Chapter 22
22
I was settling into bed when my phone started buzzing with an incoming video call from Tom. I figured he was just calling to check in so I answered smiling brightly, happy to see his familiar face pop up on the screen. But then I noticed his strained expression and, now that we’re through the small talk (when he asked how my trip was going, I decided I would tell him it was fine, and not get into too much detail about anything), he’s starting to talk about things back home and it sounds like it’s all getting worse.
He lets out a heavy sigh.
‘Honestly, Amber, it’s a mess,’ he tells me. ‘Mum and Dad are driving me insane. They’re arguing constantly, and I’m stuck in the middle. They keep trying to get me to take sides.’
I frown, feeling a pang of guilt.
‘What are they arguing about?’ I ask. ‘What is there to argue about, if they’ve already decided that they’re separating?’
‘Everything,’ he tells me, rolling his eyes theatrically. ‘Money, jobs about the house, what to have for dinner – you name it. It’s like they can’t agree on anything any more. And they both want me to back them up. Mum keeps saying Dad doesn’t appreciate her, and Dad says Mum is always nagging. I’m tired of being their referee.’
‘I bet,’ I say, wishing I could be there to help. ‘But it’s not your job to referee. We’re their kids, not their therapists.’
‘But it’s hard to ignore when you’re here, and you love them both,’ he replies. ‘They’re both saying things that are just… hurtful. Mum telling Dad he’s useless around the house, and Dad saying all Mum is good at is shopping. They’ve never been this bad before. It’s like since you left, things have taken a real turn for the worse.’
I bite my lip, feeling a wave of helplessness – and a huge dose of guilt, because Tom shouldn’t be dealing with this on his own.
‘I’m so sorry, Tom. I wish I could be there,’ I tell him. ‘You know the last place I want to be is here doing this shit.’
‘I know,’ he reassures me. ‘I know you would be here if you could. It’s just that I could really do with you here. If you were home, we could take a side each and try to get them to work things out. Right now, I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle on my own.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ I repeat, feeling a lump in my throat. ‘I promise I’ll be back soon, and we’ll figure this out together. Just hang in there a little longer.’
Tom nods, though he doesn’t look very reassured.
‘Yeah, okay,’ he says. ‘Sorry for calling you while you’re away.’
I think for a moment.
‘Do you think I should come home?’ I ask him. ‘Would you feel better if I did? Because I’m sure if I explain to my editor she will understand.’
I’m absolutely certain she will not understand, or even care all that much, but Tom doesn’t need to know that.
‘No, no, don’t do that,’ he insists. ‘I think I just needed a bit of a rant.’
‘Well, you can call me to rant, any day, any time,’ I tell him. ‘I’ve been messaging with them, here and there, just letting them know I’m okay, and asking how they are, but they’re not mentioning it. I’ll try to call them, when I can, and see if I can get anything out of them. Otherwise, I’ll be home soon, and we’ll find a way to make it better. Just try to stay calm and don’t let them drag you into their fights. Focus on your own stuff as much as you can.’
‘I’ll try,’ he says again, looking a bit more resolute. ‘Thanks, Amber. Just talking to you helps a bit.’
‘Anytime, Tom,’ I say, managing a small smile, but my God I feel so guilty, because if the roles were reversed and I was handling this alone I would be going crazy too. ‘I’m always here for you, even if it’s just over the phone.’
‘Thanks,’ he says, giving me a weak smile in return. ‘Get some sleep, I know it’s later there. Goodnight, Amber.’
‘Goodnight,’ I say, giving him a wave before I hang up.
I put my phone down and lie back on the pillow, staring at the ceiling.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to help fix things at home when I can’t even manage my own life.
Mum and Dad have always bickered but it’s always been in that fun way that couples who have been married for a long time seem to almost enjoy. They’re like a pop-up theatre group, doing a bit, making everyone around them laugh by taking the piss out of each other. Perhaps they’re not always joking.
I feel the weight of my family’s problems pressing down on me and, along with all of my own problems that I need to solve, for the first time in a long while, I’m not sure I’m up to it.