Chapter 40
"Bumalik kayo rito sa susunod ha, mamimiss ko talaga kayong dalawa," sabi ni Aling Rosa sa amin habang kami ay nagliligpit na ng gamit.
This was it, our last day, and we were getting ready to leave.
It felt a little bittersweet, knowing that we were leaving behind a place that had been so peaceful and relaxing.
I didn’t want to say goodbye, but we didn’t have a choice.
"Opo, syempre. Mamimiss po talaga 'to namin," sagot ko habang abala sa pag-aayos ng aking mga gamit. I didn’t even realize how much I had enjoyed my time here until now. It felt like we had just arrived, and now, we were already leaving. I couldn't help but feel a little sad.
"Akow din poh," sagot ni Cynthia, looking around and checking if she missed anything. She had that same serious expression on her face, but I could tell she was feeling the same way I was. She may not show it, but she appreciated the quiet moments just as much.
"Kailangan niyo ba talagang umalis? Pwede naman dito nalang kayo," biro pa ni Lea sa amin, making the situation a bit lighter. She was always the one to crack jokes when things got a little heavy, and I appreciated it.
"Baliw," sagot ko natatawa, shaking my head. Lea was always like that—trying to get us to stay, but we all knew we couldn’t. As much as we wanted to, we had responsibilities waiting for us back home. Still, it was nice to know that she was going to miss us too.
After finishing gathering our things, we finally walked out of the house, and it hit me how quiet it had become.
The place that was once full of laughter and stories now felt almost empty.
When we stepped outside, halos nga lahat ng tao ata rito ay nandito sa labas, helping with the final preparations, saying their goodbyes.
It was like the whole place was gathering to see us off.
"Mag-ingat kayo, mga ganda. Balik kayo rito ha," sabi ng isang Aling sa amin, her voice warm and sincere. Tumango ako, appreciating her words. I couldn’t even find the right words to say back because it felt like we had become part of the community, even just for a short time.
"Salamat po!" I replied, smiling at her, trying to show how much I appreciated everything. We may be leaving, but a part of me didn’t want to forget this place and these people. They had shown us kindness and hospitality, and I knew I’d miss it.
Paglabas namin, agad kaming sinalubong ng buong barangay na tila may mini-fiesta lang para sa aming pag-alis. May mga taong may hawak na Tupperware, may dala-dalang camera, at may iba pang tila hindi pa ready magpaalam.
"Ay Cynthia! Don't forget me ha!" sigaw ng isang dalagita habang isinabit sa braso ni Cynthia ang isang handmade bracelet.
Cynthia stared at it, gave a small nod, then said in the most casual tone, “Thanks."
"Picture tayo!" sigaw ni Mang Rudy, hawak ang kanyang lumang DSLR na parang biglang naging official photographer ng barangay.
"Smile naman d'yan! Tabi-tabi!" sunod-sunod ang sigawan habang nagkakagulo ang mga tao sa likod namin.
I turned to Cynthia, who was calmly fixing her hair in her reflection on the car window.
"Cyn, ang gulo na dito. Parang concert." sabi ko.
Cynthia glanced around. “They’re… very dramatic.”
"Ate! Ate!" sigaw ng batang lalaki habang hinahawakan ang pants ko. "Huwag na kayong umalis!"
"Aww, ang cute mo naman," sagot ko, pinisil ko ang pisngi niya.
Meanwhile, Cynthia bent slightly to avoid a flying banana cue someone was trying to hand her.
“No, thank you. I don’t eat street sugar,” she said politely but firmly.
“Balik kayo ha! Mag-ingat kayo sa biyahe!” sunod-sunod ang paalala ng mga tao.
Then suddenly, the karaoke from inside the house blasted “Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang”. As if on cue, lahat napalingon at natawa. Ako rin, natawa na lang habang si Cynthia nagtaas lang ng kilay.
“Seriously?” she muttered under her breath.
“I feel like I’m in a soap opera I didn’t audition for,” sagot niya habang binuksan na ang pinto ng sasakyan.
Before we entered, biglang may isang matanda na sumigaw, “Cynthia! Smile ka naman!”
