Chapter 11 Amber
Amber
Iwake up suddenly, my heart pounding as I take in lungs full of air.
Rolling onto my back, I stare up at the ceiling, trying to get my breathing under control.
It’s so quiet here, so still, I have no idea what woke me up; must have been a dream.
Yuki is still where she was when I fell asleep last night.
She’s pressed right up against my hip, so I push my hand into her thick fur, taking comfort in her being here with me.
“Fancy some milk?” I whisper to her as if she can answer. Even if she could, she’s a Dutch cat.
I huff out a laugh at myself, shaking my head as I pull back the covers, slide out of bed and reach over to grab Yuki.
I make my way down the long hallway to the kitchen as I hold my Dutch feline friend close and coo to her quietly.
She’s a beautiful cat, and even though she tried to kill me via heart attack last night, I’m glad I’m not alone right now.
It’s cold at night here in Holland. I should have grabbed a pair of Bas’ socks, but I spy the hoodie he was wearing today, which he left on one of the stools at the island and pull it on.
I’m still blown away by how beautiful this country is.
It’s so green, like everywhere you look could be a postcard or grace the cover of a magazine.
As I take a deep breath of crisp night air, I can smell Bas.
I mean, yes, this is his home, and I am wearing his hoodie, but I don’t need to be smelling him constantly right now.
Being here in his home with him makes me long for him even more than I already do, and that already feels like every minute of every day.
He is the reason I haven’t been on a date in the last few years.
I just can’t. Well, no, I don’t want to, is more like it.
I know I’m half in love with him, and seeing him here in his home, getting to know him even more, is torture. Beautiful torture.
I pour milk into Yuki’s bowl and fill a glass for myself.
Why does milk help calm us at night? It’s so odd if you think about it.
I turn and look out the window, unable to help the smile that stretches across my face as I gaze at the lake, illuminated by the moonlight, and recall Bas tickling me there.
God, he’s gorgeous when he laughs. I need to get my mind off that stunning Dutchman, so I head to his den, where I’ve spotted some books.
Reading always distracts me. I mean, he doesn’t have the usual spicy romance that I favour, but I can get into a good thriller from time to time, and there were some James Patterson and Martina Cole on his shelves.
As I turn the corner into the den, I stop dead in my tracks.
Bas is fast asleep in a chair… wearing a pair of black-framed glasses.
I didn’t even know he wore glasses. I usually hate them on men, but on him.
Beyond delicious. His chest is rising and falling, taking slow, deep breaths, and I feel like I’ve forgotten how to breathe; I could watch him sleep for hours.
His square jaw is covered in a little more than his usual sexy stubble that I absolutely have not fantasised about feeling against my inner thighs…
I nearly jump out of my skin and slap a hand over my mouth to muffle the noise I make, as Yuki brushes up against my shin and brings me back to the now.
I squint down at her, I just know she’s trying to off me.
Bas’ hair has fallen out of its usual man-bun, making him look wilder than his usual put-together manliness.
Swoon. I don’t want him to catch me looking—gawking more like—but my god, I can’t not look.
The man embodies everything I find attractive in a guy–not just his physical appearance, but also his personality and who he is as a person.
I would love nothing more than to snuggle up next to him…
but I don’t think he’d react too well to that.
After he told me about Marieke, my heart breaks for him more than it already did.
Now that I know what happened, I don’t understand how he’s still here today.
It just shows the depth of his character to have carried on, and how supportive his family is.
Well, I can’t just stand here drooling over him all night, so I grab a few books from his shelves and hightail it out of there, but as I’m halfway out the door I turn back for one last look.
As I’m gazing at him like a lovesick teenager, I wonder if it’s comfortable to sleep in glasses.
It can’t be. So I sneak over to him, tiptoeing like the ‘Grinch’—jeez, I’m ridiculous—and place my books on the coffee table.
As gently as possible, I hold my breath and slide his glasses off.
Being this close is dangerous. My heart is reaching out to his, trying to find a way in, to find a way to embed itself there. Me too, heart, me too.
I place his glasses next to his cup, grab my books and make a run for it, before I do something crazy like climb on his lap and go to sleep. Ha! Like I could sleep like that.
Bas is quiet this morning. I’m not sure if he’s regretting telling me about Marieke yesterday, as I know that must have hurt to relive.
I’m sure he does that often, but saying things aloud is a much different experience than reliving it in your mind.
He hasn’t mentioned that I removed his glasses last night yet; maybe he thinks he took them off himself.
That’s safer, as I don’t want him to think I was skulking around his house in the middle of the night, staring at him like a weirdo, and removing his glasses uninvited.
I mean, I was doing those things, but I don’t want him to know that.
“I think Yuki has a new favourite,” Bas says from behind his coffee cup.
“She’s a beautiful girl. Did you name her Yuki, or was that already her name when you got her?”
“Abel named her, Yuki is a character from one of his favourite cartoons, ‘Galacktik Football’,”
“That’s brilliant, I love that. She slept in with me last night. She turns into a right little lump,”
“Oh, that she does. Have you had any pets before?”
