Chapter 9
Y vonne opened her eyes the next morning with a jolt, saw that she was again at Hathaway House, and sagged back into her bed with a big sigh. “Thank God,” she whispered.
It was amazing just how much panic had set in when she had initially woken up in the civilian hospital, not only wondering what was going on but also worrying that she may not make it back to Hathaway House again. Somewhere along the line, coming back here had meant coming home to her, and it meant some kind of a return from a path that she’d taken a wrong turn on.
It made no sense, and she would probably be years, if not decades, working her way through it, but it just felt right to be here now. And knowing that she would get the care that she needed was also a huge plus. When a knock came on her door, she called out, “Come in.”
Dennis stuck his head around the corner and smiled. “Ah, you’re awake.”
She smiled at him gently. “Of course you would be the first one here this morning,” she teased.
He gave her a sheepish smile and held up a cup of coffee.
“Oh my.” She reached out with both hands. “Gimme, gimme, gimme.”
He laughed and came forward. “I wasn’t sure if you would even be awake yet,” he admitted.
“And I probably shouldn’t be,” she noted, with a smile, “but I have to admit that the first thought I had when I woke up was, Thank heavens I’m here .”
He nodded in understanding. “That’s the thing about this place. It really does grow on you.”
“It grows on you too much in some ways,” she admitted. “I’m wondering if I wasn’t feeling just too dependent on that part before.”
He frowned at her, his jaw half open, and then he slowly nodded. “That’s… that’s possible,” he agreed, “and we don’t really understand where our brain goes with some of this stuff until afterward.”
“Back to that wise hindsight thing,” she noted, with a smile.
“Absolutely, and it’s not always that it’s better or worse,” he pointed out. “It’s just different.”
She had to agree. She held the cup of coffee close to her chest and sighed happily. “It is good to be back, though,” she murmured. “Just something about knowing that I’ll be safe here.”
“And that’s also an interesting phrase to use,” he stated, studying her carefully. “Did the outside world feel not safe ?”
She frowned at that. “I don’t know where that safe issue is even coming from, from before,” she clarified. “But I think going from being part of the navy, part of that whole big military machine, where you were answerable to everything that you did, gave me a whole plan already laid out for years. I had people to look after me. A system was in place. You didn’t have to worry about falling through the cracks.” She frowned. “And then, when I got out into the world all on my own, all on my own,” she repeated with emphasis, “because of course I eschewed anybody’s help, I found it scary, unnerving, and at times downright horrifying to realize just how different life was without that fallback position,” she murmured.
“I can understand that too,” Dennis agreed. “However, you’re here now, and you’re safe, and you’re on the other side of surgery. So whatever time frame you need to get back on your feet should be all good.”
“In this case, it is,” she declared, with a smile. “I don’t know where the insurance is at, and I can’t say I’m too bothered at the moment, but hopefully everything will go through, and that won’t even be part of my issue.”
“I would hope not, especially with Dani overseeing every detail of that just so you don’t have to,” Dennis explained. “At the moment, the bottom line is you need to not worry about any of that, but just focus on getting on your feet, ready to tackle whatever comes next.”
“And then we get back to my other problem—me not ready to tackle anything this time,” she shared.
“Oh, I’m not so sure about that,” he countered. “From what I heard, the surgery was a huge success. I would like to think that gives you more mobility, less pain—once you’ve fully recovered from the surgery itself—not to mention less meds, less painkillers. Who knows? Your touchy stomach may even clear up. Just think of how all that would improve your days, would give you more energy to spend on rehab, more incentive to rehab.” Dennis gave her a huge smile.
Yvonne nodded. “Plus, no paralysis from the surgery. That alone relieves me of so much stress and worry. So, not only are my physical symptoms already better, but my mental and emotional responses have shifted, just like you said, so I can more fully focus on rehab.” Yvonne smiled right back at him. She loved that Dennis always freely gave those big gentle teddy bear smiles.
“Good. Don’t pressure yourself. Don’t worry about things. Do what you can in rehab to find out where you’re at in each moment,” he suggested, “and the rest will fall into place.” And, with that, he pointed to her door. “I have to go back to the kitchen. I’ll come by in a bit and see what you want for breakfast.”
“Or you can just bring me something,” she suggested, “and then I don’t have to ask anybody else.”
“Good point.” He gave her a nod and a gentle smile and added, “Enjoy your coffee.” And he was gone.
She wasn’t even sure she’d thanked him, and she needed to thank him for so many things. Not the least of which was giving her a second chance at their relationship. And she didn’t even think he realized how much of a second chance he was giving her. Sure, he had said Love you in a text, but was it a friendly love you when she had been in the hospital, filled with worry, or was it more? Could it be more?
They hadn’t talked about pursuing a relationship or their feelings or anything like that, but just knowing that she could be friends with him again was huge. And that he wasn’t holding against her what she’d done before. She wasn’t sure she would be quite so generous if their positions were reversed. She would like to think so, but lots of times in life she didn’t think people were all that easy to get along with. She certainly hadn’t been before, during her first rehab stint.
