Chapter 36
LIV
As I buttered bread for Finn’s lunch the next morning, I saw a message from Maya asking me if I’d like to go for a walk after we had dropped the boys to school.
‘Good plan!’ I had replied, looking at the brilliant blue sky beyond the kitchen window. It was a beautiful autumn day and besides, I could do with the exercise.
Maya and I met at the school and decided to walk the short distance to Hewson Park.
It was a grand old stately home which had been taken over by the Office of Public Works who had opened the grounds up to the public.
The old conservatory was now a tea room and it was a busy spot with families at the weekends and walkers exploring the vast acreage.
‘How’s everything in your house?’ I asked.
‘I know Hugo is sorry about what happened but I’m still so angry.’
‘Of course you are. How’s Elliot?’
‘He’s still being difficult. I’m trying to be patient but it’s hard especially when I’m on my own all day with him.’
‘That’s tough. Would you consider getting a nanny or au pair to help you out a little?’ I suggested. I knew they could afford it and it might help take some of the pressure off her.
She shook her head. ‘I don’t want someone else raising my son. My mum was a single mum, she worked full-time and raised me on her own so I should be able to do it without help,’ she said stubbornly.
‘Well, hopefully, things will settle down a little soon,’ I said to mollify her.
‘What about you and Jay?’ she asked then. ‘How’s all there?’
‘Still the same.’ I sighed. ‘Finn keeps banging on about having a baby brother or sister which isn’t helping matters.’
‘Oh dear.’
‘Every time he mentions it, I can see Jay looking at me; it just adds to the pressure I’m feeling. It’s like they are in cahoots!’
‘You can’t have a baby to please Jay or even Finn. It has to be for the right reasons; it’s your decision.’
‘I know but the way Jay goes on, it’s like I’m ruining Finn’s childhood.’ I tossed my hands up into the air in frustration.
‘Well then, we both are ruining our kids’ childhood,’ Maya said wryly as we walked. ‘Why do people see being an only child as being a bad thing? The child gets undivided attention and all the parents’ time and energy so it has its advantages too.’
‘You’re right.’ I smiled at her, glad for a new perspective on it. ‘Thanks for listening to me,’ I went on. ‘You’ve no idea how much it’s helped me over the last while.’
She turned to look at me. ‘You’ve been there for me too. You’ve been my rock. I have loads of friends but none of them are like you. I honestly couldn’t tell anyone else about all of this. I’d be too ashamed.’
I was touched by the compliment and secretly pleased that Maya valued my friendship just as much as I valued hers. ‘I’m glad I can be there for you.’
‘We get on so well,’ she said, linking my arm as we walked along the gravel path chit-chatting.
‘It’s a pity the men in our life can’t do the same.
’ She rolled her eyes which were dramatically accentuated with black eyeliner.
It amazed me how she always wore a full face of make-up, even going for a walk.
I never knew how she had the time to fit it in before the school run in the morning when I barely had a second to run a brush through my hair.
‘I’m sure they just need a little more time to get to know one another properly.’
‘You’re right. I know the night of the BBQ didn’t go to plan but why don’t we try again? There’s a really cool new tapas bar in town that I’m dying to try – it might be fun.’
‘I thought you were nervous of going out to a restaurant together in case things got heated between you?’
‘Well, if it’s not just Hugo and me, it should be okay.’
‘Let me check with Jay,’ I stalled, knowing he wouldn’t be keen on a night out with Hugo.
‘Maybe when the kids aren’t there, we’ll all be able to relax and enjoy ourselves properly,’ she suggested hopefully.
‘You mean just the four of us? Are we not going to bring the boys?’ I was taken aback.
‘Well, you know…’ She jiggled her head. ‘I mean, I thought we could both get babysitters. If we brought the boys, we’d have to go out early and it’s hard to relax when you’re out with kids.
You know yourself – they get bored, they don’t want to stay in their chair, they spill their juice, they don’t like the food… ’
‘I guess…’ I said.
‘What’s wrong?’ Maya asked, picking up on my reticence.
‘Well, it’s just that we’ve never left Finn with a babysitter before,’ I admitted, feeling embarrassed. She would probably think we led really boring lives compared with her glamorous social life.
Her face read shocked. ‘Really? So how do you guys go out and do stuff?’
‘We rarely go out but if we do need to go somewhere, one of our mums usually helps us out.’ I thought back to the marriage-counselling sessions where family members had taken care of Finn for us but usually, we didn’t like to leave him behind if we could help it.
We turned down invitations to weddings or other social gatherings unless Finn was invited.
If we wanted to go to a restaurant, we just got an early bird and brought Finn with us.
How could I explain to her that Jay and I were most content when the three of us were all together?
Being at home with our little family was my happy place. We hated being away from one another.
Her face clouded over and she looked crestfallen. ‘Oh, I see…’
The guilt rushed in; I hated seeing her disappointed. ‘I’m sure one of them wouldn’t mind looking after him for a few hours for us if we asked,’ I added to appease her.
‘That would be great,’ she sang, her face brightening up again. ‘Does Saturday work for you guys?’
‘Let me confirm with my mum but it should be all right.’
‘Great, I’ll make the reservation!’
As I continued through the parkland, my main thought was how I would tell Jay. He wasn’t a fan of Hugo and now I had to break it to him that he had to endure another evening in his company.