Cynthia turned, gave the tiniest peace sign with a deadpan face and said, “There."
Sabay pasok namin sa sasakyan, sabay sabing:
"Babalik po kami, promise!" sigaw ko.
Cynthia leaned back in her seat and whispered, “If they don’t make me wear another bracelet.”
Habang paalis na kami, ang kalsada ay puno pa rin ng kaway, sigaw. Sa gitna ng lahat ng gulo, si Cynthia ay nanatiling cool as ever—parang hindi affected, pero alam mong may kurot din sa puso niya kahit konti. Maybe.
"I will surely miss this. 'Yung mga tao rito, they are fun," I said as I started driving, my voice still soft from the weight of the goodbye. I could still hear faint echoes of laughter and the karaoke playing in the background. It was all slowly being swallowed by the distance.
"Right," Cynthia replied, her gaze fixed on the window, her fingers tapping lightly against her arm as if following a rhythm only she could hear.
“Hindi ka man lang nalungkot?” tanong ko habang inilalampasan ang pamilyar na puno sa gilid ng kalsada, ‘yung may palamuting plastic flowers na laging namumulaklak kahit tag-ulan.
Cynthia didn’t respond immediately. She was silent for a moment, her reflection blending with the passing trees. Then she said, in her usual calm voice, “I’m not good with goodbyes.”
I blinked, slightly surprised. “Akala ko okay lang sa'yo lahat. That you don’t get attached.”
“I don’t,” she said quickly, then paused. “Not in the way most people do.”
“Then how?”
She turned slightly toward me, just enough to make eye contact. “I remember. That’s how I hold on to things.”
Napatingin ako sa kanya, and for a moment, I didn’t see the usual sarcastic, cold Cynthia. I saw someone quietly carrying moments like little keepsakes she never spoke about.
“I liked the early mornings,” she added, turning back to the window. “When it’s quiet. When everyone’s still asleep. You’d be in the kitchen, making coffee badly."
“Hey! Hindi naman gano’n kasama ‘yung kape ko,” sabay tawa ko.
Cynthia smirked. “It was an insult to caffeine.”
I rolled my eyes. “So ungrateful.”
“I drank it every morning,” she said softly. “Didn’t I?”
I looked at her again, slower this time. “Yeah. You did.”
There was silence for a while. The road stretched endlessly ahead, winding through patches of trees and rice fields. The sunlight filtered through the leaves, casting dancing shadows on Cynthia’s face. She looked peaceful—different from how she was back in the city.
“Didn’t think I’d actually enjoy staying there,” she said after a while. “But I did.”
“Why?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“I don’t know,” she replied, voice quieter. “There was something comforting about the chaos. The people. How they just… accept you. No questions. No expectations. You wake up, eat with them, laugh with them, and suddenly you’re a part of something.”
“That’s what I love about the province,” sabi ko. “You don’t have to prove anything.”
“Exactly,” Cynthia said. “They didn’t care who I was. No pretenses. Just… kindness.”
Tahimik na naman. But it wasn’t empty. It was full of everything left unsaid.
“You didn’t even say goodbye properly,” I teased. “Just peace sign, then ghosted.”
“They’ll live,” she replied. “Besides, you said it for both of us.”
“Classic Cynthia,” I said with a smile.
“I wanted to,” she suddenly added, quietly. “Say more. Thank them. Maybe even hug someone. I just… didn’t know how to do it without looking weird.”
Napatahimik ako. That was probably the most honest thing she’d said all day.
“You don’t have to know how,” I said. “Just feeling it is enough.”
“Yeah, well…” she shifted in her seat. “I’m not used to feeling too much. I don’t like it.”
“But you do feel, right?”
Cynthia let out a soft sigh. “Unfortunately.”
I smiled. “Then it means you’re human.”
“Barely,” she muttered, but her tone was lighter now.
After a while, she reached into her bag and pulled out something wrapped in cloth. It was the small clay keychain that Aling Rosa’s grandson had given her earlier. I didn’t think she kept it.
“You kept that?” tanong ko.
Cynthia nodded, running her thumb over the uneven surface. “It’s ugly. But he made it for me. That matters.”
