Chapter 4
Nari.
“Why are they here?” I pointed to the men standing near the door.
I remembered them from the night we attended the fundraiser.
They drove us there and back home that night.
My husband was fully dressed in a suit, similar to the ones they wore.
However, as always, his fit in a tempting and dangerous way. Theirs were . . .
Just suits.
“I’m heading out. If you leave, they’ll drive you.”
His eyes were serious and dark, challenging me to contest his decision.
I wouldn’t win. We both were clear on that, but he expected me to engage in a verbal sparring match.
Not today. I was mentally exhausted with the weight of my new life.
I didn’t have the energy to instigate an argument I wouldn’t win.
“How long will you be gone?”
Kincaid met me at the bottom of the stairs, which put me about a foot above him in height since I paused on the last one.
“Most of the day, but I’ll be home in time for dinner. Will you cook?” His teeth raked his bottom lip. It was presented as a question, but he wasn’t asking.
“Yeah, I can. Any requests?”
“Whatever you make will be fine.”
“Got it, boss.” It was my way of showing my compliance sarcastically.
Truthfully, I didn’t mind cooking for my husband.
I just didn’t like how much control he’d had over my life these past few days.
I was beginning to feel suffocated by his existence.
He continued studying me, silently assessing my mood.
I hated when he did that because he was somehow always spot-on.
We both could read each other expertly, and I was positive it wasn’t normal.
“Our wedding.” His arm encircled my waist, lowering me from the last step. I tilted my head back to meet his eyes while his chin dipped, giving me complete access.
“What about it?”
“We’ve had a lot going on, but maybe you can focus on the planning. I’m sure your mother and mine would love to map it all out with you.”
“What’s the point? We’re already married. Everyone knows.”
That taunting smile slipped into place. My body tensed with reminders of how he’d explored every inch of it last night.
“Of course, they do. However, I feel it’s necessary to present my wife to the world properly.
You deserve a grand entrance.” He pressed a kiss to my lips, triggering my body.
I leaned into him, moaning slightly when his tongue began to explore.
“You just want me busy and preoccupied.” My eyes rolled and his lowered in a hooded manner.
“Agreed, but I also want you to have the wedding you deserve.”
“I already did.” I shrugged.
“Not even close.” Kincaid’s lips brushed mine again and his hand at the small of my back brought me closer.
He was hard against my stomach, and I was tempted to delay his departure but decided to push past the thought.
I was abnormally addicted to this man in ways that had to be unhealthy.
Instead of getting lost in my lustful thoughts, I focused on the topic at hand.
“Can we compromise?”
“In what way?”
“How about we just do a reception? Maybe a big dinner and make it a formal event instead of a wedding.”
“We can do whatever you want, sweetheart. I just assumed you would want a proper wedding.”
“Our wedding was perfect, and there’s no point in putting on a show that will overshadow the memories of the real thing. That’s the one that matters most to me.”
Kincaid stared for a long moment, attempting to be sure I was being truthful. Once satisfied, he nodded, confirming that he agreed to my request.
“I’m okay with whatever you decide. Call me if you need me.” One last kiss was granted before I felt his fingers brush across my stomach. He looked down then stepped away.
After he left, I entered the kitchen where I found my mother sitting at the table with a book and a mug of coffee.
She smiled when I entered, whispering good morning.
I returned the greeting. It felt weird having her here.
Something I’d wanted all my life, and now that it was tangible, my spirit felt conflicted.
“How did you sleep?” I asked after I dropped a bagel in the toaster and removed the orange juice.
“Like a baby. It’s quiet here, but not the kind of quiet that makes your heart race because you don’t know what’s lurking in the dark. It’s the type of quiet that covers you like a cozy blanket. It’s been a long time since I’ve had that type of peace. You’re blessed.”
Her smile was soft, but something behind her eyes expressed the type of darkness she had experienced throughout life.
“Why did you leave home?”
My mother still gripped her mug with both hands. I watched her fingers create a rhythm against the light gray ceramic piece while she tossed the question around as if deciding on an answer. I added more of what I knew. “Shayla said you were depressed.”
