Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
At the bungalow, I hurriedly enter the house to find Roxy in the kitchen, cooking something that smells great.
“Hey, what are you making? That smells amazing.” I walk into the kitchen and find her making something with cheese, meat, and green chili.
“It’s just a quesadilla. I like them meaty and spicy, like my men. Do you want one?”
“Yes, but not spicy. I have a problem with spicy.” I grab my stomach and make a retching sound.
“Enough said—just meat and cheese for you.” She tosses some ingredients into the pan. A few minutes later, we are sitting at the table, inhaling our food.
“How is the move-in going?”
“Just about finished. I just had clothes to bring over. One more trip, and I’ll be done. What were you up to today?”
“I had to meet a reporter at Ahz, and then I had an appointment this afternoon.” The mention of an appointment makes me think of the next one I have to make. Holy shit, I forgot about the possibility that I might be pregnant. How did I let that slip my mind? I think I’m just trying to pretend it’s not happening. How long can I live in denial?
“That’s right, you work at Ahz. Doesn’t Damon Noble own Ahz?”
“It’s a co-branding between Anthony Haywood and Zenith. They combined the letters A-H-Z and came up with Ahz.” I still think it’s so smart. It was so cool when I told the reporter welcome to Ahz today.
“Anthony Haywood?” Her eyes light up. Most people know who he is. “Do you know him well?”
“I hope so; he’s my complicated relationship.” I see her eyes grow wide. “Do you know him?”
She turns her head away from me before she answers. She gets up and walks to the kitchen. “No, I can’t say I know him.” She tidies the kitchen. “How long have you been dating?”
“Several months. It was a love-at-first-sight kind of thing. He’s a great guy. However, the reporter showed me a picture today with his hand on a woman’s back leading her into the Dallas restaurant. I felt an enormous amount of jealousy, seeing his hands on another woman.” I open and close my fists as if I’m getting ready to punch someone. “That’s what our fight was about over the weekend. He hit someone who touched me inappropriately. He was mad that I’d been out with that person on one occasion. It was a business meeting, not a date. Anyway, I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this.”
“That seems out of character for Anthony.”
I turn to look at her closely. “You said you didn’t know him.”
“Oh. I don’t. What I meant to say was, that doesn’t seem like the thing a man of his stature and position would do.”
“I didn’t understand jealousy and rage until this afternoon when I saw that picture.”
“Do you think he’s stepping out on you? That seems out of character, too. Isn’t he a public figure? He’d have to know he wouldn’t get away with it.” She cleans the frying pan and puts it away .
“I don’t think he would, but he has a lot of stress in his life right now.”
“Give him the benefit of the doubt, but ask him, so you’re not wondering.”
That seems to be what everyone is telling me these days. “What are you doing tomorrow? The reason I ask is that I am going to this place called The Smash Shack to release my aggression. I’m going to invite Kat, and I thought you might want to meet her.”
“I know it well. I only work Friday through Monday, so that should be great.”
We agree to meet there after I get off work at five. I leave Roxy in the kitchen and walk to my room to call Anthony.
“Hello, babe, how was your day?” his voice sounds tired.
“It’s nice to hear your voice. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m used to having you in my bed, and I was lonely.”
“Lonely enough to replace me?” I listen patiently as he digests the question.
“I can never replace you. You still don’t get it. How many times do I have to tell you you’re the one? Your name is tattooed on my heart. Maybe I have to tattoo it on my forehead; that way, you’ll know it’s you I love.”
“No tattoos. I was just feeling jealous when the reporter showed me a picture of you and a redhead walking into your restaurant. He was trying to upset me. It worked, but I put on my poker face and didn’t let that affect the interview. It went well, by the way.”
“I wasn’t having any meeting with a redhead. You’re the only redhead for me. I probably just opened the door for someone.” There is a thoughtful pause in our conversation. “I knew you would do well in the interview. How did the tour go?”
“Great, I showed him the lengths we went through to make sure we didn’t serve minors. I think I won him over.”
