Chapter 41
THE DEVIL WEARS LIES
Heath
This isn’t happening. It’s not fucking happening.
Not at Lav’s birthday party.
Not ever.
“Do you see that, Officer?” my mother-in-law repeats. “He’s letting his daughter fraternize with naked people. And wearing pink hair? He’s not fit.”
I stride across the lawn, all of Lav’s friends and their parents watching, my phone gripped in my hand, aware that my father’s right on my heels.
I need my attorney.
I can’t fucking afford my attorney because I’m saving every last dime I have to help save my goddamn fucking home, but I’m about to call my attorney.
But before I reach the devil-in-law, Cricket overtakes me.
“If you can’t tell the difference between an accident and intentional acts, then you’re not fit,” she says. “Deputy, I’m sorry to be so blunt, but this woman isn’t welcome here.”
“He’s not a stripper?” Pip says.
Fucking hell.
Even she’s keeping up with me.
Did I get slow?
“What the hell’s going on?” I say to the deputy.
Recognize him from town.
“Doing a wellness check,” he says.
His eyes slide to the devil-in-law, then back to me, and my next breath is easier.
This dude knows me.
He knows I’m a good parent.
He knows Lav’s safe here.
Safe and loved.
“Everything’s well,” Cricket says. “Leave.”
He glances at Pip. “Ma’am? All okay?”
“Mammals? Where?”
“Did you, ah, offer her clothes?” he says to Cricket.
“She has clothes,” Cricket replies.
“Just hate wearing them, but my hoo-ha’s always covered,” Pip agrees.
She’s more covered than she usually is, but it’s understandable that an outside observer might have concerns.
She winks at the deputy. “And I heard you the first time. All’s great here.
I had avocado toast and orange juice for breakfast. Always wear sunscreen when I go outside.
If I’d known you were coming, I would’ve put on my pasties. ”
“How is that appropriate for a young woman to grow up with?” my mother-in-law says to the deputy.
“Ma’am, private nudity isn’t against the law,” the deputy says.
“This isn’t private! There are dozens of people here!”
“It’s private land. Get out,” I growl.
“Harassment’s against the law, though, isn’t it?” Cricket says.
“Yes, ma’am,” the deputy says.
“Like continuously accusing a man of being a bad parent simply because he’s making choices that he believes best for his child, who’s loved and well cared for?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” my mother-in-law says to Cricket.
Cricket glances at me, eyes worried, biting her lip, and then she looks back at my devil-in-law, and she does the last thing I expect, even though I should’ve.
“You’re right,” she says quietly. “I don’t know what it’s like to lose a daughter. I don’t know what it’s like to not be able to see my granddaughter as often as I want. I don’t know what else you’ve been through in life. But I do know that this isn’t the way. This isn’t the way.”
“Shut the hell up, you whore,” my devil-in-law spits.
“Do not call her names,” I growl, Cricket’s grip on my arm the only thing keeping me from doing to my mother-in-law what I did to the fuckers who took her picture at lunch the other day.
“Ma’am, I think you need to take a step back,” the deputy says to my devil-in-law.
“Heath, get this—this—this person out of here, or so help me, I’ll have you right back in court, and this time, I’ll win,” the devil replies, ignoring the deputy.
“This is what Lavender will remember about you,” Cricket says. “That you threatened her dad. That you threatened me. That you made everyone miserable. You can still choose to do better. You can still decide—”
“Shut the fuck up, you bitch,” my devil-in-law shrieks.
“Do not call her names,” I snap.
Cricket’s grip on my arm tightens. “She can’t hurt me. It’s okay.” She glances at the deputy. “Are threats against the law?”
“Verifiable threats are indeed against the law, ma’am.” The deputy glances between all of us. “Threatening to sue someone is not against the law.”
“Is it a threat to say that I want to talk publicly about things I know to be true?” Cricket asks.
“Ma’am?”
“Like, if I went on the internet, where people know who I am because I’m one of the top five most-viral people of the year so far, and I said something like, I know a single dad who lost his wife after a tragic illness and he goes above and beyond to always put his daughter first to give her a safe home where she’s loved, and his mother-in-law reported him to the local police as a bad father with no actual proof, and she’s making his life hell, I could do that, right? ” Cricket says.
“You could not,” the devil-in-law says.
“Cricket—” I say, her name coming out of me in a half gasp.
“No, I think that falls under free speech,” Cricket says, still holding me by her side. “And you did report him to the sheriff, or this nice deputy wouldn’t be here, right? Do you have proof that Heath’s been negligent? Do you have proof that he’s intentionally put her in danger?”
“A building fell down here,” my mother-in-law says.
“It did not fall down. We had an internal, non-load-bearing wall collapse, and we’ve fixed the problem,” I say.
“There’s dangerous equipment—” my mother-in-law starts again.
