Chapter 14
While the two women lay there, Becca barely moving, Cass looking after her, Ellie stood and walked to the minibar.
After what she’d just seen she needed a drink.
She poured herself a gin and tonic that she knew she’d regret when she paid the bill at check out, then looked over and saw that Cass had looked her way.
Ellie raised her eyebrows in a question… would Cass like one too. Cass shook her head, but then smiled towards Ellie, a smile that was reassuring, seeming to say I know that was insane, don’t worry, I know she needs time, I’ll look after her.
Cass sat up and slipped her shirt and bra off, then the jeans, before slipping out of the harness, leaving it to one side on the bed.
Even though she wasn’t Ellie’s type, Ellie felt a thrill to see her…
muscular, barely an ounce of fat, tattoos everywhere.
It wasn’t that Ellie was particularly attracted to her sexually, more that she could understand why Becca would be, why many women would be, and that there was something particularly in how she carried herself that was thrilling. Strong, confident, yet considerate.
Becca finally stirred, reaching for Cass, and she pulled Cass down to kiss her, a deep, grateful, slow, passionate kiss, their tongues playing against each other, her hands all over Cass’s body, finally getting to touch what she'd been looking at all evening.
“My turn to show you,” she whispered between kisses, pushing gently.
Cass could have stayed exactly where she was but she went with it, relinquishing her control, and Becca wasted no time in going down on her with an enthusiasm that bordered on worship, her hands gripping Cass's hips, her mouth hungry after a slow start, and Cass let her head fall back and closed her eyes, giving Becca free reign to do whatever she wanted.
Becca took her time, letting Cass build and fall away, build and fall away, giving her very best, until finally Cass came writhing with a series of gasps, her muscular body tensing and then relaxing, tensing and relaxing, and the sight of it hit different for Ellie…
seeing this powerful woman in a state of such complete release went beyond intense.
Becca guided her through until the last tremor passed and then crawled up to lie against her side, her hand on Cass's chest, both women’s expression blissful.
And that was when Ellie understood.
Not in a flash, not in a single moment of clarity, but as a slow, dawning realisation that constructed itself from everything she’d been watching since sitting down at the bar.
This was Becca's fantasy. Not theirs. Becca's.
The dominant, androgynous, physically powerful woman who took charge and told Becca what to do.
The type she'd had a semi-secret crush on since college.
The submissive response that Ellie had never seen because it was a response to something Ellie wasn't, that she couldn't be, didn't want to ever be.
Becca was living out a private dream, one she'd probably been carrying for years without fully acknowledging it to herself, and the dream was spectacular, the sex was incredible, and Becca was clearly having the time of her life.
But Ellie was watching Becca's one-night stand from her fantasies. She wasn't watching Becca-with-a-plausible-rival. She was watching Becca-with-her-dream-hookup. And the difference, she realised, was everything.
With Kelly, the dynamic had been triangular.
Ellie watched Becca with a woman who could genuinely be Becca's girlfriend: feminine, wonderful company, the kind of person Becca might fall in love with in a parallel universe.
The threat was real: what if she prefers her?
And the threat was what made the arousal transcendent, because Ellie was part of the story…
the endangered party, the one whose position was at stake, the one Becca chose to come back to.
With Cass, there was no threat. Not because Cass wasn't attractive or good in bed…
on both fronts she was extraordinarily so.
It was because Cass wasn't a plausible alternative to Ellie.
Cass was a fantasy. She was the woman you'd pick for one incredible night, not the woman you'd build a life with.
Becca wasn't going to fall for Cass. Becca was going to fuck Cass, she was going to feel amazing, but she’d definitely come back to Ellie and that would be that.
The certainty of that outcome, the total absence of danger, meant that Ellie wasn't part of the story.
She was watching Becca enjoy herself the way she'd watch Becca enjoy a spa day or a great meal.
Appreciative, happy for her, but not involved. Not needed.
The arousal was still there for Ellie, simmering.
The sex had been genuinely hot. But the thing that made the dynamic they’d had with Kelly transcendent, the jealousy that braided into the arousal and elevated it to something beyond mere watching, was absent.
Ellie wasn't jealous of Cass. She was impressed by her.
Deeply impressed. But being impressed wasn't enough.
It was a revelation. The jealousy was there, God it was…
watching someone else fuck her wife like that, how could Ellie not be jealous?
So was the arousal, because watching someone else fuck her wife like that, how could Ellie not be aroused?
But they were separate, sitting next to each other, rather than feeding on each other to build something volcanic and special.
She sat with her realisation for a few minutes, watching Cass and Becca lying together on the sheets, Becca's hand was stroking the contours of Cass's shoulders with an awed expression, Cass was relaxed and post-orgasmic next to her.
They looked like they'd both just had amazing sex, because they had.
Becca looked like a woman who'd just lived out a fantasy, because she had.
But Becca hadn't realised what Ellie had, how could she?
She didn't know yet that this had been her fantasy rather than their dynamic. She was still inside it, still glowing with it, and Ellie needed to be careful about how she handled the next few minutes because what was happening wasn’t wrong, it was just different.