“I bet did that the minute he looked at you. Now I’m jealous. ”
“Speaking of jealous—how’s your hand?” I think back to the break in his skin from punching Blake.
“I’m good. It’s a little sore but healing. It was worth it. Not the fight we had but seeing that slimy worm laid out on the floor. I guess we made the front-page news. I saw it, and I’m sorry about the headline. I’ve called the paper and asked them for a public apology.”
“We’ll see if that happens,” I say sarcastically. “How are your meetings going? You seemed quite busy when I texted you earlier.”
“Things are moving along more slowly than expected. I may not be home Wednesday but will probably be an additional week.”
My heart has just plummeted into the pit of my stomach. That’s ten days apart. How am I supposed to get through that? “I don’t know what to say.” I can feel my throat close with that achy emotional feeling you get right before you cry.
“I have to straighten this stuff out. I met with the accountants today. I meet with the lawyers tomorrow. Yesterday, I met with the private detective I have on your case, and he thinks he found some of your family.”
The mention of my family stops my need to cry. “I have a family?” I ask in awe.
“You just might. I’m trying to get him to move more quickly, but it takes a lot of digging to exhume a past.” I hear the unmistakable sound of a can of something being opened.
“Started drinking early today?” I question teasingly.
“Just a diet soda. Do you want to fly down here and stay a few days?” I can hear the longing in his voice.
“I can’t. You put me in charge of this silly prom, and I’m swamped. I didn’t work all day today because of the interview and my appointment. I feel like I’m behind.”
“I’m disappointed, but I understand. How did your appointment go?”
Should I tell him I might be pregnant? In a split-second decision, I choose to wait until I know for sure. He has enough on his plate right now. “It went well. I’m going to break dishes for therapy tomorrow. I’m taking Roxy and Kat with me. Roxy’s the new roommate, and she seems pretty cool.”
“Where do you plan to break these dishes? I hope not at the restaurant.” His voice sounds slightly concerned.
I begin to laugh as visions of me chucking plates in the kitchen of Anthony Haywood’s run through my mind. “Of course not. There’s a place called The Smash Shack that offers aggression services. We’re going there, and then I think I’ll take everyone out to dinner.”
“I’m jealous. They get to have your time, and I get nothing.”
“Hey, you went to Dallas. I’m still here. You have my heart, and they only have a bit of my time.” He can’t see me roll my eyes. He is so spoiled.
“How is everything at the house? I hope it’s still standing.”
“I don’t know. I haven’t been back there since I left Saturday night.” There is silence on the line.
“I figured as much. You never mentioned the flowers I sent, so I figured either you didn’t get them or you’re still mad at me.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I’ll stop by tomorrow morning. It would be weird to be at your house when you’re not there.”
“Damn it, Emma, it’s our house—not my house. Go home to our house. Paint the walls pink if you want. Just do something, so it feels like home to you. You seem to have one foot in and one foot out of the door all the time. You’re going to have to decide. Are you in this relationship or out?” His voice rises with every word spoken until he is yelling at the end of the sentence.
“Don’t yell at me. You’re not here, and you’re the only thing that feels like home. You can be such an ass sometimes.” I hang up the phone and turn off the ringer.
What do you do when your life feels like it’s going downhill fast? Usually, I’d break out the wine and toss back a few. However, I might be pregnant, and wine is now off-limits. I would also call reinforcements. I pick up my phone and text Kat.
SOS, I need you now.
On my way! How much wine do we need?
No wine, but Rocky Road ice cream is a must.
Quart or a gallon?
Buy out the store.
I put my phone down and change my clothes into my flannel pajamas and pink bunny slippers. Some people have comfort food. I have comfort clothes. Well, I also like ice cream.
I settle on my bed and wait for Kat. I look at my phone and see a missed call and text message. In the end, he’s right. I have to commit or let him go entirely. I can’t imagine my life without him. He makes everything brighter and more beautiful. The sky is bluer because he stands under it. The air is sweeter because he breathes it. I pick up my phone and text him.
