Chapter 37
ZACH
“We need to talk,” Maya says. She steps into my office the moment I get to work.
Days have passed. The weekend, even. I didn’t reach out to her, because I was hoping she’d reach out when she was ready.
“Talk?” My heart lifts with hope.
“Not here, and not now,” she says.
“But if it’s important—”
“We can talk at lunchtime. I’ll meet you in Central Park if ...”
“I’ll meet you there,” she says. “There’s a spot in the park, shady and quiet, and we won’t be overheard. Meet me near the Ramble, at noon, and I’ll take you there.”
She looks sad and lost, like she’s preparing to break up with me. Giving up on us before we’ve had a chance to become anything.
***
In meetings, and during phone calls, and conversations, my mind drifts. I’m constantly clock-watching. I jump into a cab, and meet her at noon, at the spot she suggested.
She looks uncomfortable, like she’s preparing to say words that are hard. Her eyes are shadowed and her jaw tight. I follow her to a quiet shaded spot.
“I need you to listen,” she says, before I can speak.
“Okay.” I’m preparing myself for the worst. She pulls out her phone. Then hands me an earbud. She takes the other one. She’s scaring me. “What—”
“Please, just listen. It’s better this way. Only we can hear.”
She’s scaring me to death. My heart starts to pound, and my palms turn clammy as unease coils tight in my chest. I hear my father’s voice. My eyes widen. “My father came to your apartment?” I cry, louder than I intend. Maya puts her finger to her lips.
“Just listen.”
What was he doing? What was he thinking? Fury rises deep inside me, because nothing about this feels normal. I force myself to listen. My father is talking about me. About Maya being entertainment for me.
What the fuck?
I open my mouth, but Maya rests a calming hand on my arm. “Just listen, Zach, please.”
So I listen. I hear my father’s subtle threats. Hear Maya defending herself.
Fifty thousand dollars?
I rip the earbud out and start pacing, hands fisting at my sides, my head shaking like I can’t dislodge what I’ve just heard. “He offered you money to walk away?”
The son of a bitch.
“Zach, there’s more. So much more. Things I’ve been wanting to tell you but couldn’t.” She pauses. “Everything you need to know is on that recording.”
This will explain everything? I fix the earbud back in place, and she plays the recording again.
It’s not easy, listening to this, but Maya was there.
She had to face my father, alone, in her apartment.
I know how scared she must have been. I’ve seen his cold fury up close, and I’ve been frightened on occasion. I can’t imagine how she must have felt.
I hear the fear in Maya’s voice, the malevolence in my father’s. Then she talks about my mom. I feel the blood drain from my face. Beads of sweat pop up inside my collar, and I feel nauseous.
Blood always wins?
He sounds so sure. So confident that she would give in. That she’d take the bribe and walk away. This is also what he did to Cari. My legs feel shaky, and walk over to the bench nearby, almost falling onto it as my legs give way.
“Your mom arrived?” I turn to Maya, incredulous. She giggles, her face lighter now. It can’t be easy for her to listen to this again.
Jesus. Her mom let rip. My eyes pop wide open.
What a woman. She gave my father what he deserved, and now I wish I’d been a fly on the wall to witness it.
I’m not prepared for what comes next. The words that spill out in ugly fragments.
My stomach drops like I’ve missed a step on the stairs. My hands go numb.
My father made a move on Maya’s mom.
“Pause it please.” I sit staring out at the park, needing a moment to collect myself. To remember to breathe.
He did that? It was about seven years after mom passed. And he did this, to a woman who was probably frightened for her life.
If he did that to Maya’s mom, who else has he done this to?
Who else has disappeared, without getting a chance to tell her story?
“Zach, we don’t have all day. Please listen.”
I hear it all. How he made a second move on her, how she slapped him, and then he planted evidence, gave a false accusation, enough to force her to leave. How he ruined her career, forced her out of state.
And then he goes on to taunt them by asking them who would believe them over him? It’s the foolish confidence of a man who thinks he can get away with anything.
When it’s over, the silence is deafening. My mind a riot of hate and anger.
“Jesus.” My hand grips the wooden armrest on the bench, and I sit there, breathing hard. “He did this. He actually… he did this.”
I feel Maya’s hand in mine.
She pulls out my earbud because I’m frozen.
There’s so much to process, in this one conversation that answers all the questions I ever had.
It all makes sense now, why Maya would never tell me the reason why she and her mom left in such a hurry.
Why she never answered any questions whenever I asked about her mom.
More than that, it perfectly explains her reaction to seeing my father, that most despicable of men.
“I understand it now,” I say, my voice barely audible, “I understand all of it.”
She looks as broken as I feel. Her fingers intertwine with mine, and I’m scared that she’s about to say goodbye, and leave me forever.
“I didn’t want to tell you. I can see how much it’s hurt you. I didn’t want to break your heart, Zee.”
“You weren’t pushing me away,” I say, my voice gravelly. “You were protecting yourself, and your mom, because no one would believe you. Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Did you think I’d never believe you?”
She lets out a sigh. “I didn’t want to ruin the way you thought of your father.”
“He’s a monster.”
“He’s the only parent you have left,” she reminds me softly.
“That’s no reason to protect him.”
“I wasn’t protecting him. I was protecting you. And when you told me he was ill, I didn’t see the point of you needing to know. After what happened to your mom, you know who he is and yet you still adored him. Sometime love is blind, Zee. That’s what I felt your love for your father was like”
“But I never knew this.”
“I didn’t want to be the one to ruin things for you.”
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
“I don’t know. I needed time to think about things. To think about us.”
“And now your mom knows about us.” I look at her expectantly.
“She trusts my judgment.”
“She’s okay with it?”
“I told her you were nothing like your father.”
“I still can’t believe he went to your apartment. That’s why he sent me to Boston, so that he could deal with you knowing I wasn’t around.”
“I’m sorry for bringing up your mom like that. He made me so mad.”
I stroke her face, knowing how strong she is, and how hard it must have been. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you, not that you need protecting,” I add quickly.
“I was scared, but I handled him.”
“You did. You were never scared of the Knights, that’s why I didn’t fully understand you initial reasons for not wanting to come to the party.”
“I was scared of your father. I didn’t want to see him again, ever.”
I intertwine my fingers with hers. “I understand why now.” I inhale a deep breath. “I’m done. I’m done caring about him. I’m done being there for him.”
I stand abruptly.
“Where are you going?” she asks.
“To his office. He can’t hide from this much longer.”
She grabs my hand, looking up at me. She stands slowly, and the rush of tenderness I feel nearly floors me.
I feel so much love and gratitude for this woman that it’s almost painful, like my chest can’t hold it all.
“I’ll understand if you don’t want anything to do with me.
I don’t blame you for hating the Knights.
I’m just surprised you were able to separate me from him. ”
She traces the outline of my mouth with her thumb. “I choose you, despite everything that’s happened. That was in the past, and it has nothing to do with you, or us, and now.”
I feel the same surge of happiness I felt when I was standing with Maya by my side on the night of my party, before my father appeared. I felt then as if we were at the start of something good and meaningful. A new forever.
I feel that now.
“You really mean that?” I ask, grabbing her fingers and kissing them lightly.
“With all my heart.”