Chapter 36 The Cute Nerd Thing #2
Henry’s expression was dead serious. “I will. And I’ll worry until I know you’re safe back here.
So…” He looked down, tracing a vein in the marble, as it wended its way towards my fingers.
When my hand stopped him from tracing it further, he hooked his thumb around it, caressing back and forth along my metacarpals.
“Just know I’m available, no matter what time, for anything. Okay?”
“Okay,” I managed, voice strangled with suppressed emotion. “I’d better get going; don’t want to keep Lucian waiting.”
I allowed myself one moment of weakness … I wound my fingers through his for a brief second before I tugged my hand free and escaped.
“I swear, that man is such a worrywart!” Kat complained after hanging up on Sir Dom. She collapsed onto the floor beside the coffee table, grabbed a bottle of my nail polish and propped her foot up, wriggling her toes as she shook the glittery bottle.
“He cares about you.”
She snorted. “He cares about not impregnating me. I had to explain to him that my period-less state is because of the pill, not pregnancy.”
I sighed. “The fact that he thought hard enough about your menstrual cycle, or lack thereof, to put two and two together tells me that you’re on his mind … all the time. You get it girl!” I snapped my fingers and winked at her.
Kat guffawed. “Well, it’ll be time soon enough for me to schedule in a red week, and I’m going to have to avoid him.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
Kat eyed me incredulously. “Because I’ll be a bleeding, emotional demon, that’s why! He doesn’t need to see me like that.”
“My darling Kat, if he can’t handle you at your worst, then he’s not the one.”
“Are you telling me I should use my period as a test to see how he handles me?” Kat asked, mildly horrified.
I shrugged. “Not a test. But it’s part of life, and if he … if he really loves you, he’ll handle the hard stuff, as well as the easy.”
“Firstly, who are you and what have you done with Irina ‘keep it casual and sexy’ Rusnac?” Kat unscrewed the lid on the bottle and started in on her big toenail, cheeks pink.
“Secondly … love? This isn’t love. This is a sexy situationship that works for both of us right now.
” But her hands shook, and she smeared purple glitter nail polish across her toe.
I slid off the lounge and onto the floor beside her, taking the bottle and brush. Cleaning off the mess with a makeup round, I said softly, “It’s alright to admit that it might be deeper than that, Kat.”
She sucked in a shuddering breath. “Okay, maybe I might be getting in deep with him, but we haven’t had that conversation yet, and I’m terrified to be the one to bring it up.
What if he thinks I’m being ridiculous? What if it’s just about the sex for him, and honestly, I couldn’t fault him if it were, because holy hell, Ri!
It’s … filthy hot, but also the most intimate I’ve ever been with a man. ”
My throat felt thick suddenly. I’d had loads of filthy hot sex in my life, but it had never felt intimate. And often it had been less fulfilling than I’d hoped. With Henry … I hadn’t needed the filthy for it to be hot. And intimacy?
I felt it in every brush of his lips on my hair. Every graze of his knuckles on my cheek. Every word that left his mouth that showed he cared about me.
Pizd?. I had no right to lecture Kat on talking to Sir Dom about love when I was too much of a g?in? to have the same conversation with Henry.
“Hello? Earth to Irina?”
I blinked. “Huh?”
“Where did you go just now?”
I sighed, focusing on her toes. “Deep into my own head.”
“Are you going to give me a hint about what you found in there?”
“Chicken feathers.” I managed a snicker at my own stupid joke.
“How’s the Trickle stuff going?” Kat asked.
“It’s Tickle, and I haven’t posted much for a few weeks.
I’ve been busy.” I hadn’t posted because I couldn’t bring myself to film my explicit stuff.
Not only did the thought of fantasising about Henry to get off for my followers feel like I was somehow betraying him …
I suddenly found the idea of putting myself on display like that a total turn off.
I didn’t want anyone watching me climaxing.
Well, anyone except Henry.
I was completely screwed.
“Busy doing what?” Kat demanded. “All this secret squirrel business that you refuse to tell your best friend about?”
“I don’t know about squirrels, but I did get compared to a dolphin down at Bondi Icebergs earlier today. I’m back training every day.”
“Icebergs? But you hate the ocean! You’ve never once been to the beach, even in the middle of summer. Even when I begged you to come.” Kat frowned in confusion.
“Maybe I changed my mind,” I said breezily, reaching for her other foot. “And it’s great for conditioning, cardiovascular health, the immune sys—”
“Okay, I don’t need a lecture on the benefits, Miss Bachelor of Sports Science. Just let me have my sulk that you’re turning into a stranger in front of my eyes.”
Guilt crept up from my stomach, gripping me by the throat. I didn’t want to make more excuses for myself to her. That wasn’t going to change the fact that I was keeping some major secrets from her.
“Have you read The Hunger Games?” I asked instead.
“Are you seriously going to change the subject on me like that?” Kat demanded. I put the finishing touches on her little toe, refusing to answer.
She sighed. “Fine, I’ll play along. Yes, I’ve read The Hunger Games. Why?”
“I think I should read it, but you know what I’m like with reading in English.”
Kat got up, returning to the table with the bottle of vodka and pouring me a good slug. “Or reading for enjoyment, full stop. Is there a reason you’re suddenly keen to delve into dystopian fiction? Or is that a secret, too?”
I tapped the side of my nose, because I couldn’t bring myself to admit that it was another thing I wasn’t prepared to share with her. Yet.
“Well, why don’t you try the audiobook? Or the movie might be more your speed? It’s pretty true to the book, from what I remember.”
“Ooooh!” I sat up straight, grinning. “Movie night! Is the ReelFlix subscription still paid up?”