I’m in.
In what?
In love with you. I’m sorry. I’m hormonal, but I am seeing the doctor this week. Forgive me?
Yes, go home and sleep in our bed. I want to smell you on my pillow when I get home. I love you, Em.
I’ll go tomorrow after I pick up the paint to match my prom dress. I think it’s an excellent color for the kitchen, don’t you?
Whatever you want, babe. I can overlook any color as long as I’m looking at you. I’m sorry I yelled.
It’s okay; we’re both under a lot of pressure. I love you. Let’s talk tomorrow night. Okay?
Okay, until tomorrow night then. Love you.
Kat walks into my room just as I open my computer to search for signs of pregnancy. In one hand is a gallon of Rocky Road and in the other is a bottle of merlot .
“I brought both, just in case you changed your mind.” She climbs up next to me in bed and hands me a spoon and the ice cream. “Spill it.”
I bite my lip, trying to figure out how to subtly tell her my news. I weigh my words, but in the end, I just blurt it out.
“I may be pregnant.” It comes out in a steady whoosh of air. I feel better just vocalizing the possibility.
She grabs the ice cream out of my hand and pulls off the lid. She doesn’t even wait for the spoon; she just digs her fingers in and grabs a glob. I watch in disgust as she shoves it into her mouth. This is the Kat I grew up with, the one who will do anything to lighten the tension.
Through a mouthful of melting chocolate ice cream, she opens her mouth. “Are you sure?” she asks.
I tilt my head at her and scrunch my mouth and eyes, giving her my “are you serious?” look. “The word may indicates that I’m not sure. Dr. Lydell told me my symptoms all lead to pregnancy. Then again, it could be anemia or cancer, so who knows?”
She licks her fingers and looks at me. “You seem to be taking this pretty well. Why is that? I would have expected you to be buried in bed and in a fit of tears.”
“I can barely stop myself from wrestling you for that bottle of wine. The only thing that stops me is that I may be pregnant. What am I going to do?”
“Get a pregnancy test. Then figure it all out. Have you told Anthony?” At the mention of Anthony, I cry.
Kat puts the ice cream on the nightstand and hugs me. She smashes my face into her chest and whispers all the things I want to hear. Things like it’s going to be okay , and we’ll get through this .
“I think I’m in denial. I don’t want to be pregnant right now. I want some time with Anthony before I have his baby. I want his babies, but I just didn’t want them now. Is that selfish?”
“No, I think we all want to plan the perfect life, but sometimes fate has a way of stepping in.” Kat pets my hair, and I like the way it feels. Anthony does the same thing, and it always soothes me.
“Yeah, well, if fate were a woman, I’d slap that bitch. Hasn’t she given me enough to deal with in my life? Don’t you even say you only get as much as you can handle because that’s bullshit, and you know it.” I watch as Kat opens and closes her mouth. She tweaks her lips to the side and lifts her eyes. This is her thinking face.
“When are you going to tell Anthony? He has a right to know.”
“There is nothing to know right now. I have to make a doctor’s appointment and get a blood test. Dr. Lydell didn’t think a pee test would be beneficial since I’ve been spotting. She just said the blood test would be definitive. Even if I took the pee test, I’d have to get the blood test to confirm.”
“I’d be peeing on a stick if I were you.” Kat looks past me at the wall. “Besides the bad timing, how would you feel about being pregnant?”
“I feel like I failed Anthony and myself. He’s a good man, and he would marry me in a second if I were having his child. I don’t want to be that girl. I want him to marry me because he loves me and because he can’t live without me.”
“I think we have already established that he loves and wants you to be his. I remember him saying something like he couldn’t breathe unless you were in the room.”
I use one hand to brush away my tears and the other to push my rogue curls out of my face. “He isn’t having too difficult of a time breathing. He was seen with another redhead yesterday. He wasn’t even gone a day, and he was ushering another girl to dinner. It’s like he’s repeating our first date with someone else.” I breathe in a ragged breath and try not to cry again.