I smiled wider. “Grabe ka maka-ugly, pero na appreciate mo naman, sus."
“Let’s not make a big deal out of it,” she said, quickly tossing it back into her bag like it embarrassed her.
We drove on, the trees thinning out as we neared the highway.
“Cyn?” I said after a few more minutes of silence.
“Hm?”
“Thanks for coming with me. I know this wasn’t your scene.”
Cynthia closed her eyes, leaning her head against the seat. “It wasn’t. But I’m glad I did.”
I looked over at her—her guarded face, her quiet presence, the way she held everything in but still showed up, still stayed.
And in her own quiet, unreadable way, I knew she was saying something important.
Maybe she wouldn’t say she missed it.
Maybe she wouldn’t say she’d come back.
But I knew.
And that was enough.
---
It's already Monday, and ang bilis nga ng oras. Parang hindi ko pa rin kayang mag-move on mula sa probinsiya, sa iba't ibang version ni Cynthia. I'm used to calling her by her name, and honestly, I miss her. I didn’t think I would, but here I am, wishing I could go back.
"Nabalitaan ko may kasama kang pumunta sa probinsiya," sabi ni lola sa akin habang kami ay kumakain ng almusal. I could tell she was a little curious, maybe even suspicious, but I didn’t want to give her too much information just yet.
"Opo," sagot ko, taking a bite of my food to avoid her staring at me too intensely. But I knew she wasn’t going to let it go that easily.
"It was your Ate's friend, tama?" she asked, her voice shifting into something that sounded more like an interrogation. I could sense she was trying to figure out the details of my trip. I wasn’t sure how to explain it to her, so I kept it simple.
"Opo," sagot ko ulit, this time feeling a little more guarded.
"What's your relationship with her?" Her tone shifted again, this time more serious, like she was sensing something more.
"She's my professor, La. We've just become a little more closer," I explained quickly.
I didn’t want to go into too much detail, especially not with Ate sitting quietly beside us, looking like she didn’t want to get involved in the conversation.
"Don’t worry, she already has a boyfriend," I added, hoping that would clear things up for her.
"Mabuti kung ganon," lola answered, sounding a little more satisfied with the response, but I could still sense the subtle curiosity in her voice.
We finished breakfast in silence after that, the only sound being the clinking of utensils and the occasional hum from the kitchen.
Kasabay ko nga si Ate ngayon patungo sa University, and I couldn’t help but feel a little melancholic. While I was eating my cookies and cream ice cream, I tried to push the thought of Cynthia out of my mind, but it was hard. I missed her more than I thought I would.
"How's your trip?" tanong ni Ate, glancing at me as we walked. She always asked the right questions when she knew something was on my mind.
"It was fine, Ate. I like the people there," I said, giving her a smile, hoping she’d feel satisfied with my answer. She nodded, like she was content with what she heard.
Eventually, we arrived at the university. After a whole week of rest, it was time to get back to the grind. Two and a half months left, and we would already graduate. Ang bilis ng oras, yet, I’m still not ready for it. The thought of graduating terrified me in a way I couldn’t explain.
"We're here. Good luck on your class," sabi ni Ate, smiling at me before I got out of the car.
"Thank you, Ate," I said, leaning in for a quick kiss on her cheek before heading inside the building.
Pagpasok ko ng school, grabe na nga 'yung mga chismis dito sa hall. Ang dami nang nagtatanong at nagsasalita, akala mo ilang taon silang hindi nagkita. A lot of students greeted me, and I forced myself to smile each time, until I finally reached our classroom.
"Hi, bebe! I miss you," Kinsley greeted me with a hug as soon as I stepped inside.
"Wala kang update sa amin ah," sabi ni Cecilia, looking at me expectantly.
"I was in the province, actually," I said, trying to keep it brief.
"Wait, talaga? Himala ata 'yun ah," Kinsley said, teasing me.
"Yeah," I replied, keeping my answer short.
"How's the province?" tanong ni Eliana, her eyes full of curiosity.
"It was fine. It’s fun, actually," I answered, feeling a little lighter. Talking about it made me realize how much I actually enjoyed my time there.
