CHAPTER 7
HOLLY
“Wow, I guess it has been three weeks! Time flies, huh? Well, I thought I’d just stop by—no, that’s so stupid.” I roll my eyes at myself as I approach Ben’s parents’ house and practice what to say when I see him. “Hey! Just happen to be in the neighborhood”—if that’s what you call riding two busses to get here—“and had this lying around”—or maybe spent twenty minutes in the shop, agonizing over which one to buy—“and thought you might like a visitor.”
Still complete garbage. And I’ll feel like a liar if I try spouting off that nonsense.
Now, I’m outside the Gerhards’ intimidating townhouse on a Thursday morning, gripped with doubt.
Why did I think this was a good idea?
I could have texted him. Instead, I settled on this surprise approach.
But who knows if he’s here? When you have your own dialysis machine, there’s nothing mandating that you keep the same schedule. Maybe I’ll ring the bell, only to find the house is empty.
And, even if he is in there, why am I so sure he wants to spend time with me? I practically ghosted him.
Normally, I’m so sure of myself, but just the thought of Ben pushes me off-balance.
So, now, I’m stuck here, gripping the strap of my bag that holds my peace offering while my other hand hangs in the air as I hesitate over the doorbell.
Before I can make a decision, the door opens.
“Oh!” I exclaim at the same time as Victoria Gerhard, who almost steps on me.
“Holly! You surprised me!” Ben’s mom slips the phone she was staring at into her pocket and smiles.
Luckily, the abruptness of her appearance unfreezes my arm, and it drops to my side. “Sorry. I was going to ring the bell.”
Was I though?
“Of course. Please come in.” She steps back and ushers me into the house.
I follow her, my confidence rising with her positive greeting.
“How is everything with you, Holly?”
“It’s good. Lots of studying for midterms, working—you know, all that.”
“I’m sure you are performing fantastically. Would you like something to drink? Water? Wine?”
We’ve come to a pause in their beautiful kitchen, and I chuckle at her joke.
Then, I take a good look at Mrs. Gerhard. She’s dressed in a power pantsuit, tailored perfectly to her body, with a set of ass-kicking heels. Her outfit exudes professionalism, but the way she wrings her hands and stares at me betrays a hint of desperation. And I realize she wasn’t joking.
“It’s nine in the morning. Also, I don’t drink. With the donation and all.”
The tension releases from her shoulders, and her smile becomes less strained. “My God. I don’t know where my mind is today. I forgot my phone when I left for work, and now, I’m offering you a morning cocktail! Maybe I need a vacation. So, all your appointments are going fine?”
Ah, that’s it. She probably thought I was here to deliver some bad news.
“Everything is on track. No problems so far.”
“Good. That’s so good to hear.” She pauses and then places her hand on my shoulder. “I just want to thank you again. You are saving my son, and that is something I will never be able to repay you for.”
The outpouring of thanks unnerves me.
She seems to pick up on my discomfort and lets her hand drop while changing the subject. “Are you here to visit Ben?”
I nod.
“That’s kind of you. He mentioned you came before for a treatment.” She lowers her voice. “He doesn’t like his father or me sitting with him, so it’s good to know he has a friend he’ll let in.”
“My brother pretended he didn’t like anyone with him either. But I never listened to him. Little sisters can do that.”
We share a grin.
“Well, he’s already started, so you’ll find him upstairs. I’m heading back to work. I hope I’ll see you again soon, Holly.” Then, with the quick snick of her heels, she departs, leaving me alone in the kitchen.
And I realize I’m an idiot.
What would I have done if she hadn’t been here to let me in?
If Ben had been alone, I would have been forcing him to stop his treatment in the middle just to come open the front door, and then he’d have had to start up again. I berate myself for the oversight. Usually, I’m better at planning than this.
With nothing left as an excuse to stall, I climb the stairs. In a matter of seconds, I’m going to see Ben. Like a wanderer in the desert, I’m thirsty for him. Taking a pause, I let my craving roll over me. Then, I soldier on, confident the unwanted infatuation will pass with time.
Down the hall, I see light glowing from his treatment room. There’s also some noise, voices shouting. Pausing just outside the door, I try to figure out what movie is playing. Denzel Washington’s voice is distinct, but that guy has made so many movies that I need more clues to narrow it down. It’s not till I hear him complaining about being unable to read his newspaper that I get it.
“Training Day!” I proclaim triumphantly, bouncing into the room without considering if my dramatic entrance is a good choice.
Ben practically jumps out of his seat, the pencil and sketchbook he was holding clattering to the floor. He collapses back after realizing the intruder is a friend. “Holy hell!”
