Chapter 34
Kyle
I am not holding up well. At all. I try to keep my body as straight as I can, but my limbs feel like jelly sliding down a wall.
Sitting across from Mum, a huge smile on her face, is actually making this worse, like she’s expecting me to say something.
Dad is in his usual spot, watching the football highlights.
A cup of tea is in front of me—still untouched—and I’m sure Mum hasn’t blinked since I got here almost fifteen minutes ago.
The clock on the far wall ticks away, and the tap from the sink drips out of sync with it.
“Mum, Dad…I have something to tell you,” I say, suddenly not wanting to tell them anything at all.
Suddenly wanting the urge to run through the wall and never come back.
And suddenly, my mum reaches a hand across the table and says, “What is it, son? ’Erb, come in here a minute.
Kyle wants to tell us something.” She looks at me, really looks at me, and gives me a warm smile.
My dad makes his way into the kitchen and scrapes a chair across the linoleum floor.
“For heaven's sake, ’Erb. How many times have I told yer, lift t’ chairs,” she tuts at him and focuses back on me.
I take a deep breath. I can do this. It’s two words—maximum—and then I can run out here and head back home to AJ.
“I’m…well, you see, the thing is…” I shuffle in my seat and think of AJ, my anchor. “The photo with AJ and I from a few months back, the one in the alley?” They both nod. Mum still has her hands wrapped around mine. “That wasn’t a picture of him trying to hit me.”
“We know, you told us. ’Aven’t ’ad too many hits on the ’ed, ’ave ’ye?” my dad, as unhelpful as ever, chimes in, which elicits a glare from Mum.
“AJwasgoingtokissme,” I say in one go, in the hopes it will lessen the blow.
“Why?” I don’t detect a tone in Dad’s voice. Mum is still holding my hands.
“I’m…I’m gay. And AJ he’s my, well, I want to call him my boyfriend.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Mum says.
“Get out,” Dad says, cutting over the top of her. The warmth of her hands leaves mine. “I said get out.”
My heart races as I stand up from the kitchen table.
“‘Erb! That is no way to talk to our son. He needs us right now.”
“He’s no son of mine. Not while he’s a queer. A bleedin’ puff.”
“He’s still our son,” my mum says to him.
I’m rooted to the spot. Tears are in my eyes.
“Dad. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I have disappointed you.
I’m still your son, though.” I wipe a tear from my eyes and make my way to the front door.
“And even though you don’t love me. I will always love you.
That’s the kind of person you raised. To love someone, despite their differences and their background. ”
I leave the house and hear Mum calling after me; she’s outside when I turn to see her shutting the front door behind her. “Give him time, son. Please.” She wipes my tear-stained cheeks.
“How come you don’t need time, Mum?”
She hugs me tight against her, the smell of her perfume lingers in my nose. “It’s a mother’s duty to know their son.” She strokes my hair and plants a kiss on my cheek. “I love yer and I always will.”
“Love you too, mum,” I say through a strained voice and make my way back home.
I make my way into my own kitchen, a stark contrast to the one from home less than thirty minutes ago. I flip the switch on the coffee maker. Trish is about to say something to me when I reach for the caramel syrup, but I narrow my eyes at her, and she backs off.
I can tell she really wants to say something when I put extra milk in too, but she knows better.
I see her whisper something to AJ, who is watching on from the kitchen door.
I take a seat at the island, and burst into tears.
AJ is by my side in an instant, rubbing my back, and Trish grabs me a tissue.
First time they’ve been used for tears, but I take them gratefully.
“I’m sorry,” AJ says, and hugs me from behind before kissing the top of my head.
“I knew what the outcome was going to be and it still shocked me.” I shake my head in disbelief.
“They’ll come around, and if they don’t, you don’t need them. You’ve got us,” Trish says, and this brings more tears because she’s never this nice to me. Not that I deserve it.
“Mum is fine, said she always knew. Dad…he kicked me out.”
“That’s shit,” is all AJ says, and what else is there to say, really? It is shit.
I bury my head into his chest, and he holds me tight.
