Chapter 66
Athena POV
"Ma’am, are you the family of Ledesma? I’m sorry for your loss—" the doctor said, but I quickly cut her off, my brows furrowing in confusion.
"What?" I asked, my voice sharp and disoriented.
"Po?" she paused, slightly startled. "This operating room was used for Max Ray Ledesma po. I’m really sorry for your loss. We did our best."
Parang umurong bigla ‘yung luha ko. My chest tightened. My heart dropped to my stomach. For a moment, the world stood still.
"H-ha? Hindi ba si Cynthia 'to?" Diana suddenly asked, her voice shaky, eyebrows knitted in disbelief.
The doctor shook her head gently. "No, ma’am. Nasa kabila po 'yung kay Ma'am Sanchez," she explained, pointing to the next room just a few feet away.
Napatingin ako ng masama sakanila. Diana looked like she just saw a ghost.
"Seriously?" I muttered, gritting my teeth.
As if on cue, the door to the other room opened and Theo stepped out, removing his surgical mask. His eyes widened a bit upon seeing us.
"Nandito na pala kayo. Ba’t kayo nandyan?" he asked, looking at us like we were the confused ones.
"Where’s Cynthia? Where’s her operating room?" I asked, still overwhelmed and disoriented.
"Ito," he replied, pointing at the room right next to where we were standing. "The operation was successful. We just need to wait for her to wake up. She’s stable now."
I let out a deep breath I didn’t even know I was holding. Relief washed over me like a wave. Tears welled up again, but this time it was from joy.
"TALAGA? UMIYAK PA’KO DITO NG TODO-TODO!" Diana cried, but her tears were still falling non-stop. Her voice cracked like she was on the verge of laughing and sobbing at the same time.
"Didn’t you say this was her room?! You idiot!" Samantha snapped, lightly punching Diana on the arm in disbelief.
"Tangina, sorry naman! Sabi kasi nung nurse dito raw. Malay ko bang may Ledesma pala sa kabilang buhay!" Diana answered, throwing her arms in the air in frustration, then holding her chest like she was about to faint. "Akala ko talaga tapos na ‘yung teleserye ni Cynthia!"
I stared at her, eyebrows raised. "I really want to kick the hell out of you, Diana," I muttered, rolling my eyes.
"Hindi ko kasalanan, okay?! Ang gulo ng instructions dito, parang maze! Akala ko nga mag-‘survivor’ challenge pa tayo papunta sa OR!" Diana fired back, wiping her tears and laughing.
"You really need to change your brain cells," Samantha muttered, still in disbelief.
"Ay hindi na, ‘teh. Limited edition na ‘to. Pang-life or death na talaga." Diana said, placing a hand dramatically over her chest like she was in a scene from a soap opera.
Despite the chaos, I found myself smiling. Cynthia was alive. That was all that mattered.
As soon as Theo told us Cynthia was stable, we didn’t waste another second. We hurried—more like speed-walked in a panic—toward the recovery room he pointed at.
When we entered, the white hospital lights greeted us first, followed by the steady beep... beep... beep... of the heart monitor beside the bed.
And there she was.
Cynthia lay still on the hospital bed, covered in a white blanket up to her chest.
A nasal cannula delivered oxygen, and an IV was inserted into her arm.
She looked…
pale.
Fragile.
This wasn't the Cynthia we were used to—the sharp-tongued, hard-headed, fearless Cynthia. She was completely still. Quiet.
We all froze by the doorway. No one said a word for a few seconds. Reality hit hard—she really went through something serious.
I was the first to move. I walked toward the bed, slowly, like I was afraid to break something. Sitting down on the chair beside her, I took her hand gently. It was cold. But she was alive. Cynthia was alive.
"Hey," I whispered, even though I knew she couldn’t hear me. "We’re here now. You can wake up anytime, okay?"
She didn’t move.
Samantha, Seinna and Diana followed. Theo stayed near the door, his face looking more tired now that he wasn’t in doctor mode.
Seinna was breathless, her eyes immediately locking onto Cynthia. "How is she?"
"Still unconscious," Theo replied softly. "But the operation went well. She’s stable."
Sienna exhaled deeply and walked to the side of the bed, her face falling as she took in Cynthia’s condition. "God… she looks like she fought a war."
