Chapter 38
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
JO
With a frustrated huff, I toss my phone on the couch face down, vowing not to look at it for an hour. Okay, fine, half an hour. Fuck, ten minutes. If I can go ten damn minutes without flipping the phone over, I’ll call it a win.
“This is pathetic, Jo,” I mumble to myself. “He’s busy. He has a whole ass life and doesn’t need to be texting you every ten minutes.”
The he, of course, being Jordan.
I haven’t heard from him since his mom stole the phone from him earlier tonight and I got sucked into a conversation with her about the book she, Hannah, and I are reading for our book club of sorts. The tracking on the New York themed package I sent him said it was delivered while I was talking to his mom, but so far, it’s crickets from my Boston-based man.
It's unlike him, and it’s unsettling.
I shake my head and shoot to my feet, because like fuck will I be this girl. The one who loses her marbles because her long-distance boyfriend doesn’t text her for a minute.
“Be better, Jo,” I mutter, yanking my hair into a ponytail and making a beeline for the kitchen. I need an emotional support snack.
Five minutes later, I’ve decided I hate every single snack in my kitchen and that this moment requires tacos and french fries, a weirdly delightful food combination Hallie and her friends have gotten me hooked on over the years. But then I realize that procuring those snacks requires me to place the order on my phone, and I still have three minutes left of my ten-minute phone moratorium.
“Thank god,” I mutter at the knock on the door. I don’t even care who it is. I need the distraction before I lose my sanity entirely. If it’s the UPS guy, he better be prepared for a diatribe on the suckiness of long-distance relationships. But it’s not the UPS guy. When I throw it open, Hallie and Hannah are standing on my front stoop, laden down with bags, a donut box, and what looks like the makings for margaritas.
I mean to ask them what they’re doing here but instead what happens is I burst into tears, surprising myself and stunning them.
My sisters immediately drop their stuff and step forward, wrapping me in a hug.
“How did you know I needed you?” I whisper through hiccupping sobs. Fuck, I can’t even do tears undramatically. I really am who I am.
Hallie rubs a hand up and down my back. “We haven’t heard from you in a week. In Jo time, that’s practically a year.”
Hannah kisses the side of my head and tightens her arm around me. “In the past month, you’ve been living hundreds of miles away from your boyfriend who you’re head over heels in love with, quit your job, and started a brand-new consulting business. You’ve got a lot going on, and we figured you needed a little time to yourself. But a week is long enough, Jo Jo. You’re not built for solitude. You need people, and we’re your people.”
A fresh round of tears falls, and my sisters hold onto me until I cry myself dry. When I’m finally, blessedly, done, my eye catches on all the bags and boxes at their feet.
“What’s all this?”
Hannah grins and leans down to pick up some of the bags, dumping them on my coffee table. “We’re your emotional support first responders. We brought provisions.”
Hallie wraps an arm around my shoulders and guides me back to the couch. “What she means is, we thought you needed a girls’ night and to talk, so we brought all the things.”
“Shit,” I say, pressing my fingers into my eyes. “I’m really glad you’re here. I think I’ve lost my sanity a little bit.”
“Here,” Hannah says, flipping open the donut box and holding it out to me. “Have a donut. It’s always easier to talk after sugar.”
I grab a chocolate donut and take a big bite, letting the deliciousness soothe me. “Not bad,” I say through a mouthful. “What else you got?”
Hannah goes to the kitchen while Hallie starts unpacking the bags. “We’re making candy salad.”
I furrow my brow, thinking. “Okay, that sounds like something I’ll love, but I need more information.”
Without a word, she disappears to the kitchen, too, and comes back with a giant bowl. Tearing open what looks like ten different bags of gummy candy, she dumps them all into the bowl. Then she gives the whole thing a shake and sets it back down on the table, looking up at me with a satisfied smile. “See? Candy salad.”
My smile spreads, and I shake my head incredulously. “Hal that is, like, woman in STEM-level genius.”
