Chapter 25 Emery
EMERY
Screams hollow out every thought I have as I chase the last cadet. My throat bubbles with vomit at the shrill fear that permeates the air. He’s killing her so easily. Terror consumes me as I move as if I’m on autopilot. The same words repeating over and over in my head.
“You think you’re special, don’t you? That I won’t tear out your heart?” That’s what he told me when we first met. I thought he was bluffing, but after hearing the death of whoever that girl was, I’m drowned in my fear of him.
That could be me, dying, screaming and pleading for an inch of my life.
I shake the thoughts as I tackle the cadet. He grunts as we crash to the ground and roll a few times. We sit up simultaneously, staring at one another with fervent eyes, breathing heavily and gripping our knives as we size the other up.
A dying gurgle slashes through the air, and both our heads turn to it. My stomach churns. Did he have to draw it out for so long?
“Let me go, I’m a goner anyway… J-just please don’t let me die the way she is. I swear your squad won’t see me again. Please!” the man begs, already staggering to his feet, holding my gaze with distrust. I wouldn’t trust me either. I’m wearing a mask that matches Mori’s.
I prefer not to kill unless I absolutely have to.
Before Bree and Damian, and even Cameron, I probably would’ve just killed him.
But being around them is making me soft, desiring to shed my old skin that Reed and my father forced me into.
Now that I’m away from my old life, I’m finding more of who I really am.
I’ve never tried mercy before. I don’t see how it could backfire on me, so I’m willing to try.
I pause a moment before nodding. “Hurry.”
His eyes fill with relief, and he exhales sharply before sprinting away into the dense underbrush.
A long breath flows from my lips as I push myself to my feet. My ankle stings, but it’s not too bad. I walk back to where I passed Cameron and cover my mouth when I see what he’s done.
The girl’s mask is still on, so I don’t know who she is, but her eyes are bloodshot and rolled to the back of her head.
Cameron’s blade is buried in her gaping mouth, pinning her head to the frozen earth.
Her rib cage is spread open, a few ribs broken off and tossed carelessly to the snow.
The steam that rolls from her body makes my eyes burn.
Why is it so beautiful—him gazing up at me with blood smeared over his mask, those sage eyes taking in my awe and waiting for me to say something.
“I really needed that.” Cameron finally breaks the silence. I flinch at the sound of his voice. This is who Mori really is. Why do I find it so chilling to know someone as demented as me?
“You’re…” Words fail me.
Cameron stands and circles me slowly.
“Wicked?” he breathes along my neck, tracing his fingers across my lower back.
I whirl, coming face-to-face with his starving eyes.
He’s pulled down his mask, revealing a twisted smile.
“Cruel?” he murmurs against my lips, and the warmth makes my heart skip a beat.
My entire body trembles as he nips my lower lip over my mask before pressing his forehead to mine and wrapping a hand around my back, pulling me closer.
He brushes his nose across my cheek, inhaling when he reaches my hair.
I back up once more, a shiver shooting straight up my spine at the wild glint in his eyes. I can’t tell if he’s himself right now.
“Beautiful.” My voice is quiet, yet it consumes the space between us.
Cameron’s eyes widen as if the words have struck him.
He doesn’t pursue me this time. He glances down and seems to process that single word.
I take the reprieve to inspect him. Cameron is completely covered in blood.
Most of it isn’t his, but his thigh has a combat knife sticking out of it, only visible by the handle.
Does he even know? I steady my breaths and force myself to stop shaking.
“Um, Cameron. You have a knife sticking out of your thigh,” I say slowly.
His eyes narrow and a lovely smirk draws the corners of his mouth up. “I’m well aware.” He tuts, tearing the knife out in one fell swoop and sheathing it quickly so he can tourniquet his wound. He pulls out tape from his leg pocket and wraps his thigh tightly.
I grimace. “Let’s get back before you keel over and other squads come looking to attack us. We’ve already lost so much time this morning.” I try to keep his mind off potentially killing me. He has that feral look in his eyes still. Like he’s half here and half somewhere far off in his head.
“That’s what she’s for.” He motions to the dead cadet. I raise a brow. “A warning. A damn good one too. Would you try chasing after someone who left a person like that?” he says with a loose grin.
My blood goes cold and I shake my head. “No, of course I wouldn’t.”
