Chapter 27 Nova
nova
“I’m sorry for crying.” I slid off the bed.
My legs were unsteady, and my chest was still too tight. I needed a moment. I needed to breathe.
“I’m going to . . . wash up.”
He nodded, his eyes tracking my every movement, but he didn’t stop me.
I hoped he knew what he’d done for me. I hoped he understood the depth of it—how much he’d given me, how much he’d unraveled in me, and how safe I felt because of him.
The air in the bathroom was cooler, the soft light stark against my reflection in the mirror. My face was flushed, my hair wild, my eyes still shining with unshed tears. I let the water run, pressing my hands against the counter as I took a deep breath.
I splashed the cool water over my face, letting it run down my skin. The weight of what had happened sat heavy, but it wasn’t suffocating. It was something else entirely. Something lighter. Something that seemed like healing.
I stared at my reflection. My chest was still tight, but not from fear. It was the weight of release, of something breaking free inside me that had been locked away for so long.
The first time I had sex, it had been in that dirty bathroom. Dirty. Used. Shameful. I had let it happen because I thought it was what I was supposed to do, a way to fill the emptiness I didn’t know how to handle.
That feeling had lingered long after. That shame had clung to me, a shadow I couldn’t escape. I’d been so sure my next “first time” would feel the same—that I would be left with the same hollow ache, the same disgust with myself.
This was nothing like that.
It had been everything. A mix of softness and passion. It wasn’t just sex—it was connection. A piece of myself I’d been afraid to let anyone see, finally laid bare, and instead of recoiling, he’d held it like it was something precious.
More tears fell, but they weren’t out of sadness. They were cathartic, a release of years of shame and fear I hadn’t even realized I was still carrying. It was overwhelming, but in the best way, like I was finally letting go of something I’d been clutching too tightly for too long.
I sank onto the edge of the bathtub, pressing my hand against my chest as I let the tears come. Hope flickered—not just in him, but in myself. I could heal. I could be whole again. Maybe I could finally feel worthy of something good.
I cleaned up and grabbed a wet towel. When I got back into the bedroom, I handed it to him, and he took it. We finished in silence, the kind that felt more like understanding than anything else.
When we slipped back into bed, he shifted closer, gently pressing his hand against my belly. He moved and rested his ear against the curve of my abdomen, his breath warm against my skin.
“Hey, little girl.” He rubbed slow circles over my stomach, his touch tender. “I want to tell you something, because if I tell your mummy, she might get scared.”
I looked down at him, my breath catching as he glanced up at me briefly, his expression so full of warmth it made me want to cry all over again.
“I-I think I’m falling for your mum,” he murmured as he brushed his thumb over my skin.
His words lingered in the air.
The first thought that hit me was cold and sharp: No one could love me. Not after everything I’d been through, not with all the pieces of me that were too broken to put back together.
But then there was Ollie. The way he touched me, the way he spoke to me, the way he stayed. It shifted something inside me, something I didn’t want to acknowledge. I think I feel the same way.
The thought terrified me, so instead of facing it, I moved away from him, breaking his touch.
“I’m not running away. I don’t care if you don’t say it back. I’m not going anywhere.”
Was I worthy of this?
I didn’t have an answer. Instead, I stayed there, still and quiet, letting his warmth ease the ache inside me, even if I wasn’t sure I deserved it.
“I’m going to the Cotswolds to see Mum and Dad for the holidays.”
Oh shit. Christmas was next week. How had I forgotten that? “Oh, cool.”
He held the car door open for me after we’d parked right outside my building—luck for once. “That’s me inviting you, Nova.”
I laughed lightly. “Right.” I flicked my gaze up to my flat window. “I can’t. I can’t leave Luna—”
“Of course she’s invited. I wouldn’t ask you to leave her.”
I hesitated. “I-I need to ask her.”
He nodded, not pressing, and reached out a hand to help me out of the car. His grip was steady as he lifted me, my bag already slung over his shoulder.
“I’ll walk you up.”
This morning, I’d asked him to take me back to my flat. I needed a shower, fresh clothes, and a moment to breathe after everything that had happened last night.
I couldn’t tell Ollie I loved him. Not because I didn’t feel it—but because I was terrified of what that love meant. For me. For the baby. For my future.
“You know I’m bringing you home so you can have space to process . . . not to shut me out.”
I chuckled, rubbing my thumb over the pads of his fingers. “I know. Thank you.”
I didn’t want to run. Not really. But I did need space to sort through everything. My life was shifting, and no matter how much I tried to push against it, Ollie kept pulling me toward him.
I wasn’t shutting him out, not completely. I was leaving the door cracked open, unsure how wide I was ready to swing it. My trauma whispered to keep it tightly shut, warning me of what could happen if I let him in too far. Of how it would feel when he eventually left.