"Grabe, parang binago ka ata ng probinsiya ah," Kinsley joked, causing everyone to laugh, and I couldn’t help but smile.
The noise in the classroom suddenly died down when Ms. Sanchez walked in. As usual, she was wearing her usual uniform, and damn, I couldn’t help but stare at her. It was like she had this aura that commanded attention.
"Good morning, Professor," bati naming lahat, but she didn’t respond, focusing instead on getting to her desk.
"Get ready for a test," she started, as expected. Buti nalang grabe 'yung stock knowledge ko sa mga lessons. At least, I wouldn’t have to stress out too much.
"Luh, bebe mo, Sylvia, grabe na talaga. Walang awa," biro ni Kinsley sa akin, and I could only laugh at her joke.
The test began, and it was 50 items.
The questions weren’t difficult, but most of them were solving problems.
For me, it felt like basic stuff that I had already learned before.
I finished the test in 15 minutes, and when I looked around, I saw my classmates struggling with it.
I stood up and slowly walked toward Ms.
Sanchez’s desk, handing her my paper.
"I miss you, Cynthia," I whispered, knowing she was the only one who could hear it.
"Stop calling me, Cynthia. We’re here in the university," she replied, her voice almost like a warning.
"Okay, baby," I teased, before walking back to my seat.
Pagbalik ko sa upuan, nakatingin si Eliana sa akin, and I noticed she had already finished her test too.
"Do you know that it’s her birthday tomorrow?" she asked me, and I looked at her, confused.
"Totoo? I didn’t know that," I said.
I honestly didn’t know when her birthday was because I hadn’t asked her about it.
I wasn’t really updated with social media either, and I definitely didn’t follow her accounts.
I knew she was a model, but I never paid much attention to that kind of stuff.
But maybe I should be more active.
.
.
for her.
"Basta, birthday niya bukas, kalat na 'yan sa social media," dagdag pa ni Eliana, and my mind started racing. It’s her birthday tomorrow? I wanted to surprise her, but then again, maybe her 'boyfriend' would be celebrating with her.
K.
Thirty minutes passed quickly—or painfully slow, depende kung sino ang tatanungin mo sa classroom. Most of the students were still hunched over their test papers, scratching their heads and tapping their calculators like they were praying for miracles to happen.
“Time’s up. Pass your papers forward,” sabi ni Ms. Sanchez, cold as always. I watched as the others groaned and reluctantly surrendered their sheets like defeated soldiers in battle.
“Grabe, walang patawad si Miss,” bulong ni Kinsley habang pinapasa ang papel niya.
Cecilia sighed. “Feeling ko laglag ako doon.”
Tahimik lang si Ms. Sanchez habang kinokolekta ang papers. She stacked them neatly in one hand, her nails clicking softly against the clipboard. She always moved with precision.
“Open your notebooks. We’ll discuss Influence Lines for Indeterminate Structures today,” she said, writing INFLUENCE LINES – IND. STRUCTURES in bold, steady strokes on the whiteboard.
Sabay-sabay ang mahihinang ungol ng buong klase.
“Structural design won’t wait for your burnout,” she added sharply, as if narinig niya ang collective frustration sa buong room. “Let’s begin.”
Nag-umpisa siyang mag-discuss ng concept. Her voice was even, tone professional—but every word hit like a precision strike. She drew a continuous beam, quickly labeling spans, supports, and live loads.
“Today we’ll analyze how influence lines behave for a two-span continuous beam under live loads,” she said, sketching a beam with an internal hinge. “This is essential for bridge design and load optimization.”
Habang nagdi-discuss siya, I couldn’t help but admire how natural she looked explaining something so complex.
Confident.
Commanding.
Iba ‘yung presence niya rito sa unibersidad compared sa nakasanayang tahimik na si Cynthia sa probinsya. Dito, she was Engineer Sanchez—the kind of prof who demanded excellence, and you gave it without question.
“Let’s take a continuous beam, 10 meters in total, with supports at A, B, and C. There’s an internal hinge at B,” she dictated. “Sketch the influence line for the moment at point C when a unit load moves across the span.”