She shrugs, plopping down on the couch and grabbing a handful of the candy. “Saw it online. I spend a lot of time scrolling on my phone in the middle of the night while I feed babies. I think I’ve read the entire internet at this point.”
I sit next to her and grab the bowl, setting it on my lap and tossing a handful of candy into my mouth. “Well, we appreciate your service.”
“Appreciate mine too,” Hannah says, coming out of the kitchen with a pitcher of margaritas and three glasses. She sets everything down on the coffee table and starts pouring, handing Hallie and me each a glass. “They’re strong. I couldn’t find your measuring cups, so I measured with my heart.”
I take a sip and huff out a laugh as tequila burns my throat. “Fuck, you guys better plan on staying here tonight because no one is driving after these.”
“We were planning on it.” Hallie kicks her heels up on the coffee table. “Ben is on baby duty tonight, and when we’re done with this, we’re ordering dinner and having a sleepover. You need us, Jo Jo, and we’re here.”
Turns out I don’t have as good a handle on my emotions as I thought I did because my eyes fill with tears again and I sniffle heroically. Hannah loops her arm through mine and lays a head on my shoulder. “Tell us where it hurts, Jo Jo.”
“I love him,” I whisper. “I love him so damn much and being away from him is really, really hard. Doing the right thing fucking sucks. You caught me at a bad moment because I sent him the most epic package, and he got it earlier tonight, but I haven’t heard from him yet, and even though I know it’s no big deal, I started to spiral.” I shrug and eat more candy. “I just miss him.”
“Ben is one hundred percent sure Jordan is head over heels in love with you too,” Hallie says, turning and sitting sideways on the couch, facing Hannah and me.
I sigh, leaning back against the cushions. “I know he is.”
Hannah studies me, brows furrowed. “If you’re in love with him, and he’s in love with you, why are you here and he’s there?”
I shrug. “Because he can’t say the words yet. At the end of the summer, all I wanted to do was run to Boston to be with him, but every instinct I have told me he wasn’t ready. And I knew if I went before he was ready, we wouldn’t stand a chance. I’m here because I’m trusting that when he’s ready to love me the way I know he can, he’ll let me know. He has to be the one to come to me, and it’s not, like, an ego thing or whatever. It’s a, he lost the love of his life less than three years ago and needs to be ready to start the rest of his life thing. I love him too much to push him into something he isn’t ready for. So instead of being there with him, I’m here, organizing my life so when he tells me he’s ready, I can move to Boston. Is that pathetic? Am I pathetic?”
Hannah points to the bowl in my lap. “Eat more candy.”
I shove a handful in my mouth, and I don’t know what magic it is, but it helps.
“You are the farthest thing from pathetic, Jo,” Hallie says quietly. “Let me ask you a question. If you didn’t have Jordan, would you still have quit your job?”
“Yes,” I say immediately, surprising myself. “I loved my job, but the idea of being able to do what I did there and in New York in museums all over the country? It was too good an opportunity to pass up. The fact that I can do it from anywhere is just a side benefit.”
Hannah lays a hand over mine. “And Boston. Can you imagine a life there? Not just a life with Jordan, but a real, full, fulfilling life of your own, separate from him?”
I swallow hard, emotion clogging my throat. “Yes,” I manage. “I love you guys, and the idea of leaving you and the babies makes me want to curl into a ball and cry for a year, but I loved Boston too. God, I loved it so much. The city, the history, everything about it, like, called to me. That’s a weird fucking thing to say, but it’s true. I’m woo woo enough to trust that feeling. And Jordan in Boston is an amazing thing to see. It’s where he belongs. Every part of him lights up in that city, and he should be in a place that makes him feel that way. Also, his family is incredible. His brothers are these amazing guys and, well, I don’t have to tell you about his mom.”
Hannah grins. “She’s a romance reader who discussed vibrator preferences with you on your very first visit to her house. She’s fabulous.”
“I can’t believe you started a romance book club without me,” Hallie grumbles.
I pat her hand. “I told you we want you there too, Hal. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing, and you were busy the first time we met. I already put the next meeting on your calendar.”
