Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
My phone had been vibrating on my night table for what seemed like hours. But I thought it’d really only just begun ringing. I grumbled under my breath and peeled open my eyes, feeling my mascara-caked eyelashes scrape against my cheeks.
My eyes were still blurry, but I slapped my right hand on top of my phone and pulled it toward me, getting tangled up in the charger cord.
“Hello?” I answered groggily.
“Sweetie. Hi.”
“Mom?” I asked, still half-asleep and turned onto my side.
“Yes, babe. It’s Mom. Are you okay? You sound tired.”
I pulled the phone away from my face, the light of the background illuminating my dark room. When I glanced at the time, I rolled my eyes.
I groaned. “I am tired. It’s six in the morning.”
My mom’s warm laugh rebounded through the phone. “Oh, goodness. You’re right. I forgot we’re only an hour apart now. ”
“How are you calling? I thought you were in Mexico without a way to call me.”
“José found a long-distance phone for me to use. I wanted to call you for a couple reasons.”
How nice. Her half-her-age boyfriend had found a way for her to call me. I wasn’t being sarcastic either; it was sweet. I wanted my mom happy, even if it was with a guy who was relatively close to my age.
“It’s fine. What are the reasons you’re calling me?” I asked, rolling over to my back. The room was almost pitch-black, even as my eyes adjusted to the darkness.
But that was when I felt something. Just as I was tugging the blankets up to cover my neck, I felt something hard. I looked over and almost jumped out of my skin. My eyes adjusted again, and then I shut them, shaking my head.
“What the…” I said, and my mom paused mid-sentence (the sentence that I hadn’t even heard). I poked the manly figure beside me, lying on top of my covers, and he stirred quickly.
When he looked over at me, a stern look took over his face but was replaced quickly with a soft smile.
“Hey,” he said, and my mouth formed a straight line.
What the hell was Luke doing in my bedroom? What the hell was Luke doing in my bed? I couldn’t ask him these questions because my mom was basically yelling into the phone.
“What, Mom? Sorry.”
“Cammie, are you with a man?”
“What? No!”
Thankfully the room was dark or else Luke would have seen my face break out into a reddish hue. Last night’s moment between us came back to me in waves…lips touching, my boobs on his chest… Oh, my God .
My mom interrupted the very hot images flipping through my brain. “Oh, okay. Anyway, I was calling to see if you’re okay. Today is a hard day for all of us. I hate that I’m not there with you. I should have come home…”
Wait, what? Today? Oh my, God. Today. Today.
Today. I sat up quickly in my bed, allowing the blankets to fall to my lap.
My stomach instantly coiled like a snake, and I broke out into a fire-burning sweat.
I wasn’t sure how it was possible to break out into a sweat within seconds, but I swore I could feel sweat droplets forming on my forehead.
“Oh…”
“I know it’s been a rough year… for everyone. Even your father.”
I grunted, wrapping my arm across my stomach. I glanced over at Luke who was turned onto his side, sandy hair falling over his head just a smidge. He was staring right at me.
“Yeah, I know. I’ll be alright.” My voice came out weak and hoarse. “I don’t really want to talk about it, Mom.”
“I know, sweetie. I just want you to know that I love you, okay? I just felt like I had to tell you that today.” Her voice began to break at the end, and I hated it.
It felt like my heart had just been sliced open in my chest. I couldn’t imagine how hard today must be on her…
or my father. Regardless of whether I was angry with him or not.
Alex was their son. They’d made him; they’d known him longer than I had. This sucked. This entire thing fucking sucked.
I constantly felt like it was sucking the life right out of me.
My mom’s voice changed back to her normal tone. “Okay, enough of that. I also wanted to warn you about Bernadette. ”
“What?” I questioned. “Who’s Bernadette?
“The hurricane.”
“What hurricane?” I felt Luke twitch to my right, and he mouthed for me to put it on speaker. I gave him a hard shake of my head and went back to ignoring him.
“There’s a hurricane headed your way, babe. Haven’t you seen it on the news?”
I didn’t watch the news. I had stopped watching the news right after Alex died.
“You know I don’t watch the news, Mom.”
She sighed. “Well, look it up. A hurricane is headed your way soon.” I heard a faint, male voice in the background. “José said it looks like it’ll be over to you in a few days. Maybe two.”
