Chapter 20 Emery #2
“Yes, actually. And I know that the cadets smart enough to prepare properly had the best chances at winning. Grab that tape on the shelf and wrap your hands. Put that vest on too,” he orders absently. His eyes scour the weapons tables in search of something.
I do as he says and wrap my palms with the medical tape, but decide to leave the higher grade vest off until we’re finished in here.
“Do we get to bring these things with us in the trials?” I ask, an uneasiness washes over me that he seems to have entered an entirely new mindset now that he knows what trial it is.
He moves methodically, grabbing an extra knife to tuck in his boot and a spare clip of ammo.
Cameron nods. “Weapons included,” he says quieter.
My eyes widen. “Why didn’t Adams say anything then?”
“The Dark Forces reward soldiers who are risky. Keen. Willing to do whatever it takes to ensure that their team survives out there, even if it means cheating.”
I should’ve guessed. “The Dark Forces don’t do anything that isn’t shady, do they?
” I let my gaze fall back down to the ACE 32 in my hands.
It’s a fitting place for people like us.
Nothing is fair in the dark underbelly of the world.
I think of the time I terminated four guards with a bottle of poison I put in their wine.
They thought they were being rewarded by their boss. Poor saps.
Cameron chuckles, the sound is deep and draws my eyes to him. His smile is weak, but I admire it all the same. “Shady is kind of our thing. You either get down and dirty with the heathens or I’m afraid the Dark Forces will eat you up, pretty girl.”
I shoot him a glare and lift my rifle, aiming for the dummies at the end of the range.
“They didn’t call me the Severance Executioner for being a saint, Mori,” I mutter as I pull the trigger.
The ACE 32 fires smoothly, silenced with the muffler at the end, and the bullet glides through the air beautifully.
The first dummy’s head explodes when the bullet hits the center of its forehead. I decapitate the second with a blow straight to the vertebrae and rupture the heart of the third.
I grip the rifle tightly in one hand and grab one of the handguns on the table beside me as I turn, pulling the trigger against the bottom of the throat of a ballistic dummy behind me.
Cameron has his arms crossed, but he can’t keep the carnal hunger from his gaze as he watches me.
He pushes off the wall and circles me, his body an inch from brushing against mine.
I’m overwhelmed with his scent and breathe sharply.
Him almost touching me is driving me mad.
All I want are his cruel hands on my skin again.
“You look like a saint, though, Em. That’s the problem.
You’re sweet enough to devour in one sitting.
Just because you can kill doesn’t mean you know what it’s like to lose a comrade.
To fester in the awful things you’ve done.
Out there in civilization, you were merely killing bad people assigned to you.
In here, you’re going to take the lives of those you choose to kill.
Of cadets that are only trying to survive like you are.
Of whoever the fuck General Nolan sends us after.
Can you stomach that?” Cameron slowly walks around me until he’s before me again and staring into my eyes.
“I ended lives yesterday and slept like a baby, or have you already forgotten?” I lie. I slept like absolute shit. But delusion and dissociating are the only methods I know to keep my mind straight. Reed taught me that, and it’s saved me from myself.
He tilts his head and grins. “And you’ve had this emptiness about you since. I can see the way the guilt collects in your eyes. You’re just choosing not to process it. Detachment will keep you alive, so at least you’re smart enough to do that.”
I bite my lower lip. How does he see it? It annoys me that he knows all of that just by looking at me. Am I that transparent? I don’t try to be. I’m not good at being as heartless as he is. I didn’t lose everything the way he did.
“See? That’s your problem. You toss around your heart like it will earn you something.
Caring for others will get you nothing. Let me be your first disappointment on that front.
You will lose that part of yourself. It might as well be sooner than later because by the end of the trials, you won’t be any better than me. ” He says the words emotionlessly.
I look at the floor and try to avoid his gaze, but his cold fingers find my chin, and he angles my head back to him.
“It’s a good place to be, Em.”
“Really? Because you don’t look so good, Cameron. You say I’m the one not processing shit, but what about you? I can see right through you too, you know.” He recoils at my words like he’s been struck and narrows his eyes.
I take a step back to put distance between us, but he closes it just as quickly, backing me up against the wall.