Tumahimik ang buong klase. Tunog ng lapis, papel, at calculator buttons lang ang maririnig. Focused lahat.
Then she started solving on the board, each step deliberate and clear. “Because of the hinge at B, the moment at that point is zero. So, our moment influence line at C will change slope at B…”
I followed in my notebook, kahit alam ko na ‘yung sagot. I just wanted her to know—nakikinig ako.
At some point, napatingin siya sa akin habang nagso-solve ako. It was quick—like a glance lang—but I saw it.
“Any questions?” tanong niya pagkatapos ng discussion.
Tahimik ang klase. Walang gustong magsalita.
“Good. Then you can go,” she said at last, erasing the board. “Except Sylvia. I need you to assist me in the storage room.”
“Yes, Miss,” sagot ko, acting as casual as I could. But my heart was racing a little. Storage room? Alone? With her?
Sumunod ako sa kanya hanggang sa nakarating na kami sa storage room. Medyo masikip sa loob, surrounded by shelves filled with old books, lab kits, blueprints, even some surveying equipment na di na ginagamit.
“Can you carry those boxes on the left shelf? I need them for the lab class later,” sabi niya, pointing at a dusty pile of brown boxes.
I moved toward them and lifted two at once. “Ang bigat pala nito. Bakit kasi andito sa dulo?”
“Because people rarely help,” she said, pulling a chair closer para abutin ‘yung mas mataas na shelf. “And I hate asking.”
I smiled. “But you asked me.”
“I said assist, not ask.”
“Right, right,” biro ko habang inaayos ‘yung boxes. “Masyado kang technical.”
She didn’t answer. Instead, she stepped down from the chair and turned away to organize more materials, keeping some distance between us.
“You were quiet today,” she said after a moment.
I shrugged. “I was just adjusting.”
“To what?”
“To being back here. To you being back to your usual self."
She paused briefly, then said without turning around, “What happened in the province stays there. Here, we keep it professional.”
I looked down, hiding the flicker of disappointment in my chest. “Right. Of course.”
“You should head back into your next class now,” she said softly, her voice calm but firm.
Tumango lang ako at naglakad na papunta sa pinto. Pagkahawak ko sa doorknob, I tried turning it—pero ayaw bumukas.
Shit.
“What’s taking you so long, Syl—Gomez?” she asked behind me, her voice sounding a bit confused.
“I can’t seem to open the door,” I said, trying to stay calm pero ramdam ko na 'yung kaba sa dibdib ko.
“What?”
“The door is broken. I really can’t open it,” I repeated, stepping aside as she quickly walked over to try it herself.
She grabbed the knob, twisted it hard, pulled it, pushed it—pero wala pa rin. She kept trying, and I could already see the panic starting to creep into her expression.
“Why isn’t it opening? Why is it stuck?” she muttered under her breath, her voice shaking as she kept trying.
“Miss, let’s stop for a second. Calm down, okay?” I said, holding her arms gently, trying to ground her.
Bigla akong kinabahan. Her eyes were wide, terrified. Her chest was rising and falling too fast, and her hands were cold and trembling.
“Miss, please. Kalma lang. Breathe with me, okay?” I said softly, brushing my hands down her arms in a soothing motion.
"I-I want to go o-outside. I can't—Syl, I can't breathe—"
"Cynthia, hey—hey, look at me," I said, moving in front of her, but she wouldn’t meet my eyes. She started pacing in the small space, her hands trembling, fingers clawing slightly at her chest like she wanted to tear something out.
"I can't be here—I can't—I don't like this—I can't—"
Her voice cracked, and that's when it hit me—this wasn’t just stress. This was fear. Or maybe she has a trauma.
She backed into a corner, her body curling in on itself, like she wanted to disappear.
Without thinking, I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around her.
"Shh... it's okay. I'm here," I whispered.
She froze at first—rigid, like even my touch was too much. But I didn’t let go. I just held her tighter.
"You’re not alone. I’m right here, Cynthia. You're safe. You're safe."
Her breaths were still shallow, her chest rising and falling rapidly, but she was no longer trying to escape. Her hands found their way to my back—uncertain, shaky—but they held on.