“Close, but you’re missing an L. My name is Hol-ly.” I drag out the L sound to exaggerate the joke while I move to pick up the stuff he dropped.
Strange, my anxiety from before has disappeared. Being with Ben now, I am centered and myself. No more nerves.
Ben, on the other hand, is still shocked.
“You—how—I—” He shakes his head, as if that’d help him start the right sentence.
I place the sketchpad in his lap and pat his hand. “Deep breath. Your mom let me in.” Now, I pause and realize that, if Ben truly doesn’t want to hang out with me, then this is a totally stalkerish move.
How the tables have turned.
Have we established enough of a friendship for me to show up, unannounced?
“We haven’t hung out in a while. I thought you might want some company. I can leave, if you don’t though.” I gesture to the door and take a step back to show I’m serious.
“No!” He reaches out and clasps my hand, the warmth of his skin driving away any self-doubt. “Stay. You’re always welcome.”
His thumb brushes a few circles on my palm, sending pleasant chills up my arm and down my spine.
Well, that’s not going to help smother butterflies.
I slide my hand from his. He frowns but lets me.
“Looks like you got rid of my chair. Be right back.” I drop my bag on the floor and retreat from the room to grab a seat. The physical exertion of dragging the dining room chair up the stairs helps take my mind off how sensitive my skin feels after his touch. I stop at the top of the landing—not because I need a break from the weight, but because I need to take a deep breath before being in the same room as Ben again. These past three weeks haven’t done anything to lessen his attractiveness. My errant imagination considers disregarding this chair and settling on his lap instead. Possibly running the backs of my fingers over his stubble. Maybe unbuttoning his shirt to discover more tattoos.
“Get yourself together, Foster,” I mutter the words.
“You okay, Holly? Need any help?” his smooth voice calls down the hallway.
“No! I’ve got it. Had to readjust my grip.” That isn’t a lie. Apparently, the hold I have on my hormones is too loose. I do my best to lock down the fluttering in my chest and lower belly before picking the chair back up.
Time to test my willpower.
Holly stumbles her way back into the room, making me feel like shit because she had to carry her own seating again.
I can’t believe she’s here. It doesn’t matter that I haven’t seen her in almost a month; I still want to kiss her. Then, I want to give myself a swift gut punch. I’m pretty sure my obvious lusting after her is why she avoided me for so long. If I want her to stick around, I need to get my dick under control.
First step, try not to ogle her backside as she bends over to adjust the chair.
“I’m serious, Ben. If you don’t want me here, just tell me to go.”
“What?” When I whip my head up from my lap, Holly is sitting cross-legged in her chair, staring at me as if she could drill past my skull and dig into my brain.
Please don’t let her be a mind-reader.
I mute the movie. “Why do you think I don’t want you here?”
“Because you won’t look at me. And, when you do, I get the sense that you’re uncomfortable.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Holly leans forward, eyes locking mine in place, so I have no option but to meet hers.
“Ben, I want you to know something about me. I make it a point not to lie to my friends. That doesn’t mean I’m going to spill all my secrets and tell you every detail of my life. But, if you ask me a question, I’ll be honest. I’ll either give you the answer or tell you I’d rather not talk about it. Now, can you promise me the same?”
Shit. This girl won’t stop knocking me on my ass.
I clear my throat, needing a second. “Yes, I promise.”
That earns me a small smile, but the intensity remains in her eyes. “Good. Now, what’s wrong?”
She gave me an out. She said I could claim I didn’t want to talk about it and that she’d let it drop. But the thing is, I don’t want to evade her. I like the idea of honesty between us, but it’ll feel one-sided if I avoid the hard questions.
So, how to answer her without confessing my crush and ruining the fact that she showed up here today to see me?
“I haven’t heard from you in a while. I guess I’m worried I did something that upset you. And I don’t want to do it again.”
Holly leans forward to grasp my hand, her face earnest and her skin warm. “No, Ben. That’s all on me. I’m …” She trails off.
“You’re what?”
She releases me to gesture between us. “Bad at this.” I raise an eyebrow, and she deflates on a sigh, trying again. “This is going to sound lame, but I don’t have a lot of friends.”
Really? Who wouldn’t want to be friends with Holly?
“I’ve been told I don’t let people get close easily. So, I guess, when we started hanging out, I panicked. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have avoided you.”
Interesting. Maybe I wasn’t the only one feeling that heat between us. Holly just isn’t as receptive to it as I am. But she’s here, so that’s something.
“Okay. You’re forgiven.”
“Just like that?”
She gives me the start of a smile, so I push for more.