“Fucking right you did,” she mutters. “I’m the one who introduced your teenage self to romance in the first place. You stole your first one right off my shelf. Besides, when you move to Boston, we’ll need all the excuses to talk.”
“If I move to Boston, you mean.”
Hallie gives me a you’re pathetic look, and yeah, I deserve that. I’m a whiny bitch tonight. “Listen, I know you’re feeling sorry for yourself because you miss your boyfriend, and I get it. If Ben and I were apart the way you and Jordan are, I would be miserable. But you guys are going to figure this out. I know you will.”
I blow out a breath and eat more candy. “I know we will too. And we’re good. Even long distance, we’re really, really good. Honestly, I would wait for him to be ready for as long as he needs because he’s worth it.” I glance at both of my sisters. “I didn’t know it could feel this way. That I could have so much in me for another person. That I could love so deeply, without reservations. It’s like I see him, you know? And he sees me right back. Until him, aside from you guys, no one has understood me, not all the way down. He doesn’t expect me to be anyone other than myself.” I shrug. “He’s my other half. I can’t do anything but love him.”
“I’m so happy for you, Jo Jo.” Hannah’s voice is thick, and when I turn to her, there is a sheen of tears in her eyes, and she’s wringing her hands together in her lap.
“What’s wrong, Han?” I ask, alarm in my voice.
She shakes her head, wiping under her eyes. “Nothing. Really. I’m fine.” She takes both of my hands in hers. “I just want you to be happy, Jo. You are everyone’s light, and you deserve this kind of happiness. I want it for you.”
Her voice has an edge of desperation in it that worries me, and one look over my shoulder at Hallie tells me she’s worried too. Between the night over the summer when I was in town and now, something is going on with Hannah. “Han, is everything okay between you and Brett?”
Hannah stiffens slightly and her eyes turn wary, but it all just lasts for less than a second before she relaxes. “We’re good,” she says, in a way that makes me think they’re not good at all, but of the three of us, Hannah is the most guarded about her personal life, and she won’t share unless she’s ready. I squeeze her hands. “You know you can talk to us, right? We’re your ride or die, Han. We’re here for you no matter what.”
“I know,” she says quietly, looking down at our joined hands. “Not right now, okay?”
“Whenever you’re ready.”
“Thanks, Jo Jo. And listen, for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing exactly the right thing. You were entitled to a meltdown tonight because long distance sucks, but I really don’t think it’s forever. It’s just for now. Giving Jordan the time he needs to get settled into Boston is the right choice. When he’s ready, he’ll let you know.”
“She’s right, Jo,” Hallie says, laying a hand on my shoulder. “And for what it’s worth, Ben thinks you’re doing the right thing, too, and he knows Jordan better than anyone. Well, anyone except for you now. You and Jordan are going to be stronger for giving yourselves this time, even if you have to survive on texts and calls and fun mail and phone sex for a while. You are having phone sex, right?”
I think about our scorching hot interlude the other night after I opened a package from him and found two dozen pairs of the weirdest socks I’ve ever seen, and a sly smile spreads over my face. “Oh yeah, that is definitely happening. A lot. Jordan Wyles is a phone sex champion. A champion of all sex, really.”
Hallie snorts out a laugh. “I really love that for you.”
I snuggle deeper into the couch and sigh. “I really love it for me too. That. And him. And both of you for knowing I needed you without me telling you.”
My sisters both lean back and link an arm through one of mine so the three of us are connected.
“Always, Jo,” Hallie says. “No matter what.”
“Evans sisters stick together.” Hannah leans a head on my shoulder. “So are we getting tacos and getting tipsy or what?”
“Fuck yes,” I say, sitting up and grabbing my margarita from the coffee table. I take a long sip, wincing at the burn of the tequila. For the next few hours, my sisters and I eat candy and tacos and get full-blown drunk on Hannah’s atomic margaritas, and I almost completely forget about the fact that my phone hasn’t lit up once with a text from Jordan.
Almost. But not quite.