“Yes, I grew up at home with dogs. Border Collies were Nans’ favourite. We had a few cats, and I had a horse. I loved him. He was called Bentley.”
“Oh wow, a horse. They’re expensive, right?” Bas enquires as he clears away our breakfast bowls.
“Yes. Very. I was lucky that my aunt was a riding instructor, so in exchange for helping out around the yard—mucking out the stables, tacking up the horses, and keeping the yard clean—I got free lessons. Then, Dad bought me Bentley for my sixteenth birthday. He was such a great horse; he was a piebald, meaning he was black and white–splotchy like a cow’s markings.
I loved him; he was a good boy,” I smile, remembering the day I got him. I was so happy I cried.
“So was that your ‘thing’ while you were growing up? Horse-riding?” He asks as he comes to sit next to me and begins to stroke Yuki. What I’d give for him to stroke me.
“Bell?”
“Uh… yes, sorry, I was a million miles away then,” …
imagining your hands stroking me like a good girl…
damn those spicy romance novels. “Yes, I was very much a horsey girl. As you know, I’m scared of sharks, and living on an island makes that ten times worse.
Unlike most of my friends, I wasn’t into water sports, so I spent all my free time at the stables.
Those were great times, I miss having a horse,” I say with a hint of melancholy in my voice.
“What’s stopping you now?”
“For one, as you pointed out, they are expensive, so running a small business and owning a horse takes a lot more money than I make, and two, the time. They really take up a lot of time to look after one properly. But three, after losing Bentley, I’m not sure my heart could take it again.”
Bas wraps his big arm around me and gently kisses my forehead, and I have to check that I haven’t melted into a puddle on his kitchen floor.
“I’m sorry, liefje,”
As I’m about to ask him what that means, my burner phone rings on the kitchen counter, and Bas jumps up and grabs it for me.
“Hello?” I say as I smile up at Bas.
“You need to leave. Now. Get in his fuckin’ car and run!” Dad shouts down the phone at me; he sounds out of breath.
“Slow down, Dad. What are you talking about?”
“No fuckin’ time to explain, grab your shit and go! I’ll call you in ten minutes. You better be on the move.”
All I hear is the rushing of blood in my ears as I stare at my phone.
“What the fuck was that about?” Bas asks.
I don’t feel anything. Not Yuki’s fur between my fingers, or the fresh air blowing in from the window next to me. All I feel is numb. Nothing. Time feels like it’s frozen. I feel like I’m stuck in this nothing for what feels like hours. I’m in some kind of weird bubble.
“Amber!” Bas’s shout breaks through my nothingness, so I gaze up at the beautiful man, not sure what he wants.
“Yes?”
“What is going on? What did Jack want? Talk to me, liefje.”
There’s that word again. I hope it means something nice. Wouldn’t that be lovely?
All of a sudden, Bas is shaking me, and he pulls me out of my bubble back to what I think must be reality.
“What’s happening?” Bas begs.
“We have to go. Right now. I don’t know why. Dad said to pack our shit, get in the car and go. He’ll call in ten minutes, and he wants us on the road then.” I tell him calmly. Like I’m not talking about real life, but the plot in a movie.
Bas pulls me up roughly, making Yuki leap across the room, and then he’s dragging me down the hallway towards his bedroom.
Maybe I’m still in my bubble, or half of me is, as I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. I trip and nearly fall flat on my face, but Bas grabs me before I do, then I’m in his arms and he’s carrying me, bride style. What wonderful notion.
I don’t want to think. My brain is screaming at me to move, but every part of me feels frozen, like I’m watching someone else living my life through a fogged window. Bas’s arms around me are solid, real, but even that comfort feels distant—like I’m drifting just out of reach.
The sound of my own ragged breath fills the silence between us as he carries me to the bedroom. I want to cry, scream, and beg for answers. But all I can do is hold onto him, the only anchor I have right now.
My hands tremble as I try to steady myself, gripping the fabric of his shirt like it’s the last lifeline in a storm. The cold weight of Yuki in my arms is the only other thing grounding me. She’s quiet now, sensing my fear even if she can’t understand it. I don’t remember picking her up.
Bas sets me down gently on the bed, but I don’t move away. I’m too scared, too shaken to leave his side. The room feels both safe and suffocating, walls closing in with every heartbeat pounding in my ears.
“Amber,” Bas’s voice is soft but urgent, like he’s trying to reach me through a thick fog. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
I want to tell him everything, to unload the fear choking me, but the words get caught in my throat. My vision blurs with tears I didn’t even realise had started to fall.
“I don’t know,” I whisper finally, voice cracking. “Dad said we have to leave. Now. He didn’t say why. Just… run.”
The panic bubbles up again, hot and fast. My chest tightens as my breath comes in short, uneven gasps. My legs shake uncontrollably, and I curl inward like a child trying to disappear.
Bas moves closer, wrapping his arms around me again. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, but we have to go.”
His warmth seeps into my skin, grounding me just enough to keep the terror from swallowing me whole. But even as I cling to him, the shadows of what’s coming press in from every direction, and I know this night is only the beginning.