Chapter 8
Landon
I shouldn’t have gotten jealous. Dammit, I had no right.
Not after the way I walked out on her. And I sure as hell can’t claim the moral high ground when I’ve had my share of women since then.
Not because I stopped loving Anna. God, I never did.
But because I didn’t know how else to deal with the ache.
With every woman I touched, I was chasing her.
The sound of her laugh. The softness in her eyes when she looked at me like I was her whole damn world.
That little frown she gave me when I pushed too far.
But every single one of them was a waste.
Nothing came close to my Anna. They were just distractions, and every one of them only made me feel like an even bigger asshole.
And now, after hearing her confession, I feel like the worst kind of hypocrite, knowing she hasn’t been with anyone since. That there’s been no one but me all this time.
But at the same time, the selfish bastard in me feels fucking ecstatic. Because just the thought of Anna with another man sets my chest on fire, like someone poured gasoline over my ribs and lit a match.
“That’s a lot of food you ordered,” her voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I can’t help but smile as I watch her eyes skim over the food containers scattered across the kitchen counter.
“Well, you know I like going all out when it comes to you,” I say with a wink.
She doesn’t answer, just lets the corner of her mouth twitch, like she’s fighting back a smile.
I pull out the plates from the cabinet, and by the time I turn around, her sleeves are already pushed up, her hands busy unpacking the containers.
And damn, the sight of her in my kitchen makes my pulse spin, the way it always did when she slipped into that easy, domestic rhythm. God, how I’ve missed her in my kitchen.
“Do you want to eat in the dining room or by the pool?” I ask, setting the plates down.
Her head tilts slightly. “You have a pool?”
I shrug, a half-smile ghosting my lips before I can stop it. “Yeah.”
She shakes her head and looks down, getting busy with the containers again, muttering more to herself than to me. “Of course you do. I should’ve known better than to ask. Keeping up appearances is practically a requirement for you.”
Her words hit hard, and before I can think twice, I round the counter and close the distance between us. My fingers slide beneath her chin and tilt her face up until her eyes meet mine.
“I have the pool because I remember how much you wanted one,” I say quietly.
Yeah, I hurt her, but there hasn’t been a single second I haven’t thought about her.
Not a single thing I built was without her in my mind.
Smiling, I continue, “You used to sit on our tiny apartment balcony with your feet in that cheap plastic tub we bought that summer, and you’d tell me, ‘One day, I’ll have the real thing. ’”
Her eyes widen just slightly, and I catch the flutter of her pulse at her neck. I pray like hell she sees it, that no matter what kind of asshole I’ve been, I’ve always loved her. I still do. And there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t give her if she asked.
“Yeah… well, that was a long time ago.” She forces a small smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “A lot has changed since then.”
I bite back the words I want to say, that nothing’s changed, that I still love her like crazy. That, yeah, I lost my way, but I’m back. But I know she isn’t ready for all that. Not yet. So I let my hand fall from her chin and step back.
“Do you want to see the pool?”
Her eyes light up, bright enough to hit me straight in my chest. “Can I?”
“Yeah,” I say, taking her hand. She doesn’t pull away, and that small mercy is enough to keep my hold firm as I lead her toward the sliding glass doors at the back of the house.
I slide the door open, and the pool shimmers under the lamplight.
“It’s better up close,” I tell her. What I don’t add is… it’s better because you are here.
She nods, her gaze fixed on the waterfall spilling over the stones at the far end of the pool. We follow the stone path side by side, and only when we reach the edge do I finally let her hand slip from mine.
She steps closer, her fingertips brushing the smooth edge of the stone coping. “It’s… perfect.”
“It’s perfect… now,” I whisper against her ear from behind. She startles, turning toward me, and suddenly we’re close, so close I can feel her breath across my skin, sending an electric jolt all the way up my arm.
Without permission, my hand finds her waist, my fingers spreading over the curve of her hip as I pull her closer.
Her lips tremble, and I can’t tell if it’s from the evening breeze or the way I’m looking at her.
My gaze drops to her mouth, and I lean in, desperate to erase that last inch between us.
But before I can taste her, she jerks back, almost too fast. There’s a sudden splash, and the next thing I know, we’re both in the pool.
I surface with a quick breath, shoving my hair back from my face and blinking the water from my eyes. Across from me, Anna gasps, sputtering as droplets cling to her lashes and slide down her cheeks.
“Landon!” she yelps, splashing water at me.
“You’re the one who got us wet,” I tease with a wink.
Her eyes narrow, and I shrug. “If you hadn’t killed the mood, we wouldn’t have slipped into the pool.”
And instead of giving me her usual sass, she bursts out laughing. And hell, it wrecks me. That laugh… it’s everything I’ve been starving for. The piece of home I’ve been chasing. And all I can think about is hauling her into my arms and swallowing the sound with my mouth.
Just the thought makes my chest tighten, and my gaze slides lower.