“Good girl. Don’t go chasing men like me.” His voice is raspy from the chase, and blood starts to trickle down his nose. I look away, reminded of what happened the last time I showed him I cared about him.
Which I don’t.
I motion for Cameron to walk ahead of me. Letting him be out of my eyesight is not an option right now. I find myself curious to see his methods. It’s difficult to avoid letting my eyes travel back to the mutilated woman, but I manage. The scent of iron stinging the back of my throat helps.
He walks casually, not even with a limp. I still find it hard to believe he feels nothing. Even seeing it firsthand seems so unreal. He’s like a zombie. His gloved hands are bright red, still dripping into the snow and leaving a trail.
“I can feel your gaze. Do you still think I’m worth caring about, Em?”
I don’t answer right away. It feels like bait for something he’s been thinking about, and I don’t want to give in to whatever it is.
I settle with muttering, “Earlier you said, ‘How do you think I won the first time around.’ What did you mean by that?” I focus on the footprints in the snow behind his feet.
Feeling helpless isn’t something I’m used to, and Cameron makes me feel helpless. Even wounded, I have no doubt he could take on a whole squad alone if he had to. Are the medications really that effective? I eye his pocket, curious how many pills he’s already taken today alone.
His pace slows. “Do you honestly want to know?” he says blandly.
I consider it for a few seconds before replying, “Yeah.”
Cameron glances over his shoulder at me. His eyes have fallen dull again, and he seems to be over the dangerous adrenaline spike. I let my pace slow when I reach his side.
“Believe it or not, I wasn’t always…this bad,” he murmurs with a fake smile. Everything else about his expression is stone. “I was like everyone else and just as likely to die. Possibly more so because I was handpicked by Lieutenant Erik. Cadets in the Under notice things like that, you know.”
“I didn’t know he was the one who picked you up,” I mutter, remembering the way Erik watched Cameron train the morning I met him. Is he the reason that Cameron is so determined to continue taking the test medications? He wants to make him proud. I’m sullen at the thought.
I was never able to make my father proud.
But most of that is attributed to me not being a man, I think.
No matter what I achieved, it would be deemed worthless to him unless I had a fucking penis.
It makes me wonder if he would’ve turned me in so readily like he did if I was his son and not his daughter.
I doubt he would’ve done it to Reed if our places were switched.
Cameron nods. “He was. He introduced me to a terrible world, one I unfortunately fit quite well in.” He flashes me a wry grin, so I offer a small one in return.
“This trial was also my second one. I teamed up with some pricks who were going to try to use me like a shield and carry my carcass over the finish line. We didn’t know that there were two squads working together.
They had us surrounded on the last day. I got away with a bullet to the arm and half my throat slit. ”
I wince. “That’s awful.”
He chuckles. “It’s hard to remember the pain, but I know I felt it then.
It was agonizing, but my anger for them using my body to protect their own lit a dark fire in my heart, Em.
It stirred up something evil within me. I tied ropes to their ankles and hauled all four of their dead bodies to the beacon.
I was the only survivor of our group.” His eyes are hard and distant.
Oh fuck. Maybe I shouldn’t have let that guy go. I worry my lower lip. I didn’t think someone would be capable of carrying their whole squad.
Cameron takes a deep breath and glances at me from the side. “I know you let the last one go.”
I flinch. Well shit, I’m caught. No sense in lying. “How did you know?” I say quietly. Shame flushes across my cheeks, and I wish I’d just killed him.
“Your knife is clean, love. I have eyes and a brain.”
My lips press firmly together as I glance down. Looks like the ivory blade wasn’t such a great idea after all.
“He begged…and I didn’t think he was going to be a problem for us.”
“I’m just curious why? You wouldn’t have done something like that before, you know, as the executioner.” He seems genuinely interested in knowing why.
I let my shoulders drop. “That was the skin I was forced into…and while I can’t change who I’ve become or what I’ve done, I can be a bit more of myself again. I didn’t think letting him go would cause a problem.” Is the only way forward heartlessness? Reed would say a resounding “yes.”
Cameron stops and turns my shoulder so I’m facing him. He’s not manic anymore, he’s back to calm and collected Cam—the broken soldier I unfortunately really care about.
“Do you think he would’ve done the same for you?” he asks honestly.
I don’t need to think about it. “No.”