Chapter 32
"W-what w-was t-that?" I stuttered, my voice barely coming out. My heart was pounding so hard that I could feel it in my throat. I was still trying to process what just happened, but my mind was an absolute mess.
She pulled away, but the sensation lingered—the warmth of her lips, the way they moved against mine, the heat of her breath. I could still feel everything as if it had been imprinted on me.
Yet, she just looked at me with a blank expression, as if nothing happened. Walang kahit anong emosyon sa mukha niya.
"Never mind. Let's just go." Her voice was calm, indifferent. She was about to stand up when I instinctively reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down beside me.
"What the hell, Gomez?" she snapped, glaring at me.
But I didn’t let go. My grip tightened as I looked at her, my mind clouded with confusion and frustration.
"How can you act like nothing happened? Like you did nothing?" I asked, my voice firm despite the whirlwind of emotions inside me.
She raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. "Like what? It's normal. We're both girls, right? Like you and Seinna." She tilted her head slightly, her tone laced with sarcasm. "Stop acting like it's a big deal."
My jaw dropped slightly. "What?" I exhaled sharply, shaking my head in disbelief. "It’s not normal, Miss! You literally kissed me on the lips. How can I pretend like it was nothing?"
She stared at me for a few seconds before letting out a small, amused chuckle. "You’re overreacting, Gomez."
I felt my frustration bubble up even more. "I’m not! You kissed me! Why would you do that if it meant nothing to you?"
She shrugged. "Why not?"
I stared at her, completely speechless. How could she be so casual about this while I was losing my mind over it?
Naningkit ang mga mata ko habang nakatitig sa kanya. My heart was still pounding—not because of anger, but because of the kiss! But she was acting like nothing happened, and it was driving me insane.
"You can't just kiss me like that, tapos sasabihin mo lang na it meant nothing," I said, crossing my arms. "Hindi ganun kasimple 'yon, Miss Sanchez."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh my God, Gomez. Are we really doing this?" She sighed dramatically, looking at me as if I was being ridiculous. "It was just a kiss. People kiss all the time. Why are you acting like I committed a crime?"
"Because—!" Napahinto ako. Damn it. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ako ganito kaapektado. All I knew was that something about her words—about how easily she dismissed it. "Because you can't just go around kissing people like that! Hindi mo ba naiisip kung ano ang magiging epekto nito sa akin?"
She tilted her head, her expression unreadable. "Effect? Gomez, it's not like I confessed my undying love for you. It's just lips touching lips. Why are you making it such a big deal?"
Napakuyom ako ng kamao. "Because not everyone is like you!" Napatigil ako sandali, realizing how loud my voice had gotten. I took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down. "Not everyone sees things the way you do. Not everyone treats kisses like some meaningless, random action."
For a second, her eyes flickered with something—something I couldn't quite place. But as fast as it came, it was gone. She crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow at me. "So what do you want me to do, then? Apologize? Take it back? Do you want me to say it meant something? Is that what you're waiting for, Gomez?"
Napaurong ako. My heart skipped a beat. "I—No! Hindi ko naman hinihingi ‘yon."
"Then what? Because you're standing here, demanding answers I don’t have," she said, her voice calm yet sharp. "Tell me, Gomez. What do you really want from me?"
I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came out. What did I want? An apology? A confession? Or was I just acting like this because… I wanted it to mean something?
She stared at me for a moment before smirking. "See? Even you don’t know." She stepped closer, her face inches away from mine. "So maybe, you should stop acting like I owe you an explanation."
"Was it really nothing to you? Was that kiss really nothing?"
I stared at her, my chest tightening with frustration. She didn’t even look bothered. She just stood there, arms crossed, as if this entire conversation was a waste of her time.
Then, with a sigh, she said, "Gomez, don’t overthink things that shouldn’t be given a meaning."
She turned around, walking away like she hadn’t just turned my entire world upside down. And I hated that she was right—because even though I wanted to be mad, even though I wanted to forget everything… I knew I wouldn’t.
I clenched my fists as I watched her casually cross her arms, her expression completely unreadable. She was really acting like none of this mattered, like she hadn’t just kissed me, like I was the one overreacting.
Pero bago pa man ito makalayo ay tumalikod ito ulit sa akin, at lumapit ulit. "Tell me, who do you like to kiss more? Me or Seinna?"
My stomach twisted at her words. Napaatras ako. "What kind of question is that?"