“Oh,” I started. “Well, I’ll be fine. I’ve been through hurricanes before.” A little voice in the back of my head whispered… Yeah, with Alex.
The last hurricane that we had, over two years ago, had been full of excitement. Alex came to JoJo’s with me, along with Ryan and a few other people, and we had a hurricane party. Lots of booze and lots of fun.
“Okay, well, make sure you email me when it’s all done and over with. I’m going to be worried sick. If I thought I could make it back to New Bern before it hit, I would be there with you. I…” She stopped for a moment, and my brow furrowed. “I couldn’t take losing you, too, Cam.”
My throat closed, and I was back to clutching my stomach. “I know, Mom. I’ll email you. I gotta go.”
I could feel the vomit burning the back of my throat.
Nausea took over my body, and not only was I sweating, but now my legs felt as if they were trembling.
This exact feeling would overtake my body for weeks after Alex’s death.
Most specifically, on the day of his funeral.
It was like my body didn’t know how to handle all the sorrow, so it just wanted to combust.
“Okay, babe. I love you, and just try to be happy today. Try to celebrate his life, not the ending of it. The therapist told me that would help.”
I could barely get the words out. “Mmhm, love you, Mom.” I hung up the phone and threw it to the side. I heard Luke let out a groan as it landed very close to his most valuable possession (that would be his dick, in case you were wondering).
I jumped up and ran to my bathroom, stumbling and hitting my toe on the corner of the door, and when I finally reached the cold porcelain of the toilet, I heaved and gagged until the bitter taste was off my tongue.
I didn’t even realize it, but my eyes were leaking, too.
Salty tears flowed into my mouth, and it was honestly a little refreshing compared to the taste of vomit.
I breathed in and out of my nose several times before I got the nerve to lift my head and flush the toilet. I placed my elbows on the edge of the toilet seat and pinched the bridge of my nose before wiping my eyes quickly. Once I leaned back against the wall, I let out a small scream.
“Goddammit, why are you sneaky?” I whispered when I saw that Luke was sitting only a few feet away from me, wearing clothes that were disheveled and rumpled from sleeping.
He propped his legs up, resting his forearms on them. “What do you mean?”
I almost laughed, but I didn’t quite have the energy to do so.
“Well, I found you asleep in my bed this morning, which means you snuck in without me knowing, and then you just slinked in here like a damn cat, sneaky as shit. ”
Luke angled his head to the side and thought for a moment. He didn’t say anything, though, which was unnerving.
“Why are you here, Luke?” I asked, letting out an exasperated sigh.
“Because…” He looked away toward the hallway. “I know what it’s like to lose someone, and I didn’t think you should be alone.”
The hard shell around my heart fell into pieces, just like that.
I began, “I—I’m…”
I wanted the words to come out. I wanted to tell him that I was fine and that I didn’t need him, or anyone. I wanted to tell him that I wanted to be alone. But the words dissipated the second I opened my mouth.
I thought I wanted to be alone today, to mourn Alex by myself, but now that I saw Luke here, staring at me with such a gentle look on his face, I’d changed my mind. I wanted him here. I wanted him here to comfort me, and I couldn’t figure out why. I just did.
I knew if I said another word, I was going to lose it. The tears were barely staying put, and the sob in my chest was approaching an epic entrance.
“I know, Cammie. I know…” He leaned over and put his hand on my bare knee, stroking it idly.
Then, I found myself sinking back with confusion when I reached my hand up and placed it right on top of his.
Luke stayed with me for the rest of the day, only leaving once to grab us some burgers from The Chelsea.
He even brought me back an entire box of wine.
I was simply stunned. And even though we jabbed each other with little insults all day, I hadn’t felt that happy in a long time, which was so strange, considering I had expected the day to be full of tears and heartache.
Luke made my brother’s death anniversary easier to bear, just by being next to me on the couch and listening to me ramble about all the memories I held with him.
It was as simple as that: just being near Luke, I felt better.
He was so thoughtful and compassionate—two things I was finding out that Luke was full of, whether he wanted to hide it behind his thick skull and lecherous comments or not. Luke was making it really hard for me not to fall for him. But I wouldn’t.
I wouldn’t do it.
Because if I did, I could very well find myself in the same position that I was in tonight—mourning the death of someone who I cared so deeply about.