Chapter Seven
You’ve Got Mail
Dear Sir Mayhem,
If you are indeed such a grievous agent of chaos as you believe, then perhaps you should be elevated even further.
A simple sir is not exalted enough. Shall I call you the Count of Chaos?
Hmm, no. Still not grand enough. Duke of Disaster, perhaps?
Prince of Pandemonium? No, that is far too grand.
Ah! You shall henceforth be known as the Marquess of Mayhem.
That has a nice alliterative ring to it.
…
Signed, as always,
Miss Millinery
My dear Miss Millinery,
Oh, I am indeed a decided and dedicated scoundrel, the likes of which you have likely never seen.
The newly exalted moniker is warranted, I assure you.
I have tried, upon occasion, to rein in my natural chaotic tendencies.
Most recently, in fact, as I disclosed in my last letter.
Unfortunately, I find life to be so interminably boring when attempting to behave that it is hardly worth living.
Much to my mother’s chagrin, I have no doubt.
She suggested a wife might do me good. Perish the thought!
Though she is probably correct. Mother usually is.
Grandmother agrees with her, which means I’ll likely find myself wed within a fortnight. I cannot fight them both.
I did worry, perhaps, that is too personal a detail to share. However, as the women in my family seem determined to change my status from dedicated bachelor to respectable married man, the true state of my current matrimonial condition can remain blessedly obscure.
All that said, I do truly intend to become a better man.
I must simply find a way to become the well-behaved gentleman Society would have me be, whilst adhering to my favorite words from the wise Roman Horace who coined the phrase carpe diem.
There is truly no better way to suffer through a day than to seize it for all it is worth, in my humble opinion.
Live life as though each day might be your last. And have a little fun doing it. Otherwise, what is the point?
Can one be an upstanding member of society and still find joy in drawing breath every day? I can only pray such a miracle is possible. For my own sake. And for those forced into my company.
…
By the by, I have decided if I am to rise to the illustrious station of marquess, then I shall elevate you as well. And as you are a lover of the alliterate, you shall henceforth be known as the Marchioness of Millinery. T’is only fair.
…
Your partner in mischief,
The Marquess of Mayhem