Chapter Thirty-Two
Seraphine
We spend the day having sex all over his house.
Even after saying we were going to take a break because we were sore, we’d end up doing it again.
In his parlor, with me bent over the couch.
He ate me out from behind first and even licked the other hole that had me yelping but begging him to keep going.
We did it on the floor of his office when he took a moment to check some emails.
I rode him on his bed, with him sitting up against the headboard, when we’d gone in there to find a change of clothes—as if that would stop us from getting to one another.
It didn’t. Even after we finally got dressed, we didn’t make it down the stairs before he was on me again.
Now we’re in the hot tub and I am in need of a break. I’m so sore. Though, if he wanted to fuck me again right here, I wouldn’t say no.
“Are you upset about Gia knowing about us?” I ask, leaning against him.
His hands slowly drag up and down my thighs, his mouth on my neck every now and then. He’s always touching me, but not just resting his hand on me, it has to be active. He needs to move his fingers along my skin or kiss me. There needs to be friction.
“Not at all. Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know…”
“Yes, you do. Tell me.”
If there’s anything he’s good at, it’s calling me out. He does it with just the right amount of urging and understanding.
“Okay. Well, we haven’t talked about what we’re doing.”
“As in if we’re in a relationship?”
“Yes,” I say carefully, grateful I’m sitting in his lap, so I don’t have to look him in the eyes.
“Is that what you want?” He slips his arms around my waist.
“Is that what you want?” I ask in return.
“Yes. And I think we should tell everyone.”
“What? No. We can’t do that.”
Panic settles in my chest over what that would mean. Not only for my job, but for my personal life too. Namely—Harrison.
“Why not?” His tone is too calm, too… monotone. He’s upset. I upset him.
Oh my God, I upset him.
I turn to face him, straddling his lap, feeling awful.
“What will people think at work?” I say.
“Why does that matter?”
“Because I work there, and everyone will only think I got the job because I’m fucking you.”
I expect him to make a joke about that being the reason why he gave me the job, in hopes to fuck me, but he doesn’t. What he says? I don’t know if it’s better or worse.
“So quit.”
“What?”
“Stop working. Move in with me. Let me take care of you.”
His hands slide up and down my back until finally resting on my ass. All I can do is stare at him in shock. Is he serious?
“I don’t want to be a kept woman, Elliot.”
“That implies secrecy, Seraphine, and I’m the one wanting to tell everyone. I don’t want to keep you here in private, I just want people to know that we’re together. I’m not ashamed of it, of you.”
“I’m not ashamed of you either.”
“Then what’s the issue?”
I scoff, moving away from him to sit in the spot beside him.
I don’t miss the frown on his face or the way the tension in the air has grown.
When I thought of us having this conversation, I didn’t anticipate it going this way.
I thought I’d be the one pleading with him to not hide me.
Not once did I think he’d be the one wanting everyone to know.
“Have you even thought of what this would mean? Not only for us but everyone else.”
He frowns, but after a moment, nods in understanding. “Harrison.”
It’s not a question, but a realization.
I don’t answer him because I don’t know what to say to that. Because yes, I am worried about Harrison and what he’ll think, but that isn’t the only issue.
Though, now that I really think about it, people probably think I’m nothing but a young hot girl up Elliot’s ass anyway.
Some gold digger he found off the street.
He gave me the job because he felt bad for me, and for some reason, I never considered that until right now.
Even with all the jabs Harrison threw, suggesting it, it never crossed my mind because it wasn’t the truth.
Now that the possibility of people finding out about us is real, a million worries flood me.
For some reason, it’s my father’s voice in the back of my head, telling me how much of an idiot I am for ruining the only good thing I had in life—this job.
But was the job even real? It was a real job, but it’s true I only got it because Elliot wanted to sleep with me.
I knew Elliot was attracted to me from the beginning, and I was attracted to him too. And though I fought his advances at first, I did give in to them too easily, and now here we are, with feelings involved and me wondering how, once again, I’ve been lying to myself.
Does how this started matter? That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?
It doesn’t matter to me, because I trust his feelings are true, so it shouldn’t matter at all.
But all I can think about is what everyone will think and how bad it’ll get once Harrison finds out and spreads rumors like wildfire.
I can’t handle that sort of attention or all the negativity that comes with it.
And what happens when reporters find out?
This is all much bigger than the office and the few people in my life. This could go national…
Things have been so good lately. I’ve done my best to avoid all negativity.
My father is dead. Harrison is out of my life.
I don’t have to worry about putting my guard up because there is nothing to shield myself from.
But if we go public with this, I’ll be a target again and I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle that.
Not yet and maybe not ever—not even with Elliot at my side.
“Do you want to be with him?” he asks, voice somber.
“No,” I say adamantly.
“Then what is the issue, Seraphine? Tell me, please.” He reaches for my hand, pulling me back onto his lap. “Please, sweetness. Tell me what it is so I can make it better.”
“I’m just not ready to face the backlash from everyone, Elliot. Not just Harrison—”
“But mostly Harrison.”
“I guess.”
“I already told him I would cut him off.”
“And you think that’ll make him stop?” I ask, getting frustrated now. “It’ll only anger him more and you should know that. He’s your son.”
He flinches away as if I’ve slapped him, and I don’t even know why. What did I say that was so terrible?
His gaze goes off to the side and he looks in deep thought for a moment before saying, “I guess I don’t know my son then.”
Oh.
“That’s not what I meant,” I say softly, putting my hands on his shoulders.
“But it’s the truth.”
“I don’t know. Maybe?” I shrug. “But what parent truly knows their child?”
His eyes bore into mine. “A good one.”
“Elliot…”
He pulls his gaze away again, looking at something behind me instead. His jaw is set, and now he’s definitely upset.
“Hey, look at me,” I urge, putting my hands on his cheeks. Finally, he does. “You are a good father. Way better than mine.”
“No offense, but that isn’t much to go by.”
I sigh. “You’re right, but it’s all I have at the moment.” He blinks a few times, his face emotionless. “I don’t want to fight with you, especially not over this,” I say. “I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready to break this perfect little bubble we’re in.”
Nodding once, he looks away again. “I understand.”
“Do you, though?”
“No,” he says with a humorless laugh. “But what can I do but accept it?”
I feel so out of control right now, wanting to do what I can to make him happy… but at the cost of my own happiness and comfort? That doesn’t seem fair. There has to be a way to meet in the middle, right? I’m not sure how though. What can I do so we both get what we want?
Knowing this conversation isn’t going anywhere, and we’re likely to upset one another further, I give up on it and ask if he wants take-out for dinner.
By the time the food arrives, he seems to be in a bit of a better mood.
Not entirely, but enough that we can have a normal conversation.
We put on a movie as we eat pizza, and Liar Liar does wonders to heighten our mood.
I agree to stay the night again, because I don’t like the thought of being away from him, especially not after I upset him. We go to bed together, fuck until we’re both sweaty and spent, then we fall asleep. He holds me until the sun comes up, and it’s the start of a brand-new day.