Chapter 21. Tessa #2
“Well, no getting around the elephant in the room.” Hal eyes the gateway.
Reed hasn’t been able to take his eyes off it since we entered. I wonder if he hears that strange buzzing noise, too. At last, he turns to Hal, as if prompted by that hypnotic sound. “So, do you want us to give you a little nudge, or maybe walk beside you?”
Hal shifts his weight, considering. But if we push him through now, or he plows forward in a moment of courage, we may never get the answers we need to save Tilly.
“Wait!” I blurt out.
Both their heads snap in my direction.
“We could use your help,” I start, afraid we’ll lose our chance to ask him about gaming the system.
Surely Hal’s figured things out that we haven’t.
“The guy who killed us, he’s going to strike again, and we have to stop him.
But we’re running out of time. Unless there’s some way to mess with this clock.
” I wave at the countdown ticker above the door.
“If we could somehow pause it or add more time, then we might have a fighting chance to deal with Carl before he hurts anyone else.”
“If I had that kind of advice, I wouldn’t be standing here now.” Hal looks pained not to have more to offer. “I’m sorry, kid, I want to help you, really. I just don’t know how.”
“But Jeb, your friend, he was here a long time,” I persist. “He must have figured something out. Like, if time can come off the door in punishment, then maybe doing the correct things can add it back on. Did Jeb ever mention anything like that? Or maybe he discovered some way to interact with the living besides just … passing through them.” My anxiety’s spiraling.
These guys had months here—Jeb had over a year.
What were they doing with all their time?
“I wish I had better answers for you both, I really do. But Jeb, God rest him, he faded away like anyone else who remained. Even the best of us aren’t immune to the consequences of overstaying our welcome.”
“No. I refuse to believe that. There’s some way to get the A grade here, and we need to figure it out.
Like the phone trick to replay memories.
There must be other secrets to unlock. I mean, what’s the point of staying behind if we can’t change anything?
If we can’t help the people we need to help?
Isn’t that like, the whole point of ghosts?
” My breath starts coming fast and shallow.
“Tessa.” Reed edges closer, reaching for me like he’s trying to soothe a skittish cat.
I whack his hand away. “Don’t patronize me, Reed.”
He jerks back.
“Is that … the point of ghosts?” Hal steps closer, having watched me lose my cool.
“You want to change things here, and I understand that impulse, but maybe it’s really about this place changing you.
Being here, it’s hard, but it’s also a gift.
It clears the head, helps you see things in a whole new light.
Maybe that’s the point. We get this rare thirty-thousand-foot view of our lives, to understand our choices better, to grow.
I used to be so quick to make up my mind about everyone.
I thought Jeb was selfish for choosing to fade away, for making me watch him slowly disappear.
I assumed Bessie never loved me if she could move on without me.
But now I don’t think either of those things are true.
People are motivated in deeper and more nuanced ways than we give them credit for.
Jeb was an honorable man, and I don’t think he could leave when he saw others suffering, not if he thought he could help.
And Bessie, maybe she never stayed. She was always smarter than me.
She’s probably on the other side of this door right now, shaking her head and wondering why I’m taking so long.
” Hal glances longingly at a black-and-white vacation photo of him and his wife on the bookcase, leis wrapped around their necks as she pecks him on the cheek.
He pulls his glasses away to wipe his tears.
“When you take your time to really look, you’ll see everyone’s doing the best they can.
” Hal fixes me with his stare and nods to Reed.
My cheeks heat. I know I can be snappy and quick to judge people, too. Feeling scared and unsure has always made me lash out. But we’re all trying our best in the face of terrifying change. My eyes mist over.
“Hey now, if anyone can figure it out, you can.” Hal gives me an encouraging pat as I work to slow down my breathing.
“You’re dealing with a painful situation and a lot you feel responsible for.
Maybe I should have spent my time here better than I did, so I’d have more advice to offer.
” His shoulders sag. “I tried to take it all in, to enjoy my girl and the grandkids, to do my best to say goodbye to it all.” He chokes on those last words.
“All I know is the days here are gone before you know it. And things can shift in an instant with one wrong move, especially at the end when your time is so scarce. So help your friend if you can. Maybe that is the point of being here, to help the living somehow. What do I know? But whatever you do, don’t cut it as close as me.
When the time comes, don’t risk getting stuck here. Be brave.”
