Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
JORDAN
“Okay, I’m a big fan of the dark chocolate Oreo/mint Oreo combo, but I think the winner is honestly just the straight up peanut butter pie. Nothing can beat it.” Jo bites into another peanut butter pie Oreo and chews thoughtfully.
“I don’t know,” I say, glancing over the detritus of our Oreo tasting experiment spread all over the couch and my coffee table. “I think the cream to cookie ratio of the Mega Stuf is what dreams are made of. And actually, the lemon is surprisingly amazing.”
Jo nods, swallowing and leaning back on the couch. “I’ll give you that. The lemon was a real dark horse contender, but it’s shockingly good. It will be entirely unsurprising to you that I can’t pick a winner.”
I pile the Oreo packages on the coffee table next to the fish tank where Dippy sits in his brand-new rock and fake plant-filled habitat wearing a scarf covered in Oreos and lean back next to Jo. “I think you’re right on this one, though. Oreos are too good to just pick one favorite.”
Jo leans over and bumps her shoulder against mine. “See? That’s what I’ve been telling you. Life’s too short to pick one single favorite of anything. Thanks for this, J. I think this was the best dinner/dessert situation I’ve ever had.”
I feel a little glow of pride that I did something that made Jo happy. She’s done that for me so much in the past month or so, and making her happy feels like an accomplishment. Something I want to do more often. As often as I can.
She flops her head back and lets out a little groan. “The thing is, the downside to not having a favorite is that I ate too many Oreos and I now feel like I need to lay on the floor.”
“You go right on ahead and do that.” I roll my head over and look at her. She’s wearing flannel pajamas covered in donuts and the socks I got her when my brothers were in town, and her long brown hair is piled messily on top of her head with pieces falling loose all around her face.
Jo looks cozy and warm, and not for the first time tonight, I have the thought that right here is the comfort I haven’t been able to find in the two years since Allie died. I forgot what it feels like to be perfectly content, without any reservations or complications, but sitting here on my couch with Jo, surrounded by Oreo packages, piles of blankets, and the movie paused on a shot of Jake Gyllenhaal wading through knee-deep water outside the New York Public Library, that’s exactly how I feel.
I didn’t have find contentment being friends with my best friend’s sister-in-law on my bingo card for this summer. But somehow, it feels like an accomplishment that I don’t overthink it or analyze it to death the way I have so many things in the last two years. Like maybe, in the last couple of months that I’ve been hanging out with Jo, I’ve reclaimed just a little piece of myself that I thought had been lost forever.
“Nah,” she says, stretching her arms above her head and pulling a blanket back over her lap. I glance over at her, thinking it’s nice that whether we’re running around Manhattan in the middle of the night or sitting on my couch watching disaster movies, Jo makes herself at home wherever she is. I like that about her. “I’m too tired and too full to move. My ass is officially glued to this couch.”
“Well, if that’s the case, should we finish the movie?”
Jo shifts, sinking deeper into the couch. “Definitely.”
I eye her. “Are you going to yell some more about how the politicians in disaster movies never listen to the experts?”
Jo scoffs. “I mean, of course I am.” She sits up straight and points to the TV. “Do you see what’s going on? There’s a freaking flood in New York City, a massive hailstorm in Tokyo, and severe temperature drops in the North Atlantic and the vice president is all, nah, it’s probably nothing. It makes me stabby.”
“But disaster movies are your favorite?”
She huffs out a breath. “I know, it makes no sense. I can’t help it. I just love them so damn much. Something about the worst-case scenario of it all, it gets me every time.”
“You’re an enigma, Jo Evans.”
She shrugs and grins at me. “It’s the way I like it. I’m unpredictable and contradictory. I like to keep them guessing.”
“Who’s them?” I ask. The thought slams into my head that maybe Jo is dating. She hasn’t said anything about seeing anyone, and I don’t know when she would have time since we see each other every day I’m not working, but I guess it’s not impossible. The thought makes me uneasy, and I immediately hate myself for it because I told her I’m not looking for anything like that, and I’m not. I’m not ready. But I suddenly realize I hate the idea of her seeing anyone else either.
I’m officially the asshole.
“I don’t know.” She waves her hands around “Them. You, my friends, my family, everyone.”
“Oh,” is all I can get out through my towering relief that she didn’t mention a guy. Fuck me.
She looks at me like I’ve gone crazy, and maybe I have. “Who did you think I was talking about?”
“That’s who I thought you were talking about.”
“Uh, no it’s not. I’ll get it out of you eventually, so you might as well just tell me now.”
“Fine.” I shift uncomfortably, not meeting her eyes. “I thought maybe you were talking about a guy or something. Like, someone you were dating.”
