Chapter 11. Tessa
Tessa
“A séance? You said it was a candlelit vigil.” Brandon’s voice is edged with betrayal.
“Same thing.” Jenny scopes out the entranceway for a place to dump her armful of candles.
“They are not the same and you know it.” Tilly rounds on Jenny, hands on her hips. Everyone’s plunged momentarily into darkness without her cell flashlight to guide the way.
“Jesus, Tilly, keep that thing pointed up.” Kira riffles through her bag for her phone, turning its flashlight on. “It’s creepy enough in here.”
“Sorry.” Tilly flashes her light down the hall toward the ballroom. It sweeps past Reed and me.
I wince from the glare. No one notices.
“Which room are we headed to?” Tilly shivers.
“This is so cool. Does anyone know where they died?” Kevin doesn’t need to sound so giddy about it. He’s certainly more excited than he was at student government meetings.
“What a morbid fucker,” Reed grumbles under his breath. “Who even is that guy?”
“Kevin Abrams. My vice president. He was always a bit of a weird guy,” I acknowledge. “He wanted the junior prom theme to be Creepy Clowns.”
“Of course he did.” Reed shakes his head. The others begin stumbling through the ground-floor rooms, floorboards creaking as they pass. Reed and I follow.
“I heard they died upstairs,” Kevin continues. “In a bedroom.”
“A bedroom?” Jenny looks like she’s won the gossip lottery.
“Ver zey hooking up?” Yannick drops his candles onto a piano in one of the sitting rooms, draped with a white cloth.
“Oh my God.” Jenny sets her candles beside his. “Were they secretly dating?”
Heat rises in my cheeks.
“Remember how close they seemed at the party, Yannick? Didn’t he have his hand around her waist at one point?”
“What?” Tilly chokes out.
“Zey ver all over each ozer.” Yannick seems pleased to have some tea to spill.
Reed’s eyes are on me, but I don’t dare look at him. “What is he talking about? Yannick was so focused on the game, he barely noticed us.”
“Excuse me, but I think I’d have known if my girlfriend was secretly dating someone,” Brandon snaps.
“Would you, dingus?” Jenny crosses her arms. “Because then it wouldn’t have been a secret.”
“He wasn’t,” Santiago states matter-of-factly.
“How would you know?” Jenny spins to face him.
“Because he was my best friend, and we talked.”
Reed shifts his weight uncomfortably beside me. Maybe he’s nervous Santiago is going to say more, but instead he hands out his beers. “This room seems as good as any.”
Tilly declines a drink, but everyone else takes one and settles in.
“Well, Tessa was my best friend, and I can tell you that the only reason she stayed at the party was because you embarrassed her so much.” She glares at Brandon, pushing the sleeves up on a new oversized hoodie she probably wishes she could hide inside.
At least Brandon looks guilty. “I feel awful about how that went down.”
Kira squeezes his hand.
“Yeah, looks like he’s been real consumed with guilt,” Reed fumes.
I can’t tell if he’s annoyed with Brandon or jealous of his being here with Kira. He said she wasn’t his girlfriend before. Not that I care. Because I don’t. He can like whoever he wants.
Yannick pulls a couple blankets out of his backpack and sets them down in the middle of the room. “Und now ve haf some-ver to zit for zee zéance.”
As people gather around the blankets, Santiago leans over to Tilly, scratching his arm. “So it’s officially over with you and that ass from the party?”
Smooth, Santiago. Why not just ask her if she’s single?
“Who, Carl?” Tilly rolls her eyes. “Oh yeah. God, what a mistake.”
Santiago gives one of those noncommittal guy nods, but he seems happy about it. When Tilly notices him mindlessly scratching again, he admits, “Poison ivy. From the night of the party.”
Reed tsks. “You warned him. He never listens. I bet the entire swim team is out of commission.”
“I’ve never done this before. How does it work?” Kira plops down on a blanket, pulling Brandon beside her. He rests his hand on her thigh.
Now it’s my turn to be annoyed. “He doesn’t have to flaunt it,” I whisper to Reed. “I mean, I just died.”
“He doesn’t know you’re watching,” he replies.
Jenny places the candles in a circle, and everyone takes their seats around them.
She’s making a real production out of lighting them, enjoying being the center of attention.
Finally, she sits and closes her eyes. “Tonight, we are here to contact the spirits of Tessa Sinclair and Reed Walker. If you’re out there, Tessa and Reed, we invite you to join our circle when you’re ready. ”
Reed snorts beside me.
Jenny opens her eyes and instructs the room, “Think about something you might want to ask them.”
