Chapter 45
LIV
The following day, Maya and I stood on the tarmac waiting for the children to emerge from the school building.
It was a crisp October day and the bright-blue sky made the colours look saturated.
A carpet of russet-coloured leaves lay at our feet.
There was a chill in the air and the first nip of winter could be felt as autumn faded.
I shivered in my hoodie and leggings, knowing the time had come to take out the winter coats.
We chit-chatted amongst ourselves as we waited beside the other parents.
‘How’s everything with you and Jay since?’ she asked.
I filled her in on his apology and how we had finally decided not to have another child. I also told her that we wouldn’t be going back to marriage therapy.
‘We’ve agreed to leave it. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to have another baby.
And Finn is so perfect, we’re happy with our lot.
’ It felt like a weight had been lifted from me.
I was relieved that Jay finally understood my position and although it wasn’t what he would have chosen for us, he was coming to terms with it.
It was a relief also to know that we no longer had to see Julia.
‘We told Finn over breakfast this morning,’ I added glumly.
‘Oh dear, I hope he wasn’t too disappointed?’
‘It was awful. He cried.’ I felt my stomach churn as I thought about his reaction again.
‘We explained how I was very sick after he was born and that I’m too scared in case it happens again.
He kept asking why I couldn’t just take medicine so I explained that I did get medicine the last time but it didn’t work.
Then he asked why we couldn’t just let Santa bring us a baby. ’
‘Oh, Liv.’ Maya reached out and squeezed my hand and I felt tears burn at the back of my eyes. ‘What did you say to that?’
‘Jay made up a story on the spot about how the government have passed a law to say that Santa isn’t allowed to give out babies. We had to do it; it’s not fair to keep his hopes raised.’
‘That sounds tough, you poor thing. But you have to do what’s right for you as a family.
Finn is still a little young to comprehend it properly right now but when he’s older, I’m sure he’ll understand why you made the decisions you did.
I’m glad Jay and you have come to an agreement. He’s a good man, Liv.’
‘I know.’ I smiled. ‘I’m lucky to have him.’
‘You’re not so bad either.’ Maya grinned. ‘He’s lucky to have you too. By the way, are you going to the school fundraiser next Friday evening?’ she asked. The school was raising money for a new music room and were hosting an ‘old Hollywood glamour’ themed dinner dance for the parents.
I groaned. Getting dressed up was my idea of hell. Plus, I’d need to rope in one of the grandparents to mind Finn again. ‘I don’t think we have a choice. We have to support it.’
‘Well, let’s try and get on the same table.’ She winked. ‘At least we can have some fun together.’
‘Yeah,’ I agreed weakly, knowing Jay would not want to sit anywhere near Hugo after what had happened the last time we all went out together but how could I say that to Maya without offending her?
Eventually, the door opened and we saw the children emerge in single file with their teacher. As Finn spotted me, he ran over, his feet crunching over the leaves and his large school bag thumping off the back of his legs.
‘Someone got a haircut,’ Maya remarked as he came towards us.
‘I’m still getting used to it; he looks so much older with short hair.’
‘It suits him. He looks so handsome. You can see his face properly now. What made you decide to cut it?’
‘He wanted to do it. Apparently, some kids were giving him a hard time about having long hair,’ I added pointedly to test her to see how she would react.
‘Oh, that’s horrible. Kids can be so cruel,’ she replied, not associating it with her son for one minute. ‘But he looks good.’
Finn crashed into me and flung his arms around my legs. I squeezed him back, loving the solidness of him against me. ‘How was school, love?’
‘It was okay. We did Play-Doh and I maded a dinosaur. It was a Stegosaurus and it was really cool. Everyone wanted to play with it.’
‘That sounds great, Finn.’ After his upset this morning, I was relieved to hear he had had a good day.
Elliot came out soon after but he didn’t run towards his mother like Finn had. He ambled along slowly, his head down.
‘Uh-oh,’ Maya muttered. ‘Someone doesn’t look happy. How was school?’ she asked when he reached us.
He remained mute.
‘What’s wrong, sweetheart?’ Maya asked in concern. ‘Did something happen today?’