She waited. Cass shifted and reached for the water on the night stand, and Becca stretched languidly on the sheets, the energy in the room settling from post-orgasmic intensity into something calmer.
Cass turned and her hand found Becca's thigh and started to move upward again, and Ellie watched Becca's breath catch.
Ellie could see another round building… Cass's appetite clearly undiminished, Becca's too.
Ellie let it happen, her gift to Becca.
She watched as Cass’s lips met Becca’s, watched as they pressed close together, their hands all over each other, watched as they started to get lost in each other.
The kiss deepened, the hands wandered more, and then Cass rolled over, moving to lie on top of Becca, and Becca’s legs parted, and they started to grind together.
It was hot, super-hot, the little gasps and moans from both women something else.
Ellie was aroused like she’d rarely been before watching them, even without the jealousy-arousal loop to feed it.
She was enjoying it for what it was, now that she understood, enjoying how her wife was deriving so much joy from what she was doing.
Cass's hand slipped between them and Becca cried out, her own hand moving to copy, and it didn’t take long at all until they were both climaxing together, their bodies shuddering in unison, Cass’s arm braced on one side of Becca’s head, Becca’s fingers digging into Cass’s muscular back.
It was searing. Even knowing what she now knew, even with the absence of the full dynamic, it was some of the most intensely physical sex Ellie had ever experienced. Cass was a force of nature and Becca under her was a revelation, and together they were kinetic, athletic, breathtaking.
But it confirmed what Ellie had already understood. Searing wasn't the same as transcendent. Hot wasn't the same as theirs.
As they separated and Cass rolled on to her back, breathing hard, Ellie said gently, "I think we should call it here."
Both women looked at her. Becca took a moment to process it and then sat up quickly, her expression changing from post-orgasmic bliss to concern.
"El? What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. It was amazing… genuinely, that was incredible.
You were both incredible." Ellie kept her voice friendly, not wanting to give the wrong impression.
"But I don't think we should keep going tonight.
I'm not feeling what I need to feel, and I'd rather stop now while it's been great, better than great, than push through until it becomes something it shouldn't. "
Becca was off the bed and crossing to Ellie before she'd finished, kneeling in front of the armchair, taking Ellie's hands. Her face was flushed, her hair wrecked, her body looking precisely like she’d just had the fuck of her life, but her eyes were focused entirely on Ellie, knowing her wife well enough to be able to tell when something important was happening under the surface.
"Tell me," Becca said, her voice quiet enough to be aimed at Ellie alone. "What do you need?"
"I need to talk to you about it later. Properly. It's nothing bad, I promise… it's just something I figured out while I was watching and I need time to put it into words." Ellie squeezed her hands. "We're ok. I'm ok. You were both amazing."
Becca searched her face for another moment, then nodded. "Ok. We stop."
Cass, to her enormous credit, was already pulling her shirt and jeans back on, composed and entirely unbothered. She came over and sat on the edge of the bed nearest to them while she pulled her boots on.
"For what it's worth," Cass said, looking at Ellie, "that took guts.
Most couples in your position would push through something that wasn't working out of politeness or embarrassment.
Calling it when you know it's not right is a sign that your relationship is really solid.
" She looked at Ellie with genuine warmth.
"Don't let this put you off what you've got going.
Whatever you felt with the person before me…
trust that. This just wasn't the right match for the two of you. "
“It was though,” Ellie said, and meant it. “You two… wow. Big wow. You’ve been amazing.”
"I had a great time," Cass said simply. "Both of you are beautiful and your relationship is honestly inspiring. I hope you find what you're looking for. If you want to get in touch, you’ve got my number.”
Becca said goodbye to Cass at the door, but Ellie insisted on going down to the lobby with Cass.
“You really didn’t need to show me out,” Cass said, after Ellie gave her a hug goodbye.
“I wanted to. I guess… I wanted to explain. Without Becca. The thing is, you’re a fantasy type for her, and I could see it. I need to get my head around it but I realised I was watching her fantasy hookup, not mine. Does that make sense?”
“Perfectly. Look, I meant it upstairs. You showed real guts to call it. I respect that. I’ve seen a few couples with your dynamic and yours is the most grownup and sensible I’ve seen.” She smiled. “I mean that as a compliment. You’re doing this right.”
When Ellie got back upstairs Becca had pulled on one of the hotel robes and was waiting for Ellie. “You ok?” she asked.
“Very.” Ellie looked around the room. “You want to stay here tonight or go home?”
“That’s hardly my choice after what we just did! You choose?”
Ellie thought for a few moments. “Let’s stay. Have a drink first, I think, and we can remake the bed before we get into it.”
“Aren’t you forgetting the most important thing of all?” Becca was smiling shyly.
“Are you even up to reclaiming sex after what you just did?”
Becca laughed. “You’ve got a filthy mind. I am, but that wasn’t what I was talking about.” She paused then shook her head when she saw that Ellie still didn’t understand. “My necklace. I’d like it back please.” Becca shrugged. “I mean, if you’ll still have me.”
Ellie felt herself blush as she reached behind her neck to unfasten Becca’s necklace. “The most important thing of all…”