Kat nodded, grabbing the remote and finding the movie in the ReelFlix catalogue. I scurried to the kitchen, scrounging through the pantry until I came up with an only slightly past its best-before date packet of microwave popcorn.
Was it cheating, to watch the movie instead of reading the book? Yes, but only a little. At least I could connect with Henry over the story if I had some understanding of it.
I settled in on the lounge next to Kat, to do my little bit of cheating.
“Catnip,” the dark-haired boy-man on the screen said, and I blinked.
“Hey that’s what Hen—” I snapped my jaw shut as the two characters—a young man and woman—argued, and bantered, and talked about reapings and peacekeepers and other terms that made no sense to me.
“What?” Kat asked, shoving popcorn into her mouth. “Are you still on about the chicken in your brain?”
“Something like that,” I muttered, shrinking into the lounge cushion.
I wracked my brain to remember what he’d written in the copy he’d gifted me. Something about Gale—the boy on the screen now, and someone else? He’d said he wasn’t like Gale, more like …
“Is this Gale dude like the romantic interest for this Katniss chick?” I asked, casually reaching for the popcorn.
Kat shook her head, a hint of a smile on her lips. “You’ll meet Peeta soon.”
Peeta! That was him!
“So … What’s special about Peeta?”
Kat’s smirk widened, and she nudged me with her elbow. “Just keep watching.”
I shoved a handful of popcorn into my mouth and did what I was told.
“So, Team Gale or Team Peeta?” Kat asked as the credits rolled, eyeing me over the last dregs of her glass of vodka and cucumber water. “And don’t be shallow and say Gale because he’s obviously the hotter one.”
I glared at her. “I am not shallow!” I nudged her with my sock-clad toe. A few months ago, I might have done just that—said Gale simply because he was the one I’d prefer to be kicking out of my bed after a delightfully sticky romp.
But now …
I thought about the kind of man I wanted to wake up next to. The kind of man who I didn’t want to kick out of bed at all. Henry might not look exactly like Peeta, but he sure as hell acted just like him.
“Who says Peeta isn’t hot, anyway?” I asked, stalling.
Kat shrugged. “If you’re into the cute nerd thing.”
O Doamne, I was … I very much was.
“Now who’s being shallow?” I teased. “It’s not just about looks, Katarina Drákos. Everything Peeta did in that stupid arena, it was to help Katniss! And the way he confessed that she was the girl he’d always had a crush on?” I gripped at my chest. “That hit me right in the feels.”
Kat giggled. “Look at you, all romantic and sentimental! Whatever … or whoever you’ve been doing so secretively these last few months, it’s changed you.” She grew serious. “Are you ever going to tell me?”
My phone buzzed before I had a chance to respond. I glanced down, to find a message from Henry.
Henry: You awake?
A smile burst onto my face, and I typed back.
Irina: Yeah. Thinking about you, actually
Henry: Nice thoughts, I hope?
Irina: They’re always nice when you’re in them
Henry: You ok? You feel safe? Lucian said that everything seems quiet on the street
Henry: I wish you were here. It’s lonely, and Abs is giving me side-eye that his favourite human is missing.
Irina: Tell Abs mummy misses him
Henry: And what about his distant second-favourite human?
Irina: I miss you too, Hubby
If only he knew how much I really meant it.
Henry: Miss you more
Henry: Love you, Catnip
I gasped, putting my phone down, heart hammering wildly. He didn’t truly mean … no, he’d just said that because it was what would be expected of a married couple. We’d been curating our text messages as evidence for the government, if they ever got around to assessing my application.
“Are you alright?” Kat asked, brows furrowed. “You started out smiling like an idiot, and now you look like a deer in the headlights!”
I blinked, getting to my feet. “I’m fine. Just … some news from home that took me by surprise, that’s all.” I grabbed our glasses and returned them to the kitchen, replacing the vodka in the freezer. Putting on a wide yawn, I turned back to Kat, who rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, I get it, you’re exhausted … too tired to tell your bestie what’s going on at home.
I’m used to it now; I still don’t fully understand why we needed to change the locks, but I guess you’ve trained me to accept without questioning.
” She stood with a sigh, mumbled, “Night,” and walked stiffly off in the direction of her bedroom.
I rubbed my aching forehead. I was sick to death of lying to everyone around me. Lying to Kat about Henry. Lying to Henry about the real reason I never wanted to go back to Romania …
Lying to myself that I could get through two years of pretending not to have feelings for him while acting like a loved up married woman.
Fuck my life.
My phone pinged as I made my way dejectedly towards my own bedroom, and my heart stopped. If that was Henry, after his ‘love you, Catnip’, I had no idea what I was going to say.
Could I pretend I was asleep and just not open it?
G?in?, the little voice taunted inside my brain. It was right. That wasn’t fair on Henry, and it was just all round a dick move.
My phone pinged again. And again, and again. Shit. I couldn’t just ignore him; it might be something urgent. It might be Lucian telling me Cockerels Cap was on his way up to break the door down!
But when I took my phone out with shaking hands, they weren’t messages from Henry, or Lucian.
Stefan: WHAT THE FUCK RI?!?!?!!
Stefan: Did you think that going viral on a porn app wasn’t going to reach us?
Stefan: HE KNOWS!
Stefan: Ri?
Stefan: I know he told you to get some experience while you were in Australia, but I don’t think this is what he meant …
Stefan: I’m trying to cover YOUR ass, but you’re making it fucking impossible!
Stefan: Just tell me what is going on so I can help you! I get it, you’re not looking forward to coming back. But he’s not going to let this go
Stefan: The only thing stopping him coming for you immediately is me, reassuring him that you’re returning at the end of June. If you have any other surprises, you need to share them, so I can manage him
Stefan: Please don’t freeze me out, Ri