Trish walks over to the fridge and pulls something out of it. She holds it behind her back before standing over my cup and squirting cream on top of my coffee. “Tonight we are saying fuck the rules. Eat as much as you want. We’ll fix it tomorrow.”
Not one to pass up on an opportunity like this, I dip my finger in the cream, and as I’m about to put it in my mouth, AJ steals it with his own mouth, and a surge of blood rushes down south, despite how I’m feeling.
Perhaps Trish is right, perhaps we are like horny teenagers.
There’s a nagging thought in my head. It beats like a drum, and I try to block it out.
I try to focus on Trish and AJ, despite my vision becoming a small pinhole.
I shake my head, hoping to quell it. It works somewhat, and then my heartbeat quickens instead. Fuck. I try to focus on AJ.
“You can play with your cream later, lads, but not while I’m standing right here,” Trish says, her hands on her hips and a mock scowl on her lips, dragging me back to reality, but with things still seeming further away.
We eat far too much takeout, plus a whole tub of ice cream, and watch movies on Netflix. The three of us fall asleep on the sofa. Trish and AJ are on either side of me—my chosen family—and for a few hours I forget about the words my dad said to me and the pounding in my head.
In two weeks, AJ and I play each other in the final of the European Cup.
In three weeks, we will both come out to the whole world.
And if the world still accepts us after that, we will play in our first Global Cup together.
Thinking about these things creates a tidal wave of worry.
My heart smashes against my rib cage, everything seems far away.
I can see AJ and Trish talking. I think I’m responding, but no sound is coming out.
My voice is small. I am small. The walls, they are closing in.
The last thing I see before the darkness is AJ’s panicked face.
I open my eyes and am surprised to find myself in my own bed. I sit up against the headboard, and the world shifts on a tilt.
“Woah, don’t move so fast, you’re not on the pitch,” AJ says, racing over from wherever he was and holds my hand.
“You’re here?” I look at him confused. I don’t know why I keep expecting him to bail on me, but every time he doesn’t, it throws me through a loop.
“I’m not leaving. I’ve told you that.”
“I know. Sorry.”
“Stop saying sorry…and don’t say sorry now either.” He smirks at me and kisses my forehead. It’s like he knows that’s where the pain is.
“I really do want to say sorry right now.”
“Well, don’t. You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I, however, might.” There’s a sheepish look on his face, and I don’t have to wait long before reading why.
“Mum?” My voice sounds vulnerable. I’ve never needed her more than I do right now.
“I’m ’ere, sweetheart.”
She hugs me gently and then brushes my fringe out of my eyes.
I get up, slower this time, and look around the room at familiar faces: Trish, leaning against the back wall with Mel, my mum by my side, and AJ on the other side. I smile at them all. How the hell have I deserved to have such warm people in my life who actually care about me?
“Where’s Dad?” I ask.
My mum pats my hand and says, “He’ll come around, like I said, dear.
Just give ’im time to process it. You know what old men are like.
They’ll stomp their feet and make a big noise, but then they’ll see sense and come around to a reasonable way of thinkin’.
Either that or I’ll force some sense into ’im.
” Mum gives me a wink, and I do not want to know what that implies.
All I know is she is where I get my temper and bad mood from—despite what she says.
“And AJ,” she says turning to him, her eyes full of happiness, “it’s about bloody time yer know.”
“Excuse me?” he asks, completely taken aback.
“Do you know ’ow long I’ve been waitin’ for yer two to make a move on one another?”
“You what?” Now it’s my turn to be shocked.
“Oh, come off it, the pair of yer. Like I said to Kyle, a mother always knows about these things. And AJ, yer ’ave been around our family enough to be considered part of our family too. I can’t wait to be able to call you my son one day.”
“Woah,” I say, heart beating in my chest. “We haven’t even had the official boyfriend talk yet and you’re talking about marriage?”
“Well, yer better get a move on and decide what yer are to each other, especially since you’ll be tellin’ the world soon enough.”
AJ and I look at each other, and I grab his hand and pull him into a kiss.
“What do you say?” I ask, pulling away from his lips.
“I guess you’re worth a shot.”
“You’re such a bitch,” I say as I pull him into another kiss.