"She did," Theo murmured. "Just not the kind we could see."
"Grabe ‘teh, para talaga tayong nasa season finale ng hospital drama!" Diana said, flopping into the nearest chair dramatically. "Akala ko kanina ending na ng life ni Cynthia, tapos plot twist, ibang character pala ‘yung nawala! Pota, na-prank ako!"
Sienna blinked at her.
"Just let her process this however she wants," I muttered. "This is Diana’s version of grief."
"Hoy! Eto na nga ‘yung grieving ko! Kung iiyak lang ako ng tahimik, baka mauna pa ako sa kama ni Cynthia!" Diana said, clutching her chest as if she was the patient.
"You’re so dramatic," Samantha sighed, though a faint smile tugged at her lips. "But… same. I was so sure we lost her."
Sienna nodded, wiping her eyes. "I’ve never been more scared. I didn’t know if I should pray, scream, or throw up."
“Same,” I said. “It felt like I was standing on the edge of something… like the next breath might collapse the whole world.”
Diana leaned forward and looked at Cynthia closely. "Cynth, kung naririnig mo ‘ko, promise… hindi ko na uulitin ‘yung sinabi ko last time na pangit ka sa ID picture mo. Joke lang ‘yun, okay? Pero kung totoo man... edi, tanggapin mo na lang."
We all chuckled softly. Even Theo cracked a small smile.
Sienna smiled tearfully. "She’d slap you if she heard that."
"Good. That means she’s still in there somewhere," I whispered, brushing my thumb gently over Cynthia’s hand. "She just needs to find her way back."
"Mauna na ‘ko mag-imbak ng lakas para sa sabay-sabay naming sermon pag gising niya," Diana muttered, standing up. "I swear, next time she pulls this near-death crap again, ako na mismo ang magpapa-coma sa kanya."
"Not helping, Diana," Samantha said, rolling her eyes.
But the mood lightened, even if just a little.
And so we waited—surrounded by machines, warmth, and quiet prayers.
Cynthia still didn’t move.
But we weren’t going anywhere.
One week later.
The hospital room felt smaller with every visit.
The room still smelled like alcohol and floor disinfectant.
The beep of the heart monitor had become a constant background noise, like a soundtrack to a movie that refused to end.
?
?It had been seven days.
?
?Seven days of hoping, waiting, and watching Cynthia lie unconscious in the same sterile bed, her chest rising and falling with mechanical calmness.
Her vitals were fine.
Her body was healing.
But she still hadn't opened her eyes.
?
?We took turns visiting her. But today, all of us came together.
?
?I sat in the same chair by her side, holding her hand like I always did. Samantha leaned on the windowsill, eyes tired. Theo was reviewing something on his tablet, half-focused. Sienna was folding a paper crane beside the bed, her sixth one this week. Diana was... well, being Diana.
?
?"Ano ba talaga, ‘teh? Magigising ka pa ba o kailangan ko nang magpadala ng alarm clock na pang-zombie apocalypse?" Diana huffed, crossing her arms. "One week na akong nagpapatawa dito, wala ka pa ring reaksyon! Na-offend na ‘ko sa level ng tulog mo."
?
?"Can you not yell near the unconscious patient?" Samantha sighed, rubbing her temple.
?
?"I’m not yelling, I’m projecting! Baka marinig niya ‘ko sa subconscious niya!" Diana argued, tapping the side of her head. "Alam mo ‘yung theory, ‘di ba? Na naririnig daw nila tayo habang unconscious sila? O ayan. Cynthia, kung naririnig mo ‘ko, gumising ka na. Or I’ll read your diary out loud."
?
?"She doesn’t keep a diary," Theo muttered without looking up.
?
?"How do you know?" Diana said, pointing at him. "Baka may secret journal ‘yan ng mga galit niya sa’kin. ‘Dear diary, today Diana made me want to jump off the building again.’"
?
?Sienna couldn’t help but laugh, though there was a sadness in her eyes. "If that’s true, I want a copy of that diary."
?
?I glanced at Cynthia. "You guys are terrible," I said, smiling faintly. "But honestly… I don’t know what to do anymore. We’ve said everything. We’ve tried everything."
?
Theo sighed and finally put his tablet down. "Her vitals are still stable. Her brain activity shows promise. But sometimes… it just takes time."
?