And now, after a much harder and slowly learned set of lessons, she knew that life had given her a whole lot more to think about. Not the least of which was what she would do with this second chance because that’s what it felt like. Coming back to Hathaway was part of that, like getting out of the hospital and being able to come back here, but also knowing that she was coming back here to Dennis.
And of course she was, whether he believed it or not. She was coming back here to Dennis. She smiled at that because she wasn’t sure that he saw it, wasn’t sure that he even realized how much she still cared about him.
“Or maybe he did at that,” she muttered out loud. “How many other people would have come and brought me coffee, knowing that I was an early riser? Or would care about bringing me breakfast, as he is already planning to do?”
She wasn’t so sure just how much they had left between them, but she had seen absolutely nothing so far to stop her from loving the man who she had always loved. She just hadn’t realized that it was a true and lasting love that she couldn’t live without, not until she had faced Dennis once more. Nothing like seeing a huge revelation in the light of day happen right in front of you, when you couldn’t do anything about it.
*
Back in the dining room at the buffet table, Dennis quickly worked his way through the morning, remembering to take her breakfast with a tray full of options on it. She picked out what she wanted, and he brought the rest back to the kitchen.
As he walked back into the kitchen again, Ilse smiled at him. “You make a great nursemaid.”
He shrugged. “If I can be of service, I will do what I can,” he declared cheerfully. “You know I don’t care how or what, as long as someone needs help.”
“And that makes you unique in this world,” she said.
“I don’t know about that,” he countered. “I think a lot of people don’t allow themselves to help others because they’re always afraid of being judged as looking to get something in return. It’s not about what you get in return. It’s all about what you give, and people have forgotten that.”
She smiled at him and gave him a gentle hug. “You’re just a very fine person on the inside,” she muttered. “And I’ve been very lucky to have you in my life.” And, with that, she stepped away and answered her phone.
He stared at her, not sure what had brought that on. They’d always had a great working relationship, one he really appreciated. She was a wonderful cook, a wonderful person for that matter. And had come out of her shell more and more as time went on, partly because of her partner, Dennis was sure, but also just because Ilse felt more of a sense of personal satisfaction and had peace in her heart.
That also came when you found somebody you could spend your life with. Something that Dennis was still looking for and hoping that maybe a second chance with Yvonne was in the offing. Stan had given Dennis hope when Stan had had a second chance in his life with his previous girlfriend, and they too had been separated by space and time for years. Still, even the seemingly same circumstances were always different, and it never seemed to work out necessarily quite the way that one thought it would. Dennis could only hope to go down this pathway and just see where it went.
He worked his way through his day, checking in on Yvonne once again at lunchtime, but she was sleeping. Making a mental note to check on her later, he raced back down to the dining room to serve lunch to the other patients. By the time he was done, he realized that quite a bit of time had already passed.
He looked over at Dani, in line at his buffet table. “I checked on her earlier, but she was sleeping. Still, she probably needs lunch.”
“And I checked on her just now,” Dani shared. “She’s still asleep.”
He frowned. “I guess that’s normal, huh ?”
“It is, especially with the heavy antibiotics and the painkillers after the surgery she’s just come out of, yes,” she explained. “The nurses are keeping a close eye on her.”
He smiled. “Glad to hear that.”
And, with that, he had to be content. By the time he had another break and a chance to go see her, he looked around the dining room and the kitchen to ensure that everything was taken care of at the moment, so that he could take off, only to find Ilse looking at him and waving him on.
“Go,” she said. “You need to see if she’s okay.”
He nodded. “I do, but she’s not all alone. The medical staff are looking after her.”
Ilse just smiled and repeated, “Go.”
And, with that, he gave her a broad grin and bolted. He hoped that this extra attention given to Yvonne wasn’t affecting his work, but, of course, knowing that she was here and needed help with something, that would always weigh on him. Somehow, somewhere along the line, he needed to find a way to make peace with the fact that she was here but also that she was not his. Something he already knew, but he just didn’t want to know. It was a conflict in his mind that he hadn’t quite come to terms with.
When he knocked on her door gently the second time that afternoon, she called out to him to come in.
He opened the door and looked at her. “Hey, you’re awake this time.”
She nodded. “Yeah. I just woke up. I was looking for a nurse.”
“I’ll get you one,” he offered. “I also wanted to see if you needed any lunch.”
She frowned. “I’m not quite awake enough, so I don’t think so.”
“Okay. Let me call for a nurse. Meanwhile, I’m down at the kitchen. Ring me if you need me.” She frowned at him. “I’m on your phone list as part of your team,” he noted. And, with that, he was gone. He found her a nurse and then headed back to the kitchen.
Ilse looked up. “That was a fast visit.”
“She just woke up and needed a nurse. She’ll call me if she needs food.”
“Good enough. You can wait for her to call, can’t you?”
He winced. “I guess I seem pretty much like a love-struck teenager, huh ?”
“Love-struck is not a bad thing,” Ilse noted. “And you’re nothing more than what you always have been, somebody who cares. In this case she probably just doesn’t even realize how lucky she is that you do care.”
“I don’t know,” he muttered, shrugging. “I don’t even want to go down that pathway again.”
“And yet, how can you not?” she asked. “It’s obvious that you’re still in love with her.”