She let out a small, amused hum. "It’s a simple question, Gomez. You’re all worked up over a kiss, but when it comes to Seinna it's okay for you."
"Hindi ka katulad ni Ms. Dizon," seryoso kong sagot
She shrugged like it was nothing. "Just curious. Since you’re acting like it’s such a big deal, I wanted to know if you have a point of comparison. Who’s better, me or Seinna?"
"Miss Sanchez, stop saying things like that."
She raised an eyebrow at me. "Why? Are you afraid of the answer?"
I groaned, running a hand through my hair in frustration. "That’s not the point. Ang sinasabi ko, hindi mo pwedeng basta-basta halikan ang isang tao and then act like nothing happened."
"Why not?" she countered, completely unfazed. "You act like you didn't kiss me first at the bar."
I stared at her, my chest rising and falling from the weight of my emotions. "That's already in the pass, Miss. And also hindi lahat ng tao katulad mo," I said through gritted teeth. "Not everyone treats things like this as meaningless. Not everyone can just move on like it’s nothing."
She exhaled sharply, as if she was getting bored of the conversation. "Gomez, you’re seriously overreacting. It was just a kiss. No one died."
Napapikit ako sandali, trying to keep my composure. "Para sa’yo, ganun lang ‘yon. Pero para sa akin, hindi."
For the first time, she hesitated. It was brief—just a flicker of something in her expression—but I caught it. Then, just as quickly, she rolled her eyes and turned away. "Look, if it bothers you that much, then forget it ever happened."
"How can I do that?" I asked, my voice rising slightly. "Paano ko basta kakalimutan ‘yon? You—You kissed me, Miss. And now you’re just telling me to forget it?"
"Yes, exactly," she replied, like it was the easiest thing in the world. "It’s not that hard, Gomez. Just stop thinking about it."
Napailing ako, feeling completely helpless. "You don’t get it."
"You’re right," she said, already turning on her heel. "I don’t get it, and frankly, I don’t care to."
Her words stung more than I expected. I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly dry. "So ganun ka na lang? You can just walk away, like none of this matters?"
She stopped but didn’t turn back. "Because it doesn’t matter," she said, her voice calm and unwavering. "Anyway, I’m done with this conversation. You can stand there and overthink all you want, but I have better things to do."
And just like that, she walked away, leaving me standing there, completely frustrated, confused, and with a hundred questions running through my head.
Damn it.
How was she so unaffected?
And more importantly…
why couldn’t I stop thinking about it?
I'm not acting like this because I didn't like what happened, it was just, I didn't understand how can she easily did that and act like she didn't do anything?
Pero ako ngayon dito ang halos mabaliw dahil sa kanyang ginawa.
Damn it. I hate this. I hate how she can make me feel like this—how easily she messes with my head without even trying.
Frustrated, I stood up and started walking aimlessly. I needed to clear my mind, to distract myself from what just happened. Pero kahit anong gawin ko, her face, her voice, the feel of her lips—everything kept replaying in my head like a broken record.
I walked and walked, not even paying attention to where my feet were taking me. My chest felt heavy, and my thoughts were all over the place. I just wanted to forget, kahit sandali lang.
Before I knew it, I found myself in front of a small convenience store.
I had no idea how far I had walked or where exactly I was, but I didn’t care.
I pushed the door open and stepped inside.
My eyes immediately landed on a bottle of soju displayed in the fridge.
Without thinking twice, I grabbed one and headed straight to the counter.
The cashier, a man in his late twenties, gave me a once-over before smirking. "Ang sexy mo naman. Mag-isa ka lang?" His tone was playful, almost teasing.
I barely acknowledged him, simply nodding in response. Wala akong gana para makipag-usap, lalo na sa ganitong klase ng tao. He kept talking, probably trying to flirt, but I tuned him out completely.
The moment I got my change, I grabbed the bottle and walked out without another word.
The night breeze greeted me as I stepped outside, a stark contrast to the warmth lingering on my skin. I continued walking until I reached the shoreline. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore was oddly calming, a temporary relief from the storm inside my head.
I sat down on the sand, staring at the dark expanse of the ocean. Slowly, I twisted the cap off the soju bottle and took a sip.
Bitter.
I winced at the taste, but it didn’t matter. Because no matter how bitter this was, mas mapait pa rin ‘yung ginawa niya.
I took another sip, letting the alcohol burn its way down my throat. Maybe, just maybe, if I drank enough, I’d stop feeling this way.