I breathe in as he lowers his head against the wall until his lips are brushing my ear and whispers, “Careful with that sly tongue of yours.” His breath warms my neck and sends heat through my entire body.
“Or what?” I ask softly, turning my cheek toward him until our flesh meets.
Cameron’s throat bobs as he slowly threads his fingers with mine and brings my hand behind my lower back. He whispers over my lips, “I’ll punish you until you learn your lesson. Until you can no longer speak.”
His grip loosens over my hand as his eyes dip to my lips.
“You want to be tender now? After last night?” I ask callously, and his composure finally fractures.
“This isn’t tender. This is starving.”
He gives in to his carnal desire and kisses me like it’s his first and last. He smooths his hand down my throat while the other keeps my hand secured tightly behind me.
True to his word, Cameron consumes me fervently.
Our lips move to the same beat, and our hearts thump savagely against one another’s chests.
I feel as though I know him more than anyone has, yet at the same time, not at all.
A moan slips from my lips as he lets his tongue sink into my mouth, exploring every inch of me.
His hands follow suit, releasing my wrist and moving over the grooves and valleys of my flesh like it’s the first time he’s touched me.
It’s more delicate this time, almost somber in the way his thumb traces the edge of my breast.
Cameron pulls his head away and grits his teeth together. The veins in his neck are prominent as he restrains himself from indulging in whatever this is between us.
I press my lips to his neck and wrap my arms around his torso slowly, gliding my fingers along his ribs. He shudders as I murmur, “What are you afraid of, Cam? I’m just a woman. You’re incapable of caring, remember?”
His body stiffens, and for a moment, I think I’ve won our little battle of wits.
But he brings his nose to mine and stares into my soul.
“You think I’ll spare you in the end, Emery, don’t you?
I’m only trying to keep your fragile pieces together until the last song is sung. Until I’m the last thing you see.”
Not such a bad sight, I muse, trying to keep the cold chill from entering my veins.
I laugh over his lips as I kiss him again. “Such a poet. You’ve fallen mad, I’m afraid,” I say between breaths. He groans and pushes me against the wall, fisting my hair and sending fire over my skin.
Cameron slips his hand under my shirt and kneads my breast. “Only you seem to drive me to this place of madness. The things I want to do to you are beastly.” He bites my lower lip as he unzips my pants. I whimper at the sting of his teeth followed by the soft stroke of his tongue.
He kisses me once more before pulling away and holding my gaze as he lowers to his knees before me. I remain standing with my back pressed against the wall.
“Don’t move a muscle,” he says as he pulls down my pants and groans when he sees the evidence of my arousal.
“Look how much your body craves my touch, love.” He dips his finger through my slit and rubs it all the way to my clit.
My jaw slacks and I fist my hands against the wall, trying to resist threading them through his hair and forcing his mouth to my throbbing core.
Cameron glances up at me, his eyes so endearing it wakes something in me. That’s all he seems to do is uncover things that I thought were long dead.
He doesn’t look away as he brings his lips to my center and strokes his tongue through my pussy. His mouth closes around my clit, and he shuts his eyes like he’s savoring a high. Then he lets out a low groan as he grips my thighs and buries his tongue inside me.
I cry out, knees buckling as the pleasure thunders through me.
Cameron laps at my center like he truly wants me to lose my sanity.
My hands find his lovely, soft hair and my hips lightly buck as he sucks and licks me like a feral beast. I climax quickly and bury my teeth into my lower lip to keep from screaming as he devours me entirely.
He laps up my release greedily and doesn’t let up until I’m wriggling in his hands and begging for him to give me a moment to catch my breath.
Cameron finally stops and licks his lips as I slide down the wall until my ass hits the sparring mat. My breaths are uneven, and I gasp when he picks me up as if I weigh nothing more than an assault rifle.
“What are you doing?” I pant, pressing my hand to his chest. His lust-filled eyes find mine as he sets me down on the table among the combat knives. My pulse spikes, and fear enters my veins as he picks up an ebony blade.
“I’m going to fuck you until you’re weeping, but just in case I lose myself”—he places the knife in my hand—“I want you to feel safe with me, Em. I want…at least one person to feel safe with me,” he whispers, his eyes averted, anguished.
A pulse of pain spreads through my chest at his admission. I know how difficult it is for him to be vulnerable. Cameron doesn’t do vulnerable.