“That’s crap, and you know it. He would never cheat on you. Whatever is going on with you, we need to get it under control before you lose your mind. That man is whipped when it comes to you. ”
“You’re right. I’ve just been off. I’m pregnant, or I need a different method of birth control. Speaking of birth control, I need to stop taking it, right? It’s bad for the baby, correct?” I think about the little life that may be growing inside of me. My hand unconsciously reaches down and rubs my stomach. I’m already in love with the baby I’m not sure I’m having. I think I may be losing my mind.
“When are you going to go to the doctor?”
“I have to call tomorrow. This reminds me, I have an assignment of sorts from Dr. L. She wants me to smash plates at The Smash Shack. She thinks it’ll be therapeutic.”
“I’ve heard of that place. I’ll go. I have a few names to write down myself.”
We make plans to go after work. We’ll drive together and meet Roxy there.
“Have you heard anything about the investigation? I was going to ask Anthony, but we started disagreeing, and I got sidetracked.”
“Yes, I think we are off the hook. Her boyfriend admitted to drinking with her once they left Ahz. They couldn’t get a drink with our tight policy and left to drink elsewhere. I just found out right before I came here. Damon was going to call Anthony as soon as I left.”
I feel such a sense of relief. “Why couldn’t we have that information before I met with the creepy reporter? At least now they will move on.” I reach over and take the container with the partially melted ice cream into the crook of my arm and dig in. I still need chocolate.
“Are you doing better now? I can stay the night if you want. We can snuggle together like we did when we were kids, but I have to draw the line at you drooling on the pillow.”
“No, it’s okay. You talked me off the ledge. I’m good. And I’ll have you know, Anthony has never said a thing about my drool.” I give her my best indignant look. My eyes shift sideways, and my head tilts. She laughs and hugs me .
“See you tomorrow, Em. I’ll show myself out. Oh, and I met your roommate earlier, and she seems nice.”
“I met yours, too, and I like him. Have a good night, Kat. Thanks for being there.”
She blows me a kiss as she walks out of my room. I look down at the bucket of ice cream I set aside to hug Kat. It’s more like chunky chocolate milk. Just looking at it makes my stomach roll. I climb out of bed and venture into the kitchen to dispose of it.
“Hey, are you okay?” Roxy asks from her perch on the couch.
“Yeah, just a tough day. What are you watching?” I walk to where she is sitting and take up residence on the other side of the sofa.
“Just reruns of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air . You can change the channel.” She reaches out to hand me the remote.
“No, I love Will Smith.” The theme song plays in my mind. I sit down just in time for a commercial.
“The Law Offices of Somerville and Sloan,” the commercial says. I look to Roxy and find her staring back at me. “A relative?” I knew Somerville sounded familiar. It’s a large law firm in downtown Los Angeles. They cover everything from ambulance chasing to corporate law.
“Yep, that’s my dad. You can see why he’s a disappointed parent. We were supposed to either become lawyers or marry well. I did neither, so they wrote me off.”
Wow, I thought I had it bad. “Do you have any siblings? I know what it feels like to be a disappointment to a parent. My dad never liked me,” I matter-of-factly tell her. The more I say it, the less it seems to bother me. Maybe I am moving past my horrific childhood.
“Yes, there are three of us. Roseanne, Roxanne, and Reanne. My parents thought they were so cute and clever. My oldest sister married a partner. My younger sister is in law school. I hang around gay men.” She shrugs and goes back to looking at the television.
The way she describes her life makes me laugh. She is funny. “ I’ll be here tonight, but I’m going back to Anthony’s tomorrow. Will you need anything?”
“No, I’m fine. I start back to work on Friday. I took yesterday and today off to get moved in and organized,” she says. “I’ve got your cell number if I need anything.”
We spend the rest of the evening in companionable silence. Every once in a while, Roxy or I burst out in laughter when Carlton, Will, or Ashley does something crazy. Before I doze off, I decide to head to bed.