Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
SINCLAIR
E lise never came back to our room that night. She didn’t come back all of Sunday either. I texted her to make sure she was okay and she reassured me she was fine and she’d be home later.
I spent the entire day in bed. If I wasn’t sleeping, I was reminiscing about my experience with August. Going over every moment again and again. To the point that I’m worried I’ve become fixated. Not that I’m at fault for feeling this way. I blame August. Who wouldn’t become fixated after having the most earth-shattering orgasm of their life? He’s ruined me.
Finally, around six, Elise bursts into our dorm room, leaning against the back of the door the second it slams shut. “Hi.”
I’m still in bed but at least I have my laptop open and I’m trying to do homework. When I glance up and take her in, I’m immediately frowning. “Are you okay?”
She looks like she’s been through a terrible storm and came out the other side, barely keeping it together. Her hair is windblown and her makeup is smudged. Black circles rim her eyes and her lips are red and swollen. She’s in a weird combination of clothes—obviously wearing a pair of men’s gray sweats that swim on her and a baby tee that I recognize as hers. There are black Adidas slides on her feet that are way too big and she kicks them off, her expression full of disgust.
“Not really,” she says on a sigh as she goes to her bed and collapses on top of it. She’s hugging her pillow, pressing her face against it so her voice is muffled. “I don’t know how to tell you this.”
I close my laptop and set it aside. “Tell me what?”
Elise remains quiet for an unnerving amount of time and my heart begins to thump. If she’s hooked up with—oh God—August? I will be livid. More at him than her because he would do something like that to get under my skin. He’s that much of an asshole.
And why am I thinking she’d get with August anyway? Of course she wouldn’t. She’s not interested in him like I am—and she doesn’t even know I’m interested in him.
I hate that I’m interested in him. That I hooked up with him and he treated me so terribly. Said all of those awful things that I liked. What’s wrong with me?
Why does he consume my thoughts?
“I stayed at Rafe and Tim’s dorm room last night. All day today. I basically had to beg them to let me leave a few minutes ago,” she starts, speaking into the pillow.
I’m frowning. “Okay.”
“We drank all last night. All day today. We also…” She clears her throat and lifts her head, though she’s facing the wall and not me. “Had sex.”
I blink at the back of her head, which is snarled like a rat’s nest. “You had sex in front of Tim?” I worried she would do that and she proved me right.
“Not just with Rafe.” She’s still facing the wall, like she can’t look at me. “I had sex with…Tim. And then the two of them. Together. ”
What? WHAT?! Is she for real right now?
“Elise…”
“I know,” she wails, finally turning to look at me. She’s already crying, tears streaming down her reddened face, her mascara running black little rivers across her skin. “I’m a whore. I stole your man!”
Oh. I didn’t even think that. I was too worried about the possibility she messed around with August. Not Tim. If she thinks she’s horrible, then I am too.
“You’re not a whore. And you definitely didn’t steal my man.” I crawl out of bed and go to her, pulling her into my arms. She starts sobbing into my sweatshirt, drenching it with her tears, and I just hold her, running my hand over her hair, trying to untangle it, but I give up because seriously. It’s a mess. “Tim and I aren’t together.”
“I know. He said the same thing.” Her shoulders shake and I wonder if she’s so upset over the fact that she feels guilty in regards to me or does it have to do with the fact that she had sex with two guys this weekend. At the same time.
Like seriously? She goes from a virgin to having a threesome all in the span of approximately forty-eight hours.
Elise pulls away slightly, her tear-filled gaze meeting mine. “Do you hate me?”
“Of course, I don’t hate you.” I brush her hair away from her face, hating how torn up she looks. I’m not worth her stress, especially after what I did with August. “I only like Tim as a friend anyway.”
She nods, her lower lip sticking out for a moment. “I had a feeling you’d say that. You didn’t seem that interested in him last night.”
I wasn’t, and I was hoping I wasn’t overly obvious, but it sounds like I was. “How was it?”