We reached my door, and before I could put the key in the lock, Ollie turned me gently, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“When can I see you again?”
“When you come pick me up to go to the countryside.”
His brows shot up. “I thought you had to ask Luna.”
“She’ll be fine with it.”
He smiled, brushing a curl behind my ear. “That’s a whole week from now.”
“You’ll see me at work, too.” Probably.
If I wanted to see him, I’d have to actively seek him out. I could do that—I knew I could. Whether I would was a commitment I wasn’t ready to make.
His eyes searched mine, his hand still lingering near my face. “You’re not running away?”
I shook my head. Maybe a little. But not entirely. “Not really.”
He nodded, his expression softening as I finally turned, slipping the key into the lock.
As soon as I opened the door, a symphony of moans stopped both of us dead in our tracks. The living room was . . . transformed. Red satin sheets were draped everywhere, casting an almost theatrical glow over the scene that short-circuited my brain.
“What the fuck?” Ollie stepped in beside me.
From the kitchen, we had a full, unobstructed view of the chaos in the living room.
Luna was on her back, lying on the floor—or rather, the sheet—with her legs spread, one guy’s hands buried between her thighs.
He had a ball gag in his mouth and was on his knees.
Meanwhile, another guy, also sporting a ball gag, was behind the first one, pounding into him while the first guy still somehow managed to . . . assist Luna.
It was absolute carnage.
I laughed. I laughed so hard I doubled over, gripping the counter to steady myself.
Tears streamed down my face as I gasped for air.
“I think I peed myself,” I managed between hysterics, glancing at Ollie, who was frozen like a deer in headlights, his mouth hanging open and his eyes impossibly wide.
“Oh my god,” he muttered, finally snapping out of it. He turned on his heel, facing me instead of the spectacle behind us. “What is this?”
“I can’t.” I wheezed, clutching my stomach. “I cannot handle this.” I tried and failed to catch my breath. “Luna,” I yelled, still laughing.
She turned her head toward me, completely unbothered, and gave me a little wink like this was just another day.
“Is there ever going to be a time when I don’t walk in on you?” I shouted. “You’re scaring Ollie.”
“Sorry, Ol,” she called back cheerfully, before letting out another moan.
That was enough for me. I grabbed Ollie by the shoulders and shoved both of us back outside, slamming the door shut behind us.
We stood there on the landing, and Ollie brought his hands to his hips as he stared at the ground, clearly trying to process what he’d seen.
“That . . .” he began, shaking his head. “That was normal?”
I burst into laughter again, unable to stop. “Welcome to my life.”
He looked up with a stricken expression. “I’m so sorry. I saw her naked. I saw . . . everything.”
“That’s Luna,” I said, waving a hand like this was par for the course. “Truthfully, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s not the last time you see all of Luna.”
He ran his hands through his hair, his fingers tugging at the ends as he looked at me, horrified. “Oh shit. I hope it is.” He bowed his head and took a deep breath. “Two guys,” he muttered, almost to himself, his voice filled with disbelief. “There were two guys. And—”
“And they were having the time of their lives,” I finished, barely suppressing another laugh as the absurdity of it all hit me again. “Honestly, you’ve got to hand it to her for her dedication to her pleasure.”
“Yeah. I will not be analyzing it.” He looked down, and a sudden laugh burst out of him. “Oh shit, you did pee yourself.”
I followed his gaze and groaned, heat flooding my cheeks. I absolutely had. “Great. Perfect. I’m going to shower now.”
“Are you safe?”
I giggled and grabbed his arms. “Perfectly. I’ll be in my room.”
“Okay.” He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to my lips, his hand lingering at my waist. “See you in a week for the countryside.”
I nodded, slipping inside as Ollie turned to go.
I cautiously stepped farther in, my gaze sweeping the living room.
Luna was standing, fully naked, fixing her hair as casually as if she were preparing for brunch.
One hand held a whip, which she snapped lightly against the guy kneeling in front of her, his back arched, ball gag still firmly in place.
Behind him, the second guy—still enthusiastically going at it—didn’t even pause.
Luna glanced up mid-snap and locked eyes with me, a slow, mischievous grin spreading across her face. “Back so soon?” she purred, her voice full of amusement, as if I’d caught her watering plants.
“Luna,” I said, my voice somewhere between a groan and a plea.
“Oh, by the way, there’s a big envelope for you on the counter. Looks important. Said Urgent or something.”
I paused, flicking my gaze to the envelope on the counter.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, grabbing it and holding it tightly against my chest as I made my way to my bedroom.
I slammed the door behind me, shaking my head as I set the envelope on the nightstand.
I stripped quickly, getting out of my pee-covered underwear and pants, and I put my robe on.
I was about to head to the shower when my phone buzzed.
Ollie: I miss you.