Chapter Thirty-Seven
After the ceremony, Khoi stands up and mumbles he’s going to step outside for fresh air. He still seems frail.
I stand too. “Do you want me to go with you?”
“No, I think… I think I want to be alone,” he says. His voice is hollow with disappointment. I wonder if he blames himself for our loss. I should reassure him, but he’s gone before I can find the right words.
And I know it’s bad, but a tiny part of me also thinks he could’ve been more responsible about taking his meds.
People swarm the winning team. Obi serves face for every camera like it’s a Vogue cover shoot, while Jenni-with-an-i looks mildly terrified.
I should go up and congratulate them too, but my limbs feel frozen.
I’m standing near the wall alone, trying to think past my panic, when Edvin Nilsen materializes out of nowhere like some ninja.
“Sorry you didn’t win,” he says. He doesn’t sound very sorry.
Even though I’m in no mood for conversation, I say, “Thanks for your advice this summer.” It was generous of him to come through with so much help, even if we took an L in the end.
“You might like to know that I was very impressed with Hello World,” he says. “You’ve achieved something incredible at any age, let alone as a teenager.”
I shrug. Sure, praise is cute, but praise isn’t going to rent an apartment or pay the bills.
“What are your plans after this? Are you going to return to Chinook Beach?”
I don’t bother correcting him. “I’m not sure.” Alpha Fellows hooked me up with a flight back to Portland, but keeping a thousand-mile radius from Michael is probably the move.
“You won’t be able to cultivate your talent to its full potential if you stay in Oregon,” he says.
I nod, barely listening. Honestly, I’m not that pressed about reaching my full potential. If my mom and I starve on the streets, there won’t be any potential to reach.
He continues, “I’ve spoken to my board. After some careful deliberation, we have a proposal for you.”
“What proposal?”
“Nexus is starting an incubator program. We want to invite Hello World to be part of our first cohort. You’d spend the next six months working out of our office to make it into something more than a prototype. Our team will mentor you, connect you with people who can help you succeed.”
What’s he on about? “Edvin, I haven’t graduated high school yet.
” Khoi has told me about accelerators such as Y Combinator.
They’re like a professional version of Alpha Fellows.
Rich tech bros throw money at not-yet-rich tech bros, praying that someone’s going to pop off and become Snapchat 2.
0 or whatever. But those programs are for, like, Harvard dropouts. Not kids like me.
“So?” He lifts a shoulder. “Leave. And we’d give you housing and a living stipend, of course. How does that sound?”
It sounds incredible. It sounds like the solution to all my problems. It sounds too good to be legit.
I blink. “You’re serious?”
He nods. “Char, you’re too smart to waste away in Oregon.” He has this intense look that makes me feel like I could take on the whole world as long as he’s got my back.
And if there’s anything I’ve learned this summer, it’s that having someone who’s got your back is a total game changer.
Maybe the universe isn’t always out to screw me.
Maybe this is real.
Something light and sparkly ripples through my whole being. Hope.
I want to agree immediately, but…
“I need to talk to Khoi,” I say. It’s his app too.
“Sure, talk to him,” Edvin says. “But give me your decision within the next hour. We have a press conference tomorrow announcing this program and I want to show you off as Patient Zero. Let’s get this done fast.”
I find Khoi outside near the river. He’s gazing at the Charles, which shimmers in the late-summer light. The breeze ruffles his dark hair. He reminds me of a painting, something with careful brushstrokes.
When he sees me, he presses a kiss to my forehead. “I’m sorry we didn’t win, Char.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” Okay, it was, a little. But I also goofed on the presentation. So I guess it’s on both of us.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter if we’re doing the Nexus incubator program.
“I should’ve been better about taking Keppra. I know you really needed the win. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you and your mother are fine.”
There are shadowy rings beneath his eyes. He’s clearly exhausted. He just had a seizure. Maybe I shouldn’t bring this up right now…
But Edvin said he wanted our response ASAP.
“Listen, Edvin Nilsen came up to me,” I say. “He wants us to join his incubator program. It starts in September. We’d work out of the Nexus office, keep building Hello World.”
I’m expecting him to crack a relieved smile. But nope. He frowns. “What about school?”
“We could drop out. That’s what Edvin suggested.”
He crosses his arms. “First he got you to ditch the SAT, now he wants you to leave high school? Char, what are you going to do if he decides he no longer wants to help you? You can’t put yourself in a position where your future depends on his goodwill.”
“Why do you hate Edvin so much?” The question sounds whiny, even to myself.
“I don’t hate him. I don’t even know him. But his company, Nexus, has these contracts with Homeland Security. You know what they do to immigrants? Do you truly think they’d be a good partner for Hello World?”
Annoyance spikes in me. “Khoi, does it matter? I don’t have any options left.”
“You don’t need Edvin Nilsen. I’ve got you. Come crash with my aunt and uncle. Our house has plenty of room. It’ll be fun. You can start senior year with me. We can get detention together. Make out in detention.”
I know he’s trying to be lighthearted, but his joke only makes me feel worse. He’s not taking this seriously. He doesn’t get it. After tomorrow, my mom and I might actually be out on the streets.
How would he get it? He’s always had money and family to fall back on. Even when his dad went to jail, he had a home with his aunt and uncle.
“Do you not see the irony in asking me to not rely on Edvin and asking me to rely on you instead?” Mom spent her entire life believing in the empty promises of her romantic partners and look where that got her.
He blurts, “Well, unlike him, I actually love you!”
Then a heavy pause as we stare at each other in shock.
Love. My brain glitches out. The silly, frilly-pink part of me, the part that believes in Disney endings, wants to squeal into a pillow. He loves me! He loves me. He’s seen the clusterfuck that is my life and he still loves me.
But the other part of me is smart.
His eyes are round and sincere. I know he believes completely in what he is saying. I wish I could believe him too.
I fight to keep my voice steady. “You said you’d do whatever it takes to help me. So let’s sign with Edvin.”
Hurt sweeps over his face. “I just said that I love you and you’re acting like this is a business negotiation.”
“This is so much more important than our relationship, okay?”
“Do you love me too?” he asks.
I can’t have this conversation right now. I just can’t. All I manage is, “Khoi.”
“Char, I love you,” he repeats.
“Khoi, don’t…” But I stop talking. I don’t know what I’m trying to say.
And then there’s this awful, unbearable silence between us, with only bird chirps from somewhere above and faint chatter from faraway tourists.
After an eternity, he nods, like this is enough of an answer. Something in his eyes switches off.
His voice comes out low. “The app is all yours. We never drafted any contract about how ownership was split—you can keep everything, I don’t care. Do what you want.”
“That’s not what I was asking for. I don’t want sole ownership.” I want to join the incubator, but I want to do it with Khoi by my side.
“But that’s what I’m giving you.” He inhales hard. “Take everything. We’re done.”
He doesn’t mean that. He can’t mean that. I reach for his hand but he steps away from me.
“Good luck, Char,” he says. “I really hope you get everything you want. I truly mean it.”
He whips on his heel. I stand helplessly and watch him walk away. The distance between us grows and grows until he disappears into a building.
An abyss yawns within me, and if I’m not careful, I might slip and fall forever.