“So, we’re officially boyfriends?” I say, in hope more than anything.
“I think we have been for quite some time,” he says and gives me a thousand-watt smile.
“All this ’appy talk has got me gasping for a cuppa. I’ll go put the kettle on,” Mum says and leaves the room.
“We’ll help make it,” says Trish, following her out with Mel close behind.
“How much trouble do you think we can get up to before they suspect anything?” AJ says with a smirk, sitting on the bed next to me.
I pull him into a deep kiss and slide my tongue past his lips, gripping the back of his head and pull slightly on his hair.
He moans in pleasure, and before anything else can happen, the dulcet tone of Trish rings out from the kitchen, “Don’t you two be getting any ideas, we’re just outside and can hear everything you’re going to do. ”
“Aaaand, I’ve gone as soft as sand,” I say.
“Yep, same. Come on, we can pick this up later, boyfriend.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me, and despite his cheesiness, my heart flutters.
We head into the kitchen, and our teas are on the counter ready and waiting for us.
“Take a seat, son, yer need to rest.”
“I’m all right, honestly.”
“Are they as bad as they used t’ be?”
“Um,” I try to think of a way to tell her without worrying her, but there has been so many untruths these past few years, I decide to tell the truth.
“Sometimes they’re worse. Curse of being a football prodigy with a huge secret, I guess.
But I am learning to manage them better.
No hospital visits this time.” I flash her a smile, and she is less than pleased, in fact the worry on her face startles me.
“Hospital? When? Where?”
“A few weeks back.” I shrug.
“Yer better start talking, young man.”
“Talking really isn’t his forte. Well, it wasn’t until he started hanging out with AJ. Now we can’t shut him up.” Trish smirks.
I shoot her a look and say to Mum, “Don’t worry about it. I didn’t tell you specifically so you wouldn’t worry. AJ and Trish looked after me.”
“We had no choice,” Trish chimes in.
“But we were glad to do it,” AJ says, gripping my hand.
“If it happens again, you… All of you, better tell me or I will hit t’ roof.”
“Yes, Mrs. Thurston,” AJ says, sounding like a kid again and that makes me laugh.
“I don’t know what you’re laughing at. Yer might be a big shot footballer, but you’re still my son and I will still ground you if I have to.”
“You sound like my mum,” AJ says, also trying not to laugh now.
“Your mother has always had a lot of sense. We really should have a family dinner one night. You too, the both of yer,” she says, gesturing to Trish and Mel.
“We would love to,” Mel says, looking delighted.
“Would we?” Trish says, looking like she would be anything but delighted.
“Yes. We would, darling. We will even cook!”
“Will we?” Trish looks even more irritated now.
“Please don’t. We can order in. And yes, Trish, it’ll be a cheat day.” I say, trying to sound commanding, but I’m pretty sure it comes out as pleading.
“Today was a cheat day. You won’t get another one until the end of the season.”
“Wonderful, we’ll arrange it for then,” My mum says, and I guess it’s settled then. My whole world will be together under one roof. Fun.
“Are you forgetting the small matter of the Global Cup?” AJ says.
“Oh, yer boys are so busy,” Mum almost gushes with pride. “I’ve always wanted to go to the United States.”
“Come with us then, we get family passes. And if we get knocked out at the group stage, we can turn it into a double…well, triple family holiday?” I say, looking at them all, excited at the prospect.
“We’re going to bring football home, though,” AJ says, defiantly.
“A lot of good teams in the world, AJ,” I say to him, knowing exactly what I’m doing. He’s cute when he’s passionate.
“And we’re the best team in the world. Tell me a better country with a better striker partnership than you and I?” He takes a sip of tea, and he reminds me of the Kermit meme.
“I hope you’ll both still be boyfriends after the European Cup final,” Trish says, stirring the proverbial pot with a big wooden spoon.
“We will,” we say in unison and then move in for a kiss at the same time.
“See, same page,” AJ says, squeezing my hand.
The rest of the evening is filled with more cups of tea and another cheesy movie on Netflix. At the end of the night, Mum heads home where she promises to talk to Dad again, and AJ takes up his now usual spot next to me in bed, but sleep is the last thing we do.