Chapter 27 Ten Years Earlier #4
I respond by rubbing up against him again. Heat pools in my belly like liquid honey and my eyes nearly roll back in my head as my body screams ‘YES, THIS is what I’ve been looking for’.
Zayn lets out a guttural groan and moves his hips away from me. I could cry at the loss of friction.
“I don’t have a condom,” he grits out between his teeth like every word is costing him something precious. Somehow, his words only make me hotter. I like that Zayn doesn’t expect anything from me physically; it only makes me want to give it to him more.
“Do you want to?” I ask, disregarding his words. I need to hear him say it, too.
He looks at me like he’s a dying man and I’m his miracle cure. “More than anything else in this whole world.”
My heart soars.
“But I don’t have protection.”
“I’m on the pill. For my periods,” I breathe, although at this point nothing would stop me. “I’ve never… you don’t have worry about catching anything from me.”
He looks at me with so much desire in the black pools of his eyes that my skin tingles. “Me either.” The back of his hand grazes down my cheek. “There will only ever be you.”
That was the first promise over the next two days he would go on to break.
Our mouths slam together again and Zayn rolls me onto my back, moving on top of me, his hips sidling up between mine.
My legs open instinctively and wrap around him, giving him complete access to my core, and the feel of him pressed against my most private area with just a few layers of clothes between us is enough to send me delirious with want.
Zayn slows down our kiss and props himself up with an elbow, the other hand roaming freely down my body until it slips underneath my pyjama top, finally making contact with my bare skin.
Shivers erupt across my body. Somewhere in the background, I hear music play.
It’s the song from the American Pie movie, Sway.
It filters through my mind as Zayn moves between my legs.
Clothes are removed, our mouths are still connected, and he takes the gift that I was only ever willing to give to him.
It’s perfectly imperfect.
We fumble. It stings a bit at first, but then I relax as Zayn gives me a moment to adjust while he places feather light kisses all over my face and neck.
Then he moves so slowly, so carefully, and it feels so good that I don’t ever want it to stop.
And when it does, I send a silent prayer up to God that even though I just snuck my boyfriend into my bedroom and had premarital sex I hope he never, ever takes this boy or this feeling away from me because I would surely die.
The music fades away at the same time we fall away from each other, chests heaving, and I know that song will now forever be the soundtrack to my happiness. I just didn’t know that very soon, I wouldn’t be able to hear it without feeling like I was being stabbed in the heart with a wooden stake.
“That was…” I don’t even have words. I turn my head to Zayn, who’s already staring at me.
“I know.” He lifts a hand and wipes at my cheek. “Happy tears?”
I nod. I didn’t even realise I was crying.
“The colour of your eyes. Greener than emeralds…” his voice drifts off slowly, his eyes going heavy. “My favourite colour.”
I wake the next morning to my bed shifting beneath me.
It takes me a moment to find my bearings and realise it’s not my bed but Zayn that’s moving to sit up against the headboard, rubbing his eyes with a fist. I’ve never seen sleepy Zayn before, and it’s an endearing sight.
My heart swells at the image of his sleep-mussed hair, and just like Zayn said last night, it feels like I get to see a side to him that no one else does.
“Morning.” His voice is gravelly with sleep.
“What time is it?” I groan, peeking out my window. The sky isn’t light enough beyond the sheer curtains for it to be a reasonable hour.
“Time for me to sneak out before I get caught.” He kisses the top of my head. I feel his fingers run through my hair and I let out a ghastly moan.
“I love it when you do that.” I snuggle into his chest, where I just spent the remainder of my night. Zayn’s fingers in my hair are my holy grail.
“I love your hair.”
We stay like this for a few minutes, and I’m glad to note that there’s no awkwardness between us after last night. Finally, Zayn lifts my chin with his fingertips.
“I really have go.”
Sighing, I prop myself up. “Fine. Only because I really do think my mum will kill us both if she finds you here.”
He kisses me softly on my lips before he climbs out of my bed. I follow behind him.
“You are so beautiful,” he mutters, palming my cheek. “I don’t know how I got so damn lucky.”
The fact that he refers to himself as lucky when he’s about to go home to god knows what is outrageous. I tell him as much.
“None of that matters. Not when I have you. You make my life worth living.”
I’m crying again as he climbs out of my window and lands down the side with ease.
“See you later at the library,” he whispers, then he’s gone.
Zayn doesn’t come to the library. He misses his shift for the first time ever.
I wait with Anna for three hours until the library shuts and we’re forced to walk home.
“I’m sure he’s fine.” Anna tries to soothe me. “He might be taking care of his mum or something.”
I don’t feel good about it, but there’s nothing I can do to check up on him. I can’t call a phone that doesn’t exist. I can’t show up at his house when I don’t know where he lives.
I have a sudden, irrational wave of anger directed at Zayn. Why didn’t he buy himself a damn phone with his money instead of buying me a kindle?
Sunday comes and goes with no word from him, not that I expected any. We didn’t have plans to see each other that day.
