Chapter 22 #2
And as I walk into my apartment and lock the door behind me, I feel the tears starting to pour down my cheeks.
And I don’t think I’m crying for him. Or even for me. I’m crying for the girl I used to be. For my mom, who worked so hard and saved money so that I wouldn’t have to fight through life the way she did. And then she died, and left me money that I spent on an asshole who didn’t know how to love.
And even though I’m not that girl anymore, it’s still a part of my life I regret. I hate thinking about it, and Darien is just another reminder of my bad decisions.
So I let the tears fall, as I get out my memory box and look through photos of my mom all afternoon.
I hope she knows I’m sorry. I hope she knows I regret all those bad decisions I made.
I just wish I could tell her.
ZACH
Books by the Sea is already full of guys from the Bro’s Book Club when I walk inside. Hudson, Parker, and West are drinking beer. Asher is walking around the shop like he’s trying to find every security camera, and on one of the tables is a plate full of cupcakes covered in sprinkles.
“Who brought the cupcakes?” I ask Asher, when he takes a break from peering upward.
“Bennett did,” Asher says, shooting me a look that I don’t quite understand. But I get the gist. Don’t eat the cupcakes.
“You should have one,” Bennett says, his mouth covered in crumbs. “They’re good.”
“That’ll be the magic ingredient.” Jesse wiggles his brows, like he’s trying to impart a secret message.
Seriously, is the kid making hash cupcakes now?
“Want one?” Bennett asks, holding one out.
I shake my head. “I’m on a diet,” I tell him, deadpan, because I’m not interested in sugary cakes that will get me stoned or talking about books.
No, I’m looking for her. The woman I can’t stop thinking about.
My friend. The one who hasn’t responded to my last message. The one I haven’t stopped thinking about since I made her come twice in the forest.
But when I walk into the office, she’s not there. Instead, Romy’s sorting through what looks like handouts on the desk. I peer over to read the title.
Your Inner Child, and Why It Needs Feeding.
“I think Bennet’s already taking care of that,” I say, and she jumps so hard her stack of worksheets slide to the floor. I hunker down to pick them up and hold them out to her.
“Thank yo—” She turns and sees it’s me standing there. “Oh it’s you.”
Not exactly the welcome I was expecting.
I blink. “It’s nice to see you, too.”
“Shut up.” She folds her arms across her chest, refusing to take the papers. “I’m mad at you.”
“What did I do now? I read the book, I promise. And I haven’t taken a bite of Bennet’s suspect cupcakes. Whatever it is, let’s blame Hudson. It’s probably his fault.”
“You upset Sadie.”
I frown. “What? How?” Is that why she hasn’t responded to me?
“I don’t know. But you did.” She wrinkles her nose. “After all that happened the other night…”
“You know about that?” I ask, surprised. I didn’t think Sadie wanted anybody to know.
“Of course I do.” She rolls her eyes. “I’m her best friend. I can’t believe you made her cry.”
I immediately freeze. “She cried? When?” I have no idea what’s going on.
“Today. I don’t know what you said to her, but she was trying not to cry when I last saw her. And she’s spent most of the afternoon in her apartment, thanks to you.”
“Wait,” I say, my stomach tightening. “Is she still up there?”
“Since you worked your magic, yeah.”
“I haven’t seen her today,” I tell her.
Romy blinks. “Didn’t you call her?”
“No. So, is she still up there?” I ask, inclining my head toward the stairs.
Romy glares at me. “Oh no. You’re not going up there.”
“Try stopping me.” I lift my brow, already moving toward the stairs. Romy runs after me like she’s going to be able to stop me with her five-foot-one frame. In the end she runs in front of me, putting her arms out like she’s making a cross.
I give her an annoyed look. “Romy.”
“I’m serious. You can’t make her cry again.”
There’s a murmur from behind us. I’m so very aware that my brothers and friends are watching us right now. “Can we discuss this later?” I question through gritted teeth. Like much later, after I’ve checked that the woman I’m fucking obsessed with is okay.
“No.”
I go to step forward, onto the stairs, and she jumps toward me, like she’s planning on knocking me down. Jesus Christ, I’m getting a headache.
“What the hell’s going on?” Hudson asks. I turn to see every single one of them staring at us.
Romy looks at me. I look back at her.
“Ah…Zach and Sadie had an argument,” Romy says quickly. “About a…”
“A painting,” I say smoothly. “A difference of opinion. I’m just heading upstairs to apologize.”
“No he’s not,” Romy says quickly. “Because sometimes apologies make it worse.” She pushes at my chest with her palm, like she thinks I’ll tumble over. “Jesus,” she mutters. “What are you made of, steel?”
“We’re supposed to be discussing your book,” West points out, sounding amused at the spectacle we’re making. “You can’t run out on us. Not when it’s your book.”
Yeah, well I didn’t ask to have a book. “If I’ve upset somebody, I like to apologize right away,” I say.
“You’re not going anywhere, buddy,” Romy hisses.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. I could call Sadie on her phone, but there’s no guarantee she’ll pick up. And the truth is, I need to know that she’s okay. The thought of her being upset and all alone makes my chest feel so tight it’s hard to breathe.
“How about you ask her?” I say to Romy. “Just go up, knock on the door, and ask her if she’ll see me.”
Romy’s eyes narrow like I’m offering some kind of dodgy deal.
“And then you’ll come back and we’ll talk about Jane Eyre and rip you to shreds?” Asher says hopefully.
I shoot a dirty look at him. He grins back.
With a loud sigh, Romy walks up the stairs and around the corner to the door that leads to Sadie’s apartment. I hear a knock, some whispering, then her footsteps against the wooden floorboards as she walks back down the stairs.
“Okay. You can go to her. But if you upset her any more…” She fixes me with a deadly stare. “You’ll regret it.”
“I have no doubt.”
I walk past her, heading for the stairs. I’m not going to make her cry. I’m going to hold her if she’ll let me. Listen. And find out who made her feel like this.
And make damn sure it doesn’t happen again.