Chapter 20 #2
I don’t know if I ever won’t have that fear lingering in the back of my mind.
At least not until Lav’s fully grown. And definitely not when my mother-in-law is still sending regular emails and leaving regular voicemails that I’m collecting as evidence of harassment in the event that she tries to take Lav from me again.
“So you have to take the extra commissions,” I say. “To pay back the loan. For—for Lav and me.”
“It’s not just for you. If any building here isn’t safe for Lavender, it’s not safe for Aunt Pip either.
I have no choice. I have to fix the building or tear it down, both of which cost money, and I have to do it now, or I’m opening myself up to accusations of everything from neglect to intentional harm from Dean’s family if Pip has an accident. ”
Mabel might not mention it often, but everyone who’s been here more than a few months knows Dean’s nephews are hoping for a payout when Pip’s gone.
They apparently have enough of their own money but still want Pip’s too.
Even with one building falling apart and several more in need of preventative repairs and maintenance, this property is worth millions.
But only if it’s sold.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and breathe through my increasing headache.
“I’ll understand if you still want to leave—I’m sure there are several factors you’re considering for both yourself and for Lav—but I wanted you to know that I’m making it safer.”
“I—I need to process this when my brain’s working right.”
“And your hormones?”
One more thing I don’t like about Mabel—she’s not afraid to go in for the kill.
I scowl at her. “I’m not attracted to Cricket.”
It’s a lie.
It’s a complete and total lie.
We both know it.
Cricket punched me, moved in under me, and something inside me came back to life.
Yes, my life is stressful. It’s hard. I carry a heavy dose of responsibility and guilt when I need help.
But it’s also my life.
Mine to grab by the balls and live.
To enjoy.
Not just for thirty minutes by myself every morning, but all day.
With friends that want to help.
Watching Cricket’s journey—it’s reminded me why I’m here too.
Why I need this place.
What I’m missing out on when I hide myself away.
“I’d appreciate if you can let her stay in your basement a while longer,” Mabel says.
Apparently part of living is recognizing that I’m forcing the unhappiness about it to mask how terrified I am of how much I do like her. “You’re the boss.”
“She seems to have settled in nicely there, but if you told me it was impossible, I’d make other arrangements.”
I gesture to the floor. “Got that covered myself.”
“Ah. So that’s why you’re back in here today.”
“Needs to be done. She’ll be more comfortable here.”
“Did she tell you that, or are you making an assumption?”
“It’s a safe assumption.”
“Like it would be a safe assumption for me to think the real issue with the way you feel about Cricket is that you’re afraid of letting anyone see you vulnerable too?”
My molars clench together. Acknowledging to myself what I’m doing by denying how much I like Cricket doesn’t mean acknowledging it to Mabel. “I don’t feel anything about Cricket.”
“Yeah, that’s exactly what the way you look at her says.
I’ll let you get back to work. It would be nice if Caro and Mike can stay here when they come out next weekend to talk wedding plans.
Oh, and Cricket found Aunt Pip’s latest hiding spot for Fluffy’s food.
You should probably check Lav’s room for Spam.
That’s what was in the latest hiding spot. ”
Spam.
Of course it’s Spam.
Mabel cracks a smile. “Ironic, isn’t it? We house women who have gone viral and gotten hate mail, and my aunt’s sneaking Spam into the house.”
That shouldn’t make my eyes water, but it does.
Fluffy needs to lose weight.
Lav probably needs more boundaries.
Being the only guy here, even a guy who grew up with conversations about vaginas at the dinner table, is sometimes uncomfortable.
But this is home.
And Mabel’s offering to fix it so we can stay.
So that Pip can keep sneaking Velveeta and Spam and cheese puffs and ground beef to Lav for the cat.
So that it can stay home, with all of its chaos, but also all of its love.
All of its family.
“Let me know if you need help,” Mabel adds. “Cricket looked like she needed to take a sledgehammer to something when I saw her a few minutes ago.”
“This floor doesn’t need a sledgehammer, and even if it did, I’m not giving her one.”
“Have you ever watched her videos? The real ones from her job? She’s far more put together than she seemed at first here, and I think she’s getting back to her normal equilibrium. Also, she’s used a sledgehammer before. Very well, in fact.”
Now I’m imagining Cricket in a hardhat and safety glasses, massive gloves, overalls and a flannel, handling a sledgehammer like a pro, and my goddamn cock is waking up.
Again.
I turn away from Mabel. “I’m getting back to work.”
“Sure. You want lunch today? Dori can run it over.”
“Yes. Thank you.”
“No problem. Oh, and for your awareness—the entire household knows about where you woke up this morning. Aunt Pip couldn’t keep that to herself.”
I suck in a large breath through my nose and let it out in the slowest sigh I have ever sighed in my life.
I need to get back to work.
To fix this place for Caro and Mike, the bride and groom who are paying an ungodly sum of money to have a private wedding here, and then for Cricket to move back into after they’re gone.
But I suddenly don’t want to.
I want—
Fuck.
I drop my water bottle and push myself to my feet.
I need to take advantage of this hour or so without Lav to think.
Process.
Work through what I’m feeling.
So that I can get back on top of my life.
However I need to do that.