Chapter Eleven
You’ve Got Mail
Dearest Mayhem,
I find myself rather perplexed this evening, not able to make heads nor tales of anything anymore.
Somehow, a simple afternoon outing turned into one of the most aggravating, then confusing, then somehow, almost pleasant afternoons I have experienced in some time.
People continue to surprise me. One, whom I naively assumed to be a trustworthy innocent, instead proved most villainous.
And another, to whom I have never attributed anything but villainy, instead proved to be most noble.
Even if begrudgingly so. As I was likewise pleasant despite my best intentions to be otherwise.
I do have a tendency to be obtuse when the mood strikes me.
Often creatively so. Consider yourself forewarned.
However, I confess, I no longer know what to think.
Have you ever found yourself similarly confused by the actions of others?
Or even of yourself? I certainly did not behave as I would have previously assumed I would have done on such an occasion.
Have you ever had an instance in which you have behaved in a manner wholey surprising to you?
For the good or ill? Especially for the ill, as that would be much more intriguing. Have you ever done anything truly evil?
Overwhelmed with curiosity,
Millie
My Curious Millie,
I find myself uncertain how to respond to your kind inquiry.
Truly evil is such a subjective term, after all.
What might seem truly evil to one might seem acceptable and even necessary to another.
Is a squirrel who steals the nuts of a dormouse evil?
To the dormouse, most certainly. But to the squirrel’s family, he is a savior.
I fear such a question is far too nuanced to answer definitively.
…
Your (likely not evil though that may depend upon whom you ask) Champion of Squirrels, Dormice, and Anonymous ladies,
Mayhem
My Lord Champion,
I suppose I must concede to your point. Evilness is, apparently, subjective.
Poor little dormouse. Though I would argue that there are varying degrees within such subjectivity that bears further discussion.
I suppose if one is stealing to feed one’s family, that is perhaps not so evil.
Though the dormouse might disagree. However, being cruel for the amusement of oneself or others, I would argue, is vastly more evil.
Very well, then. As evilness is far too subjective a topic, tell me then, what actions of yours have made you feel the most ashamed?
I shall tell you mine, if it will help loosen your tongue.
Several years ago a dear friend of mine made a decision with which I did not agree.
I was overly harsh and unforgiving in my treatment of her and it damaged our friendship.
I was thinking only of myself and how her decision would affect me.
Though she has forgiven me, I have never forgiven myself for the hurt I caused her.
While I have done many, many things in my life of which I’m ashamed, this is the one which I most regret.
I do try to be more careful with my advice now.
And my judgement. Though I fear I am not always successful.
There. I have now shared my greatest shame with you. I pray you do not think less of me now.
Hopefully yours,
Millie
My dearest Millie,
That you are aware of how your actions affected others and are not only remorseful but have taken steps to rectify your actions speaks volumes of your character.
Most with whom I am acquainted do not bother.
Far from thinking less of you, such an admission only makes me admire you more.
I hesitate to reveal my own shame with you for fear you will not feel the same.
However, as you have been brave enough to share with me, I cannot do less.
As you no doubt have surmised from our letters, I am a consummate jokester.
Or at least I have been in the past. On one unfortunate occasion, a joke went regrettably astray and an innocent bystander was lamentably hurt.
It is my greatest shame. Even more so because my actions could not be reversed.
The damage could not be undone. And apologies did far too little to assuage the wounds I caused.
Such an outcome was one I had never predicted, though I should have.
I have oft, in my past, been far too blasé, far too quick to act for a laugh rather than think for a moment about how my actions could misfire.
The only good thing to come from this incident is that I now take far greater care with my words and actions.
I have made a concerted effort to gain some maturity.
Some measure of responsibility. Thoughtfulness.
I cannot say I always succeed, but I do try to think before I act which is a far sight better than before.
It has also made me a bit more charitable toward my enemies and those who would wish me harm than I might have in the past. For I cannot know the truth of the motives behind their actions.
In truth, it has been far more difficult than I ever anticipated.
But I do at least try, which is far more than I could have said for myself even a few months ago.
In a few instances, my overtures have been pleasantly, and surprisingly, returned. Which I daresay encourages me to continue my quest toward emotional maturity. The journey will no doubt be long and fraught with more failures than successes. But it is the effort, I find, that is important.
I do hope you will not think less of me now, my dear marchioness. For I remain, as always,
Your Mayhem
My dearest Marquess of Mayhem,
Well, you did earn your name for a reason, I suppose.
But do not fear. As you most charitably said to me, I find that your actions speak volumes of your character.
To your advantage. Far from thinking less of you, I find it admirable that you can learn from your mistakes and endeavor to improve upon yourself.
Few do, I fear. Particularly men. I commend you for attempting to remedy the characteristics that caused such pain in your past. Knowing that you are doing so gives me the courage and strength to continue to do the same.
Perhaps I shall even try being more charitable toward my own enemies.
A daunting task to be sure. But one in which I have good company.
Keep me appraised of your progress, my dear Mayhem. And I shall do the same.
Yours in remorse and gratitude,
Millie