Chapter 18
MAYA
I woke up with a thumping headache, my whole body screaming in protest as I tried to peel my eyes open.
Daylight rushed in and my head felt as though it would explode so I squeezed them shut once more.
As the events of the night before came rushing back to me, I tried to recall how much I had drunk but my memories of the evening were fuzzy.
A flashback of an argument with Hugo assaulted me.
What had we been fighting about? Then I remembered the girl – the social-media girl – I couldn’t recall her name.
An image of them laughing together over something assailed me, of Hugo’s leering eyes just waiting to devour her.
I could only remember the events of the night up until a certain point and after that, everything was blank.
I couldn’t remember getting home; I couldn’t even remember getting into bed.
Sickly fear overcame me as I tried to remember what had happened next.
How bad was it? Had we made a scene in front of his work colleagues?
‘Mummy, Mummy, why aren’t you awake yet?’ I heard Elliot ask.
I groaned and opened my eyes, shielding them from the morning light. ‘Hey, baby,’ I croaked. My head was thumping. ‘How was your night?’
‘Lauren letted me have three treats and I gotted to stay up really late.’
‘Wow, lucky you.’
‘Come on, Mummy, get up.’ He tugged on my arm. ‘I’m hungry.’
I checked the clock on my phone and saw that it was almost nine. I had slept it out for school. ‘Shit,’ I cursed, pulling back the duvet, feeling my stomach heave at the sudden movement. I willed myself not to be sick as I eased myself out of bed, feeling a sweat break out down my back.
Elliot looked at me wide-eyed and cupped a hand over his mouth. ‘You said “shit”!’ he giggled.
‘No, I didn’t, I said, “quick”.’
He wrinkled his nose and I knew he wasn’t buying it.
‘Come on, we’d better hurry,’ I said, standing up and heading into the ensuite.
As I caught sight of my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I looked like a corpse.
Last night’s make-up was smeared across my face.
Panda rings of mascara crusted beneath my lashes.
I splashed water on my skin, then made my way downstairs, wondering how I was going to summon the energy to get Elliot to school.
He would be late, but if we hurried, it might not be too bad.
He clearly sensed my weakened state as he asked for Coco Pops for breakfast even though he knew they were only a weekend treat but I didn’t have the energy to protest.
After I had dressed him in his uniform and he had brushed his teeth, we left the house.
I kept my sunglasses on when we reached the school and held Elliot’s hand as we hurried up the path.
We had just entered the reception when I heard somebody coming in after us.
I turned around to see Liv and Finn squeezing through the door behind us.
‘It looks as though your morning is going as well as mine, huh?’ she panted.
‘Don’t ask,’ I replied, keeping my shades on. I noticed Finn was wearing his PE tracksuit. I groaned. ‘Don’t tell me today is PE day?’ I nodded towards Elliot, who was dressed in his uniform.
‘No, don’t worry. I couldn’t find Finn’s school jumper and the spare one that I bought him as a backup was nowhere to be found either. I searched the house high and low and do you know where I found it eventually?’
‘No idea.’
‘In the garden. Like, how on earth did it get out there?’ She shook her head despairingly. ‘Of course it was covered in dirt so that’s why he’s wearing his tracksuit. It’s only 10 a.m. and I’m already exhausted.’ She laughed.
The secretary greeted us with barely disguised disapproval as she brought the boys down to their classroom.
‘I’m a bit worse for wear,’ I admitted as we left the school building and walked down the path together. ‘I was a bit late going to bed.’
‘Oh, that’s naughty on a school night,’ she teased. ‘Were you anywhere nice?’
‘At a work thing for Hugo.’ I felt my heart start to race as I thought about the night before. ‘They’re always so boring that wine is the only thing that gets me through but I’m paying the price today. I badly need a coffee; do you fancy grabbing one?’
‘Sure.’ She smiled.
I left my car at the school and we walked the short distance to the coffee shop that we had been in the other day. We queued up and ordered.
‘Let me get it,’ Liv offered. ‘You got it last time.’
‘Well, thank you,’ I said. ‘I’ll go grab us a table.’
Liv came down to the table after a few minutes.
She handed me my matcha and she lifted her latte off the tray.
She had bought me the same protein ball which I had ordered the previous day but she hadn’t bought anything to eat for herself.
‘Thought you might fancy one of these,’ she added.
‘But I can change it if you’d prefer something else? ’
‘That’s so thoughtful of you, thanks, darling. I dearly need this,’ I said, taking a sip of my coffee, willing the caffeine to temporarily numb my banging head.
‘Sounds like a good night?’
I shook my head. ‘It was a disaster.’
‘Oh, no. How are things between you and Hugo now?’ she asked.
‘Worse than ever.’ I sighed, looking down at the table. ‘He spent the night flirting with a woman he works with – well, woman is being generous; she’s barely out of her teenage years.’
I took satisfaction in watching the shock and outrage play out on Liv’s face. ‘That’s awful. You poor thing.’
‘Of course I got upset and then I drank too much and I think we ended up having a huge argument – I can’t really remember, to be honest.’
‘Well, that’s hardly your fault. You were upset. It’s completely natural that you would react like that.’
‘Hugo won’t like me letting the side down in front of his work colleagues. Appearances mean everything to him.’
‘Maybe he should have thought about that before he flirted with the office junior!’ Liv defended me. ‘It’s so disrespectful to treat you like that in front of everyone. That must have been so hurtful.’
‘It was humiliating.’ I cradled my mug in my palms.
Liv nodded sympathetically. ‘I hope you don’t mind me asking but do you… eh…’ She fumbled for words. ‘Do you think there’s something going on between them?’
I tossed my hands up into the air. Liv had voiced the thoughts that were tormenting me. ‘Who knows? I don’t think anything would surprise me at this point.’
‘Are you going to confront him?’
I sighed and held my head in my hands. ‘Do you know what? I don’t think I have the energy at this point. It feels like we’re further apart than ever…’ I added glumly.
‘Well, look, at least you’re still going to Julia. He wouldn’t waste his time if he didn’t want to work things out between you,’ Liv said optimistically.
I ran my thumb up and down along the curved handle of my mug. ‘I think it might be too late. We’ve had several sessions and things are worse than ever between us.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ she replied.
‘Me too,’ I said sadly. ‘I knew going into it that this was our last hope of working things out. Marriage counselling doesn’t work for everyone, unfortunately, and I guess we’re one of the unlucky ones. Anyway, enough about me. How are you two doing?’
‘Still the same,’ she sighed. ‘Going back and forth and around and around in circles but no matter how often we talk about it, Jay really wants to have another baby and I’m not ready.’ She flopped back against the chair. ‘To be honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.’
We chatted some more and by the end of the coffee, I was thankful to find my hangover seemed to be abating.
‘I’m feeling a lot better about everything, thank you, Liv. It’s really good to have someone to talk to about it all. Someone who gets it, y’know?’
She blushed. ‘Me too. There’s nobody else I can talk to about all this stuff.’
‘I’m so glad I met you. I don’t know how I’d cope with all of this if I didn’t have someone to offload to.’
‘I know.’ She laughed. ‘At least we can keep each other sane!’