“Well, if you want me to come up with some type of punishment, I can do that.” I give her my best evil villain grin.
She smirks. “And what exactly would that be?”
“Hmm, I don’t know.” I want to make it something dirty, like a spanking, but I keep the mood light. “How about thirty days in the stocks? Or you give me all your worldly possessions?”
The smile starts to grow, and I watch it with anticipation.
“Those sound a little harsh.”
“Well, you did wound me deeply.” I dramatically clutch my chest.
Holly grins. “That’s true. What if I give you the gift I brought? Do you think you could forgive me then?”
Joking aside, I’m suddenly curious. She picks up her bag and rummages inside.
“You got me something?”
“Kind of. I got us something.”
I like the way she says us, like we’re a unit.
“Okay. What did you get us?”
Holly holds the mystery item up, and I see a heavy black hardcover book with pages edged in gold. The format stirs memories of my grandmother trying to make sure I didn’t grow up to be a heathen. Not sure if her efforts were in vain or not. Jury is still out.
“You brought a Bible?”
Her eyes hold mine for a moment before she nods solemnly. “Ben, I’m here to educate you on the good book.”
“Uh …”
Luckily, I don’t have to figure out a response because her serious expression drops away.
“Oh my—oh my—oh my God! You should have seen your face!” she stutters out her words as she gasps with laughter. There’s actually a tear leaking out of her eye.
My whole body tingles as the sound washes over me. This is how she should always be.
Still chuckling, Holly turns the book around, and I read the worn cover.
“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” There’s a picture of a goofy green ball giving the thumbs-up under the title. “Okay, so not the Bible.”
She shakes her head, and her silky hair brushes against her flushed cheeks.
“Have you read it?”
“No. I’ve been meaning to though.”
“Seen the movie?”
“Nope.”
“Perfect!” She gives a little excited bounce and shimmy in her chair. “So, I was thinking about how you said you have trouble amusing yourself during dialysis. Then, there’s this list of books I want to read, but I always feel guilty, sitting down for long stretches to actually read them. So, my solution …” She pauses, and I get the sense her confidence has dimmed a bit. “I was wondering if you’d be interested in me reading to you?”
Holly’s words seep into my chest and wrap me in a comforting embrace. She wants to read to me.
In the past, I tried to distract myself with a book, but the drum of the machine and the ache in my arm always pulled me out of the stories.
However, when Holly launched herself into the room, all of that faded so far to the background; it’s barely registering in my mind. I could listen to her husky, sweet voice for days if she let me.
Apparently, she takes my silence the wrong way.
“It was just a suggestion. You can politely decline. We could do something else. Watch a movie or whatever you want.”
“Hell no! Please read to me.” To emphasize my point, I shut the TV off and shift so that I’m facing her better. “This is one of the best things you could’ve suggested.”
She sits straighter in her chair, wearing a pleased grin. “Good.” Then, she pauses as her smile turns thoughtful.
“What is it?”
“Hmm? Oh, just wondering what the other best things I could have suggested are. If the reading doesn’t work out, you’ll have to tell me.”
Not likely. The other things that could thoroughly distract me aren’t something you normally ask a friend to do. Before my body can respond to my thoughts, I focus on the book she’s holding.
“So, why’d you choose this one?”
“Well, of your tattoos I’ve seen, they’ve all been fiction, and few were fantasy. I know this is more science fiction, but it’s got to have some fantastical elements. And Terra said it was really funny. What better way to deal with discomfort than to laugh it off? Anyway, if we don’t like it, I can bring a different book next time. Oh, actually, I’ll bring my list! Then, you can tell me which ones you want to hear.”
Next time. Holly wants to make this a regular thing.
I want her to be a regular fixture in my life, not just when I’m in this room. But this is a start.
Somehow, I need to get Holly to see me as more than just the sick guy waiting on her kidney. And I need to do it without scaring her off. Obviously, she’s interested in spending time with me. Now, I need to figure out how to show her I’m a person, not just a patient.
“Don’t bring your list. I like being surprised. And I like all kinds of books.”
“Yeah, I could tell from your shelves.”
“Did you snoop in my room, Holly?”
“Maybe …”
The mischievous turn of her lips makes me want to kiss her even more. Time for some platonic reading before I do something rash.
“Okay. Let’s hear what you’ve got, Foster.”
“Gladly.” She flips the cover open, settles back into the chair, and gives a little throat-clearing cough.
For the next few hours, the two of us go on a hilarious space adventure together. Our laughter fills the room that I’ve always associated with misery.
And, whether she knows it or not, Holly does a hell of a job in making me fall for her.