He froze at that and looked over at her. “It’s that obvious, huh ?”
She nodded. “Yes, it is. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of either.”
“Maybe not, but when that love was turned down the first time,” he admitted, with a heartfelt sigh, “it doesn’t really make me feel any better to know that I’m still locked in the same time loop.”
“Not the same time loop,” she countered gently. “You’re still in love with her, and she’s still worthy of that love, and, just because time has passed, that doesn’t mean the emotions have been eased.”
“No, they haven’t,” he admitted, “and I’m still super excited to see her every day. And that doesn’t say much for me.”
“It doesn’t say much for your happiness if she doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do about her,” she corrected, “but we do not know how she feels. Or do you?”
“No,” he replied. “I haven’t asked. Honestly, I’ve just been grateful that she’s even in my life right now.”
“And stick to that gratitude,” Ilse suggested. “You know as well as I do how important it is.”
He nodded. “I do know that. It’s just hard, not knowing.”
“Of course it is,” she agreed. “In your mind you’ve loved and lost, and you don’t want to get hurt again. But she’s also loved and lost, and I think she’s more afraid of hurting you this time around.”
He stared at Ilse and then shrugged. “You could be right. I don’t even begin to understand the vagaries of all this.”
“Of course not,” she teased. “Nothing is quite so hard to fathom as love.”
“Love, and love you’ve lost,” he added. “It definitely feels as if I’ve lost something.”
“And maybe it was just a step she needed to take in the past, but now she’s back again and wiser for having had her life in the world experience.”
“I could hope so,” he murmured, “but…” And then he didn’t say anything more. When he looked up, not too long later, he saw the same nurse approaching him.
“Hey, she’s asking for you, if you’ve got a moment,” she shared.
“She’s looking for food?” he asked immediately, looking down at the leftovers he was putting away. “You know what she would like?”
“No, I don’t. She didn’t mention food, just wants to speak with you.”
He froze and looked up at her. “Did she say… anything?” He hesitated.
The nurse, who hadn’t been here long and probably didn’t know any of his history with Yvonne, shook her head. “No, I just told her that I would pass on the message.”
“Thank you.” He looked over at Ilse, who nodded at him.
“Go,” she urged. “You know you don’t have to ask.”
He shrugged, wondering if he should go right away. Yet he knew he would be completely useless until he figured this out. He was soon walking at a fast clip to her room. When he got there, he knocked on the door and poked his head around the door that opened under his fingers. “Hey, you okay?” he called out. He watched as she slowly came out of the bathroom, saw him, and smiled.
“Hey,” she greeted him.
“You’re up and moving,” he noted. “That’s good.”
“Well, I’m up, and I guess I’m moving,” she quipped. “Can’t say it feels as if I’m moving very well though.”
He shook his head and smiled. “You’re moving after having some touch-and-go surgery,” he pointed out, “so that’s a wonderful start.” She slowly made her way back to her bed, and he noted the pain on her face. “I wasn’t sure if you were looking for lunch yet,” he noted.
“I don’t know that I can eat lunch at the moment. I need the painkiller to kick in.”
“Right,” he replied, feeling foolish because he’d not even considered that.
She waved a hand at him. “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t take another cup of coffee though.”
“Good. Coming right up,” he stated and closed her door and bolted to the dining room. There he poured her some coffee, thought about it and reached for a small meat pie off to the side, left over from lunch. He put that on a plate and brought both back to her.
She eyed the meat pie, as she sat in her visitor’s chair. “I might just manage that much.”
“Well, you might. I’m not trying to push it. I just thought maybe it would ease the coffee in case that started to upset your stomach. Plus, some of these pills are pretty rough on the stomach, and sometimes food helps.”
“The nurse told me that I could eat. I just didn’t think that I wanted to yet. Not until the painkiller kicked in.”
“Did you want help getting back into bed?” he asked, worried that she was pale, exhausted-looking.
“Honestly,… I would really love to get out and around for a little bit, but I probably shouldn’t start that yet.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I was just thinking that, if I was stronger, I could wheel myself down and go out to the gardens.”
He shook his head immediately. “Oh no you don’t. That’s definitely taking it too far.”
She nodded. “I know. You’re right.” She looked up at him hopefully. “Don’t suppose you have a half an hour, do you?”
“For what?” he asked, looking around.
She smiled. “To take me out to the gardens.”
He stared at her in shock. “Maybe, if you think it’s okay to be sitting up that long?” he replied hesitantly.
“Oh, I shouldn’t even be asking. I know that you’re crazy busy at work.”
“Yeah, it’s always busy at work. You know that.”
“I do know that, so don’t worry about it.”
“If you don’t think that’ll put too much strain on your body, I do have some time.” Mentally he calculated in his head what he needed to finish. “I can go complete a few things,” he explained, “and then I can take you outside.”
She looked at him hopefully. “Do you mind?”
“No, of course not. I’ll do a few things in the kitchen and be right back.”
“That sounds good,” she said, “because I’ll have my coffee and potentially get rid of this pain while you’re doing your thing.”
And, with that, he returned to work, a smile on his face and hope in his heart for the first time in a very long time.