucked, forcing a startled gasp out of me. A memory long buried exploded to the forefront of my mind, which caused the world around me to spin until I couldn’t tell what was up or down.
“Lyra, do you see these three marks?” my mother asked as she stroked a hand down her neck and over her collarbone while wrapped only in a towel.
Clutching Lammy as I often did since the funeral, I nodded. “Those are your mate marks from my daddies.”
“That’s right,” Mother said with a quivering smile as tears ran down her face. “They were all I have left of them, but even this small comfort has been taken from me. When I missed them, all I had to do was brush my fingers over them, and I knew in my heart that they were okay. Now I feel nothing but pain and sadness so why bother keeping them?”
Spinning on her heel, Mother faced the full-length mirror in her room and raked her nails over the marked skin. Instantly, I dropped Lammy and ran toward my mother, desperate to stop her from hurting herself even more.
“Lyra,” Eli barked, giving me a slight shake.
Instantly, I was yanked out of the memory by the commanding bite of power he’d used. Still slightly disoriented, the shock caused me to whine, and I shrank away, knowing I’d made my Alpha mad.
“I’m sorry,” I cried as Eli scooped me up. “I didn’t mean to be bad. I’m so sorry, Alpha. Please forgive me.”
“Shh, my perfect petal,” Eli soothed as he settled us both on my bed and stroked my hair. “There is nothing for you to apologize for. I’m the one at fault for not controlling myself and handling you rougher than I should have. When your legs gave out and you didn’t respond right away, I thought I hurt you or possibly triggered a panic?—”
“ No ,” I blurted, cutting him off. “Eli, it had nothing to do with you at all,” I said vehemently, then rolled so my face was buried against his chest.
Somehow, I’d caused my self-assured Alpha to doubt his actions. “It was a dizzy spell, that’s all,” I explained, my voice muffled by his body.
Part of me felt a little bad not telling him the whole truth, but I didn’t know what to make of this lost memory that surfaced. Thank God I had my session with Dr. Mann tomorrow so she could help me make sense of what was happening.
After a moment, Eli urged me back so he could see my face, refusing to let me hide from him. His fingers gently traced along the side of my face as he searched my gaze. “Tell me, petal, do these dizzy spells happen often?”
“Not often, typically, they only happen when I’m adjusting to a new dose of certain medication, like my antidepressant,” I answered. “They tend to stop once my body adjusts, which usually takes around a week, sometimes a little longer.”
“You didn’t mention this to Dr. Mann,” Eli stated. “Why?”
“Because it’s nothing new,” I replied. “It’s an extremely common side effect with medication that messes with your brain chemistry. All medication has its pros and cons, but so far, this is the only challenge I face, and it’s short-lived. Unless I don’t get enough sleep, then the dizziness comes back sometimes. Despite that, the last thing I want is to switch to a whole new drug and be left wondering what to expect.”
Eli didn’t look convinced but didn’t push the matter further as he combed his fingers through my hair. “In the future, it might be helpful for you to share with us what side effects are common for you so we know if something isn’t right. It would also help your Alphas from overreacting like I just did.”
Guilt churned in the pit of my stomach as I realized he was right. My pack were the last people who should be in the dark about my health. Once again, these men proved to me how flawed my previous pack had been. While they all respected my issues and never stood in the way of what was best for me, none of them offered their support. They didn’t want to know the extent of my struggles or be forced to change their lives in order to help me.
“You’re right,” I agreed. “I’ll work on writing down any and all medication I take, along with any issues I might have from taking it.”
Eli hummed in approval and kissed me sweetly before sitting up. “Thank you, petal.”
Rising to his feet, Eli headed for the door but paused to look back at me with a grin. “Oh, and so you don’t think I’m being an overbearing asshole with just you, feel free to ask my sister what it was like growing up with me as a brother.”
I chuckled at the mental image of him standing over his sister’s shoulder as she wrote everything down he wanted to know, ensuring she didn’t miss anything. The soft snick of the door told me I was finally alone, and the smile on my lips faded, as did the mask I’d been wearing so my pack would believe I was handling everything just fine.
It wasn’t that I was trying to pull away from them or that I didn’t want their help. The simple fact of the matter was that no one could take away the nightmares and memories that plagued me. They were worse at night but could also appear if something triggered a memory. I was thankful one of the side effects I had was how drowsy one of my medications made me which helped with sleeping. Unfortunately, that only lasted a few days, but as luck would have it, the hospital encouraged me to take a sleep aid every night, which helped to keep the worst of it at bay.
Now that I was home and didn’t have any sleep aids and my body had adjusted to the medication, I wasn’t sure what to do. This wasn’t a new problem, but it had been manageable for the past couple of years. Previously, when I’d struggled with nightmares, I would be lost in a rainstorm desperately searching for my mother as she cried out for me, but no matter what, I could never find her.
Last night, my dreams had started out normally, but then I was dragged into a car against my will. No matter how I fought against the inky black arms, I knew I couldn’t win. Once locked inside the car, the scenery changed to be like that night my world shattered again. My mother appeared behind the wheel, smiling sadly at me as the rain beat down on the car. The wipers struggled against the downpour, hardly able to keep up, making it impossible to see anything.
“Don’t worry, baby,” Mother said and reached over to grasp my hand. Her normally vibrant green eyes were utterly void of life as she smiled. “Just hang in a little longer, we’re almost there.”
“Almost where?” I asked, panic making my voice sound shrill even to my own ears.
“Silly girl, how could you forget?” Mother chided and turned off the wipers. “We’re going to join your fathers. They've been waiting for me long enough. Won’t it be wonderful for us all to be a family again? No one will ever be able to separate us again.”
Seconds after this proclamation, I was assaulted by the sound of blaring horns and screeching tires. Then as if a switch had been flipped, I was sucked into a void where I was left floating utterly alone, abandoned for good with no hope of rescue.
I’d woken with a start, my heart raced, and I was drenched in sweat.
Thankfully, I didn’t wake Fawn, who’d slept with me the previous night. I could only imagine what it would have been like for him to feel the brunt of my fear again through our bond. After splashing some water on my face, I took a moment to sort out what happened. That’s when I realized these were most likely memories I’d lost after the accident. With the truth behind my mother’s intentions coming to light, it was as if my brain decided it couldn’t keep the information hidden any longer and dumped it into my lap.
Laying here alone with my thoughts, I grabbed Lammy, clutched her to my chest, and curled up in the nest of pillows on my bed. The hardest thing to face was feeling like I was back at square one, and all the work I’d done since that fateful day had been a waste.
Would this one moment in my life haunt me forever?
Was it even possible for me to move past this and create a new life with my pack?
I snuggled my face against my faithful, lifelong companion, took a deep breath, and forced myself to get up off the bed and rearrange the books like I’d planned.
One thing I knew was I wouldn’t allow myself to give up on living like my mother had. Even if it took everything in me, I planned to fight for whatever future was out there for me.