The cold breeze kissed my skin as I stared blankly at the waves crashing against the shore.
The bottle of soju in my hand felt warm against my fingers, a stark contrast to the emptiness settling in my chest.
I took another swig, letting the bitterness linger on my tongue, hoping it would drown out the thoughts swirling in my head.
Pero hindi. Nandoon pa rin siya. Sinisiksik ang sarili niya sa isip ko.
Damn it. Bakit ganito? Bakit hindi ko magawang kalimutan?
Napabuntong-hininga ako, pilit binabalewala ang bigat sa dibdib ko. I should let it go—forget about it, forget about her—but no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t shake off the feeling. The way she acted so unaffected, so unbothered, as if what happened was nothing.
I clenched my jaw and was about to take another drink when I heard footsteps approaching on the sand.
I ignored it at first, hoping whoever it was would just pass by. But then, the steps slowed… and stopped right beside me.
“Hey,” a voice said.
Napatingin ako at nakita ang isang babae, siguro kaedad ko lang, nakangiti nang bahagya habang nakatingin sa akin. I raised a brow but didn’t respond. Instead, I looked away, hoping she’d get the hint and leave.
Pero hindi.
She sat down next to me, not too close but close enough that I could feel her presence.
Napapikit ako saglit bago bumuntong-hininga. "Ano?"
"You drinking alone?" she asked.
"Obviously," sagot ko bago muling uminom.
She chuckled. "Rough night?"
I scoffed, shaking my head. "Something like that."
“Boyfriend?”
Napangisi ako nang mapait. "Wala."
“Girlfriend?”
Biglang may kung anong kumurot sa dibdib ko. My grip on the bottle tightened slightly, but I quickly masked my reaction with another drink.
"Hah. I see," she said, tilting her head as if studying me. "So, it’s about a girl."
I shot her a glare. "You don’t know anything."
"Maybe not," she shrugged. "But I do know that you’re drinking like you want to forget something… or someone."
Napairap ako. "Ano ka, psychic?"
She grinned. “Nah. Just observant.”
I huffed, deciding to ignore her. She could assume whatever she wanted—I didn’t owe her an explanation.
But then she spoke again.
“You know, drinking won’t solve it.”
I sighed. “Then what will? Tell me, anong sagot mo? Forget everything? Kasi parang ganon siya eh. Like nothing even happened.”
She leaned back on her hands, gazing at the ocean. “Maybe that’s how she copes. Or maybe… she never thought it was something worth holding onto.”
I looked away, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. “That’s unfair.”
“Life is unfair,” she said simply. “Pero alam mo na ‘yon.”
I scoffed, taking another sip. "Great. Ang talino mo, ano?"
She smirked. "Comes with experience."
The sound of waves filled the silence between us, the salty breeze brushing against our skin as we both stared at the vast ocean ahead. I took another sip of my soju, hoping the bitterness would drown out the thoughts swirling in my head. But then, out of nowhere, she spoke.
"You're like my girlfriend."
Napakunot ang noo ko at agad siyang tiningnan. What the hell was she talking about?
"What?" I asked, confused.
She turned to me, her expression unreadable. "I see you in my girlfriend. Your face and everything."
I raised a brow. "So? Where are you getting at?"
She let out a small chuckle, but there was no amusement in her voice. "I miss her." Then she smiled—bitterly—and turned her gaze back to the horizon.
I watched her for a moment before replying. "Puntahan mo." My voice was flat, stating the obvious.
"Kung pwede lang sana eh, matagal ko na siyang pinuntahan." She laughed, but it was hollow, forced—parang pilit niyang tinatakpan ang sakit.
I frowned. "Why? Is she really far from here? I can buy you a private jet." I joked, trying to lighten the mood, but she just laughed again.
"What's funny?" I asked, watching her closely.
She exhaled, shaking her head before looking up at the sky. "Kahit anong sakyan ko, hindi ko siya mapupuntahan. She's right there, doon sa taas."
I followed her gaze, and that’s when it hit me.
She was gone. Her girlfriend was gone.
My grip on the bottle tightened. "I'm sorry." My voice was quieter this time.
"Para saan? Baliw." She let out a soft chuckle. "It's been two years naman."
I turned to look at her. She wasn’t crying, she wasn’t breaking down, but there was something in the way she sat—shoulders slightly slumped, gaze distant—as if the weight of her loss never really left her.
I hesitated before speaking. "Can you share more about her? It’s okay if you don’t want to."