I take the knife and offer him a reassuring smile. He pauses, thumbs hooked around his pants, and stares down at my body spread out on the table like I’m a sacrifice. I force my eyes away, knowing he doesn’t feel anything for me makes irrational emotions flare to the surface of my heart.
It’s just sex.
A moment later, the sound of his pants hitting the ground draws my gaze back to him. His cock is throbbing and leaking precum at the tip.
I lick my lips as I watch him fist himself and align his tip to my entrance. Cameron’s hair falls over his forehead as he pushes inside me. His brows knit and his mouth parts as he spreads me with his thickness. My back arches with the pressure and pleasure filling my stomach.
“Fuck, you’re wrapping around my dick so tightly,” he groans, pressing his lips along my collarbone as he brings his hips flush with mine. I whimper into his neck. I’ve never been stuffed to the brim like he fills me. My hips buck against him, begging for him to move and make me come.
Cameron chuckles and nips at the soft skin at the back of my jawline. He concedes to my cries and starts pumping into me. My legs wrap around his waist, and my fingers dig into his shoulders.
The way he embraces me so tenderly but thrusts his hips so ruthlessly makes every thought in my mind tilt on its axis. I want every part of him. Every drop of his sinful body, his murderous touch.
I want all of it.
My fingers thread through his hair, and my palms rest gently against his cheeks as he breathes heavily above me.
His sage eyes meet mine, and the dullness that keeps that heart locked up in ice melts a bit.
He slows, staring into my soul with endearment at first, but fear slowly stretches across his gaze.
He quickly brings his chest to mine. I’m swarmed with warmth and his scent.
“I hate when you look at me like that,” he whispers in my ear, that cold edge returning to his voice. He thrusts into me hard, making me yelp. What the fuck just happened?
I take a deep breath and bite his shoulder.
He growls, and the vibration carries through my chest and reaches my heart. “I hate that I’m stuck protecting you,” he shouts and it startles me. Then softer. “You’re the worst thing to happen to me.” His voice breaks.
“Cameron.” I hate how upset I sound. I try swallowing the lump in my throat.
“This is the last time I’m going to fuck you. I don’t want you to touch me ever again. I hate it. I hate the way your hands feel on my skin,” he says in a low, disdainful voice. His arms wrap around my shoulders and lift me until my chest is against his.
“I hate you,” I say, biting back tears as I try shoving him away from me, but his arms are secured around me. “I fucking hate you! You think I want to be tied up in this psychotic underworld with you of all people?!” I drop the knife he gave me and pound my fists against his ribs.
He doesn’t let me go; he only lifts me off the table, cock still raging hard inside me and helping hold me up, as he carries me to a dark corner. He presses his back against the wall and slides down until he’s sitting on the ground and I’m in his lap.
Our connection only infuriates me more. What the fuck is he doing? I’m so sick of his hot and cold attitude switches. Self-sabotaging asshole.
“Cameron, let me go,” I say sternly.
He loosens his arms and lets them slump to his sides, but his forehead remains on my shoulder. Our silence carries for a few seconds. Emotions burn inside my head like licks of fire.
“You don’t hate me, Em. That’s the problem, don’t you see?” he murmurs. Why does he have to say it so sadly? His breath is hot against my neck, and it sends chills down my spine.
I swallow at the pulse of his dick deep inside me as I slowly push his shoulders back until he lifts his head and rests tilted against the wall. His eyes are half-lidded and stare right through me, broken and maimed, yet he has the weakest smile.
“I’ll be the ruination of you. I’m going to steal the last glimmers of light you have left inside of you.” Something hardens in his gaze. The resolve of a stone-hearted man. “You’ve brought me nothing but despair.”
I furiously blink away the tears before they can fall as I move to stand. His hands come down hard on my hips, keeping me in place.
Our eyes lock. The fucking audacity.
I lean closer to make my point clear. “I don’t like you, Mori. You’re a real piece of shit.”
He grins, but there’s a flash of hurt there. Cam taps my sternum with two fingers. “Get the fuck off of me.”
My lower jaw trembles and I force the walls in my heart to close once more. I feel so stupid for letting him in. I knew he was cruel and vile. I knew he was too broken to be repaired…so why? Why does it still hurt so bad?