He pointed his index finger accusingly at Finn. ‘Finn was mean to me in the yard.’
‘Really?’ Maya turned around to look at me and then Finn. ‘What happened?’
‘He wouldn’t play with me at break time.’
‘Is that true, Finn?’ I asked, feeling my heart sink. Maybe Finn wasn’t as innocent as we thought in all of this. Perhaps they were both as bad as each other.
‘That’s ’cause he’s always mean to me. You and Daddy said I don’t have to play with people if they’re not nice.’
I cringed, wanting the ground to swallow me whole.
It was true, we had told Finn to avoid people who weren’t kind to him but now it looked like he had excluded Elliot and that was never our intention.
‘Look, let’s talk about this at home.’ I turned to Maya.
‘I’m sorry, I’ll have a word with him. I hope Elliot is okay. ’
‘Don’t worry, they’re kids.’ She gave a nonchalant wave of her hand. ‘I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding,’ she said graciously.
‘Thanks,’ I said, keen to get out of there. ‘We’d better go.’
When I got home, I made Finn some pancakes with loads of Nutella and marshmallows. I was trying to coax him into telling me what had happened in the yard earlier and I hoped that if he was distracted by his favourite food, he might open up to me.
‘So what happened in school with Elliot?’ I tried, keeping my tone light as he concentrated on using the chocolate spread to glue the marshmallows onto his pancakes.
‘I said I didn’t want to play with him because he’s always mean. He calls people names and he kicks them or pushes them and he takes their toys off them too. Then the other boys wouldn’t play with him either.’
I knew we were the ones who had told our son not to play with Elliot, but I hoped his behaviour hadn’t swung too far the other way. Although I didn’t want Finn to be a push-around for Elliot, I really hoped Finn wasn’t the ringleader in excluding him.
‘Can’t you all just be nice and play together?’ I asked in exasperation. It seemed as though Elliot had always got his own way and now was struggling socially when it came to sharing or taking turns.
‘But you said I don’t have to play with him if he’s being mean,’ he protested, looking confused.
‘I did…’ I sighed in agreement.
We pottered around the house until bedtime, then I read his story and tucked him up. Jay was working a long shift so Finn would be asleep by the time he got home.
I was sitting there still mulling it all over, wondering whether I should speak with the boys’ teacher to get her thoughts on it, when Jay came home from work.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ he asked, hoisting two bags of groceries onto the table. He had called me on the way home to ask what I wanted for dinner. We had decided on carbonara because it was quick and easy, and Jay had stopped off in the supermarket to buy the ingredients.
‘Elliot came out of school today and was upset. He said that Finn and some other kids wouldn’t play with him. I was standing beside Maya when he said it and it was really awkward.’
‘Well, what does he expect? That’s what happens when you’re nasty to people.’
‘I know we told Finn not to play with Elliot if he’s upsetting him but I’m worried he’ll get in trouble now for excluding him.’
‘Well, if he gets in trouble, they can answer to me,’ he said, unpacking the groceries. ‘I’ve no problem defending my son. Finn is in the right here.’
‘I know.’ I sighed. ‘It’s just all so… complicated.’
‘So talk to Maya,’ he reasoned.
‘I know, but…’
He cocked his head to the side. I knew he was right but I just wasn’t sure how to broach it with her. I hated confrontation at the best of times and Maya was a good friend to me.
‘By the way, don’t forget we have the school fundraiser next Friday night,’ I said, changing the subject.
He groaned. ‘Do we have to go? Can’t we just pretend that we’ve something on?’
‘No,’ I said firmly. ‘We need to support the school and besides, it will be good to meet some of the other parents.’
‘Are Maya and Hugo going?’
‘I think so.’
‘Well, I’m not sitting with them,’ Jay declared as he began chopping the meat on a board.
‘Look, hopefully, we’re not on the same table as them.’
‘I mean it, Liv,’ he warned. ‘I don’t want to speak to him.’
‘I know, I get it. I’ll make sure we’re not together.’ I prayed we weren’t seated at the same table and if we were, then I would need to subtly get us switched before World War Three broke out between our husbands.