?"And if time runs out?" I asked quietly, my voice barely above a whisper.
?
?No one answered.
?
?Silence filled the room.
"I didn’t say that," Theo replied gently. "I said… she’s still healing."
"Ay wow, very healing era siya ngayon," Diana chimed in from the foot of the bed, where she was lounging like she owned the place. "Ate girl, baka naman sobra ka na sa tulog ha. May limit ‘yan. Baka pag gising mo, 2050 na!"
Everyone ignored her.
"A week is too long," I whispered, brushing my thumb over Cynthia’s cold knuckles. "I miss her voice."
"I miss her lectures," Seinna said quietly. "Remember when she scolded us for messing up the model calculations? Like we crashed an actual building."
"Grabe ‘yun! Sabi niya, ‘Do you want your future buildings to fall like dominoes?’ Tapos lahat tayo biglang nag-crisis," Diana chimed in. "Ang ending pala, mali lang ‘yung pagkaka-convert ni Samantha sa units!"
Samantha threw her hands up. "Excuse me, I was sleep-deprived! And you’re the one who said the conversion was correct!"
"Oo nga, pero ‘di ko naman sinabing i-copy-paste mo agad! Naniwala ka agad, sinama mo pa sa final output!" Diana snapped, laughing.
"Still, at least we were alive to hear her roast us like that," I said, smiling despite everything.
Everyone went quiet again. The air settled into a kind of exhaustion.
Theo moved closer and checked the IV line, just doing something with his hands. "I know it’s hard. But recovery isn’t linear. She could wake up tomorrow. Or next week. Or longer. Her body’s healing at its own pace."
"Ang bagal naman ng pace niya. Parang turtle na lasing," Diana muttered, clearly trying to lighten the mood. "Next time, i-schedule mo ‘to, Cynth. Kung kailan ka aatake. Hindi ‘yung bigla na lang kaming mababaliw sa hallway!"
"She can’t hear you," Samantha snapped, her voice suddenly sharp.
"Yes, she can!" Diana shot back, eyes narrowing. "Ewan ko sa inyo, pero ako, naniniwala ako na naririnig niya tayo. Bakit? Kasi kung ako ‘to, gusto ko kahit unconscious ako, may tumatawa pa rin sa paligid ko. Hindi ‘yung puro drama lang."
There was a pause.
Then Sienna nodded. "She’s right."
Everyone looked at her.
"Diana’s right," she said again, quieter this time. " She hates being ignored. Even when she was sick before, she always wanted someone to argue with."
"So we keep talking," I said, gripping her hand tighter. "We don’t shut up. Not now."
"Exactly!" Diana grinned, wiping her nose with her sleeve. "Kaya ayan, may dala akong special playlist for Cynthia. Puro kanta na may title na ‘Wake Up,’ ‘Bangon,’ at ‘Gising Na, Bes!’ Literal."
Samantha groaned. "You’re going to traumatize her ears before she even opens her eyes."
"Mas okay ‘yun kesa sa wala!" Diana said, pulling out her phone and placing a tiny speaker on the table.
And then, without shame or hesitation, she started playing a cover of Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham!
We stared at her.
She started dancing in place.
Sienna laughed. Even Theo chuckled under his breath.
Me? I looked at Cynthia. And for a second—maybe I imagined it—but it looked like her fingers twitched.
I leaned in closer, holding my breath. "Cynthia?"
But nothing followed.
No movement.
No sound.
Just the machine beeping its usual rhythm.
Diana stopped mid-dance. "...‘Wag mong sabihing napagod ‘yung daliri niya kaka-ignore sa kanta ko."
"I think I saw her move," I whispered. "I'm not sure, but I swear—"
"Maybe it’s a reflex," Theo said, moving in to check. "But… sometimes that’s how it starts."
Hope. It was tiny, but it bloomed in my chest like fire.
Sienna reached out and touched Cynthia’s arm. "If you’re in there, just hang on a little longer. We’re not going anywhere."
And we weren’t.
Even if it took another week.
Or another month.
We would wait.
Because she would’ve done the same for us.
---
Cynthia POV.
My body is aching as I tried to slowly open my eyes. I was in the hospital room.
Was the surgery success?
I looked around me, and I found my friends slipping beside me. Athena who's beside me sitting in a chair same with Seinna. And Samantha who's in the couch sitting and sleeping while Diana was also sleeping like a monkey.
