chapter048
‘Back to life, back to reality, as great philosophers once said,’ Declan said, setting down a large Americano on Edie’s desk by way of greeting on Monday. ‘How is it being sentenced to a cell with me, after swagging round the world’s greatest city with a top-level actor hunk?’
The enlivening workspace was bathed in spring sunshine, and Edie was actually quite elated by the return to comforting familiarity – if a little hollowed out by fatigue and short on funds for the rest of the month.
‘Horrifying, if I may be frank. I know now how defendants feel when the court copy says they: “remained impassive as the guilty sentences were read.”’ Edie pulled a morose face and toasted him with her drink. ‘Cheers, however.’
‘Shouts of “Premium Economy wanker!” from the gallery as the judge called for order,’ Declan laughed. He had a sharp memory.
He fished a paper packet out of his coat packet. ‘Well, ta. Regret getting you a Pret pastel de nata now.’
‘You hero!’ Edie accepted it. ‘Not only did you go to a second venue – you remembered I like these? Thank you!’
‘Thought you’d need reasons to be cheerful. Nice time?’ he said, putting on Talk Talk’s ‘Spirit of Eden’. He’d made them playlists appropriate for every day of the week: Monday’s was an easing in.
‘I’d call it tumultuous,’ Edie said, a variety of vivid imagery flashing through her mind. Turned out the shower was roomy.
Declan gave her a questioning look, and she remembered he’d thought she and Elliot had fought.
‘But rewarding,’ she added quickly.
It was a little saddening, but the illustrative tale of Iggy the mole wasn’t fit for Declan consumption. Even though she trusted him implicitly regarding not conveying it back to Ad Hoc, Edie had just had a protracted lesson in the value of discretion.
‘Seeing each other again soon?’
‘Elliot’s passing through for one night on the way down to London this weekend – as luck would have it, on Nick’s birthday evening. I get to introduce you.’
‘Oh, sound! God, I best warn my friend Kieran not to ask for autographs and selfies. He was well into Blood Gold.’
‘Elliot’s very easy-going about that, so don’t worry if he does once he’s had a few. Don’t ask if there was anything under the wolf pelt, though – he gets that all the time. It was a kind of warrior’s nappy, I believe. Sight of which might lose him a few girl fans.’
Declan guffawed.
They worked in a companionable hush until Edie saw Declan checking his phone and darting uncertain looks at her. He seemed like he was working up the courage to raise something.
‘Er … Did you know someone at Ad Hoc called Louis? A friend of yours?’ he said eventually.
‘Yes?’ Edie said. ‘Not a friend any more. Of course.’
‘He’s posted on Instagram about the Jack Marshall interview.’
‘Oh God.’ Edie sagged. ‘When will these bastards stop getting me down? Who’s funding Louis? Arms manufacturers? Lockheed Martin?’
‘It’s actually really … good?’ Declan said. ‘He properly goes for Jack. I wasn’t going to tell you before I read it myself. My sister Cara sent it to me with “game changer” and she doesn’t appear alone in that view.’
Edie hid the fact she was disconcerted that Declan’s sister in Ireland closely followed this soggy soap opera.
‘Louis? Goes for Jack?’ Edie repeated, disbelieving. She remembered Louis’s former role as shapeshifting courtier in the palace of Jack and Charlotte. ‘It’s probably some innovative long game fuckery.’
‘I wouldn’t mention it if it was more of the same – see what you think. Want the link?’
Edie nodded. It was pointless to imagine she had the willpower not to look.
She opened Louis’s profile, an account she’d long ago unfollowed, and saw stark black text on a pink background, set across six instalments on his Story.
Hello everyone. Not like me to do PSAs, but I’m going to address @jackmarshall00’s newspaper exclusive about how Edie Thompson tore down his life.
First up: almost everything he said was a lie. You want to know who did that, Jack – get a mirror, love.
Edie didn’t chase Jack. He chased her, in the kind of covert op you can run on smartphones. His having a girlfriend was a perfect cover. We’ve all met DM Slide Guy, right? He was a DM Slide Guy posing as a Wife Guy. Edie was the resident pretty, forever-singleton, nice to everyone. She was fit and smart but shy about her love life, and we all kinda wondered behind her back why she didn’t have a boyfriend. Jack’s ears pricked up, obviously. A prick’s prick pricked up.
