Chapter 6
CAMERON
Waking up before four a.m. to take pills is difficult this morning.
One, because I woke up with Emery’s arms wrapped around my chest and her cheek pressed against my shoulder.
Two, because I really didn’t want to lose the moment.
It was odd because this is something I don’t normally particularly enjoy. Comfort.
I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror, hating that I’m here again in the Under. It’s been almost seven years now, yet it feels like it’s hardly been a day since I left this awful place. Memories of the faces I once knew during my time down here flash through my mind.
I don’t want to remember them. All the people I grew to know in the Under…
none of them made it out with me. I scoff and shake my head.
Why do they even tell us to make friends before the trials?
False alliances that will fall apart the moment the trials begin.
The Dark Forces truly are a testament of the evil that lives within us.
I throw back the last two pills and swallow them, letting the empty plastic bottle drop into the sink.
At least Adams hasn’t changed. It was good to see that he’s made a name for himself down here. Though I bet it eats him up inside that someone as fucked-up as me gets to be on a squad while he’s trapped in this never-ending cycle of carnage. You’d have to be one tough son of a bitch to endure that.
A direct knock comes from the bathroom entrance. My eyes slide lazily toward the door, expecting Nolan because he knows about my four a.m. fix problem, but I’m surprised when Lieutenant Erik steps in.
My body physically responds to his presence—heart rate spiking and my stomach turning as I recall his knife in my eye.
I couldn’t feel the pain, but I felt the pressure behind it, the swelling of my flesh and inability to see for days.
He’s the only man on earth who could kill me in a one-on-one fight.
He knows all my techniques, all my flaws.
I stand swiftly.
“Lieutenant.” I salute him and stand at attention. Erik doesn’t like formalities when it’s just us. He’s like a father to me, one that I never had. But I always insist on being formal, it feels like the only thing I can do right when everything else I do fails him.
He’s the strictest of the four squads, being the only lieutenant still active on missions since our sergeant died in action a few months back, but he’s also the most patient.
I think Sergeant Jenkins on Ri?t would’ve iced me a long time ago if I was on his squad.
Rumor has it that he’s ruthless for being as young as he is.
Many of us have never met him, and honestly, I don’t want to.
“At ease,” Erik mutters as he looks around the communal bathroom. His eyes lock on the empty pill bottle in the sink. “I see you’re still choosing to commit to this slow death,” he says in a monotone voice.
I respect that he’s so hard to read. It keeps me on my toes.
But deep down, I know he cares about his men more than he lets on.
He doesn’t have to check in on us, but he normally does.
I think he’s the only officer who’s managed to keep a sliver of his empathy for others, not that he’d ever admit it.
He’s been giving me a hard time about the pills since I started taking them.
Granted, he’s been able to watch my mind unravel over the years.
I wonder how far I’ve fallen from the man he once knew.
I think he allows me to continue taking them because it’s the only real value I have in the general’s eyes. Nolan fucking hates my guts.
“I’m going to get the injections too. General Nolan has a new poison scheduled for this morning,” I say sardonically as I toss him the empty black bottle.
Erik catches it and lowers his hand to his side, unfazed. “Without my approval?”
I shrug, annoyed that he’s pretending like he’ll ever actually deny new test drugs.
“General Nolan offered and I accepted. You’ve already thrown me back into the Under, so I don’t see why it matters to you.
I know we don’t have time for a field bonding training with Emery, but you still could’ve let me know you booked us for the level black mission in—”
“I know. Who do you think is organizing the missions with Nolan?” Erik’s cold eyes inspect me for a beat before he tracks back to the meds. “You put yourself here, Cameron. Not me. You know that…as much as you know you’re killing yourself with these.” He lifts the pill bottle for emphasis.
My smile is small and defeated. “I’m different, lieutenant. They won’t kill me like the others.” A stream of blood trickles down my nose and over my lips. I wipe it away with my sleeve. Nose bleeds are a normal side effect of the drug, but so is murdering my partners, apparently.
He raises his brows like he pities me and mutters as he leaves, “No. You’re not different, Mori. No matter how much you crave to be special, you simply aren’t.”
His comment is a strike to the gut.
I stare at the gray walls of the arena, thinking about his words while I wait for Nolan to retrieve me for the injections.
Erik’s wrong. I am different. No one’s survived this long on the enhancement medication.
I’m the only one who’s shown a positive response to them.
The injections are supposed to be a huge improvement from the pills, especially when used together.
Well, at least that’s the end goal. We’ll see how it actually starts off.
I’m going to be whatever the Dark Forces wants me to be, and with these stimulants I can become the ideal soldier they desire, able to kill more efficiently.
The ultimate weapon feels no pain.
Nolan doesn’t say a word when he sees me waiting for him. He keeps his hands tucked in his camo pant pockets and offers a short nod.
We pass the barracks and my eyes are drawn to a splash of soft pink. She’s already awake?
I stop, not really knowing why. All I know is that I want to observe her from afar as much as I do up close. There’s something about the way she holds herself that demands my attention. The red that rims her eyes and makes her skin look soft. The fierceness that radiates in her soul.
“Mori.” Nolan’s voice is sharp and pulls me from somewhere deep in my mind.
I break my trance on her and resume walking, trying to sort out the confusion she instills inside me.
I can’t remember the last time I didn’t want to hurt someone.