Theo was also here at the table sleeping.
I tried to move without moving but Athena woke up.
"Y-you're awake?" she said, her voice was loud and all of them woke up.
"CYNTHIA!?! GISING KANA??" Diana said, rushing towards me but she tripped. And I can't help but to chuckle because of her silliness.
"Are you okay? We miss you." Seinna asked, and I just smile.
"Okay kana?" Theo asked, checking up on me.
I felt the dryness in my throat, and my body felt like it had been hit by a truck. Every inch of me was sore, but... I was alive.
I’m alive.
I gave a weak nod to Theo, who was now leaning over me with concern in his eyes.
“You had us all worried sick,” he said, brushing the hair from my forehead. “The surgery... it was a success. It went better than expected.”
My chest tightened at his words, relief washing over me like a warm tide. I looked at each of them—Athena wiping her eyes discreetly, Seinna still holding my hand like she hadn’t let go since they brought me here, and Samantha, who had somehow managed to sleep with a book open on her lap.
Diana, meanwhile, was dramatically crouched on the floor, rubbing her knee.
“PUTANGINA, ANG KISIG KO TAPOS GANITO LANG AKO TINRATO NG KANTO NG KAMA MO,” she groaned, then looked up at me with sparkling eyes. “Pero okay lang! Gising ka na! Worth it!”
I chuckled softly, my ribs protesting the movement, but the laughter felt good. Real.
“You scared us,” Athena said, leaning closer. “You’ve been out for one month. We didn’t know when you’d wake up.”
Samantha stirred awake and blinked rapidly. “Oh my God,” she said, standing up. “She’s awake?” Then she smiled—one of those rare, real smiles that didn’t hide behind sarcasm or eye rolls. “You really don’t do anything halfway, do you?”
“I had to make a dramatic comeback,” I whispered, voice hoarse.
Theo snorted. “Yeah, well, don’t do it again. Ever.”
“Serious ka, girl?” Diana said, crawling over to my bed like a gremlin. “Nagka-trauma ako. Kahit ‘yung ghost sa CR ayaw na ako kulitin kasi busy raw ako sa pag-aalala sa’yo.”
“Ghost?” I echoed weakly.
“Long story,” Athena muttered, patting Diana’s head like one would a misbehaving pet.
Seinna leaned closer, tears in her eyes. “We were all praying you'd be okay. You mean so much to us, Cynthia.”
I couldn’t speak. I just squeezed her hand as tightly as I could manage.
Then Diana pointed at me, wide-eyed. “OH MY GOD. Girl. Alam mo ba kung ilang oras kami walang ligo? Parang zombie apocalypse ‘yung room mo. Si Theo nga—amoy lalaki!”
“Excuse me?” Theo raised a brow, and Diana gave him a playful glare.
“Ano ka ba, compliment ‘yun! Kasi sa lahat ng lalaki dito, ikaw ang amoy lalaki! Gets mo?”
He blinked. “...That doesn’t sound like a compliment.”
“Shhh,” Diana said, putting a finger to his lips. “It’s your turn to shine.”
We all laughed—even me, despite the ache it caused.
The room felt warmer now. Not from the hospital heater, but from them—my people. My chaotic, dramatic, loving people.
I leaned back against the pillow, breathing in the moment. There was pain, yes, but there was also life. And in that room, with their sleepy faces and mismatched pajamas, I felt something else, too.
Hope.
“Thank you,” I said softly, looking at each of them. “For staying. For not giving up on me.”
“Of course,” Athena said. “We’re not going anywhere.”
“YEAH!” Diana yelled, raising a fist. “Kahit pasabugin mo pa ‘tong hospital, nandito kami!”
Everyone stared at her.
“What? Too much?” she asked, shrugging. “Hindi ko kasalanan, e. Sobrang emosyonal ng ambiance!”
I let out another laugh.
God, I missed this chaos.
The room slowly returned to life after my confession, but something inside me remained still.
Everyone began chatting again, trying to lift the mood like they always did.
Diana was back to pretending she was a nurse-slash-popstar, pretending to inject Samantha with a pen.
Theo and Athena argued about who cried the most when I flatlined for ten seconds.