I expect her to laugh, but she doesn’t. When I glance at her, her face is serious. “I’m not seeing anyone.”
“No?” More relief.
“No. When would I have time for that anyway? I’m always with you.”
I clear my throat. “You could though. Date someone. Not that you need my permission, obviously. But if you wanted to spend less time with me and more time with someone else, that would be okay. Again, not that you need my blessing or anything, but just know that I would be fine if you wanted to hang out with me less and someone else more. I mean…”
I break off when Jo puts her hand on my arm, her face less serious and more amused. Warmth unfurls from where her skin touches mine. “It’s our summer of fun, J. I don’t want to see anyone else. I only want to hang out with you. I think…” She trails off, seeming to consider something. “I think you’re my best friend.”
I clear my throat again at the unexpected bubble of emotion rising from my chest. “Me too, Hurricane. I mean, I think you’re my best friend too.”
She smiles and glances over at the dinosaur habitat on the coffee table. “And Dippy right?”
I smile back, the serious mood between us broken. “I mean, obviously.”
She nods, satisfied. “Okay, now you can start the movie again. I can’t wait to see the frozen Statue of Liberty. It’s my favorite part.”
An hour later, the Hall family is in Mexico, the Northern Hemisphere is covered in sheets of ice, and Jo has only yelled about listening to climate experts three more times.
She sighs as the credits roll. We’re both leaning back on the couch, our shoulders pressed together. At some point during the second half of the movie, she got hot, so she tossed her blankets off, but then when she decided she was cold again and spread a blanket back over her, it ended up over my lap too, so we’re sharing it. I’m hot, but she looks so comfortable that I didn’t want to move the blanket.
“It just hits every single time.” She rolls her head towards me, her green eyes sparkling. “What did you think?”
“I think it was great, but in the hierarchy of disaster movies, there’s definitely one that’s better than this.”
She sits up, smiling wide. “Oh, I know. I wanted to pick a New York movie, not the best disaster movie. If you’re asking me what the best disaster movie is, there’s only one answer.”
“Damn right there is.”
She eyes me. “Do you think we have the same favorite?”
I shrug. “Who could even say, Jo Jo?”
“Okay.” She claps her hands together and swings around so she’s sitting cross-legged on the couch facing me. I’m enjoying the hell out of her excitement at the mere thought that we might have this in common. “Favorite disaster movie on three. One. Two. Three.”
“ Armageddon ,” we both say together, and Jo squeals. “Oh, my god, J; this is the best moment of my life.” She clicks on her phone to check the time. “It’s only ten. We have to watch it!”
“Are you sure it’s not too late to start a movie? You have to work tomorrow morning.”
She gives me an are you kidding me look. “I don’t need that much sleep, remember? There is literally nothing I’d rather do than watch a double feature with you. And we have to make candy popcorn.”
“What’s candy popcorn?”
She looks at me incredulously. “You’ve never had candy popcorn?”
“Nope.”
“Jesus Christ, Jordan, it’s a good thing you have me. You’ve been missing out.” Jo gets up, reaching into the fish tank and patting Dippy on his little head and then unzipping her suitcase. She rummages around for a second, coming up with a couple bags of microwave popcorn and bags of M&M’s and Reese’s Pieces.
“Okay, now it’s definitely better with popcorn from scratch, but sometimes sacrifices have to be made for expediency.” She tosses me the popcorn. “Go pop these and dump them both into a bowl. While it’s still hot, we add the candy and mix it all together. The candy gets all melty and messy and it’s so, so good.”
“That sounds…fucking genius actually.”
Jo beams at me. “I know. Seriously, stick with me. Movie snacks are my specialty.”
I push up from the couch and head to the kitchen. “I might be the one who needs to lie on the floor after this.”
“Yeah, probably, but it’ll be worth it. Bring paper towels unless you’re cool with chocolate all over your couch,” she calls after me.
I hear her rustling candy bags and humming to herself, and it occurs to me that this is probably the most noise my apartment has heard since I moved in. This apartment that has felt so soulless and awful for the last two years—a place for me to sleep and keep my shit in between time at the hospital—now feels alive with Jo here. Like a place I maybe wouldn’t mind spending more time, as long as she can spend it here with me.
I was almost relieved when she suggested watching a second movie. I wasn’t ready for her to leave and for me to be here alone again, back in my lonely, white-walled existence. I’ve been living like that for so long that I forgot what it was like to live differently. But now that I know, I’m not sure I can go back to the way it was. Jo makes everything colorful. I could think about what that means, but I don’t want to do that. I’d rather just be here now.
