13. Chapter 13
Chapter 13
Vi
A week later, I hadn't recovered from the encounter with Jake in the executive's gym. I hadn't seen him around, either; it was likely that he had returned to working out earlier in the morning. He probably thought he was giving me space. I probably needed the space, too; we'd been so close.
But the time for regrouping was over. Gabe had proposed a double date dinner— he had used those words, too, clueless brother of mine— between him and Lina, and Jake and me. To discuss the party, allegedly, but we'd spent the whole meal chatting about life.
"I know it makes me a little evil," Lina said, "but I do love the way Essie looks at me when I'm cheering for Gabe, or the way she checks my left hand all the time."
The whole group chuckled. Jake and I had barely interacted, but the relationship we had with my brother and his partner remained unaffected by the tension between us.
The restaurant was an elegant, modern new place. The walls were a dark blue on the bottom half, but the top half was a warm muted gold, in a sort of fabric wallpaper. Tables and chairs were of dark wood, and contemporary chandeliers bathed us in a deep yellow light.
Gabe arched an eyebrow in Lina's direction. "If she looks at you when you cheer for me, it's because you keep yelling the silliest things ever."
"At this point it's part of my brand." Lina grinned. "For your next game, I plan to use animals. Something like, you go, fox !"
"What?" Gabe laughed. "Wait until I get some grays, at least!"
Servers took our empty plates away and offered coffee and dessert; we all decided to simply finish our drinks, except Lina who ordered dessert.
"That's not why Gabe's ex is looking at your left hand, though, is it?" Jake cocked his head with a sassy slant to his lips.
"No, that's not it." Lina smirked. "But my dad isn't going to retire yet, and I want a couple more years in the position before my family forgets about my job and goes up the walls planning our wedding. The way everyone is going wild for Lucía's wedding… yeah, not yet. Until then, Essie can keep guessing."
"I can't wait for your guys' wedding," I said. "One day. It's going to be amazing. I might cry."
"I might cry, too," Jake said. "Just giving you a warning."
"What? Why?" Gabe looked at us in surprise.
"Because seeing you so happy makes me emotional," I admitted.
"Me too." Jake gazed at his friends. "And because underneath all this, I'm a big softie."
Lina reached a hand and squeezed Jake's arm. "That's so sweet. If you ever get married, I bet you'll be the kind of groom who cries when he sees his bride."
Gabe's gaze softened on all of us. "We should probably talk about the party now, though. Before we all get a little emotional in the restaurant."
"The guest list is ready, right?" I asked. "Do you think you can send the invitations soon?"
Lina nodded. "It's almost ready. Now we need to send them out, and plan the flights for the people we're bringing from Chile."
"Food is also in the works. We're talking to Claire at Remington Estate to coordinate with their kitchen and other staff. How are decorations going?"
Jake shifted in his chair and his leg rubbed against mine under the table. His eyebrows twitched at the contact, and he removed the touch— moved back in his chair again.
I pretended not to notice, and not to care.
I looked up a picture on my phone and gave my phone to Gabe, who showed it to Lina. "This is the color palette. Ruby, of course, but I decided against the green as a contrast color. I don't want it falling into Christmas-type decor. I'm leaning more towards peach and pink shades."
"Yeah, this is pretty." Lina gave me my phone back. "How about flowers and other décor?"
Lina's dessert arrived, but she didn't start it right away.
"On it. We'll get to it next." I didn't look at Jake. "We started a list of options."
"What about music?" Jake asked. "I don't know if you've looked at anyone yet, but I could send you a few names."
"We probably need some background music for cocktails and the dinner portion," Lina said, "but also music to dance after, too, right?"
Gabe agreed. "Unless we want some… heartfelt performances?"
Three pairs of eyes landed on Jake. If he and I were something, I would put a hand on his back to comfort him. Things being as they were, I kept my hands to myself.
A look of consternation took over his face. "Don't look at me like that. I'm not performing at a party for your parents in front of three hundred strangers. I can write a heartfelt speech if you like, but no music yet."
"We won't push," Gabe said, "but why? You're incredible, Jake."
Jake shook his head. "That's not the point. I think I'm decent for a hobbyist. Having people watch me and have an opinion , though? No, thanks."
"You did it for karaoke," I said.
Jake's eyes cut to me. "The only people I would ever see again were the three of you, and that's different. If I were to do it for your parents, it couldn't be someone else's song."
His eyebrows wrinkled in an irritated frown, and his jaw clenched.
I peered at him. "Are you… annoyed by this conversation?"
Of all the things Jake kept under wraps, his anger was one of the most significant. I had rarely seen him like this.
His nostrils flared and he stared at the table between us.
"We're not going to push." Gabe's voice was soft. "You don't have to do it. I'll take a heartfelt speech from you— I'll write one, too."
"We can write one together," Jake replied. "With Vi… and Max and Javier, too. We all love them."
I didn't know how much Gabe knew about Jake's history with music; I didn't know much myself. Just a few weeks earlier, though, Jake had told me about how his father reacted to music, and how it drove Jake to hide it. In that moment, I could see how singing in front of people pushed him out of his comfort zone.
My instinct was to reach for Jake, soothe him with a hug, tell him he could take every small step he needed to get there. Tell him he wouldn't have to do it alone, because we'd be there with him.
But everything was off between us, so I didn't.
Jake took a deep, calming breath. "We'll write the speech. And we can go to karaoke again. Maybe one day I'll sing my music in front of everyone at the lake house. But I won't do the party."
