Chapter 48
Chapter Forty-Eight
SINCLAIR
T he Lancaster house is huge and opulent. The rooms are ginormous. They even have a ballroom, and that’s where many of the family weddings and receptions have been held. When August’s mother drops that little factoid, I immediately envision my wedding with August in this very room. Me in a beautiful white dress and August in a black tux. Hundreds of people in attendance with pink and white flowers everywhere and a string quartet playing. I can see it.
Silly but true.
Originally, we were supposed to have dinner with my parents tonight, but they couldn’t make it, so the big family dinner will be tomorrow, which is unfortunate. I liked the idea of getting it over with and being able to breathe easier for the rest of the weekend.
I guess that’s not what’s in store for me.
We go out for dinner tonight, August’s parents taking us to a restaurant not too far from their home. Iris and Brooks come with us, baby Astrid as well, and I can’t stop cooing at her in the restaurant. Lucky for me, I’m sitting next to Iris and she’s holding Astrid for most of the meal so I help her distract the baby whenever I can.
“I think she likes you,” Iris muses when Astrid reaches out and grabs onto a strand of my hair, tugging it hard.
“Ow, little princess. That hurts.” I gently pry her fingers from my hair and move away from her. This results in Astrid making a pouty face just before she scrunches it up and lets out a loud wail.
“Maybe she doesn’t like me so much after all,” I murmur, watching as Iris hands off the baby to Brooks, who takes her in his arms and starts tickling her belly. She immediately starts laughing, her distress forgotten though there are still fat tears clinging to the corners of her eyes.
“She’s getting into a bratty stage, I fear,” Iris tells me as she reaches for her glass of white wine and sips from it. “And the only person who can console her completely is her daddy.”
The love shining in Iris’s eyes as she watches Brooks with their daughter tells me she’s beyond happy with her little family and that warms my heart.
“She’s not a brat. She’s sweet,” I murmur, smiling.
“Augie calls her a monster.” Iris shakes her head. “If anyone is a monster, it’s my brother.”
I don’t know if I’d call him a monster, but if she’d said that a couple of months ago, I would’ve readily agreed with her.
Funny how things change.
“He’s not so bad,” I finally say, earning a pointed look from his sister.
“He made your life a living hell.”
I didn’t need the reminder but there it is. Do his parents know about our past? If they do, what do they think about it? It’s a little embarrassing, that our original connection was when he used to bully me.
“Iris, can I ask you a question?” Iris turns to face me once more, nodding. “Did you know Brooks was the one for you the minute you met him?”
“Oh no. Not at all. I loathed Brooksie when we first met. He just immediately rubbed me the wrong way. But the more I got to know him, the more enthralled I became with him and the next thing I knew, we were sneaking off together and hooking up constantly. Oh, we had the best time back then. We were so horny every minute of every day and we couldn’t get enough of each other.” She rests her fingers over her mouth like she needs to shut herself up. “I probably shouldn’t have said that to you.”
“No, I don’t mind.” It reminds me of my situation with August. I loathed him too, for years. Until eventually we became horny for each other as well. “August has mentioned there’s a family curse when it comes to love.”
“He told you about that? And called it a curse?” Iris begins to laugh. “Oh, that’s hilarious. I wouldn’t call it a curse. It’s just a basic fact. Lancasters find their person right away. Usually when we’re young. I sometimes think that’s why he bullied you.”
I frown. “You think he bullied me why? Because he was…interested in me?”
That’s laughable. I was desperately unattractive and awkward and an ugly duckling who hadn’t quite bloomed into a swan. I find what Iris is saying hard to believe.
“Yes. Definitely.” Iris looks smug. Like she’s been dying to tell me this. “Think about it. He wouldn’t leave you alone. He was constantly giving you shit for the entire year. Who does that? Why would he do it? Because he was secretly obsessed with you, which is another Lancaster male trait. They hide their feelings and pretend they hate you when that’s the furthest thing from the truth.”
“That sounds ridiculous.” I’m scoffing. Shaking my head. She can’t be for real right now. “He hated me. Told me I was ugly and stupid. ”
“God, see? He’s a monster! Are you sure you want to be with him?” Iris rests her fingers on her lips once more, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t say that but I can’t help it. I love my brother but please—just make sure his intentions are true.”
Unease slips down my spine as I absorb what she said. “Do you think he’s trying to what…trick me?”
“I don’t know. I should’ve never said anything about this.” She shrugs, obviously uncomfortable. “He would never do that to you. He seems like he’s completely in love with you.”
I almost scoff at that. The words have never been spoken out loud by him and I just find it’s too soon for love. Right? Does August even have a heart big enough to love someone? He treats me well. We have sex constantly. But is that all it is? We’re horny for each other, as Iris described herself and Brooks.
“I don’t know if it’s love,” I start, and Iris is shaking her head, a panicked look on her face.
“I regret saying what I said to you, Sinclair. My brother wouldn’t do anything like that to you. He pays attention to no one. Is dismissive of almost everyone. He’s falling for you. I’m sure of it.”
Her words ring hollow and I’m sure that has to do with my sudden lack of self-esteem thanks to our conversation. But I put on a brave smile and nod like I agree with her, grateful when she changes the subject and starts talking about Astrid teething. I half listen to her, my gaze going to August who is sitting on the other side of the table, engrossed in a conversation with his father.