Seinna pulled out a thermos and started pouring tea like we were at a picnic instead of a hospital.
I smiled and nodded at their jokes, answered their questions, pretended to be fully present.
But part of me wasn’t here.
Not really.
There was a chair in the corner. Empty. Untouched. And no one even glanced at it.
I tried not to, but my eyes kept drifting there.
As if it was hers.
As if at any moment, she’d walk in, that familiar scent of perfume lingering behind her like a memory. As if she’d look at me with that quiet concern and say nothing, just sit. Just be there.
But the chair stayed empty.
She wasn’t coming.
And no one was going to ask about her. No one even dared say her name.
Maybe they all knew.
Maybe they all felt it—how the air shifted when they realized she wouldn’t be here. How there was this unspoken agreement to pretend like everything was complete even when it wasn’t.
Diana climbed into the foot of my bed, resting her chin on my leg and talking nonsense about how I owe her a whole bucket of fried chicken for making her cry.
I gave a small laugh. It was easier to laugh.
It was easier than feeling.
I looked out the window instead. The sky was soft—almost gold. The kind of color I used to take photos of because she liked sunsets. Said they reminded her of hope and endings at the same time.
Now it just felt like the latter.
I wonder if she watched the same sky today.
I wonder if she thought of me.
I wonder if being not with her was easier.
Because right now—surrounded by people who loved me—I still felt like something had been carved out of me. Cleanly. Silently. Permanently.
Like she took a part of me with her when she walked away, and no one noticed.
“Hey,” Athena said, gently tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “You okay?”
I nodded, giving her the most believable lie I could manage. “Yeah. Just tired.”
"Sylvia. . . you're waiting for her, aren't you?" Athena asked, and I gulped.
I froze, my breath catching in my throat. Athena’s words hung in the air like smoke, thick and suffocating.
"You know, you're not as good at pretending as you think you are," Athena continued, her voice soft but firm. "None of us are, really."
I shifted uncomfortably, my eyes darting toward the door as if I could escape this conversation by running. But there was no running. Not from this.
My heart was hammering in my chest, and the weight of her words pressed down on me.
“What do you mean?” I whispered, my voice barely rising above the sound of my own heartbeat. The words felt foreign on my tongue, as if I couldn’t quite grasp their meaning, as if they were slipping through my fingers.
Athena’s gaze softened, and she leaned in a little closer. “We know that you and Theo weren’t really in a relationship,” she said gently, her words hitting me like a punch to the gut. “It was all an act for his family, wasn’t it?”
I felt my breath catch in my throat. My eyes automatically shifted to Theo, sitting there in silence, his expression unreadable. The weight of his unspoken words hung between us.
"I already told them," Theo said, his voice steady but laced with something I couldn’t quite place. "I confessed to my family that everything between us wasn’t real. And that the truth is, I like boys, too. They accepted me for who I am. It’s not something I should’ve kept hidden."
The words hit me harder than I expected. I knew this already—had known deep down—but hearing him say it out loud made it feel so much more... final. Like it had all been a lie, something fabricated, something that never really existed.
Athena’s eyes met mine, and I saw the understanding there. “And we know about you and Sylvia,” she said, her voice quieter now, almost as if she were treading on delicate ground. “But... she’s not here anymore. She’s in Singapore.”
Her words were like a blow to my chest. The weight of them left me breathless. It was true. Sylvia wasn’t here. She was gone. And I was left in the wake of all the things unsaid between us.
I swallowed hard, my mind racing. Right. It’s my fault, I thought. I had pushed her away, and now she was somewhere far, far away, without me. Without us.
Athena sighed, as if reading my mind. “Sylvia really liked you a lot, Cyn. I could see it in the way she looked at you. She was always so... careful around you. She would go to the bar, have fun with other girls, and do you want to know the reason why I didn’t stop her?”
I nodded, my throat tight as I waited for her to continue.
"Because I knew she was looking for something," Athena said, her voice soft but filled with a quiet intensity.
"She was searching for someone... someone she didn’t even know. It wasn’t just about the fun, the flirting, or the distractions. She was lost. She was longing for something, for someone. Someone who made her feel the way she thought she had lost a long time ago."
Her words hit me harder than I expected, each one like a painful truth I didn’t want to hear, but couldn’t deny.
Sylvia had always been so guarded, so distant, but now I understood.