On the wedding day, she went into the garden, and he followed her. I know because I was watching. Edie was so quiet that day that I finally started to work out there was something between her and Jack. I was ALIVE for the gossip, NGL. My guess is Jack knew she couldn’t ask anything of him once he was a husband, so that’s when he went for his little reward for all the minor key mindfucking.
Edie shouldn’t have gone along with it, but have we not all been idiots for someone who’s crawled under our skin? For longer than a minute usually, too, in my case
Afterwards, Charlotte was sent so deranged by the idea her shiny new husband could do such a thing that it was easier to say Edie had led him astray than attack him as common enemy. There was a LOT of ugly online dogpiling, and the mood was that we should destroy her. I remember Lucie, Jack’s sidekick in that article, saying we wouldn’t have succeeded if Edie didn’t leave the country.
I went along with it, because there was one of Edie and many of them, and I thought Edie was leaving Ad Hoc anyway. Plus, I’ve been on a bit of a journey in my personal development since then, but that’s for another time.
We all got the sack because Richard – the boss – figured out who was bullying and who was the victim, nothing more than that. Oh, and he sussed Jack was a massively untrustworthy twat. 5/5.
Now Edie has broken her dry spell with men in SPECTACULAR fashion. (Edie, if you ever read this, respect due – I would ride him like a stolen quad bike.)
It couldn’t be more obvious they failed to break her or turn her into a pariah. So off they go again, pointing the finger in the wrong direction. The one person other than me who could confirm it was all driven by Jack, not Edie, is Charlotte, and obvs she’s not inclined to do Edie any favours. I’d point out she dumped his Winklevoss-twin-looking arse, though, so make of that what you will.
Gotta ask – much did you get PAID to blame the worst thing you did on a woman instead, @jackmarshall00? The same day YOU broke your wife’s heart and blew up your wedding? It’s called DARVO: deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender. I have the number for my therapist, babe. I really suggest you consider it.
Finally, don’t come at me with any accusations of running Edie’s PR. If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll work out why we aren’t friends any more. She told me I was fake, shallow, and duplicitous, and guess what, loves, I realised she was right.
Plus, I’m gay, so you can stop with any ‘clungestruck’ insinuations (FYI @luciemaggy is it 1955? You need to reconsider the devil whore misogyny. And that’s me saying that – A MAN.)
Edie doesn’t know I’m posting this, and I don’t even know if she’d want me to, given we parted on bad terms. I’m not Team Edie. I’m a fan of the truth. Which might be the same thing here?
HAVE A BLESSED DAY
xxx
Edie concluded reading with a huge whoosh of emotion and thought: well, well, fucking well.
‘That’s … quite something,’ Edie said, tears springing to her eyes. ‘I never thought anyone would see it clearly. And Louis! Of all people.’
‘Innit? I hope you don’t mind, but I rejoined the work WhatsApp to send them this. The entire conversation has switched to how Jack’s a fetid male archetype abuser. Jess is reading every message and saying nothing.’
‘Thank you. Sod it – I’m sharing it, too.’
‘Do it!’
She stubbed a metaphorical cigarette out on Jack’s corpse, screenshotting every frame of Louis’s post. She set her Instagram public again, shared it on her stories, fired her metaphorical gun.
It might Streisand effect it – good: this vindication was too meaningful to pass up. Let the gossips repeat this as much as they wanted. She tagged it:
This is the first and last time I’ll discuss this. A lot of lies have been told, and it can be a struggle to be believed. Thank you for your accuracy, and your honesty, @princesslouis. x
People could disappoint you, and they could surprise you, too.
The papers ran with it within twenty-four hours:
Elliot Owen’s GF Hits Back at ‘Homewrecker’ Allegations on her Social Media
Interview requests from women’s magazines and news sites crowded her inbox, different in tenor from previous approaches: now, she was sympathetic. She deleted them all, thinking last time I’ll discuss this covered her position.
Edie came home the next day to a huge bunch of flowers from Elliot on her doorstep, but best of all, somehow, was a message from the fearsome Lillian:
The current washed up his skinny ass even faster than I thought it would.