21. CJ
CJ
By the time Deck called, I was seconds away from dragging Eli into my room and losing the last shred of control I had left.
The way he smiled over my coffee mug. His fingers brushing against me. The way he looked at me like I was worth wanting.
And that kiss on the pier.
Fuck.
I had spent three years convincing myself that part of me died with Charlie: that I was fine existing in the quiet, numb space between surviving and living.
Then Eli walked into my life with those sad eyes, that broken smile, and my fucking coffee mug in his hand, and somehow, those walls started coming down.
“Bar,” Deck said through the line.
I looked over at Eli, still standing there holding my mug, looking entirely too pleased with himself, and like he wanted me to drag him back to my room just as much as I wanted to.
“You two need supervision,” Deck added.
“Never,” I said.
“Yeah, well, Finn says otherwise.” In the background, I heard Finn yell, “They’re being weird!”
I laughed quietly. “What is Finn doing at your place?”
Deck paused. “Thirty minutes.”
“Sounds good. See you then.”
The line went dead, and I shook my head as I turned back toward Eli.
What I saw just about had me calling Deck straight back to cancel the whole thing.
But my boy needed a night of fun: something light, something that didn’t sit so heavy on his shoulders.
So I pushed the urge down, got ready, and we headed out anyway.
Even if I was doing it a little reluctantly.
* * *
The local bar was already packed when we arrived. Music spilled onto the street, laughter filled the room, and bodies moved across the dance floor.
The second we walked in, people noticed Eli. I got it. He’s beautiful.
His blond curls fell around his face, his tattoos were visible, and there was something magnetic about him that pulled people in. He didn’t even realize it. I reached for his hand immediately.
A simple message to everyone watching: He’s with me.
Deck saw it and chuckled. “Careful, brother. Anyone would think you’re in love.”
I shot him a look. “I’m relaxed.”
“Sure you are.”
I ignored him, mostly. For the next hour, everything felt normal.
Eli and Finn argued about anything and everything.
Deck and I talked about work. Food arrived, drinks were ordered, and then Finn started telling a story involving a shopping trolley, a watermelon, and the police.
I wasn’t even sure if it was true, but Eli laughed, and I realized I’d do almost anything to keep hearing that sound.
The music shifted to something upbeat, and Finn immediately stood up, grabbing Eli’s hand.
“Nope,” Eli said.
Finn pointed at the dance floor. “Absolutely.”
Eli looked at me, wordlessly begging for help. I just laughed. “You’re on your own, Baby Boy.”
Finn dragged him away, and Deck and I stood back, watching them dance.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him. His hair swayed with the music, his jeans stretched tight over his hips. His body was lean and hard, every muscle shifting beneath his skin as he moved.
Then he turned and caught my eye, and a slow heat spread through my body. He looked so alive in this moment it almost hurt to watch.
He rolled his hips, never breaking eye contact, a smug little smirk playing on his lips. He lifted his arms above his head, dropped low, slid his hands down his thighs, and then rose again, rolling his hips the whole way up.
Jesus Christ.
He was pure fucking sex, and I was so hard I could cut steel.
He knew exactly what he was doing, too. I saw it in the grin he threw me before turning back to Finn, leaving me with a perfect view of his ass.
I was yanked out of my filthy thoughts when Deck nudged my shoulder. “You’ve got it bad.”
I glanced at him. “Got what bad?”
“Your problem standing over there.” He nodded toward Eli. “You care for him.”
I rolled my eyes and looked back toward the dance floor, watching my boy. “Except from where I’m standing, brother, he looks less like a problem and more like the answer.”
Deck’s expression softened. “I loved Charlie, CJ. Nobody is saying you didn’t.”
“He was my future,” I said quietly, looking down at my drink. “And then he was gone.”
Deck stayed silent.
“What if Adrian gets to him?” I swallowed hard. “What if I can’t get to him in time, Deck? I can’t go through that again. I don’t know how to do this again.”
“Do what?”
I looked back at Eli. “Move forward.”
Deck sighed softly. “CJ, you loved Charlie. Nobody is taking that away from you, least of all Eli.” He looked toward the dance floor. “But you haven’t been living since Charlie died.”
The words hit harder than I expected.
“You hired Eli. You brought him into your home. You worry when he isn’t near you, and you breathe easier when he is. And when he smiles…” Deck looked back at me. “You love him, CJ. That’s not something you can ignore.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “He makes me feel like myself again.”
Deck nodded firmly. “Then maybe stop fighting it.”
I looked back at Eli, and this time, he was already looking at me. He raised an eyebrow in silent question. I smiled and mouthed, I’m okay.
Deck laughed quietly. “Everyone figured this out weeks ago, by the way.”
I mostly ignored him and went back to watching them.
They laughed as they danced, completely carefree, and it was damn good to see. Deck was right. I had to trust myself. Trust that I’d keep Eli safe. I loved him, and he loved me; we’d already said the words.
Now I just had to keep him by my side.
* * *
I saw it the exact second everything changed.
Finn’s expression shifted: the laughter vanished, replaced by an intense, sharp gaze tracking someone behind Eli.
A man was standing right behind Eli. Finn said something to him, but the guy ignored him. Then he reached out and grabbed Eli by the wrist.
My pulse spiked hard and violent.
My feet were moving before my brain even processed it. Deck was right on my heels.
The club noise dissolved into a blur. All I saw was Eli, twisting wildly, trying to pull free with terror written across his face.
“Eli!” Finn’s voice cut through the air.
For one terrifying second, I lost sight of them in the crowd. Then I saw Eli snap his arm back, breaking the stranger’s grip. He turned and ran, pushing his way through the sea of bodies.