She turned to me, a little surprised. "Sigurado ka?" she asked, smirking. "Hindi mo nga ako kilala."
I shrugged. "So? You sat beside me kahit hindi mo rin ako kilala. Just share it, makakalimutan ko rin naman 'yan bukas."
She let out a soft laugh. "Mahaba-haba 'to pero hiningi mo 'to eh."
I stayed quiet, letting her take her time.
After a few moments, she started.
"Well, actually, we met when we were just kids. I was 8, she was 6. Magkapitbahay kami noon, and we were inseparable. Lagi kaming magkasama—laro sa kalye, takbuhan sa ulan, kahit saan, kami ang magkasama. We were just kids, just friends, hanggang sa lumaki kami. I turned 15, she was 13, and at some point, nag-iba ‘yung tingin namin sa isa’t isa."
She smiled softly, as if remembering a fond memory.
"We didn’t confess right away. It was... natural, I guess. Yung tipong hindi na namin kailangang sabihin pa, kasi nararamdaman namin pareho. Hanggang sa isang araw, she just held my hand and never let go. And that was it. That was how we started."
I stayed quiet, listening intently.
"Actually, everything was going well. Lagi siyang nagsusungit sa akin, parang may lahing santanas o ewan. Pero alam mo 'yun? Kahit ganon, ang saya. Puro asaran, kulitan. We had our fights, syempre. Minsan, may mga araw na hindi kami nag-uusap. Pero no matter how bad the fight was, we always found a way back to each other. Kasi kami ang pahinga ng isa’t isa."
She paused for a moment, staring at the ocean as if seeing something that wasn’t there.
"Four years. We were together for four years. By the time I was 21 and she was 19, we had already spent almost 13 years of our lives together. We weren’t rich, pero we were happy. Kahit ano pa, basta magkasama kami, okay na."
She let out a shaky breath, and I could tell she was struggling to keep her voice steady.
"Not until napunta siya sa ospital."
A lump formed in my throat.
"We thought it was something minor. Akala namin, pagod lang, stress lang. But then we found out… may sakit siya. Hindi basta-bastang sakit. The doctor said may possibility na magamot, but the treatment was expensive. Sobrang mahal. And kahit gumastos kami ng ganon kalaki, walang kasiguraduhan na mabubuhay siya."
She ran a hand through her hair, laughing bitterly.
"And you know what? She hid it from us. From me, from her family. Kasi ayaw niyang maging pabigat. She knew we didn’t have enough money, so she kept it to herself hanggang sa hindi na niya maitago. Hanggang sa huli, iniisip pa rin niya kung paano kami hindi mahihirapan."
There was silence between us, the weight of her words settling heavily in the air.
"She fought so hard. Kahit alam niyang wala nang pag-asa, she still smiled. She still laughed, still made fun of me, still held my hand like she always did. But one day… she just didn’t wake up."
She took a deep breath, forcing a smile.
"I was 22. She was 20. And just like that, she was gone."
I didn’t know what to say. No words felt enough.
"I’m 24 now," she continued, her voice quieter. "And I’m still stuck with her."
I looked at her, and for the first time, I saw it—really saw it. The grief. The weight of loss that never left her. The kind of pain that lingers, no matter how much time passes.
I didn’t know why, but my chest felt heavy. Maybe because, for the first time, I was sitting beside someone who was more lost than I was.
I swallowed, then exhaled. "She sounds like she was an amazing person."
She blinked, as if caught off guard by my words. Then, she let out a soft chuckle. "She was. The best person I’ve ever known."
I hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "Do you ever… talk to her?"
She frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"
I shifted, playing with the bottle cap in my hands. "You know. Like… talk to her. Even though she’s not here."
She was quiet for a moment before she smirked. "Gusto mong sabihin baliw ako?"
I rolled my eyes. "That’s not what I meant."
She looked down at the sand, drawing random patterns with her fingers. "Yeah. I do. Minsan, pag tahimik ‘yung gabi, I just… talk. Tell her about my day, about what’s happening." She chuckled softly. "Minsan nga, inaaway ko pa rin siya. Sinasabihan ko ng gago siya kasi iniwan niya ako."
I smiled slightly. "I’m sure she’s listening."
She exhaled, shaking her head. "If she is, then she probably thinks I’m pathetic."
I tilted my head. "Why?"
She shrugged. "Kasi two years na, tapos nandito pa rin ako. Drinking with a stranger, talking about her like she’s still here."