Her shirt clings to her body, nearly see-through from the water, the lace beneath taunting me with every breath she takes.
I’ve seen her like this before, but now it feels dangerous, like I’m one breath away from crossing a line she’s not ready for.
“Landon,” she breathes, softer this time. And Christ, it’s been too damn long since my name carried even a hint of desire on her lips.
“Anna…” I whisper, stepping closer until barely an inch separates us. Her breathing quickens, but she doesn’t move. “I… I can’t…” The words choke in my throat as my hands find her face, my thumbs brushing over her damp cheeks, needing the connection as much as the air in my lungs.
She blinks up at me, her brows pulling together in confusion. “What?”
“Anna… I can’t fight it anymore,” I growl, my voice rough and vulnerable. “I need you. All of you. Right here, right now. I just want to lose myself in you, every inch, every heartbeat.”
Her pulse hammers under my thumb. “You can’t say things like that.”
I frown. “Why not?”
“You can’t just decide you want me now and expect me to forget the years I spent learning how to breathe without you.” She drags in a shaky breath. “You fucking walked away from me, Landon.”
My jaw clenches, but I don’t let go of her face.
I can’t. “I didn’t walk away because I stopped loving you.
I walked away because I was a coward. Because I thought I wasn’t good enough to be the man you deserved.
But damn it, Anna, I see it now. I was a fool.
And I’d rather spend every damn day fighting for you than live another second without you. ”
She swallows, her wounded gaze flicking away for the briefest second before returning to mine.
“You don’t get it, do you? You just don’t get to rewrite the past.”
“I’m not trying to rewrite it,” I snap, the ache in my chest tightening at the way she won’t even give us a chance. “I’m trying to fix it. To fix us.”
“We can’t just be fixed, Landon. We’re not some broken thing you can patch up with pretty words. You left me with pieces I had to learn to live with, and I don’t know if I can survive shattering all over again.”
The words hit harder than any punch I’ve ever taken.
“I’ll keep telling you I love you until you believe me. I’ll keep fighting for us, no matter what,” I murmur, close enough for her to feel the heat in my words.
For a moment, neither of us moves. The air between us is too thick to breathe. Then she steps back slowly. “I should change.”
“Yeah. You’re soaked.” My voice comes out hoarse, scraped raw from everything I’m trying to hold together.
We swim to the edge, and I push myself out, water dripping off my body. I turn back for her and bend down.
“Come on.” I extend my hand to her.
She hesitates, then finally slips her fingers into mine. I pull her up, her hand still locked in my grip. I don’t let go as we head inside, leaving a trail of water across the marble floor.
“Let me show you to your room,” I murmur, leading her to the guest room.
When we reach it, I open the door and gesture inside.
She steps in and her eyes sweep across the entire space.
The king-sized bed neatly made with crisp white linens.
A soft throw resting at the foot. Warm light spilling from a bedside lamp, softening the cream walls.
A framed abstract painting hanging above the headboard.
A tall bookshelf by the window, stacked with novels and a few travel journals.
And a dark wooden dresser sitting against the opposite wall, polished to a soft shine.
“I’ll get you a shirt and shorts,” I add quietly.
She turns, her eyes meeting mine, and for a moment, I can’t tell if she’s about to argue about wearing my clothes or say something else entirely. In the end, she just gives a small nod.
I step out and head to my room. Reaching there, I pull a T-shirt and shorts from the cupboard. When I return, she’s standing in the middle of the guest room, a towel draped around her shoulders, damp hair spilling down her back and dripping onto the carpet.
My hands twitch with the need to touch her again, to feel her warmth against my palms, but I force myself to stay still. Every instinct screams at me to close the distance, but I hold back.
Dragging in a shaky breath, I step toward her and hold the clothes out. “Here, change before you catch a cold.”
“I will.” She takes them from me, and her fingers brush against mine, lingering for a second too long. I swallow hard and turn to leave before I do something stupid when her voice stops me.
“Landon.”
I turn, my chest tightening at the sound of my name on her lips.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
For a moment, I just stand there, and all I can think about is how much I’ve missed being the one she turned to for anything.
I want to tell her she doesn’t need to thank me, that I’d give her anything and everything, without her even asking.
But I keep my mouth shut, because if I start, I’m not sure I’ll know where to stop.
I nod and step out, shutting the door softly behind me.
Leaning against the door, I squeeze my eyes shut, my lungs burning like I’ve run a damn marathon.
Every muscle in me is pulled tight, ready to snap.
I shouldn’t be picturing her stripping in there.
I shouldn’t be aching to storm back in, pin her to the wall and worship her.
But I’m. And there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. Not even when she’s right here, close enough to touch, yet still a thousand miles away.
Also, I know I’ll spend the rest of the night torturing myself with how easy it would’ve been to close that inch between us if I hadn’t been such a goddamn asshole in the first place.