“Kids grow up on farms all the time,” Cricket counters. “They’re taught farm safety, just as Lav’s being taught farm safety. Know what else she’s taught? Not to lie.”
“Are you calling me a liar?” my mother-in-law says.
“You’re certainly wasting public resources being here today.” Cricket looks at the deputy. “Could I say that publicly too, since it’s my opinion?”
My mother-in-law looks down her nose at my girlfriend. “I’ll sue you for everything you’re worth if you do.”
“Funny thing about suing a person is that when they’re broke, there’s nothing you can get,” Cricket replies with a smile.
“Bring it, lady. Bring. It. Throw it all at me. Everything you’ve got.
Because you know what? I have nothing left to lose.
Nothing. Not money. Not my reputation. Not a job.
I have nothing you can take from me, and I will use every resource, every contact, every bit of my notoriety to tell my side of this story.
I might even do it naked. You go viral faster when you’re naked. ”
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen my mother-in-law sputter quite like this before. “I—I—I’ll have your home.”
“I don’t own a home.”
“I’ll tell your mother.”
“You should. She’d love you. You two could trade stories about how awful children and children-in-law are.”
My mother-in-law does one more thing I’ve never seen, and she goes red and speechless.
Cricket, though—Cricket’s not done. “Oh! Do you know what I just realized? I just realized that if you sued me for saying you’ve done shitty things to the father of your granddaughter, we’d have discovery, and I’d produce all of the emails and voicemails you’ve sent to Heath and all of the evidence from your court case against him—the one that you lost—and you’d be laughed out of the courtroom.
And I believe you’ve already been told to stay the fuck out of Lav’s life for all of the trouble you already caused Heath? ”
The deputy shifts a look at my mother-in-law. “That true?”
Fuck.
That’s the answer.
I don’t have to call my attorney.
I just have to produce the document and proof of delivery. “I have the formal notice sent by my attorney revoking all privileges that this woman and her husband have to ever see my daughter again.”
And Cricket didn’t have to defend me.
Shit.
Shit.
I should’ve just pulled up the documents.
But watching her try to be nice, and when that failed, threaten to tell my story while naked on the internet to make my in-laws the villains?
I know what that would cost her.
And it’s Cricket.
She’d still do it.
For me.
For any of us here.
“Remove this woman,” I tell the deputy. “And I might want to press charges.”
“You should,” Cricket says. “And get a restraining order.”
The deputy glances at me, then at my mother-in-law. “Ma’am, I need you to come with me.”
“But they’re threatening me! They’re putting my granddaughter in danger!”
“I tried to be nice about it, but you wouldn’t have it,” Cricket says, the soft volume of her voice in direct contrast to the steel in her tone. “Rest assured, I haven’t even begun to threaten you. Do not fuck with the people I love, lady.”
My devil-in-law seems to finally get it, and she shrinks back.
Cricket slides her hand down my arm to link her fingers with mine. “Come. Lav needs you.”
“I’ll make sure she leaves,” my dad says behind me. He squeezes Cricket’s shoulder. “Good to see my son found someone who’ll defend him to the death.”
“He’s the best of the best,” Cricket replies with a smile that’s getting a little wobbly.
“So are you,” my dad says.
Cricket pulls me into the house, Pip on our heels.
“Ladybug, you’ve got things worth living for,” Pip says. “Shouldn’t be saying you don’t have anything to lose.”
Cricket smiles back at her. “I won’t lose the important things. You and Heath and Lav and Fluffy and The Cluckinator and Mabel and Ginny and Olivia and Samantha and Dori. Never any fear there that I’d lose you.”
I stop short and pull Cricket into a hug before we get into the house, while all of Lav’s friends and their parents watch.
She got here broken and feeling completely alone, and now she’s defending me without fear because she knows she’s loved.
She knows she belongs.
And I’m so, so fucking glad that she does.
“I love you,” I whisper while I hold her tight.
I need to get inside.
Need to assure Lav that everything’s okay.
But I need to love Cricket too.
Need her to know how much I appreciate that she’s part of my family.
Everything I’ve needed, even if I didn’t know it.
“I really would go naked on the internet to defend you if it’d piss off your mother-in-law enough.”
I believe her.
I truly do.
Do it for herself?
Never.
But do it for the people she loves?
She would.
And I’m the luckiest man on earth to have found someone who’d face her worst fears to make life better for me and my daughter.
“Please don’t though,” I murmur. “The internet can get out of hand.”
She squeezes me tight. “If you change your mind…”
I actually laugh.
“You’re the best punch I’ve ever taken,” I tell her.
“You’re the best punch I’ve ever given.”
“Do I get in on this hug action too?” Pip says. “Feeling left out here.”
Cricket and I look at each other, and then we pull Pip in for a hug too.
“Thank you for giving us a home,” Cricket says to her.
“Eh? Who’s flipping a bone?”
This place.
This life.
These people.
They’re everything.
Our home might be tenuous, but our family—it’s forever.