Chapter 22
ASHLEY
Dean Bloomberg: Thank you kindly for your generous donation, Mr. Bassington. Nevaeh University greatly appreciates the funding toward our new Psychology Department. The other matter we discussed has been handled with utmost discretion.
B y some miracle, the university administration accepted my lie of having been sick with pneumonia for the last three weeks and wiped the absences from my records without even asking for a doctor's note. Apparently there was a flu going around, and they just didn’t bat an eye when I showed up to explain.
Lie. I showed up to lie . But it was better than trying to tell them I’d been abducted, imprisoned, and mind-fucked for the last few weeks. Somehow, I figured my “illness” was an easier pill for the administration to swallow, and I was right.
The first two days of the week seemed to be almost normal .
Which in and of itself was unsettling, because how the fuck could we pretend anything was normal after the weekend we’d just had?
Between classes, studying, and meals together, I found myself overanalyzing everything.
Were we all seriously just going to move on with life like we hadn’t all nearly died?
But no, once I started really paying attention and not distracting myself with sex every time my brain had a moment to rest, I realized we were all far from okay.
Most concerning was the way Nate withdrew steadily every time I saw him. The guilt was eating away at him, no matter how many times the guys reminded him that he was not responsible for his mom’s mental deficiencies.
Late Tuesday night, after I’d officially fried my brain trying to catch up on all the class content I’d missed, I found myself cautiously hovering in Nate’s doorway.
The door wasn’t fully closed, and the soft sound of his TV suggested he was still awake, so I sucked a breath of courage to push the door open a little more.
He was awake, but he was sitting against the headboard as he wrote furiously in a journal rather than watching the TV. When he saw me, he snapped the book shut.
“Hey,” I said awkwardly, leaning my shoulder against the doorframe.
His brows rose slightly in question, and his lips tilted in a ghost of a smile. “Hey.”
Well, fuck, now what was I supposed to say?
Hey, I’m worried that you’re beating yourself up about the fact your mom is a serial killer, but also we haven’t really discussed what’s going on with the two of us and what it means for the rest of the guys, and at the same time, we need to discuss the idea that you were planning on leaving us and that’s not okay because the idea of you being gone from my life makes me physically ill and makes me kind of want to cry…
Yeah.
“So…how’s things?” I settled on instead.
Nate set his journal aside. “Fine. How’re things for you?”
I nodded, biting the inside of my lip. “Yep. Fine. So…we’re both fine. That’s good.”
His gaze locked on mine, holding me in place when I wanted to flee, and the silent message passing between us was that we were both really far from fine. But at least we were in it together, right?
“What are you writing?” I finally asked, breaking the tense silence.
He glanced at his journal beside his bed, and I drew a shaking breath as his gaze released me. “Um, just thoughts. We all started keeping a diary after Heath’s suicide incident…I find sometimes it helps to sort through my thoughts when it becomes too loud in my head.”
That shocked me. I’d had no idea any of them were keeping journals, but at the same time, it was a really great idea. Maybe if he wasn’t comfortable talking about his feelings, he could still benefit from writing them down.
“Are you done studying?” he asked when I said nothing.
I nodded again. “Yeah, my head hurts, but I think I’m getting on top of things.”
He hummed a sound of understanding, running his palm over his rough jawline. His gaze had somehow ensnared me once again, and I was powerless to escape until he let me go.
“Um, do you need anything?” I asked cautiously, searching for some way of showing I cared without being too vulnerable. It was still Nate, after all. “Hot cocoa or sleeping pills or something? You look like you haven’t been sleeping.”
He huffed a short laugh. “You saying I don’t look good, Layne?”
I rolled my eyes, grinning. “You always look good, Essex, and you know it. But you also look tired.”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I could say the same.” He dragged his lip through his teeth thoughtfully, then sighed as his gaze dropped away from mine once more. “Can I ask a favor?” He said it so softly, it was almost like he hoped I wouldn’t hear.
I frowned in confusion. “Yeah, of course.”
Nate raked his fingers through his hair, then over his face like he didn’t want to look at me while he asked his favor. Or maybe he didn’t want to see my reaction. “Will you…” He trailed off with a small groan of frustration. “Never mind. You’re right, I need to go to sleep.”
Well, shit, now I wanted to know more than ever. It was enough to unglue me from the doorway, and I took a few steps into his bedroom. “Will I what , Essex?”
He looked up at me with a pained expression, making no attempt to hide his emotions. “Will you lie with me for a bit? Just…just a couple of minutes?”
Shock didn’t begin to touch on what that request did to me. The little crack of vulnerability in his voice nearly broke me, and I had to take a long inhale to keep from turning into a waterfall.
“Of course I will,” I muttered, biting my cheek to hold back the feelings threatening to spill out. Instead of talking about it, I climbed over him into the middle of his bed and set about making myself comfy.