When Zayn doesn’t show up to school on Monday, the panic kicks in.
“He’s never once skipped school in the six months that I’ve known him!” I cry at Anna in the bathrooms between classes. My hands are trembling and I have a terrible feeling in my gut over Zayn’s absence.
“Gia, he’s allowed to have a sick day. You saw him on Friday night, he was pretty beaten up.” She rubs my back in small circles. “Maybe he didn’t want to go out in public while it was that bad.”
“Having a black eye has never stopped him before.”
“It was worse this time,” she says gently, even though I already know this. “He might even just have a cold or something. He has no way to contact you so I’m sure it’s just getting blown way out of proportion.”
I take a deep breath and wipe my eyes with toilet paper. My face must look like a swollen mess, but we have to leave for Math now or we’ll be late. “Fine.” I sniff. “You’re probably right.”
Anna’s words only make me feel better for a little while before the sinking sensation that something is off returns. By last period I have such a sick feeling in my gut that I’m clenching my stomach to try to quell the pain.
Is Zayn’s absence unrelated to his home life? Is it because we had sex?
I can’t help my mind from conjuring up all the possibilities that could be keeping Zayn away. My mum had warned me about boys who only wanted one thing, and when they got it, they dropped you like a hot potato. But Zayn’s not like that, is he?
No, Gianna, you know he isn’t.
Then where the hell is he?
After school I don’t even think; I just grab my bag from my locker and head straight to our gazebo, even though it isn’t Tuesday.
I told Tony I had a debating meeting, and he was more than happy to spend his now-free time making out with his girlfriend at the shops rather than walking his annoying little sister home.
‘Be home by five and don’t bloody tell mum I left you here alone’ were his parting words as he ran to catch Lia before she got on the school bus.
I’ve been sitting here alone, staring blankly at the grass for the last ten minutes, when I hear a noise to my left.
My heart almost lurches out of my throat when I turn to see Zayn step out between the bushes of the dirt pathway that leads down from the street.
“Zayn! Oh my God!” I rush over and slam into him, gripping him tighter than a life jacket on the titanic. “Where have you been?”
I pull away and look up into his face. His left eyelid is now so swollen I can barely see his eye behind it.
“Gianna, I’m being sent away,” he says quickly but clearly, like he’s in a hurry but needs me to understand. There’s a tremor in his voice that makes my heart clench.
“What? Sent away?” I stare at him with my mouth open and closing, not grasping what’s happening. “What do you mean?”
“Child Protection Services were waiting for me when I got home on Saturday. Apparently the neighbours called and told them they heard a disturbance.” His words are cold now, fury lacing his every movement. “They decide that now, after seventeen years, is the time to say something.”
His jaw ticks furiously and he steps back so he can see me clearly.
“They made me go stay with a foster family for the last two nights while they locate my dad. They’ve been watching me like a hawk but I finally managed to slip away to come here.
” He swallows and runs a hand through his dishevelled hair.
“They found my dad in Perth. I fly out tonight.”
“What?” My head spins and I double over, stumbling into Zayn, who steadies me with his hands on my shoulders. He pulls me into him. “What do you mean you leave tonight? To Perth? That’s on the other side of the country!”
My heart beats frantically as I stare into the face I love so much.
“I know, Gianna. I fucking know.”
He sounds resigned. A fresh wave of anger rolls over me, slamming into my chest like a tsunami of rage. “How can they do this?”
“They can do whatever they want because I’m seventeen and my mum can’t take care of me. She’s gone to rehab.” He laughs hollowly, like it’s some kind of sick joke, but his muscles are pulled taut with tension beneath my fingertips.
Even though Zayn’s the one who’s whole life is being upturned, it’s my legs that give out beneath me. Zayn holds me and we sink to the ground together until I’m straddling his lap and cupping his jaw, tears streaming down my face and splashing onto his chest.
“What are we going to do, Zayn? What are we going to do?”
“I’ve tried fighting it.” His voice is hoarse and I realise he probably hasn’t been as calm over the last two days as he’s trying to be for me now. “I’ve tried everything. There’s no way out of it.”
I cry harder until his face blurs through my tears, and Zayn cups my face in return.
“Gianna, I promise you…” He says, his gaze burning in to mine. “I will be back the minute I turn eighteen. I’ll get a job and save every last cent and at the stroke of midnight on my birthday you know I’ll be flying back to you. It will always be you, Gianna.”
Neither of us knew it then, but that was the second promise he made me that he would break. My heart would break along with it.
We stay clutching each other, tears streaming like a constant force down my face as my world crashes down around me. I don’t know how much time passes before we see a police car cruise slowly past the school gates.
Zayn takes my hands. “They’ll be looking for me. The foster carers will definitely know I’m missing by now.”
We stand reluctantly and my heart shatters to pieces when Zayn lands one last chaste kiss on my lips, then lets go of my hands. “Remember my promise, Gianna. I’ll always come for you.”
Then he was gone.
I wouldn’t recognise him when I saw him again, ten years later.