I stayed quiet for a second, then said, "That’s not pathetic."
She scoffed. "No?"
"No." I looked at her seriously. "That just means you loved her."
For the first time since we started talking, she looked genuinely surprised.
"Losing someone doesn’t mean you have to stop loving them. And just because you still miss her, doesn’t mean you haven’t moved forward. It just means… she mattered."
She stared at me, her expression unreadable. Then, slowly, she smiled. This time, it wasn’t forced or bitter—it was small, but real.
Then, she spoke again, her voice softer this time. "Thank you."
I glanced at her. "For what?"
She shrugged, but there was something lighter in her expression now. "For listening."
I nodded. "Anytime."
"What's your name, by the way?" tanong niya sa akin habang nakatingin nang diretso.
"Sylvia," sagot ko nang hindi inaalis ang tingin ko sa kanya.
"It suits you," she said with a small smile. "By the way, my name is Katherine."
Before I could even respond, a cold and sharp voice interrupted us.
"Gomez."
Napalingon kami pareho sa pinagmulan ng boses. It was Ms. Sanchez. Her expression was unreadable, but the way she said my last name sent chills down my spine.
Katherine chuckled softly and turned to me. "Seems like your girlfriend is here. Mauna na 'ko, ah? You both should fix it." She smiled at me one last time before walking away. "Thank you again, Sylvia!"
Everything happened so fast that I wasn’t able to respond. I just found myself standing there, frozen, habang nakatingin sa babae sa harapan ko. She was crossing her arms, one brow raised, looking at me as if she was trying to figure something out.
"So, that’s why you didn’t follow me earlier? Now you got a new girl?" she said sarcastically, her voice laced with something I couldn’t quite place.
Hindi ako sumagot.
"Now you don’t want to answer? Really?"
I sighed, "Let’s not argue, Miss. Hindi mo rin naman ako iintindihin."
She scoffed. "Oh, so you drink with her? You’re really unbelievable."
Napailing ako. "What do you want, Miss? Can you stop acting like that? Nababaliw na ako, eh."
"That’s your problem, Gomez. You keep telling me to stop acting like this, when in the first place, I’m not even doing anything," she said in a plain, indifferent tone.
I let out a bitter chuckle. "That’s the problem. Kahit wala kang ginagawa, nababaliw na ako. How can a person make me feel like this?" My voice cracked slightly, and that’s when I realized how blurry my vision was. Lasing na ako.
She remained silent for a moment before finally speaking. "It’s not my problem anymore, Gomez."
"Mahal kita."
She looked at me, expression unreadable. "I don’t care. Let’s just go. Your sister is already looking for you."
"Mahal na mahal kita," I repeated, as if I didn’t hear what she just said. As if saying it again would change something—would change her mind, her heart, everything.
She exhaled sharply, obviously growing impatient. "Stop talking nonsense. Let’s just go. Don’t make this hard for me."
I nodded, accepting defeat, and stood up from my seat. Pero imbes na maglakad, nanatili lang ako sa kinatatayuan ko at dahan-dahang iniangat ang mga braso ko, spreading them wide.
"Can I get a hug?" I asked softly, my voice barely above a whisper. I didn’t even know why I was acting like this. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was just… her.
She blinked, taken aback. "What? Are you crazy?"
I bit my lip and lowered my gaze. "Can you hug me? Just a hug. I just… I just want a hug." My voice wavered slightly, and I hated how desperate I sounded.
She only raised an eyebrow at me before turning around, walking away as if she hadn’t heard anything. I didn’t follow her. I just stood there, my arms still open, waiting—hoping.
Pero bigla siyang huminto.
Napansin niyang hindi ako sumusunod kaya napahinto siya sa paglalakad. She let out a deep sigh before turning around, walking back towards me.
"A-are you c-crying?" she asked hesitantly, and that’s when I felt it. Tumutulo na pala ang luha ko.
I sniffled, looking up at her with slightly blurry vision. "Hug," I repeated, this time with a pout.
She sighed again, shaking her head. "Will you stop being stubborn and follow me if I hug you?"
I nodded eagerly, like a child asking for candy.
For a moment, she just stared at me, as if debating with herself whether this was a good idea. Then, finally, she took a step forward, slowly wrapping her arms around me.
The moment her warmth enveloped me, I let out a shaky breath. Her embrace was hesitant at first, but it was enough to make my knees weak. It felt safe. It felt like home.
Pwede bang hindi nalang bumitaw?