Elise frowns. “How was what? ”
“Having sex with two guys at the same time?” I don’t know if I want to understand the exact logistics but I am curious.
“Oh.” She shifts away from me with a shrug. “It was all right.”
“All right? They basically held you captive in their dorm room and you can only describe it as all right? You make it sound underwhelming.”
“Well, at first, we were so drunk that I didn’t even know it was happening until it was? I was kissing Rafe on his bed and he had his hands on my boobs and then…Tim got on the bed behind me and put his hands on my stomach and the next thing I knew they’re all over me.” Elise covers her face. “I’m embarrassed.”
“I’m surprised you’re not traumatized.”
She drops her hands. “Why would you say that?”
“Because you were still a virgin Friday and now you’re having full-blown threesomes,” I point out.
Her laughter sounds uncomfortable. “Yeah. About that.”
“About what?”
“I lied to you.” Another sigh leaves her. “I wasn’t a virgin. I’ve been having sex since I was fifteen.”
My mouth hangs open for a moment and I snap it shut, irritated. I don’t like it when people lie to me. It’s why I gave August so much shit last night. It’s a true trigger of mine. “Why would you lie about that?”
“I don’t know! We were playing true confessions and when you said you were a virgin, it felt natural to say I was one too. I wanted to make you feel like you weren’t a freak of nature,” she explains.
“Gee thanks.” My tone is heavy on the sarcasm because come on. That was kind of rude. She basically just called me a freak of nature.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry. More than anything, I didn’t want to look like a total slut. My body count is…unusually high.” She ducks her head, seemingly embarrassed.
I don’t even want to know what her body count is but…
“How many guys have you been with?”
“I’ve been with girls too,” she admits, her head still bent.
“Oh. Well, how many people have you been with?”
“Twenty-two.” She lifts her head, her relief obvious. “It was twenty until this weekend.”
“I guess you can play the Taylor Swift song in celebration.”
Her face brightens. “That’s a great idea!”
Elise taps at her phone and the song starts on the tiny speaker on our bedside table slash mini fridge. I didn’t mean for her to play that song at this very moment, but too late now.
“What are you going to do?” I ask as I watch her move about our room. She’s pulling clothes out of her dresser, those sweatpants she’s got on slipping down, making it obvious she has no underwear on underneath. “And whose sweats are those?”
“Tim’s. He’s skinnier than GG so I thought they were the better option for me to wear.”
“What happened to the rest of your clothes?”
The uneasy expression on her face makes me not want to know after all. “I’m not sure.”
I leave it at that.
Once she’s left the room to take a much-needed shower—thank God she didn’t try to roll around on my bed like she did yesterday—I mull over what she told me. I know college is for experimenting and I secretly hoped I’d have a few experimental moments. Last night was the first one and I felt pretty much like a sex goddess after it happened.
Figures that my roommate would completely one-up me. I can’t top a threesome in a dorm room. I don’t know if I want to.
Yeah…I definitely don’t want to.
It’s your typical Monday where every professor seems to dump some big project or test on us and by the time I’m entering my English class, already overwhelmed and it’s only my second class. Plus, I’m nervous because this is the first time that I’m going to see Tim after Saturday night and I have no idea how he’s going to act around me. He has to know that I know what happened between them all and I’m sure he’ll be embarrassed. Right? I’d be mortified if I were him.
But no. I settle into my desk chair and he shows up within seconds of my arrival, that amiable smile on his face like usual as he sits next to me.
“How’s it going?” he asks as he digs around in his backpack. “Have a good weekend?”
“Yeah. It was great,” I drawl, trying to keep things casual. Maybe I’m being too casual? I’m not sure. Tim is acting like his usual self so I’m going along with him. “How about you?”
“Pretty boring.” He plops his notebook on top of his desk and turns to smile at me. “Missed you.”
Alarm bells are clanging in my head. How could he miss me when he was so busy having sex with Elise and Rafe?