"That's a good plan." Lina gave him a soft smile. "We'll go for karaoke soon but, for the party, just send us a few names. That would be great."
Lina reached for her fork to finally start on her chocolate cheesecake, and Gabe opened his mouth to say more, but Lina's phone rang loudly from her purse.
She frowned and took her phone out. "That's weird. Lucía never calls me."
"You should answer, just in case," Gabe said, just as Lina did so.
"Luce? Hi… What? You're crying—" Her frown deepened. "What?!"
We all stared at her, worried about whatever was happening on the phone.
"What?!" Lina exclaimed again. She still held her fork in her free hand, and her knuckles were white with the strength with which she fisted her hand. "No— Asshole! I'm on my way."
People at nearby tables stared at us after Lina's expression, but we ignored them all. She ended the call, dropped the fork on the table, and got up.
"I'm so sorry. I need to leave." She gazed at us, but it didn't look like she could see us.
We all imitated her and stood as well.
"What happened?" Gabe asked.
"Lucía's wedding is off, and Rodrigo is total trash."
Gabe's jaw went slack. "I'll drive you."
"We'll take care of the bill." I offered a frustrated look. "I'm sorry for whatever's going on…"
"Have the dessert, please— and thank you," Lina added, worried and distracted, before Gabe led her out the door.
For the next several seconds, Jake and I stood side by side, awkwardly staring at the door closing behind Gabe and Lina. It took me a moment to gather my thoughts and sit again. Jake took his place next to me, and we stayed in silence for several beats.
"I hope Lucía is okay." I reached for the little bit of white wine I had left and finished it. "I remember when she got engaged last year."
"You don't really know her, do you? I have only heard of her through Lina."
Jake drew a pattern on the table cloth, and looked at that rather than me.
Right. We were acting all awkward with each other again, after the gym encounter last week. When he had caged me against the wall, looked down at me, and made me feel like he would break and kiss me again. Burn the world to kiss me again.
"Do you want dessert?" I pulled Lina's cheesecake to me, nervous all of a sudden. "This isn't the kind of place to ask for a doggy bag."
I took a big bite of chocolate deliciousness, but I didn't really take note of its decadent taste. He rubbed his eyebrows with stiff fingers.
"I can wait until you're done to ask for the bill," he said.
Tension twisted his mouth. I took another bite of dessert, but it tasted like chalk on my tongue.
"Okay, look." I pushed the cheesecake away. "We know where we stand. We're in limbo. We're either going to move past this or not. But neither of us want this to result in being out of each other's life. Correct?"
He dropped his face to his hands and rubbed. "Correct."
"For years I've wondered if you're the most self-controlled person I know… but you're not the only one who knows how to do that. I've learned to do it myself. Maybe we just… keep at it."
He cast cautious eyes my way. "You've… controlled yourself?"
I pulled the cheesecake close to me again. "Believe it or not, considering all that's been going on the past few weeks."
I took another bite, and this time chocolate tasted indulgent again.
Jake's eyes had remained steady on me as he studied me. "I don't feel self-controlled around you."
I gulped and placed the fork on the table. I really needed to stop trying to finish that thing.
I gave Jake an exasperated look. "Well, comments like those don't help."
"I'm sorry." He didn't look apologetic at all. In fact, he looked frustrated and amused and resigned. "I'll stop. I have to stop. We do. And we have to find a way to be comfortable with each other. Whatever happens."
I nodded. "We have the party prep, karaoke, the gala, the party… and every single group or family meet up."
"We used to have fun together. I don't want the time we share to be always charged and awkward like this."
"Me neither. I'll have you a little, if I can't have you at all."
The confession escaped my lips— I usually didn't mind wearing my heart on my sleeve, but at that moment, I wished saying the words didn't come so easily. I wished I could take them back. If only because they made me feel raw and exposed.
"Shit," I said.
Jake blinked three, five times, his face stuck in neutral, like he couldn't decide how to react. I gathered every ounce of courage I had and kept my eyes on him.
His gesture softened until he gazed at me with infinite tenderness. He lifted a hand and caressed my face.
His thumb grazed the corner of my lips. "I'll take as much as I deserve and, Vi… with this scarred heart of mine, I don't deserve as much. You deserve someone who will fight the world for you. Someone who will make you feel as precious as you are. Me? I'm stuck in this place, because as much as I want you, I don't know if I can show up and keep your family at the same time. I can't disappoint them. I hate the idea they could feel betrayed. And I hate the idea of not having you at all."
My heart drummed in my chest, and my breathing was so fast I'd become lightheaded.
His eyes dropped to my mouth. "I want to figure it out. I don't know why I can't stop imagining your parents looking at me with contempt. That's not them, I know— I've only gotten love from them. But that stake won't release my heart. The picture won't leave my mind."
I gulped, his words sharp in the space between us.
He shook his head. "I'll try to fix it. I'm going to try to work it out. I won't ask you to give me time to do it. You deserve to move on if you need to."
I put a hand on his, and it stilled on my cheek. "I tried to move on. It didn't work. I've waited for a decade… what are a couple more months, in the grand scheme of things?"
The smile that curled a corner of his lips held a hint of surrender. "I'll hurry, then. For now…"
"For now, this is it. We can be friendly again and live with it. We'll see what happens in the next few weeks."
"We'll see."
And with no more words, he helped me finish dessert, before we paid the bill and left each on our own way.