The stranger tried to go after him, but Eli was already gone, swallowed by the crowd. In that moment, the stranger’s eyes locked onto mine. He saw me. He saw Deck. He saw exactly who was coming for him.
He turned and bolted, and Deck went after him without hesitation.
I didn’t chase him. Deck had it. I was searching for my boy.
“Eli!” I yelled, scanning the room frantically.
Nothing. My heart was pounding against my ribs; I couldn’t find him. Then someone grabbed my sleeve. I looked down and saw Finn, pointing toward a side corridor near the bathrooms. “There!”
I bolted toward it.
It was a narrow, dimly lit hallway, and there he was: curled into the back corner, his entire body shaking uncontrollably.
My chest caved inward. Seeing him like that knocked the breath straight out of me. The confident, laughing man from minutes ago was completely gone.
I dropped to my knees right in front of him, blocking the hallway from view. “Eli.”
His breathing came in short, broken gasps. He didn’t recognize me at first; his eyes darted past my shoulders, wild with panic, searching for the man.
“Hey, Eli. Look at me.”
My voice finally registered. A choked sob tore from his chest, and he reached for me.
I pulled him into my arms immediately, wrapping one arm around his waist and cradling the back of his head. “I’ve got you.”
His fingers clawed into my shirt, holding on for dear life.
“I’ve got you, Eli. You’re safe.”
He was shaking so violently I felt it down to my bones. “I couldn’t…” His voice cracked horribly. “I couldn’t get away.”
A cold ache settled behind my ribs. I swallowed hard, fighting back the rage that threatened to tear me apart. “You did,” I said, pulling back just enough to look at him. “Eli, look at me. You did get away.”
His bottom lip trembled. “But he grabbed me…”
“I know.” I brushed my thumb over his cheek, wiping away a tear. “I know, baby.”
Because I had seen it. I had seen someone put their hands on him, and for those critical few seconds, I hadn’t been fast enough. I hadn’t protected him. The thought sat like a blade twisted in my gut.
I had promised him, promised myself, that no one would ever touch him again. And I had been too late.
A heavy hand landed on my shoulder. Deck.
“CJ.”
I looked up. Deck’s expression was hard, but his eyes were understanding. He knew exactly where my head was going. “This isn’t on you.”
I almost let out a bitter laugh, because it sure as fuck felt like it. “He got his hands on him.”
“And Eli got away,” Deck said firmly, crouching beside us. “Because he fought.”
I looked back down at Eli. Deck was right. Eli had fought back, even when he was terrified. Even after years of Adrian training him to freeze, Eli had broken free and run.
Finn was standing at the entrance of the corridor like a guard, keeping the crowd away. When he looked back at Eli, the anger drained from his face, replaced by pure heartbreak.
He walked over slowly and knelt beside us. “Hey, El.”
Eli’s eyes flicked up.
“I’m sorry,” Finn whispered, his voice thick.
Eli frowned through his tears. “For what?”
“For not keeping him off you.” Finn swallowed hard, a tear slipping down his nose. “I should have seen him coming sooner.”
“Finn…” Eli’s voice was tiny. “You told him to leave.”
Finn nodded. “And he didn’t listen. That’s the part I hate.” He reached out a hand slowly, giving Eli the choice, and Eli reached out and took it. “Someone thought they could put their hands on you and you’d just take it.”
Eli looked down at their joined hands. “I froze.”
“Yeah, you did,” Finn said softly, squeezing Eli’s hand. “You froze because your body remembered something your brain has been trying to forget. But you’re here now.”
I closed my eyes, letting Finn’s words settle in my mind. That was it. That was what Eli needed to understand.
His body’s first reaction was to freeze because Adrian had spent years instilling that terror into him: teaching him that fighting back only made it worse, forcing him to endure rough hands and surrender control.
So his body froze out of habit. But then Eli had snapped out of it. He had fought back. He had rejected what Adrian taught him, broken the grip, and escaped. He was finding his way back to himself.
* * *
After a few minutes, I stood up, bringing Eli with me.
He didn’t let go for a single second, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around my neck, his face buried in my chest. Normally, I might have cared about the stares, but tonight?
I didn’t give a fuck. Let them watch. Let them see that he wasn’t alone.
“We’re leaving,” I said.
Deck nodded immediately. “I’ll bring the truck around.”
Finn stood up. “I’m coming with you.” When I looked at him, he shrugged. “Someone’s gotta make sure you two idiots don’t try to carry the whole world by yourselves.”
Despite the heavy air, a soft, breathless laugh escaped Eli against my neck.
The walk through the club felt endless. The music was still pounding, people were still drinking and dancing, blissfully unaware of what had just happened in the dark hallway.
Eli kept his hand locked in mine, looking over his shoulder every few steps.
Every time he flinched, I squeezed his hand tight.
“I’m right here, baby. I’ve got you.”
When we reached the truck, Deck held the door open. Eli climbed into the back, but he wouldn’t release my hand. His fingers tightened desperately.
“Stay,” he whispered, broken.
“I’m right here,” I said, climbing in beside him and closing the door.
Finn took the front seat next to Deck. Nobody made jokes. Nobody talked. We all understood that tonight wasn’t just about Adrian; it was about Eli learning that when the world hits him, he doesn’t have to survive the impact alone anymore.
Eli curled into my side, clinging to me as if I were the only solid thing left in the universe.
And as I held him, I finally realized something: protecting Eli was never going to mean shielding him from every bad thing in the world. Danger was always going to find a way in.
My job wasn’t to be an impenetrable wall. My job was to be right here when the dust settled: to pull him through the storm, and to make sure he never had to fight his way out of the dark alone again.