“I hate this,” she whispered. “I hate feeling like this.”
“I know,” I said softly, gently rubbing her back. “But it’s okay to feel scared. You don’t have to be strong right now.”
Her grip on me tightened, and her body started to tremble even more. Her face buried into my shoulder.
“I don’t want you to see me like this,” she whispered.
“I already did,” I said, brushing my fingers through her hair. “And I’m still here.”
For a while, neither of us moved. Just the sound of her breathing slowly, painfully, finding its rhythm again. The storage room was silent, but the moment was loud—loud with everything she was trying not to say.
She didn't calm down completely. But she let me hold her.
The moments passed, and even though Cynthia’s breathing was getting steadier, I could feel the tension still gripping her. I didn’t want to let go—didn’t want her to slip back into that panic.
But we couldn’t stay locked in here forever.
“Cynthia,” I said softly, pulling back just a little to look at her. Her eyes were still wide, her face pale. “We need to get out of here. Do you think you can stand up with me?”
She nodded weakly, still holding on to me for support. I helped her to her feet, and she clung to me like I was the only solid thing in the world. But the door... the door was still stuck.
“I’m going to try again, okay?” I said, my voice firm. “Just hold on to me.”
She didn’t say anything, but her grip on me tightened as I moved toward the door.
I grabbed the handle again, twisting it with everything I had, but it wouldn’t budge. The lock seemed to be jammed completely.
"Come on, come on," I muttered under my breath, frustrated. I pulled harder, using all my strength. But the door wouldn’t open.
I turned back to Cynthia, whose face was still pale, her eyes darting around the cramped room. “We need to get out. I can’t keep you here like this.”
I stepped back, and without another word, I took a few steps back and kicked the door with all my might.
The door creaked loudly, and for a moment, I thought I might’ve succeeded. But then it slammed back into place with a horrible jolt, the force of it sending a shock through my body.
I winced, feeling a sharp pain shoot through my arms. The next thing I knew, the door suddenly gave way with a loud crack and swung open, but not before I stumbled back, my arms buckling under me.
“Shit,” I hissed, looking down at my arms. The pain was unbearable. Blood was already trickling down from the cuts on my arms, the skin torn open from the impact.
Cynthia's eyes went wide with shock. “Sylvia—!”
“It's fine,” I gritted through my teeth, trying to stand up straight. But my arms gave way again, and I collapsed onto the floor, feeling dizzy from the sudden rush of pain.
“Let me help you,” Cynthia said, her voice panicked again, but now, there was something different. Something softer. She knelt down beside me, her hands trembling as she reached for my injured arms.
I winced, but I managed to smile through the pain. "I’m fine. Just... just a little scrape."
She didn’t say anything, but her eyes softened. She gently touched the wounds, inspecting them with a mixture of concern and guilt.
“I… I didn't mean for this to happen,” she whispered. “I—I was just so scared...”
I reached out, grabbing her hand, squeezing it lightly. “It’s not your fault, Cynthia.”
I pulled myself up with her help, the pain in my arms sharp but bearable now. “Let's get out of here.”
"Are you okay now?" I asked as we stepped out of the room, my voice soft but full of concern.
Cynthia looked at me, her face still pale, her hands trembling as she tried to steady herself. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice shaky. "I didn't mean for this to happen... I never wanted to cause you any pain."
She kept looking down, guilt written all over her face, her eyes darting away as if she couldn’t bear to meet my gaze. It was clear that she was struggling to process everything that had just happened. The panic, the fear, the overwhelming emotions that had taken hold of her moments ago.
Without thinking, I pulled her into a tight hug, trying to comfort her the best I could. "Shh, I'm okay," I whispered into her hair. "Please calm down, okay? Everything will be alright. You don’t have to apologize for anything."
I felt her stiffen at first, as if my touch was too much, but then her arms slowly wrapped around me. She held on tightly, her body still trembling. I could feel the heat of her breathe against my shoulder.
"Don't worry about me," I continued, my hand gently rubbing her back. "I know you were scared. I don’t blame you for any of this. You’re not alone, okay? I’m right here."