Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Presley
I stretch and look around remembering where I am. Then flashbacks of last night come rushing back and instantly my cheeks heat up. Covering my face I can’t help but smile, because it was really, really good.
Slowly, I sit up and hang my legs over the side of the bed, looking around for my clothes. Remembering that my shirt was left downstairs I grab my underwear and leggings off the floor. Then sifting through Zac’s drawers I find a Deranged Ink T-shirt and slip it over my head. It hits my knees and I gather it, twisting and tucking it into the back of my pants at the waist.
Tiptoeing toward the stairs and unsure of what I may find, I slowly descend, looking around for movement. Last time I was here I found Zac in the kitchen cooking, but this time the space is empty.
Then I hear a giggle, followed by Zac’s chuckling. Glancing up at the television I see one of Grayson’s and my favorite cartoons playing. The theme song comes on and in my head I’m already singing along. But when I hear my son, mixed in with Zac’s voice singing the words, I sit on the stairs right where I am and take it all in. It’s something I’ve never had the opportunity to witness, and my chest grows tight and I fight my emotions.
I’m at a loss for words. To be honest I am in awe. Hearing the pure joy in Grayson’s voice, the laughter from Zac, like they are two best friends sharing a morning of fun together.
Tears form in my eyes and I close them to keep them from falling. This, times like these, are what Grayson’s father should be longing for. These are the moments that fly by so fast and then they are gone and all you have left are the memories of them. It breaks my heart that Grant never even asks about his son. He doesn’t care about all the things he’s missing out on.
“I want to sleep here every night,” Gray announces and I cringe thinking that Zac has now been put on the spot. But his response, without hesitation, surprises me. “Buddy you can sleep here every night. I love having you here and like I said, this is your fort. It’s here for you.”
Without being able to hold back any longer the tears fall and I have to hurry back upstairs to cry in private.
I hate more than anything that I chose the wrong man when it came to Gray’s father. But I know had I chosen differently, Grayson wouldn’t be here and for that I’d make those mistakes all over again. It doesn’t make it easier to face, but seeing his sweet little face eases the sadness within me.
He’s such a light and yes often I ask myself how he can be so happy and loving after being cursed with a man like Grant as his father.
I spend a good twenty minutes in the bathroom upstairs, splashing cold water on my face and ensuring that I am calm. When the red splotches are gone and I can breathe without my chest feeling like it is on fire, I make my way downstairs and peek through the side of the fort.
Zac is laying back onto a pile of pillows. Gray is at his side, with his head on Zac’s shoulder and he fits so perfectly in the crook of his arm. I find myself getting choked up all over again.
He has given Grayson more in the last eighteen hours than his own father has his entire life.
Taking a few deep breaths, I make my way around to the front and peek in. “Hey, you two.” Immediately they both shift their gazes to me. “Got room in there for one more?”
I’d planned to climb in behind Gray but when he showed no signs of moving and Zac held out his opposite arm I felt my nerves spike. Last night wasn’t a shift in commitment, I know this. Last night was two people giving in to a moment of need and satisfying that need.
But seeing him there, looking at me with a smile, waiting for me to curl in at his side I ignore the nervous energy coursing through me and I climb inside. As I lay down, he pulls my body in closer and I feel his lips skim over my forehead. “Quit acting nervous,” he whispers. “Last night was incredible, but it doesn’t have to change anything unless you want it to.”
I can take that several different ways, but instead I choose to ignore the reservations I feel and settle into his side. Relaxing with them, we watch a couple more episodes, before Grayson says he is hungry.
The three of us climb out of the fort and though Zac’s waffles were pretty great last time, this time I take charge. Eggs, sausage, and toast. The three of us share more laughs and when it comes time to clean up we do that together too.
* * *
“Are you coming tomorrow night?” My thoughts are interrupted by Aurora and she moves in closer to my side.
“Uh.” It has been five days since my night at Zac’s. Five nights of remembering how it felt to be with him and longing to feel him touch me again. Torturing myself, dreaming of a repeat and the truth is I can have it. I know this.
“The reception, party, whatever you want to call it.”
“Oh, yeah,” I say, sifting through the clearance rack. My waistline is already starting to expand and though I hated to, I know I need to get some bigger clothes.
“What are you looking for?” Aurora stands at my side, watching me.
“Elastic waistline, drawstring would work too.” I still haven’t told anyone at work. And to my amazement Heather hasn’t spilled the beans either. I figured she had the entire cafe knowing the minute I walked out of the door. “I need black pants for work, and my jeans are already getting a little snug. I figure I have another month in them if I’m lucky.”
“Why don’t we go to the maternity store in Boulder?”
“Because I don’t want to spend too much on clothes I will only wear for a few months and then hopefully never again.”
Money doesn’t come easy, especially when I’m footing the bill for everything because Grayson’s good for nothing dad doesn’t offer an ounce of help.
“Hey.” Aurora gains my attention by placing her hand over mine. “I know that you don’t want to, but we have a spare bedroom at Jace’s.”
“No.” I shake my head.
“I’m not saying forever,” she starts to push. “But there is going to be a time when you can’t work and I’m just saying it could take some stress off.”
“I’m fine.” I love her for worrying, but I have this. “I’m working so much now, so that I can tuck away enough to last a few months. I’m taking all my tips and keeping them so I can pay a month or two ahead on rent. I’m good.”
It’s tight, super tight, but I don’t need much. As long as Grayson has everything he needs, it’s good.
“Do you promise me that if it gets to a point that it’s not good,” she uses air quotes, “you will tell me?”
I nod even though she knows I’m lying. I am stubborn and I hate asking for help. More than that, I hate admitting that I need help. Because to me that means I failed, and if I failed then it means my father was right.
You will never amount to anything, Presley.