My mother’s eyes squinted slightly. “Your niece.”
I could see the oh flash through her eyes.
“You didn’t know about her?”
“No. I haven’t seen or talked to my parents since the night I left.”
I nodded, removing my bagel in search of the cream cheese. Once I was done, I joined my mother at the table, sitting to her left and taking a huge bite.
“She told me that too.”
“She?”
“Shayla. I’ve never met her mother or your parents.” I should have said my aunt and grandparents, but they weren’t that to me. They were just people who knew I existed and didn’t want to get to know me.
“Are you close?”
I snorted, shaking my head. “No. We met, lived together for a few months, then she stole what little money I had and disappeared. I wanted a connection; she wanted someone to split bills with.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Not your fault or mine. Some people just are who they are.” I shrugged. “But why didn’t you go back? Hell, why did you leave in the first place?” I was desperate for anything she would share to help me better understand her life.
“Have you ever felt like you were drowning? Like everything around you was restricting your ability to think, to feel, to breathe?” Her eyes were distant.
“I kind of feel like that now. I’m new to all this.” I tossed my hand in the air. “It’s a lot to take sometimes.”
She laughed, shaking her head. “I can imagine, but it’s not the same. Your husband loves you. He’s not trying to suffocate you, and if by default it happens, he pulls you to the surface so you can breathe again. I had no one to pull me to the surface, so I left.”
“Were they . . .”
“No.” She shook her head softly. “They weren’t bad people.
My parents didn’t understand me. They refused to believe I was lost in a way that I couldn’t find myself without help.
My parents loved me. They just didn’t know how to love me the right way, which is how I ended up spending my entire life searching for anyone who could.
” She laughed vaguely. “Never happened, though. I embarrassed them when I got pregnant with you. I think it was hard for my parents to move past the shame, although it was my decision and no reflection on them.”
“But your sister did the same thing. She had Shayla.”
“I’m guessing by then, they’d given up on clinging to the false image of what their daughters should be.
Who knows? I wasn’t there. The reason I didn’t go back is because it would hurt too much.
There would always be reminders of you. I was young.
Too damn young to be somebody’s mother, but I still loved you regardless.
You weren’t with me, but you’ve always been a part of me.
Being there with them wouldn’t allow me the space to remember what I lost. They wanted me to forget it happened, to forget there was a piece of me somewhere out there in the world.
” Her soft gaze shifted to me. “I couldn’t do that, so I left and didn’t look back.
” She stilled before lifting her mug, sipping while lost in her thoughts.
“What about my father? Why didn’t you go to him?”
Her eyes turned dark. “He’s not the kind of man you hand your life over to without consequences. I realize you want to know him and feel like he’s a part of you, but he’s not. You don’t want that type of darkness in your life. He’s toxic.”
“But you loved him, right?”
She laughed in a way that was void of humor. “I fell in love with the devil. Eli was a grown man who had no business with a child. A young, dumb kid searching for something I couldn’t define. What I found was a monster that lurked in the dark. He was the worst kind.”
“He hurt you?”
“Emotionally, yes. He never had to lay a finger on me because his words were enough.” She tapped her temple.
“He got in here with the intent to destroy and control.” My mother drifted somewhere for a minute before she continued.
“What grown man lies with a child? And yes, I did so willingly, but he knew better even if I didn’t.
He saw the weakness, the longing, and he used that to make me believe he was there to save me from the pitfalls of life, but mostly, he managed to make me believe he could save me from the loneliness I struggled with.
“When I found out I was pregnant with you, I almost told him.
I showed up at his house with the test in my purse, but found out just how much of a devil he really was.
There was another woman there. She was young too.
Probably only a few years older than me, at best. The door was open and I peeked in.
She was curled up on the floor and Eli was kicking the woman in her stomach.
She did her best to prevent the inevitable, using her hands to cover her body protectively while he yelled that no bitch was gonna have his kid without his permission.
He said she ‘stole’ from him. He felt that her getting pregnant was stealing when he knew what the hell he was doing. Eli never used protection. Ever.