She hadn’t been trying to hurt me.
She was hurting herself.
She was looking for something to fill the hole in her heart, something to ease the pain of losing whatever she thought she had once lost.
“She was playing with other people’s feelings, Cyn,” Athena continued, her voice tinged with sadness.
“But it wasn’t because she didn’t care. It was because she was lost with her own. She was longing for you—for someone she didn’t even remember. She was searching for a feeling, a touch... a part of herself she couldn’t find.”
I felt like the ground beneath me was giving way, like everything I thought I knew about Sylvia was crumbling to dust. The confusion, the frustration, the anger—everything I had felt before suddenly seemed so... trivial. Sylvia had been lost, too. Lost in a way I couldn’t even imagine.
As Athena’s words lingered in the air, my eyes instinctively found Seinna. She was sitting quietly in the corner, her lips curling into a smile that was somehow more bitter than it was kind. The sight of her made something twist in my stomach.
I knew, without a doubt, that Seinna liked Sylvia. And in that moment, I felt something raw and ugly surge inside me—jealousy. It consumed me in a way that was almost suffocating.
I hated the way she looked at Sylvia. The way her eyes softened whenever Sylvia was around. The way she was so... perfect, so effortless in everything she did. I hated how Seinna seemed to have everything I didn’t, everything Sylvia would have wanted.
And I was scared. Terrified, actually.
I was scared that Sylvia would choose Seinna over me. That Sylvia would forget about me, and fall into Seinna’s arms instead. I was terrified that I would become nothing but a fading memory, someone who didn’t even matter anymore.
Because Seinna... Seinna was a better person than me.
She had a way about her, a kindness that I couldn’t match, a strength I didn’t possess.
And I could see it in Sylvia’s eyes when she looked at her, the way she seemed to gravitate toward Seinna’s warmth without even realizing it.
It was a fear I couldn’t shake, the fear that Sylvia would choose someone who could give her everything I couldn’t.
I wasn’t sure I could bear that.
The thought of Sylvia with Seinna, of them together, made something dark and possessive rise within me.
I wanted to claim Sylvia back, to fix whatever had broken between us.
But part of me was also afraid that maybe I had already lost her.
And that terrified me more than anything else.
Because Sylvia... she was slipping away, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
---
I was finally packing my things. After months of uncertainty, I could finally go home. Everything was settled now. The long nights of pretending, the aching weight of lies, and the battles I fought—both in my mind and in real life—were finally over.
But despite the peace that now surrounded me, something still felt incomplete.
Something… or rather, someone.
Her.
No matter how much I tried to distract myself or tell myself I was okay, the truth always found a way to creep back into my chest like a cold wind. It was her absence that echoed in the quiet moments. It was her laughter I kept hearing in my head every time the world grew silent.
How am I supposed to live now… without her?
She was the reason I held on. The reason I chose to keep fighting, to wake up every single day. She was the light in my darkest moments, the only calm in my storms.
But now she’s gone.
And it was my fault.
I was the one who let her go. I was the one who ended things.
My vision blurred as my tears silently slid down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away, afraid Diana might notice, but the ache in my chest only grew heavier.
I miss her.
God, I miss her so much.
Every part of me ached for her—for her voice, her touch, her presence beside me. I longed to hear her call my name, even just once. I craved the feeling of her arms wrapping around me like I was the most precious thing in the world.
But I had no right anymore.
I gave that up the day I walked away.
Things are better now.
Me and Theo no longer had to keep pretending in front of his family. The games, the fake smiles—they’re all over now. I’m healthy. Fully recovered. Physically, I’m doing well.
But emotionally?
I feel like there’s a void inside me that nothing seems to fill.
Everything went well… except my heart.
Because it still longs for her.
Every night, before I close my eyes, I whisper a quiet prayer.
I pray to God that she’s okay. That wherever she is, she’s safe. That her heart is light and her smile remains genuine. I pray that she finds peace, even if it’s not with me. I want her to live the beautiful life she deserves—even if I’m not in it.
“Tara na?” Diana’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. She stood by the door, carrying some of my things with that soft smile on her face.
I returned her smile and gave a small nod, quickly grabbing the last of my bags.
But deep inside, a single question kept repeating in my mind like a broken record:
How do I live now… when you’re no longer beside me?