“Oh look, did that candle flicker? I think that candle just flickered.” Kevin rocks back and forth, giddy with anticipation.
“I’m getting goose bumps.” Kira pushes her sleeves up, showing her arms off to everyone. “Look.”
Tilly sniffles and wipes her eyes. “I guess I’d want to know if she’s okay. I’d want her to know that I think of her all the time. That I don’t know how I’m supposed to continue without her. We had so many plans together.” She stifles a sob.
Brandon leans over to give her a hug. “I know.” He looks close to tears himself. My heart aches for them both, even if he hurt me. I miss them.
“We were supposed to go to Nepal together after we graduated from college. We’ve been planning the trip for years.
You have no idea how many mood boards we created.
” Tilly hands her phone around with our Pinterest board “Go Get Lost” open for everyone to scroll through.
I catch glimpses of snow-capped peaks, swinging rope bridges, and colorful prayer flags as the phone passes by.
“We mapped out our whole itinerary. How we’d fly into Kathmandu, stay in hostels, and trek through the Himalayas.
Tessa said we’d train and then try to summit one of the smaller peaks with hired guides.
We’d stand on the summit and yell in celebration, reminding ourselves that there’s no mountain, no goal too high for us to achieve in life. Except … that wasn’t true, was it?”
Brandon pats her on the back. “Do your plans anyway.”
“Yeah, go anyway,” Kira encourages. “Go for her. She’d want you to.”
“I would,” I whisper, hoping Tilly knows I want her to do all the things we’d dreamt about. I want her to have the best life possible.
“I don’t know about a question, but Reed, if you’re out there and listening, this is for you.
” Santiago raises his beer, then pulls out his phone to play a song.
It’s not what I was expecting at all. It’s a guitar solo.
But not rock. It sounds classical. There’s strumming cut through with intricate fingerpicking. It’s beautiful and haunting.
“Vat is zat?” asks Yannick.
“It’s Antonio Rey—he’s one of the best flamenco guitarists out there.
Reed was working on this song.” Santiago’s still holding his phone aloft, letting the music transform the space, chase the cobwebs into the night.
Reed wanders around the outside of the circle to stand behind him, eyes closing for a moment as he listens.
I stare, stunned. That’s why he was carting that case around all the time? To practice flamenco music?
“I remember he said how hard it was to do that section in the middle because of all the dexterity required,” Kira says in awe. “He was really good, though.”
Reed’s eyes pop open at that. They quickly land on me across the circle.
I’m not quite sure what to say. I feel like we’ve both been laid a bit bare tonight.
He knows about my travel dreams, something I never talked about with anyone but Tilly, considering how little money my family had.
Somehow it seemed silly to imagine glamorous trips overseas when we were always wondering if we could afford to keep the lights on.
And Reed certainly had plenty of opportunities over the years to let people know about his music, but beyond his best friends, he seems to have kept that a secret, too.
“So, not a rock god,” I say.
“No, not exactly.” It’s hard to see by the candlelight, but I detect a faint blush blooming across his cheekbones.
“You play classical guitar, then?”
“Well, not to nerd out on you, but classical and flamenco guitars are different instruments. My dad was incredible with both, but I’ve been learning flamenco guitar. I guess it was just another way to …” He trails off.
“Get to know him,” I finish, taking a step toward him, past the candles, into the circle.
“Right.” He steps forward, too, joining me.
For a moment, the room melts away and it’s just us.
Maybe it’s because we’ve been through this intense experience together, but I feel seen by him in a way that I’m not sure anyone has ever seen me before.
Like he understands how wonderful and painful it is to be surrounded by our friends.
He understands what it’s like to have our hearts’ innermost desires snatched away.
He understands the dueling impulses to want to hug everyone here but also scream at them to leave because it’s too hard to face their grief and curiosity over our deaths.
“This isn’t working,” Jenny huffs. “You need to put the phones away. The spirt world doesn’t like electronics.
” I’ve no idea where she got that rule, but everyone begrudgingly tucks their devices away.
“Now join hands.” She’s bossy but effective; one by one, people grasp hands around the circle.
“Again, we call to you, oh spirits. If you’re with us, please join our circle now. ”
“This is so ridiculous,” Reed scoffs.
“Is it, though?” I ask, realizing we’ve somehow managed to find ourselves in the middle of the circle. I wave my hands to indicate we’re exactly where they want us to be.
“They’re here,” Jenny whispers.
“Of course we’d come. We’re bored. They didn’t call us here.” Reed lets out an exasperated breath.
“Oh my God, the goose bumps are back.” Kira giggles.