43. Chapter 43
Chapter 43
Emilie
Zack didn’t come to the beach. He left me standing there, like a hopeless idiot. He didn’t text. He didn’t call. Fuck, for all I know, he’s on a plane back to New York.
Would he do that? Leave without saying anything? No, I don’t think so. But maybe I don’t know him at all.
I thought we were on the same page, but maybe I was wrong? Maybe I scared him away with my whole “tell me you want me.” Was I too needy? Is this the thing that was too much for him?
I don’t know.
I really thought he’d come.
The doubt drips in anxiety with a dash of stress. I know it’s going to do nothing but roll downhill, until it’s impossible to hold in. My hands clench until the muscles in my forearm ache.
There’s no room for any air in my lungs. I can’t catch a breath. I’m emotionally exhausted from the high of waiting for him on the beach and the low of realizing he wasn’t coming.
I thought I’d get a chance to tell him how much he means to me. No matter how we started, I know what I want—maybe it was something I always knew. I want him, and only him.
Now, I’m pouting at my sister’s rehearsal dinner. Thank god I’m not in the wedding—I’m just there for moral support. They practice walking down the aisle, getting the spacing right, and I try to stay in the moment.
Maybe if I focus on something good .
First, Eliza looks better today than she did yesterday. Our spa day was relaxing and quiet—some of her friends came and everyone was on their best behavior. I may or may not have cornered all of them and told them to get their shit together before the day started.
Second, the weather is gorgeous today. The sun is golden in the way you dream about. Warm air, touched with sea salt and sand, circles around me but there’s a light breeze to keep it from being uncomfortable. It’s going to be just as nice tomorrow for the actual wedding.
Third, my parents couldn’t be any less interested in me or what I’m doing. There’s no mask for me to wear, no eggshells to walk on.
Lastly, Mitch looks at Eliza like she’s the sun and his whole world.
Seeing him look at her this way is healing and heartbreaking at the same time. I’ve held on to a lot of anger for the two of them ending up together. Honestly, I wasn’t right for Mitch, and while I would’ve went about this a much different way if I was in their shoes, it’s not worth being angry about anymore.
They clearly love each other.
A tear falls down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away, trying to figure out if it’s out of frustration, sadness, anger, or something I can’t even name. All I know is that it hurts, and I don’t know how something could surprise me like this.
I never thought Zack wouldn’t show up. It’s the surprise that stings the most.
Eliza and Mitch walk back to the beginning of the aisle and do the ceremony practice again.
I check my phone—still nothing from Zack. I sit quietly, trying not to panic.
The empty chair next to mine is taunting me. It’s Zack’s place at our small rehearsal dinner. His absence is clear and people keep asking me where he is—the best I could come up with is that he’s not feeling well and is back in our room.
I wish that were true.
I still haven’t heard from him. It’s been hours at this point. I wrestle with worry and anger. Is everything okay? And how the fuck could he do this to me?
Dinner is about to be served, and Mitch’s parents both give a speech. They talk about love, partnership, and the magic of having someone next to you, no matter what.
Love is about not giving up on each other.
One of them said this line, and it keeps rattling in my brain, echoing in my bones.
The staff is starting to deliver dinner plates when I think I’m going to crack myself open with pity, concern, anger, or sadness. Pick an emotion and I bet you I’m feeling it.
I put my head in my hands for a few seconds, trying to get my shit together. I feel somebody sit down, and I have no capacity. No energy left besides what’s being used to keep myself somewhat together.
“EJ. I’m so sorry I’m late.”
My head snaps up to see Zack, cheeks pink and face sweaty. I can’t say anything because my mouth hangs open—I close my eyes for a few seconds and open them to make sure I’m not dreaming.
“Where were you?” I ask, my voice cracking with anger and sadness.
Zack takes a deep breath, running his hands through his messy hair. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. It’s a long story, and I’ll tell you every detail but first, let me tell you what I was going to say on the beach. ”
“Why didn’t you call? Text? You fucking just left me out there, and then I was panicking that something was wrong. That something happened to you.” I put a finger in his chest.
Zack slowly reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, the screen smashed, and a piece of glass falls off it as he places it on the table.
“I dropped my phone, and then I didn’t know your phone number. I only know three numbers: my mom, dad, and Riley,” he rambles, and his words are quick and chaotic. “I need to memorize yours; well, I guess that depends on how this next part goes.” He rubs his neck and looks at me.
The way his eyes find mine, it’s like they’re begging me to listen.
“I would’ve called you. I swear,” he pleads and leans forward, his hands on his legs. “I want the chance to memorize your phone number.”
I believe him.
I take a deep breath, cross my arms, and sit back in my chair. “Go on. Tell me,” I say, unsure how to feel. I was so caught up in wondering what happened to Zack that I didn’t think about what would happen if he just showed up.