I close my eyes and let Hal’s advice wash over me.
God, I’ve been such an ass. I can’t believe I hesitated over coming here, now that I see firsthand what he’s facing, and how much harder this would be to do alone.
“You are brave, Hal. You always send those smoke creatures scurrying. You saved me at the back gate.” I slip my hand into his.
“I’m worried about my friend, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be here for you, too.
Both of us.” I slip Reed an apologetic smile for smacking him earlier. “How can we help?”
“Yeah, whatever you need.” Though Reed is talking to Hal, his gaze shifts to me, as if the offer is for us both. He holds my eyes with the weight of that promise and a million butterflies take flight in my stomach.
Hal’s sigh breaks me out of the moment. With his hand still clasped firmly in mine, he turns to face the door, face the mystery of whatever comes next. He inches a step closer, holding on to me like a lifeline, with Reed walking beside him on the other side.
The door flickers, beckons. With each of our slow steps forward, the incessant timer threatens the gateway preparing to close.
It’s our future, too, I realize, as I face down what’s coming.
In two short weeks, I’ll be confronting the same fate, but I can’t let myself dwell on that now.
All my effort, all my energy needs to go to keeping Tilly safe.
I peek at Reed as we edge forward another step.
He’s staring at the door, too, his lips pursed in a slight frown, an uneasy expression behind his eyes.
My heart swells. We’ve known each other, really known each other, for such a short amount of time, and yet it doesn’t feel that way at all.
There’s something that feels inevitable, almost lucky, about landing together in this dumpster fire of a situation.
I can’t imagine being here with anyone else.
Sure, he can still annoy me sometimes, but the good far outweighs the bad.
Eventually, only feet from the gateway, Hal pauses, giving my palm a squeeze before releasing me. He offers Reed his hand to shake. “You hold on to this one, you hear? She’s a spitfire with a heart of gold.”
“Yes, sir.”
Hal pats Reed on the shoulder. “Good boy. And you …” He turns to me.
“You remind me so much of my girl, Lizzie. She has a fine head on her shoulders, too, and a big heart. You listen to me now: I may scare off the fades from time to time, but bravery isn’t always rushing off to fight the dragon.
Sometimes, it’s picking yourself up after crippling loss.
That’s always been the hardest kind of bravery for me to find.
But I see now it has to be me, my choice, from here.
” He girds himself with a deep breath. “We need to face the unknown on our own terms. After all, we come into this world alone and we leave it alone.” Hal glances at the door again, facing the ultimate unknown, his expression impossible to read.
“Aren’t we supposed to be the ones helping you here? You seem like you’re handling all this really well.” The words spill out, my throat tight, voice quivering. I don’t want Hal to go. Why does it feel like losing my dad all over again?
He lifts my face up, his gray eyebrows a tangle over deep, kind eyes.
“Chin up, kiddo. Your time will come, and you’ll meet it with grace.
I know it.” He ruffles my hair, shaking one of my buns loose, but I don’t care.
“And if you think your presence here isn’t helping, well, you’d be wrong about that.
I didn’t know if I could do it, but sometimes other people help you find the strength you need.
” He nods his head toward Reed, and I’m not quite sure, but I almost catch a wink, just for me.
Then Hal’s eyes glaze over, lost momentarily to a distant memory, a small private smile hovering on his lips.
“I used to read Peter Pan to my daughter growing up, and then to my grandkids. I’ve been thinking about that book a lot lately, how when Peter is frightened and fears all is lost, he picks himself up and says, ‘To die will be an awfully big adventure.’ It seems my next adventure is here.
So, onward, eh? To new stories and distant shores. ”
And with that, Hal turns back to the door and marches straight up to the edge.
It vibrates, alters, no longer outlined in light but dissolving into a vast shimmering chasm.
Or at least that’s what it looks like from here—like an astronaut taking their first step outside the shuttle, on the precipice of the infinite, full of emptiness but also promise.
“I’m coming for you, Bessie. You hold on, now. I’m coming.” And with those final words, Hal nervously adjusts his suit and steps through. The light outlining the door is back, suddenly shrinking in on itself until it’s gone.
Hal is gone.
The room is no longer full of magic, full of his larger-than-life presence. It’s just a small back office in a big empty house, with a family who desperately misses him.
It’s not until I turn to Reed and see the tears rolling down his cheeks that I realize I’m crying, too.