Chapter 46
Forty-Six
My heart thumps in my chest, but I’m not afraid of a panic attack—no, I’m afraid of my heart wrapping itself right up, placing a bow on top, and handing itself over to Zev.
Because while all this is strange and confusing and uncomfortable, I also have feelings for him—feelings I can’t deny.
I ignore everyone else in the room. “Zev?”
He gives a small shrug, eyes on me. “I suppose I can be patient,” he says, answering my question. “It depends on what I’m waiting for. And if it’s worth it.”
“And I’m worth it?” It feels forward asking, like I’m setting myself up for praise. But I’m asking sincerely, and I want to know how he feels. From him.
“Yes. You are.”
“Fran says you’ll wait forever.” I see in my peripheral vision that Fran’s squirming to my left; she wants to clarify. But to her credit, she says nothing.
“Does anyone want a drink? I want a drink. Let’s grab one.” Callum stands and waves our friends on. “In the kitchen.”
Zev’s still watching me as each and every one of our friends files out of the living room—well, except for the Brazilian. He sits a minute longer until Maggie comes back, pulls him up, and drags him from the room.
“They might need me,” he mutters to his girlfriend, who forces him from the space.
“Is that true? You’d wait forever?” I ask Zev. I stay standing, five feet away from him. I need answers, and if I touch him, I might forget all my questions.
“Yeah. It’s true.”
I pull in a breath through my nose, my lungs filling. “Forever is a long time. And we have no idea what the future holds. I could be in another accident and forget you all over again.”
“You could also remember me tomorrow.”
I shake my head. “You can’t predict the future. Not for me, Fran, Callum, Stella, or Lucas.”
There’s a sweet smile on his face. “It’s Lucca, but you have no idea how much I love that it’s his name you got wrong.”
“Zev,” I whisper. He’s making jokes while I’m trying to figure out the secrets to life.
“You’re right. We cannot predict the future. We shouldn’t even try. The only thing we can do is live every day, the best we know how, to the fullest.”
“And waiting is living your life to the fullest?” I can hear my heart in my ears and feel it in my stomach. It’s going to break free from this prison of my body.
“As long as I’m waiting for you.”
I exhale, then sit on the ottoman right in front of where he sits on the couch. I am one foot away from the man now. So much for keeping space between us. “Do you really read romance?”
“I do. You bullied me into it a year ago, but I’ve read a few more on my own.”
“That home library wasn’t for show?”
He smirks. “There’s another wall of books in my bedroom.”
“And that bookshop—”
“It’s my favorite,” he says.
My questions feel urgent. “You didn’t look it up just to send me there.”
He shakes his head. “We found it together. You liked it once—I knew you would again.”
I swallow, my words caught in my throat for half a second. “The rose tattoo on your chest. Is that for me?”
His brows pull together. Apparently, he doesn’t remember stripping off his shirt in his drugged, Benadryl state. “How— You saw that?”
“You were fairly loose with your words and clothes the night of your allergic reaction.”
His cheeks flush. “Yes. It’s for you.”
Blowing out a breath, my insides tremor with his answers. It’s definitely warm in this house. Still, I ask half a dozen more questions, my breath haggard, Zev firing back answers as quick as I ask.
“I understand why you’re asking. But I haven’t lied to you, Rose.” His eyes lock on mine and his hands wring in his lap. “Well, except when I pretended not to know you. But you didn’t want to know. I was trying to honor that. I never lied about who I am.”
I nod, my chest tight, and my breaths wanting. Everything inside of me tells me it’s too soon to feel these things. And yet everything he’s saying tells me it’s not.
“Thank you for answering my questions.” Getting up once more, I put space between us. If I don’t get a little space, I’m going to do something outlandish—like kiss Zevulun Hayes and take him home with me.
“Rose—” He stands, too.
“I just need to breathe. To think. Okay?” I blink up to his eyes. Blue like the sky. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”