Ten minutes later, we’re back under Jo’s mountain of blankets, the opening credits of Armageddon playing on the TV and a massive bowl of candy and popcorn between us. Jo bounces a little on the cushions, and when I glance over at her, she’s grinning at me. “This is a really fun night.”
I nudge her shoulder with mine. “Hurricane, I think you can make anything fun.”
Jo beams at me. “ We can make anything fun. That’s what the J’s Summer of Fun is all about.” Then she leans up and kisses my cheek before turning her attention back to the TV.
I freeze, my skin burning where her lips touched it and my cock stirring, just from that simple contact. I shift on the cushion, grateful for the pile of blankets over my lap, and resist the urge to bring my hand up to my cheek where I can still feel the ghost of her kiss. It’s such a foreign feeling to me that my brain races with the implications of the fact that my cock is even a little hard for someone other than Allie for the first time since I laid eyes on her seven years ago. And that someone is Jo. My friend. Just a friend. Because just like I told her and my brothers and I’ve been telling myself, I’m not ready for more. It’s too soon. My brain is too fucked up from everything I’ve been through.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, willing both my brain and my body to chill the fuck out and stop having an existential crisis over the fact that my friend kissed my cheek. Jo must notice something is up because she nudges my leg with her knee.
“You okay, J?”
“Fine,” I say, a little too quickly. “I’m totally fine.”
I focus on the TV, but I can feel her stare on the side of my face before I see her shrug and settle back against the couch, shifting closer to me and laying her head on my shoulder, sighing as Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler dissect whether an animal cracker is actually a cracker at all and hug each other as the sun sets and “Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” plays in the background.
My body slowly relaxes while the familiar dialogue plays until the drillers save the world and I’ve convinced myself that my freak out was a figment of my imagination and Jo’s deep, steady breathing tells me that she’s asleep. I flip the TV to the baseball game and mute it so she doesn’t wake up. Glancing down, I see Jo’s dark lashes fanning over her cheeks and her mouth curved up, even in sleep. She’s the happiest person I’ve ever known, and I think maybe some of that happiness is rubbing off on me too. I feel lighter when I’m with her. Like I’m learning how to live again, after two years when I didn’t do any living at all.
My phone rings and I grab it, silencing and declining the call from Elliot as fast as I can so it doesn’t wake Jo. Two seconds later, the phone rings again, and it’s Noah this time. I decline that one too, and then my phone vibrates with a message in the group chat.
Wyles Bros
Noah
PAGING JORDAN
Where are you, dude?
Me
I’m right here. What do you need?
Elliot
We don’t need anything, it’s just that it’s been a few days since you checked in.
Me
I’ve been busy.
Cooper
Busy with Jo?
Me
Busy with a lot of things.
Noah
So that’s a yes.
Elliot
Is there a reason you didn’t answer your phone?
Me
No particular reason.
Cooper
Lies.
Noah
If there wasn’t a reason then you should answer.
Me
Fuck. Fine. Jo’s here. We’re having a movie night.
Noah
YES. Video call us right now so we can meet her officially.
Me
Yeah, I definitely won’t be doing that.
Cooper
Why not? We’re delightful.
Me
You super aren’t. Besides, she just fell asleep. That’s why I didn’t answer. I had to silence the phone so you assholes didn’t wake her up with your incessant calling.
Elliot
Sleepovers already, huh? This is great.
Me
It’s not a sleepover. She fell asleep. Those are two different things. Friends, remember?
Elliot
Are you planning on bringing her to Boston to meet the fam?
Cooper
He would have to actually come to Boston for that.
Me
Truth. And also, no, because friends. What part of just friends don’t you understand?
Noah
Men and women can never be friends. The sex always gets in the way.
Me
Are you really quoting When Harry Met Sally at me right now?
Cooper
He isn’t wrong though.
Me
He is wrong. We are just friends.
Elliot
Okay, whatever you say. But if you’re happy, we’re happy. Seriously.
Noah
What he said. And also, when the just friends thing changes, we’ll be the first to know right?
Me
You know it.
Cooper
Really?
Me
Fuck no, mind your own business.
Rolling my eyes a little but also suddenly missing my brothers more than I have in a long time, I toss my phone on the coffee table. Trying not to wake Jo, I reach forward and set the popcorn bowl next to my phone, settling back down. Jo stirs, pressing her face deeper into the crook of my neck and sighing in her sleep.
Her weight against my shoulder is warm and comforting, and the only light in the room is from the flickering of the TV. My eyes grow heavy, as if weeks of work and sleepless nights are finally catching up to me. I close them for just a second, and my last thought as I drift off to sleep is that out of everything we’ve done together over the past couple of weeks, this moment right here is my favorite one of all.