“Seriously?” The word slips out of my mouth before I can stop myself but hashtag no regrets. He is acting completely out of pocket.
He nods, his expression serious, his mouth formed into the tiniest pout. I don’t like it. The way he’s looking at me right now and the way he’s behaving. He’s throwing me off. “I should’ve made a move on you Saturday night.”
Tim would’ve been sorely disappointed if he did because I would’ve rejected him outright. “Nothing would’ve happened.”
“Don’t be so sure about that.” His confidence is unbelievable.
“Right. So you ended up making a move on my roommate instead?” I arch a brow, waiting for his response .
He turns about fifty shades of red and turns away from me, obviously embarrassed. “Uh.”
“Yeah. I heard all about it.” I emphasize the word all because Elise didn’t hold back. She was reserved at first with the details, but by the time we were in bed and it was late? Forget it—she couldn’t stop talking about it. She told me everything, which I assume was easier for her in the darkness. It was easier for me too because then we didn’t have to look at each other when she said phrases like, double penetration and they jerked each other off.
No judgment but I’m an eighteen-year-old prude who hasn’t done shit yet. This is the sort of thing that I’ve only seen in porn. While Elise is living her best life and doing it for real.
“Damn.” He swivels his head in my direction and I see the misery in his dark eyes. “Does that mean I lost my chance with you?”
Poor silly Tim. I can’t believe he thought he still had a chance after he fucked my roommate and only friend on this entire campus.
“Definitely,” I tell him and he hangs his head in defeat.
“I was hoping?—”
“Yeah, no. I’m not interested. I can’t imagine going out with you and Rafe and Elise on a double date. Next thing we know you’re all going to try and convince me to join in during your sexual—escapades.” I sound like an old lady, calling what they did escapades but my God, this is embarrassing.
“We wouldn’t do that, I swear.” His tone turns pleading. “Come on, Sinclair. It was—we were feeling wild that night. I don’t know how to explain it, but we swore it would never happen again.”
Elise never mentioned that part. Pretty sure she wants it to happen again.
“She knows how I feel about you. I didn’t lie when I told Lancaster I’ve been trying to get your attention since day one of school.”
I hate that he brought up August. I don’t want to think about him.
I can’t stop thinking about him.
“And now you’re telling me the dream is over? I’ll never get a chance to take you out again?” Tim rests both hands over his heart, like he’s in pain. Or praying, I can’t tell. “Come on, Sin. Give a guy a break.”
“Okay, first of all, do not call me Sin.” I hate it. At least, I hate hearing the nickname come from Tim’s lips. That’s August’s thing, not his. “And second, no. Your dreams are dashed because we are definitely not going on another date.”
Elise even told me she was hoping they could turn into a throuple, but maybe that’s not Tim’s plan. I’m so confused.
“That’s too bad.” Tim exhales loudly. “I could’ve rocked your world.”
I almost laugh and thankfully I’m saved by our professor striding into the classroom. She immediately starts talking and I turn to face the front of the room, relieved I don’t have to continue our conversation.
And did Tim really say he could’ve rocked my world? Please. I’ll let his experimental ass stay with Elise. He can continue rocking her world because I don’t want anything to do with him. He’s a nice guy but really? We had no spark. Plus, there’s the fact that he’s literally been inside my roommate and came on her tits—a direct quote from Elise—so yeah.
No thank you.
Class is almost over when I feel my phone buzz in the pocket of my hoodie. I discreetly pull it out to see what it is—our professor hates to see us on our phones—and I frown when I see it’s a number. One I don’t recognize. The message says :
I can’t stop thinking about you.
I glance over at Tim who is literally dozing. His eyes are closed and everything, so he definitely didn’t send it. I can’t imagine August admitting something like this either, and he doesn’t even have my phone number.
Feeling brave because I’ve got nothing to lose, I respond to the mysterious text.
Me: Who is this?
But I get no reply. Probably a wrong number.
Figures.