He brought me here for a reason, I remind myself. To spend time with his family. For my family to come here as well and meet. That has to mean something. I can’t let what Iris said linger in my brain. She didn’t mean to sound so negative, and besides, she doesn’t know what my relationship is like with August.
No one really does. Just us.
For the rest of the dinner, I’m quiet. August notices, sending me questioning looks from across the table but all I can do is offer him a tiny smile in return, though it doesn’t feel real. He can tell too. Or at the very least, sense my mood. The distress radiates from Iris like palpable waves and I feel sorry for her. She didn’t mean to upset me and I know she didn’t purposely try to hurt me either. Iris is a nice person. All of the Lancasters I’ve met are lovely people.
Save for the very one who I’m involved with. Maybe I’m in over my head. Maybe I’ve already drowned and can’t be saved.
I’m in the guest bedroom stripping out of my clothes when there’s an urgent knock on the door. The handle rattles and I hear a muffled curse. I stand in the middle of the bedroom, clad in only my bra and panties, my mouth dropping open when the door swings wide and reveals an impatient August, who strides into the room as if he owns the place. Which I suppose he does in a sense, but still.
“August, what are you do—” He doesn’t let me get the rest of my question out, talking right over me.
“What’s wrong with you?” He grabs hold of my arms, his touch gentle, his gaze searching, wandering all over my face. Looking for a sign. Or an answer. “Tell me, Sin. Something is bothering you.”
I start to shake my head. “Noth?—”
“Bullshit,” he interrupts, bending his knees so he can be at eye level with me. His gaze is imploring and the confusion I see swirling there has my stomach twisting. “What did my sister say to you? I’m going to murder her, I swear. ”
“You can’t murder her. Then Astrid won’t have a mother,” I protest.
“That little monster can probably raise herself,” he mutters, though there’s no malice in his tone. He adores that baby despite the fact that he calls her a monster. I saw the way he held her earlier and when she batted his face with her chubby hand. “Tell me, Sin. What happened? Something is bothering you.”
There are a multitude of things that happened this afternoon and evening that’s led me to feel the way I do. I can’t list them all and I don’t want to. I hate feeling uneasy around him, but it’s also a familiar emotion. He’s had me on edge since the day I met him. “Iris warned me that I should make sure your intentions toward me are…true.”
The murderous gleam that appears in August’s eyes is terrifying. “I’m going to kill her.”
“No, you’re not. She was immediately apologetic and has been worried sick since she said it. And she only mentioned that because of our past.”
He lets go of me and starts pacing the length of the room, his anger radiating off of him in thick waves. “She had no business telling you that. What the fuck was she thinking? I’ve never messed with her relationship, even though I believe she can do much better than that bumbling idiot.”
“She felt bad,” I remind him. “But I suppose what she said is a little warranted. Our situation is—unique. You can’t deny it.”
He whirls on me, despair etched into his features. “I can’t change the past, no matter how badly I want to. I hate that I did that to you. Fucking hate it. And it feels like it’s always going to be thrown in my face no matter what I do.”
“I don’t throw it in your face.” Not lately at least.
“No, but others will, like Iris. And she’ll probably continue doing it too. Damn it.” He wraps his hands around the back of his neck and tilts his head back, staring at the ceiling. He exhales roughly. “I hate that she said something to upset you and ruin the entire weekend. I shouldn’t have brought you here.”
I go still, shock freezing me in place. Did he mean what he just said?
He drops his hands and turns toward me, his brows drawn together. “More like I shouldn’t have asked her to come this weekend. A small part of me wanted to earn her approval and look what it got me? Nothing but trouble.”
I don’t respond to him at first, still stuck on what he said. That he shouldn’t have brought me here. Does he mean it? Is our relationship doomed because of our past?
“I have to ask you, August.” I hesitate for only a moment, my voice trembling. “Are your intentions true? For me?”
His eyes go ice cold, his expression shuttering closed. “If you don’t realize what I feel for you by now, then what’s the point of this? Of us?”
My heart sinks, regret making it heavy. I regret what I said and now I know how Iris felt after she opened her mouth. “You never say how you feel about me, August. You talk about being obsessed and that you can’t get enough of me, but that’s it.”
He stares at me, disbelief all over his face. “That’s it? What you’re telling me is that what I do and say isn’t enough for you?”
“No, I?—”
“I’m sorry I disappoint you. I’m new to being in a relationship and I don’t know how to navigate it. You know this. And now you’re implying what I do and what I say isn’t good enough. If that’s the case, Sinclair, then why are you here? Why are you with me?”
I gape at him, unable to form words, the panic rising inside and gripping me in a chokehold. I try to speak, yet nothing comes out but a distressed noise that has him shaking his head and snorting in disbelief .
“Guess I’ll just have to prove it to you in a more obvious way then,” he states just before he turns and rushes out of my room, slamming the door behind him.
The moment he’s gone, I collapse on top of the bed and close my eyes, wrapping my arms around my middle. I’m shaking, my mind running a million miles a minute and I don’t know what to do. Should I chase after him? Should I leave? My mind replays his words over and over again.
Guess I’ll just have to prove it to you in a more obvious way then.
What does that mean? It almost sounds positive but am I too hopeful? Or was it an insult? If he didn’t want me here, he would’ve had no problem escorting me out of the house himself. Yet he didn’t.
Maybe there is hope for us.