“Emilie James, I don’t think there’s a day that’s gone by since I’ve met you that I didn’t want you. Even if I tried to hide it, or convince myself you were too good for me, or that you’d never be interested… there’s no denying it, I’ve always wanted you.”
His voice is firm but quick, like he’s grateful to get this off his chest. With each word, his shoulders relax and he leans closer.
“And when you showed that you might want me, the way I wanted you—when you broke your rules—that’s when I knew I was a goner. I’m long gone for you.”
It’s like I’m wearing a shell made of ice and each word that comes out of his mouth chips away, little by little .
“I promise, I will tell you everything about today. I won’t leave out a single thing. One, because you deserve it, and two, because I need you. When I look at challenges or things that I must get through, you’re someone I want by my side. In more ways than one…”
Zack starts unbuttoning his shirt.
“What the hell are you doing?” I put my hand on his, already cruising through the buttons on the middle of his shirt.
He has the audacity to smile and say, “Relax, I’ll put it right back on.”
Zack finishes the buttons and then takes off half his shirt.
“I don’t get it. What’s happening?”
And then he lifts up his arm, showing me the side of his ribcage. Right there, literally on his side, are the letters EJ.
He has my initials tattooed on him.
“When? How?” I can’t string together a sentence and it feels like my eyes might fall out of my head.
“When we were at Pulse and Needle. We talked about doing what felt right. This felt right.” He points to his tattoo. “And this,” he points between the two of us, “has always felt right.”
Zack puts his arm back in his sleeve, and I can’t help but throw my arms around him. His hands hold my lower back, pressing me to him. I pull back far enough that I can see those blue eyes, piercing and intense, like ocean waves crashing on the beach.
“I know I hurt you, leaving you on the beach, and I’m sorry. Like, it hurts me thinking of you out there.” His voice cracks with honesty and the weight of the moment. “I promise to make it up to you.”
I put a finger to his lips. “How could I not want you?” I ask and then my lips are on his, replacing my finger. The kiss is honest and an unexpected turn of events from standing alone on the beach to being with a man who has my nickname inked on his skin.
He wraps his arm around me and lifts me up, all while kissing me .
“Zack Andersen, I’ll break whatever rules necessary, do whatever it takes, if it means I get to keep you.”
Zack holds me to him, his nose almost touching mine and says, “You’ve always had me, EJ.”
His mouth covers mine, and we soak in the moment—one full of honesty and heart, true and aligned.
“What do we do now?” I ask.
“Well, it looks like we eat dinner. And then we go back to the room, and I tell you everything that happened in the last few hours.”
I catch his eyes and there’s something behind them. “Are you okay?”
“I’m much better now.”
He holds onto me, tight, like I'm something valuable. A treasure. Something he doesn’t want to lose.
“It’s nice you could join us,” my mom’s voice cuts through the bliss, like a knife to butter. “Emilie said you weren’t feeling well.”
It takes everything I have not to roll my eyes.
“Ah, sorry about that. I’m, ugh, feeling better now. Looking forward to the wedding tomorrow,” Zack says, syrupy sweet.
“We hope you’ll leave your shirt on for the entire ceremony.”
I cover a laugh and lock eyes with Eliza at the table next to us. She looks at Zack, and back to me again, offering a small smile.
“That’s something I definitely can do,” Zack replies, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand.
She looks me up and down, to the dress I was so excited to wear. My mom clicks her tongue and says, “Pink is a bold choice for you.”
No one says anything and the silence feels sharp.
“What? I’m just saying. There are so many other colors for your skin tone.” She brushes a finger down my arm.
I’m about to say something when a hand touches my shoulder.
“Mom, stop it. Please. Give it a rest.” Eliza’s voice is strong and clear .
“Eliza—”
“No, not today. You always are giving Emilie such a hard time.” She stands next to me, putting her hand in mine. “And when it’s not her, it’s me, or dad, or anyone in your orbit.” Eliza’s voice has a wave of confidence, one I’m proud of.
“I’m getting married tomorrow. Do you think you can at least hold off until after the wedding?”
“I guess I just won’t say anything,” my mom snaps, crossing her arms and immediately going on the defense.
“That’s the thing, Mom. If you can’t say anything nice, you shouldn’t say anything at all. I think it’s you who taught us that.”
My parents can’t believe Eliza. Fuck, I can’t believe her. They turn and practically run back to their seats.
My heart swells, and I’m afraid to breathe. Tears make my vision blurry as Eliza squeezes my hand hard, in a way that I know she’s with me—on my team. I look over at her—chest quickly rising and falling—and a tear falls down my cheek. I wipe it with the hand that isn’t grasped by Eliza.
Mitch stands by his soon to be bride, and the irony of the moment isn’t lost on me. I never thought it would be Eliza, with the man of my parent’s dreams, who would be putting them in their place.
“Thank you.” My voice comes out all gravely and full of cracks. Zack puts his hand on my lower back, just letting me know he’s there.
“You’re welcome, EJ.”