Nate followed my lead, flicking off the lamp and sliding beneath the covers. When he reached for me, pulling me against his warm body and holding me tight, it was like one of our few remaining walls crumbled to dust.
He didn’t want to lure me in for sex. He just genuinely needed comfort, and honestly?
I needed it too. He hugged me like I was his favorite teddy, his breath warm against my neck where he buried his face, and right when his breathing began to slow and deepen, I could have sworn a tear dripped onto my spine.
Nate had only asked me to lie with him for a few minutes, but the Jaws of Life couldn’t have pried me from his grip as he slept. I needed this just as much as he did.
A knock on the open door was what woke us late the next morning, well past the time either of us would usually wake up, and Carter gave me a curious look when I opened my eyes.
“Colonel Mike is downstairs,” he told us in a quiet voice. “Says he has something important to discuss.”
Nate groaned, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand before pausing and doing a double-take at me being snuggled into his side. “You’re still here,” he murmured in a sleep-thickened voice.
I shrugged, sitting up to yawn. “Don’t make a big deal of it, Essex,” I muttered, a little embarrassed and awkward at this development. Was I supposed to leave? I should have. But he’d held me so tight…
“I’m glad you stayed,” he whispered, and my anxiety evaporated with a puff of delight.
“Coffee is ready,” Carter said, offering me his hand as I clambered out of Nate’s bed. His eyes raked over me critically, no doubt mentally noting how I was still fully clothed in the sweats I’d been wearing to study last night. “And Heath made breakfast earlier if you’re hungry.”
“Thanks,” I replied, smacking a quick kiss on his lips.
“I’m just going to freshen up real quick.
” I darted back down the hallway to my room to use the bathroom and throw on some clean clothes.
When I reemerged, Royce’s dad was standing stiffly in our living room with a grief-stricken expression on his face.
“Ashley,” he said to me in a gruff voice, giving me a short nod.
“This news concerns you as much as it does Nathaniel. I’ve been fully brought up to speed on everything that happened on the weekend at the Society event, and I’m deeply sorry for what you all went through. However, I have some bad news.”
I moved over to where Royce sat straight-backed on a barstool and inserted myself between his knees, leaning my back against him. He had no choice but to wrap his arm around me, or I’d have knocked him off the stool.
“We’re listening,” I said in a cool voice, eyeing the man’s posture and sharply pressed suit. What the fuck Katie had seen in him, I’d never know. Sure as hell wasn’t his personality or potential as a father.
Colonel Mike drew a deep breath, his nostrils flaring as he glanced between Nate and myself.
“I regret to inform you both, the aircraft your parents were traveling on last night suffered a critical fault on landing. The landing gear failed to deploy, and despite the pilot’s best efforts, the plane crashed.
” He paused, his jaw clenching so hard, his cheek twitched.
It was only then that I noticed how red his eyes were.
“There were no survivors. I’m so sorry, kids. Your parents are both deceased.”
Silence fell over the room after he made that announcement. Total silence. Royce’s fingers stroked gently over my stomach, and I rested my head on his chest as I swallowed the thick lump of grief building in my throat.
“Thank you for coming to tell us in person, Colonel,” Nate finally said in a rough voice. “We appreciate the effort, don’t we, Ash?” He glanced at me, giving me a pointed look, and I nodded vaguely. I kept my mouth shut because I had nothing nice to say.
Colonel Mike seemed startled and somewhat confused by that response, but he murmured a few more sympathies and condolences before taking the opportunity for a quick exit out of our apartment once more.
After he was gone, Royce kissed the bend of my neck softly and wrapped his arms around me in a proper hug. The way he shared his strength was exactly what I hoped I’d done for Nate all night.
“Well,” Nate said softly, finger-combing his hair again.
He’d stopped cutting it, and that fact hadn’t gone unnoticed by my itchy fingers.
A few more weeks and I’d be able to get a proper handful.
“I guess that’s that. Shall we go for a drive, Duckling?
” He checked the time on my grandfather’s watch, still on his wrist like he never took it off.
I sighed, peeling myself out of Royce’s arms. “I guess we shall. Can we get breakfast? I’m starving.”
Nate extended his hand to me, and I didn’t hesitate to take it in mine. “For you, Ashley? Anything.” He said it softly, then raised my hand to his lips to kiss my knuckles.
My heart almost exploded straight out of my chest, and it was only Heath clearing his throat that reminded me we weren’t alone. Embarrassed, I tugged my hand free of Nate’s and went to grab my sneakers from the shoe rack by our front door.
“Well, that’s an interesting development,” I heard Carter say quietly. “You two sure look well rested today, as well.”
“Shut up,” Nate growled, followed by a thump, like he’d just punched his friend in an affectionate but still aggressive sort of way.
I pretended not to hear them, focusing on tying my shoelaces as Nate grabbed his keys and handed me a hoodie to wear. He opened the door, gesturing for me to head out and called back to the guys that we’d be in touch later. Assuming we were still alive ourselves, that was.
So much for catching up on my classes.